Ten No No’s is as Ten No No’s Does

 

Here is the Fourteenth installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

movie no no

Top Ten Things Not To Do When At the Movies on a Date

10.  When at the movies on a date, refrain from buying the biggest popcorn and soda even if you are really hungry.  Your date will probably prefer to hear your stomach grumble than hear you belch and burp through the sex scenes that rival Last Tango in Paris.

9.  When at the movies on a date, do not use your smart phone to play a quick game of Tetris while the theater runs advertisements for coke and candy. Unless your date is also ignoring you, ignoring your date while you achieve the next level might find you leaving the theater alone.

8.  When at the movies on a date, refrain from giggling during any explicit sex scenes in the movie.  At best your date might just think you’re prudish and shy about sex.  At worst, your date might think the giggling stems from an intention to replicate the scenes at your place later.

7.  When at the movies on a date, refrain from giggling during bloody violent scenes in the movies.  At best your date might think you’re a bit juvenile.  At worst, your date might think the giggling stems from an intention to replicate the scenes back at your place.

6.  When at the movies on a date, do not talk loudly to your date during the movie.  You might wind up being given a shower of sticky buttery popcorn and flat Coca-Cola by the movie-goers around you or worse a flashlight in the face and request to leave by a big usher named Tiny.

5.  When at the movies on a date, do not merely put your smart phone on silent mode but turn it off completely.  The buzzing from your phone’s vibration mode will likely cause your date to wonder about who’s calling and other people in the theater to continually check their own phones.  Once the audience realizes the buzzing phone is yours, you may be on the hook for everyone’s refund since you caused them to miss most of the movie. The worst part is you will never be able to explain who was doing all the calling.

4.  When at the movies on a date, refrain from sitting in dead center of the theater if you know that you will need to exit frequently to use the restroom after downing that thirty-two ounce Big Gulp.  Your date will likely not appreciate having your butt block the view of the screen each time you leave, but others in the theater audience may take such exception as to purposely trip you as you try to step over their feet leading to an unexpected arrival of the Big Gulp.

3.  When at the movies on a date, do not start reciting the movie dialogue just because you’ve seen it several times already.  Unless you and your date are watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show, you will likely wind up with your date moving to another row far away or worse, the belief that you have had a number of dates at the same movie.

2.  When at the movies on a date, avoid choosing a film that has a good likelihood of causing you to become sick to your stomach, such as The Blairwitch Project or the iMax version of Martin Scorsese’s Shine a Light.  At best, you will simply feel like throwing up during the whole movie.  At worst, you may actually find yourself throwing up on the row in front of you, which will probably ruin any chances of another date and a demand to pay the cleaning tabs.

1.  When at the movies on a date, do not assume that because other people are present, this would be a safe place in which to break up with your date.  At best, the show that your date will put on might be more entertaining that the film itself.  At worst, you may wind up with both a shower of popcorn, Milk Duds, soda, and a court date for disturbing the peace.

20 comments

  1. #6 is why I bring duct tape with me. Really wish people would stop using their phones during a movie. I love the ‘I paid for my ticket and can do what I want’ argument. I might have to do an afternoon post on movie theater pet peeves.

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    1. I think it would be fun. Do it.

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      1. I’ll try to get it done. Depends on how long today’s events take.

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  2. #6 is why we don’t go to the movies as much anymore. Not to mention the expense. Still, some movies are best seen on a big screen. Duct tape sounds like a good idea, Charles, as does a post on movie theater pet peeves.
    Oh, and, John, good post 😉

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    1. Thank you Marie. 🙂

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  3. Funny post and great reminder on why I don’t attend movies at the theater anymore. I had great difficulty restraining myself.

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  4. […] friend, John W. Howell, is a funny man and made a post today about what not to do when on a movie date.  I got to […]

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    1. Sooo funny. Loved it.

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  5. Oh, how I love DVDs and flat-screen TVs! 😉

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    1. With surround 5.1 and a fridge close by. Thanks

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  6. Can anyone really afford to go to the movies these days? If so, how do they manage it? This was funny, you two 😛 I liked #10…
    Ellespeth

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    1. Let’s see. $12.00 a ticket, $12.00 for popcorn and a drink. Better to buy the fixins for a Margarita. This kind of money will get you about twenty

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      1. Per person. Eeep! That is truly dreadful. People (artists) should be paid for what they produce…I’m just not sure how much one must make to be comfortable in life.
        Ellespeth

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      2. A wise person once told me that truly comfortable is having a positive balance in the bank account after everything is paid. 😎

        Sent from my iPhone

        >

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  7. Sage advice Sadly most of them are known to me!

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    1. I’ll bet you pretended to sneeze and fit in “bullshit” out loud.

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  8. Are you guys taking requests? Top ten things not to do at the public library gets my vote. I seriously almost got run down by a guy listening to an iPod at the library yesterday.

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    1. You got it. Next weeks is put to bed but the week after.

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      1. Awesome! I’m excited. People have no library manners.

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