The inspiration for this post is the fact that this week there were single winning tickets sold for the Mega Millions and Powerball Lotto games. You and I don’t have to worry about how to handle these winnings so I guess this post is dedicated to those two winners of over $400 million each.
10 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not tweet “Yay I just won $400 million. If you do at best, you’ll only have ten followers. At worst, your tweet will go viral, and you will now have a million close and personal friends. (Looks like everyone needs a loan huh, Carmichael?)
9 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not hire Tiny the WWF champ as a bodyguard. If you do, at best you’ll have to hire another to watch Tiny. At worst, Tiny will not be able to resist helping himself to your winnings even though he is a graduate of an intensive self-help course for kleptomaniacs. (You should have known when he showed up at your door offering his services, Carswell.)
8 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not give a press conference on national TV. If you do, at best it will take you hours to get home because of the traffic jam around your house. At worst, you will be asked for money everyplace you go since you are now well-known. (Who’s bright idea was that conference, Casimero? Oh yeah the lotto company.)
7 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not answer your phone. If you do, at best it might be your aunt, Mary. At worst, it will be your cousin Vinny reminding you of the five dollar bet you had back in high school. (Vinny believes that the interest on the bet now makes it worth $500,000. Told you not to answer the phone, Cassian.)
6 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not claim your prize without consulting a tax attorney. If you do, at best you can afford the tax hit. At worst, the new tax laws will put you in a bracket called the 110 percent bracket. (Good luck in raising the extra $4o million you owe, Caster.)
5 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not go out and buy everything on the planet. If you do, at best you’ll come to your senses while there is still money left. At worst, you’ll realize too late that there is no return guarantee on yachts, planes, castles, jewelry, and art. (Now that you have all this stuff, Cavan maybe it is time for a garage sale.)
4 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not let the ticket out of your sight. If you do, at best it will still be where you left it last. At worst, the ticket will ride in your shirt pocket through the wash. (Those tickets sure come out clean don’t they, Chadburn? You would hardly know it used to be worth $400 million.)
3 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not quit work. If you do, at best the ticket is genuine. At worst, though some computer error your ticket is not the winner. (So much for telling the boss where he could shove your job, huh Chiko?)
2 If you have the winning Mega Millions ticket, do not forget to look both ways before crossing the street. If you do, at best the traffic will be light. At worst, your heirs will be enjoying the fruit of your lotto win. (Hard to tell where that truck came from right, Cal?)
1 If you have the winning Mega Millions ticket, do not fail to set aside some for charity. If you do at best, you’ll be labeled a cheap skate. At worst, you won’t get a charitable deduction, and the world will be no better off having you in it. (You wonder why dogs growl and cats hiss when you come by, Scrooge?)
Fiction Favorites 
Oh gosh, I forgot to buy a ticket — again. Well, I don’t have to worry about these ten points, but it might have been fun to do so. Next week maybe… 😀
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They say the odds of winning are the same weather you buy a ticket or not. Of course if you don’t buy you can’t collect. Thanks, Gwen.
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OMG – if you do any of these stunts – you are doomed!! haha
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Winning in the first place makes one doomed.
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Well, that’s true. You’ve got me there!
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🙂
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This really makes me wonder if winning is a good thing. Keep hearing that the lottery is cursed too.
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Well for you and I we don’t need to worry. It is clear we would never win.
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Yeah. I’d somehow end up owing a couple billion if I tried.
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Ha ha ha
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I don’t normally buy a ticket, but I’m much less likely to when the prize is very large. Somehow, I’m not sure it would be worth the effort. How much does Tiny eat?
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Tiny eats a lot. Can you say freezer full?
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I’
m wondering how much I’d have to win to pay the Uber Eats bill.
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$100.00 a week for life.
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I can’t even imagine having that kind of money. Great top ten, John!
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Thank you, Jill. We can all dream.
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Good tips. My retirement program is based upon the lottery and scratch tickets.
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Sounds like an iron clad plan to me.
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Groovy.
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Ha ha ha.
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Always good to have a plan in place just in case…we can all dream:) Thank for the Monday morning laugh.
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Yes. Keep this list handy, just in case.
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Great advice, John! Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am not in need of the advice today. 🙂
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Me either. Thanks, Jan
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Loved #7 and the relatives who crawl out of the woodwork. I play with a group of other people but we’re still waiting for the ship to come in.
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Maybe someday. Then I’ll ask for a loan. 😀
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😀
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It never ceases to amaze how people will buy a lotto ticket when the odds are 1:2,000,000 but not carry an umbrella when there is a 40% chance of rain.
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Ha ha ha. Good point, Greg. Thanks,
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Would you believe I’ve never purchased a lottery ticket?? A big part of me just doesn’t believe in laying out good money for something that’s beyond my control.
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Yes, I agree. I did by them now and then but gave it up.
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My dad used to say if we won big ‘it would ruin everything.’ I think there is a lot of truth in that, I like the idea of having a ticket and dreaming of the win. Thankfully here we don’t have prizes of the obscene amount you listed above. Its a terrifying amount to be responsible for isn’t it.
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I wouldn’t mind giving the responsibility a go though. Thanks, Michael.
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Yes would be a challenge, a pleasant one I agree. Though as they say you must have a ticket and then be sure your numbers are actually in the barrel.
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How embarrassing to run to the Lotto Hdqts with one number off.
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yes….thankfully the chances for me are very very remote…
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Me too.
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These are great, John, but so far, I have nothing to worry about. 🙂 I will say, though, that more people should win a million than one person winning $400 mil. That is just too much money for any one person. It can either benefit or ruin life. It is fun dreaming though, and I play once in a great while when I remember. 🙂
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I would like the chance of ruining my life with $400 Mil. Thanks, Lauren.
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Haha! Yeah, I guess it would be fun to have the option.
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Yeah. Bring it on. Ruin my life. 😀
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Wait! Mine, too! 😂😂😂
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😀
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This past weekend, not only did I enter the weekend thinking I would win Mega Millions on Friday night, I also thought I would win Powerball on Saturday …. so I can’t believe I didn’t win anything!
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I know right?
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Yep … The fact I didn’t win is Obama’s fault … And I think President Mensa would agree.
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Ha ha, John, I really liked the one about the taxman.
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Can you imagine?
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Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this amusing top ten list from this post on John Howell’s blog. The topic is the Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Have a Winning Mega Millions Ticket
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Thank you for the share, Don.
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My pleasure.
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All good sound advice. The lawyer especially. I’d set up a charitable foundation, after making sure my retirement is secure. That way if people need money they can apply to the foundation! Lovely dreaming, isn’t it?
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It is fun. I think I would set up a legal foundation to go after and prosecute anyone who abuses a child of animal. Thanks, Noelle.
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What a great idea! Those people should be drawn and quartered…
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I would make sure of it.
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I love this!
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Thank you. Jennie.
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You’re welcome, John. 🙂
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🙂
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I’d also add ‘if you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, make sure it is all six winning numbers you have and not just two that get you a lucky dip.’ Should have had that party at The Savoy, London after getting your winnings”. 😀
If I ever did get all the winning numbers on one line, would I carry on blogging, John? 🤔
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I think you would from your penthouse suite in any one of the suites you own around the world.
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