This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. Today in 1913 saw the adoption of the 16th amendment establishing the legal basis for the income tax. If you decide to go there, here is a list of things not to do that may prove handy. Also, this week is the anniversary of the battle of the Alamo. I chose not to try and be funny around a significant event in Texas History.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Establishment of the Income Tax in 1913.
10 If you were there, do not try to write off your time travel trip. If you do, at best the agent will have no idea what you are talking about. At worst, an agent will ask more questions than you are willing to answer. (Just how are you going to explain time travel, Grant? You might as well have the agent hop on the traveler and give him a demonstration. I’m sure that will clear things up or get you committed.)
9 If you were there, do not think you don’t have to answer to Tiny the WWF champ and new IRS agent. If you do, at best Tiny will call the Marshalls. At worst, having just graduated from an interrogation school Tiny will not want to give up. (He finds that sitting on tax dodgers is his second most favorite thing to do, Gale. First is a windmill body slam.)
8 If you were there, do not try to hide earnings. If you do, at best your under the table scheme will not be detected. At worst, you will be discovered and learn the pleasures of the Federal pen first hand. (It seems the guy who paid you under the table needed to give you up, Gerald.)
7 If you were there, do not ask an agent if you can file electronically. If you do, at best the agent will think you are nuts. At worst, the agent being a trusting soul will think you are up to something to avoid paying your tax. (Looks like you are going to be the first waterboard interrogation in history, Glenn. If you survive, you’ll be famous. I know small honor)
6 If you were there, do not think by not signing your form in protest you will get out of paying. If you do, at best someone will sign for you. At worst, your form will be rejected, and you will now owe penalties and interest more substantial than the original tax. (I see the protesting business is not so profitable huh, Glen? Next year might be a different story.)
5 If you were there, do not wear your Income Tax Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best you’ll get some laughs. At worst, your shirt will be taken as an affront to the Federal Government. (Yes, we are having bread and water again today, Grayson. The judge was very clear on how to treat you.)
4 If you were there, do not pay your taxes with bags of pennies. If you do, at best the agent will turn you away. At worst, you will be asked to count and roll all the coins before being accepted. (Since it will take you a month, Garth, this little protest attempt backfired big time.)
3 If you were there, do not try to convince the agent that your dog ate your return. If you do, at best you’ll get a new form. At worst, the agent will want to talk to your dog. (As you know, Garner, Fido has not eaten your return, and it is possible the agent speaks dog. You gotta convince Fido to back you up. Yes, it may cost a few bones for sure.)
2 If you were there, do not try to avoid taxes by declaring yourself to be a non-profit entity. If you do, at best the IRS will just say no. At worst, you will be challenged to prove your non-profit status. (Your bar bills will not hold up as evidence of not having taxable income after you pay them, Gil. You’ll have to do better than that one.)
1 If you were there, do not try to give the auditing agent a gift. If you do, at best you will be rebuffed. At worse, the agent will press charges since bribing an IRS agent is not allowed. (That bottle of wine would have been better placed in your stomach, Goran. Now it looks like real trouble ahead plus you lost the bottle of wine.)
Fiction Favorites 
Hahaha!
How about saying you’re close, personal friends with Woodrow Wilson? No, not working? Oh well . . .
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think that would work. Of course you would have to pick up his unpaid bar bill.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, it’s the price of doing b’ness!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes it is. 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pretty sure #5 would be worth it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. Only to see the faces of the IRS folks
LikeLike
For # 2 I’d like to try that with gambling debts – ya think?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure go right ahead. Make the receipts read, “Gifts to Gamblers Anonymous.” 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure, that should work. If not – have you got bail money? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wait! You are the one doing the crime. Ypu need to do the time. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good list, John. #1 is scary – Put the agent in the machine and he’ll see how much they can get away with. Re: #2 I think my bar bills should count as research. Can you take that up with Tiny for me?
Dogs never lie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tiny agrees with you. If you get audited just tell them Tiny said it was okay. My dogs stretch the truth a little especially when asked, “Who shredded this toilet paper?”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmm, I think you enjoyed this fantasy trip. #4 really made me laugh…a bag of pennies? I suspect the IRS has seen everything – including pennies. Hope this year’s taxes go smoothly for you. I’ve yet to focus on mine. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup. Mine are filed. Thank you, Gwen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve never been late, but this year might break my record. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Do not wear your Income Tax Sucks t-shirt.” LOL! Great list, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jill. I would like to get one of those shirts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great list! If I were there I might have knocked off anyone voting for it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha haha. You are such a militant, Noelle. 😀
LikeLike
Well, my son is a soldier!
LikeLike
Congress could use a dose of Tiny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe he can get a job as a page or intern. Doubt anyone will harrass him.
LikeLike
I kind of like the idea of the T-shirt – and #10 seems logical.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Teri. It is logical. Like writing off fan cocktails.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Those guys never were much for good humor.
LikeLike
Or even semi good humor. Ha haha. Thanks, Craig.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But – my dog did eat my return, honest!! ONly you could get us laughing at a nonlaughing matter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha haha. Thanks for sharing, Darlene
LikeLike
Oh dear. The annual drudgery. Almost as misery-evoking as the annual financial accounting when Domer went to college (fortunately, that was merely a four-year headache!). Thanks for the tips, John. My eyes seem to glaze over when I see numbers, ha!
LikeLike
If you do number 4, by the time you are done, they are going to add interest!
Here, in Canada, our “temporary” income tax came into being in 1918…
LikeLike
Well done with this one, John. It is always lovely to have a laugh at the expense of the tax collection office.
LikeLike
I wonder what they would think seeing our tax laws now?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe have a tax revolt. Thanks, Denise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Serious point, dear Jonh!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very serious. Paying Taxes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m still learning my way around the amendments to the American Constitution. So, does this enable you to claim the 5th in relation to the 14th?
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can plead the 5th in relation to the 16th (taxes) The 14th gives anyone born in the US citizenship. I guess an Aussie might want to plead the 5th if born here. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉Methinks I best plead the 5th well in advance.
LikeLike
Another good one, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jan.
LikeLike
It seems Tiny’s idea of pressing charges is sitting on and pressing the tax dodger. Good luck surviving that process. The trouble is you can’t pay if you don’t survive. Good list John. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Suzanne. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really funny, John!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this post from John Howell’s blog with the Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Establishment of the Income Tax in 1913
LikeLiked by 1 person
If only Tiny the WWF champ were on our side, we would have that blasted tax!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or blasted the tax.
LikeLike
Things To Do: 1- 10: Warn them what the future holds for America and the world!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha haha.
LikeLike
You hit on one of my pet peeves here. You know how they sold the 16th to us unsuspecting citizens? No? Then I’ll tell ya.
“They” said they were only going to tax the ultra rich. People like Rockefeller, Carnegie, and Mellon (Andrew W.). So, we the trusting idiots that we were/are, allowed them to change the Constitution and allowed the income tax. How did that work out?
I could go on for another eighteen paragraphs, but my drink is getting low …
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, Get another drink and join the 200 million of us that were and are being shilled.
LikeLike