As you can see by the headline, I am totally out of my normal comfort level. That is because a friend of mine is launching a new book. I twisted his arm and made him cry uncle and agree to come here today to tell you about it. Charles is a prolific author of some of the best fantasy books on the planet. It pleases me to have him here with his own brand of Top Ten Things Not to do. So without delay here is Charles. Wait we need to see the book cover first.
Wow! Beautiful. Now here is Charles.
A big thanks to John W. Howell for letting me be a guest, especially on one of his most famous weekly posts. For those who don’t know me . . . More hands went up than my author ego was prepared for. So, my name is Charles E. Yallowitzand I’ve just released a vampire action-adventure book called War of Nytefall: Rivalry. This is the third of my second series, which follows the players of the Vampire Civil War that happened in the shadows of Windemere. On one side, you had the old-world vampires that wanted their society to stay the same. Against them were Clyde and the Dawn Fangs, who are a new breed that can survive in the sun and live within human society. Now, a third faction is appearing, and this one wants to conquer the entire world. So, what are 10 warnings to keep in mind if you decide to choose the side of the legendary Vampire Queen?
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not make suggestions about the royal dress code. At best, she will laugh at your foolishness and ignore you for a week. At worst, your skin will become her newest shawl.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not talk when she is making a speech. At best, she will have her Tiny the former WWF Champion throw you out of the room with no dinner. At worst, she will make all future speeches by using you as a semi-living ventriloquism dummy.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not think any of the jewels lying around the island are public property. At best, you will be summoned to her bedchamber and asked to return what you accidentally stole. At worst, you will be dipped in liquified rubies and repurposed as a garden statue.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not mention that you know the person who cannot be named. At best, she will kill you instantly in a fit of unbridled fury. At worst, she will kill you slowly over the course of a month in the hopes you telling her something about her hated rival.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not forget her birthday even though she never told you it in the first place. At best, she will accept your homemade card and a pint of your blood as a present. At worst, she will enslave your mind for the next year and have you do the chores that nobody would wish on their enemies.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not forget to praise her beauty when she asks for a compliment. At best, she will give you another chance because she’s in a good mood and feels bad about catching you off-guard. At worst, she will be so insulted by your silence that dropkicks you out of her kingdom . . . in pieces.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not try to seduce her in an attempt to become her king. At best, she will use you for a night and cast you aside with only your pride and clothing in shambles. At worst, you will be made to fight her strongest warrior to prove you are worthy of her hand while naked and armed with a caviar spoon.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not talk to her about the best way to kill a Dawn Fang. At best, she will answer your question and go on with her day. At worst, she will assume you are a really stupid assassin and have you locked away until she has decided on the best way to torture you for information. (Note: Since you are not an assassin, you have nothing to tell and will probably be killed.)
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not show up to one of her parties wearing the same dress. At best, you will be given a new set of clothes and made to work with the wait staff as penance. At worst, she will have you spend the rest of the party naked and not be allowed to have any of the food.
- If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not talk as if there are other Vampire Queens in existence. At best, she will . . . Wait . . . *reads the title of post* . . . Oops.I’m just going to head out now with no forwarding address. Grab a copy of War of Nytefall: Rivalry and learn what the Vampire Queen of Windemere is planning.
Thanks again to John and hope everyone enjoyed. Check out War of Nytefall: Rivalry on Amazon and see you in the comments.
About the Author:
Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn’t working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. Truthfully, his tales of adventure are much more interesting than his real life, so skip the bio and dive into the action