This post was published in December of 2017. Since history does not lend itself to humor this week, I thought you might enjoy a revisit or a visit for those who missed it.
I always enjoy wrapping presents. I pretty much avoid the “store gift wrap” in favor of the messes I create. I think putting oneself into the process is a way you can show the recipients of the gift that you really care. The inspiration for this post is every year of doing my own. I hope you enjoy it.
10 If you are gift wrapping, don’t think it’s the thought that counts. If you do, at best, your wrapping will look like you didn’t think at all. At worst, your package will be mistaken for trash and never opened in the first place. (No wonder you didn’t get a thank you, Cassidy.)
9 If you are gift wrapping, do not try to use a fake box with Tiny, the WWF champ who just enrolled in a court-ordered intensive course on how to handle disappointment. If you do at best, you won’t be in the room when Tiny open,s the Tiffany box to find a screwdriver. At worst, although Tiny will do his best to control himself, it may be more than one can expect. (You have been thinking of removing that dining room wall anyway right, Crane?)
8 If you are gift wrapping, do not use seasonally inappropriate paper. If you do, at best, others will think you mentally unstable. At worst, friends and family will gather and determine what to do with you now that you have lost track of time. (Okay, so you wanted to save a few bucks on paper, but Easter wrap was not the way to go, Clive.)
7 If you are gift wrapping, do not forget the nametags. If you do, at best, you’ll remember each gift and who it goes to just by the wrapping. At worst, Uncle Phil will wonder what you are trying to say with the Lady Schick electric razor gift. (You thought for sure that red box was a bottle of bourbon, Cal. I wonder what aunt Helen thinks of it.)
6 If you are gift wrapping, do not forget to measure twice before cutting once. If you do, at best, there is a smaller box that can be wrapped with your mistakes. At worst, you have another trip to the wrapping store to get additional supplies. (Too bad they are all out of Christmas wrap, huh, Cameron? They have plenty of Easter wrap, though.)
5 If you are gift wrapping, do not use the same paper for all the gifts. If you do, someone will recognize it as last year’s $0.99 Target sale item. At worst, your display under the tree will look like the packages were done by Mrs. Jones first grade class. (Why is everyone asking if these gifts are meant for a Toys for Tots donation, Carling?)
4 If you are gift wrapping, do not throw away the return receipts. If you do, at best all your gifts will be perfect. At worst, those gifts that were a little off the mark will show up next year. (You could have sworn you gave this scarf to your cousin last year, huh, Carmichael?)
3 If you are gift wrapping, do not think more scotch tape will solve sloppy wrapping. If you do, at best, your recipients will have a scissor handy to cut through. At worst, you’ll get calls about paper cuts and tape in kid’s hair. (Maybe taking more time would have been a good idea, Carver.)
2 If you are gift wrapping, do not try to create what you are not qualified to design. If you do, at best yours will be the last one opened. At worst, your package will end up looking like a bizarre thing that should soak in water before being disarmed. (Gotta wonder why your brother-in-law called the bomb squad. That grenade on top was a dummy right, Caster?)
1 If you are gift wrapping, do not think a bunch of sparkling confetti in the box will be well received. If you do, at best, the recipient will be kind and not shoot you. At worst, the gift is opened on the new white living room carpet. (You just know that stuff will be there until next year, don’t you, Chadwick?)
Fiction Favorites 
LOL! Great re-run, John! A friend of mine used to always put confetti in greeting cards…what a mess!
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I can imagine.
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I wondered when it would happen, and now it has. I recognized every single one of your top ten. Sometimes I was the perpetrator, sometimes it was someone else, but what would Christmas be without these — creative — traditions?
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I know, right? Thanks, Linda.
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This is why I prefer gift bags. Presents always look puffy when I do them.
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Puffy is a good description. Thanks, Charles.
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haha – If I’m gift wrapping – don’t expect much!!
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I’m with you.
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Splendid idea, dear John! It is obvious that you have a great experience in this field. 🙂
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Yes I do. Thanks, Maria.
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🙂
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A good reminder for every year I think!
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Yes it is. Thank you, Pam. Thank you.
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A great post to rerun, John. I grew up thinking more scotch tape solves everything. I’m with Charles, gift bags are salvation for the wrapping challenged.
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You mean more scotch tape doesn’t solve everything? 😁
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Great post, John. Some of these sounded so familiar! There was a time I spent a great deal of time wrapping gifts just to see them torn through in rapid succession. I instructed everyone that they must ooh and aaah appropriately before opening any gifts I had wrapped. Now I am lucky they even get wrapped.
One of the jokes in our family is “don’t trust the box”. Victoria’s Secret might be that the box is hiding a best seller from Barnes and Noble!
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We call it “fake box.” We have a number of them that come back each year. Thanks, Maggie.
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Important lessons, and glitter gets everywhere. I raised a teenage daughter and it’s in everything these days. Lotion, makeup, probably the food they eat for all I know.
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Not to mention in the paint of that Dodge Hemi 3/4 ton pickup. 😁
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I’m horrible at #6 – probably because I just eyeball it and then have to add strips to make it work. Hubby is even worse. The end result looks like a child did the wrapping.
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Sounds like me as well. The Producer is an expert. She volunteers for charity wraps and turns out works of art. I find the best move is to buy the wrapping with the gift where offered. Thanks, Teri.
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Oh, dear. Guilty … on most counts! I do save boxes and bows until they unravel (gee, they fold up so nicely, and the stores charge a fortune for them!). But my pet peeve is finding glitter, confetti, and other “decorations” in cards or packages — try getting that stuff out of the carpeting! Very timely post, my friend.
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Thank you, Debbie.
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It’s a first for me so, that’s cool.
Hmm… there are a few in this list that my kids, especially, are guilty of. The eldest chooses to use little girl birthday wrapping for his brother, neither of them put nametags and what’s wrong with using last year’s paper? Waste not!
Excellent list, John.
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Thank you, Dale. 😀
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I relate to number three, very much so. I’ve used so much scotch tape in the past that it required explosives to extricate the gift from its box. Needless to say, every chance I get, I let the store do the wrapping for me.
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I do the same, Marc. Save a lot of funny looks.
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It really does.
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This is hilarious, John. I hate gift wrapping presents and have been conning my mom into helping me with it. She is always happy to oblige.
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You are lucky. I can’t find anyone to do mine. 😀
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These are all so funny. One year we had lots of leftover strips of wrapping paper so hubby suggested everyone get pens the next year so we could use it up.
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Hahahaha. Good one.
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HA HA! Too many funny ones to pick a favorite. I got such a kick out of the photo. My husband is definitely of the “Close enough” school of wrapping presents. (Just stick more Scotch tape on it.)
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I’m sort of that way myself. Thanks, Liz.
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This was great, John! Loved #5, and #1 had me laughing out loud. Oh, the dreaded confetti.
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There should be confetti police. Thank you, Jennie.
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Absolutely!! Don’t get me started on the glitter projects I take home to put into children’s year end portfolios. Glitter can live in between my floorboards forever.
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It has a half life of 1000 years. 😀
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Yes!!! 😳
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Delightful, fun post! Erm … I have actually committed a few of these faux pas … and NO, I won’t fess up to which ones! Seriously, though, I used to love gift-wrapping, but in the last 2-3 years, when I find it difficult to get back up from the floor, and when my hands shake too much to do a pretty handmade bow, or even get the scotch tape in quite the right place, I have ceded my responsibilities to Miss Goose (granddaughter) and only wrap 3 or 4 special ones each year.
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So nice you have Miss Goose as back up. 😁
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She is indeed a gem! She is my ears, when someone speaks and I cannot hear them, my conscience when I forget where I put it, and sometimes she even washes dishes!!! 😉
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Just getting around to this gift wrapping. I’ve become a big fan of gift bags the last couple of years:) I’m pso glad the confetti phase in our family is gone…what a mess! Happy wrapping.
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I know right? Thank you, Denise. 🎁
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Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this post from John Howell’s blog with the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO WRAPPING PRESENTS – REDO
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Thak you for the reblog, Don.
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You’re welcome.
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#1 reminds me of when my niece-in-law enjoyed putting confetti into greeting cards. Upon opening the greeting card, a few choice would escape through my lips while the confetti fell to the floor. I really don’t like having to clean up just because I opened a card 😉
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I know what you mean, Marie. Me either.
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This one is always entertaining, John! Thanks for the re-run!
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Thank you, Jan
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Cool one 😅😀
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😀
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