1903 Wright Flyer (A19610048000) at the Smithsonian Institution National Air and Space Museum. February 27, 2017. Smithsonian photo by Eric Long (A19610048000.3T8A5583) (NASM2018-10795)
December 16th marks the 116th anniversary of the first flight of a self-propelled heavier than air aircraft by the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. We do want to go and witness this major event. I have a list of things to avoid so that we don’t get into any trouble while we are there. So let’s get ready to go.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Flight of an Airplane.
10 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask the Wrights for a special in-flight meal. If you do, at best, you’ll get a confused look. At worst, Orville will think you have a great idea, but the weight of the turkey will prevent the flight from taking off. (You did not have to specify turkey, Jose. A nice cucumber sandwich would have sufficed.)
9 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ignore Tiny the WWF champ and self-appointed flight attendant directions. If you do, at best, Tiny won’t notice. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped the last ten court-ordered anger management sessions, is highly offended. (Well, Jamie. You only have yourself to blame. It appears Tiny wants to see if you bounce when dropped out of a plane at 1000 feet. I think we’d all like to know that too.)
8 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not demand a hotel and meal voucher if your flight gets canceled. If you do, at best, no one will understand what you are talking about. At worst, on top of all their troubles, the Wright brothers will consider you a pest. (Looks like Wilber is coming out of the barn with his trusty shotgun, Jackson. It may be time to try out those new Nike running shoes.)
7 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not shout, “Go Gamecocks.” If you do, at best, everyone will be busy and not hear you. At worst, the crowd will come to a silent halt. (You see, Jake, The Gamecocks are a South Carolina University team, and you are standing in Tar Heels territory, which is North Carolina University space. I see a few men picking up shovels. Best head for the hills.)
6 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not try to check an overweight bag. If you do, at best, it will be refused. At worst, the luggage will be jettisoned once the Wrights are airborne. (Looks like those Sponge Bob Squarepants boxers are a big hit with the goats, Jude. With everyone else not so much.)
5 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask Wilber if he gives frequent flyer miles. If you do, at best, Wilber will miss the point. At worst, Wilber will issue you credit for the 100 feet before he ejects you from the plane. (You see, Juan. This thing isn’t ready for passenger travel yet no matter what Orville says.)
4 If you are at the first airplane flight, do ask about a Wright Airline club membership. If you do, at best, you’ll get no response. At worst, Wilber will collect a lifetime fee and direct you to the barn. (Quit complaining, Jay. This club is so exclusive you are the only member. Those chickens are interlopers, and I would report them to the management. Free drinks? Sure the pump is right over there.)
3 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask for champaign once you get on the plane. If you do, at best, you’ll get a laugh from Orville who will think you are joking. At worst, Orville will find it easier to take someone else than to get a bottle of champaign (Well that didn’t end well, Joe. Now you’ll have to beg for a ride.)
2 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask Wilber what time you are arriving at your destination. If you do, at best, Wilber won’t hear you. At worst, Wilber will wonder what happened to your brain. (The first flight lasted 12 seconds and went 120 feet, Jerome. It’s no wonder Wilber thinks you are nuts.)
1 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask which movie is playing. If you do, at best, you’ll get a blank stare. At worst, since Orville and Wilber are serious fellows, they think your question is an insult. (Movies are just becoming popular, Jerry but are seen as frivolous entertainment. These two guys from Ohio are very sensitive. Oh look, they have called the sheriff. It must be time to go.)
Fiction Favorites 
This was hilarious, John. I didn’t know I was in “Tarhill” territory…LOL! Happy Monday!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t know how that happened. All fixed now. Thanks, Jill.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! I thought you were making a joke! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
No I think I was an autocorrect victim.
LikeLike
🙂 Of course!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amazing how far air travel has come since then. Even with the comedy, you can see all the big changes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know right? I wonder how many 120 foot flights it would take to cross the country. 😁
LikeLike
Enough that the passengers will walk instead.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL 😂
LikeLike
Pretty funny!! What would Wilber and Orville think if they traveled by airplane today? They should try Ryan Air. Their flight might seem like luxury!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have never flown Ryan Air but have heard about it. Thanks, Darlene.
LikeLiked by 1 person
If you are at the first powered aeroplane flight, do not forget to remove all metal items including belts with metal buckles, electronic devices and boots or shoes (unless you’re over 75). Also, take off your jacket and empty your pockets.
This is not for security, they’re just trying to keep the weight down.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hahahaha. I always wanted to write a story about a 75 year old shoe bomber. Nice reminder. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Boarding three flights last week (FLL, MCO and EWR) provided what were probably the only times since my teens that I’ve wanted to be five years older – I hadn’t encountered a 75+ concession before arriving in the USA.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was quite surprised four years ago when the security guy told me since I was a aged soul they trusted me not to take off my shoes. Same shock when I ordered a coffee from McDonalds and the clerk said, “One senior coffee coming up, sir.”
LikeLike
Good one!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So this is where the trend to a bag of 13 peanuts began. Maybe if Wilber has focused a bit more on customer service…
Great list, John. Where do you suppose Tiny is working today? I need to avoid that airline.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think Tiny is an orderly in a nursing home in LA is my guess. Thanks, Dan.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love the Monday morning laughs, John. This was so funny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jennie. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You left out the do not about the biker bar in Dayton Ohio. Don’t go in there and order a drimk and say ‘and they call that flying…’
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think I did that only one time. Good thing my health insurance was current. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Twelve seconds!!! Look at what those guys started. I betcha they didn’t envision Spirit Airlines.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll bet not. I would like to see their face walking down the asile of a 747 let alone paying $119 to fly from Austin to Las Vagas on Spirit.
LikeLike
Some fun facts included on this entertaining list, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jan.
LikeLike
Ah, how things have changed. What we take for granted is so far removed from flight’s early days. I think I’d have liked being there though, just to have history unfold right before my eyes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That would have been cool, Debbie.
LikeLike
So they traveled ten feet per second. Which doesn’t seem very fast, unless you were up there! LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think a guy on a pogo stick could go faster.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yep, my money is on pogo guy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLike
Ha ha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No vouchers, really?
Merry Christmas, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Susie. Merry Christmas to you.
LikeLike
That first flight has always fascinated me how they thought it would work, but I’m glad it did:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
LIke being the first to drink milk from a cow. Pure courage.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLike
Ha! You slayed me with the mere idea of Tiny being there. The photo is fabulous! Wouldn’t it have been amazing to be there! Hugs on the wing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I would have loved it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love #9, I think we’d all love to know that, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Craig.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m thinking that twelve seconds seemed really long to them!
Always a learning experience these top tens…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll bet it did. Not knowing if you can fly and then once it flew not knowing if you could land. Tense.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No kidding. And thrilling
LikeLiked by 1 person
Weeeeeeee. OOF
LikeLiked by 2 people
Buahahaha!!
LikeLike
So many seemingly innocent things can go wrong! It’s rather like walking through a minefield, isn’t it? Great post John … thanks for some much-needed humour!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always welcome. Thanks for letting me know you liked it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Having lived in SC for over 18 years, you have to take #7 seriously.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure you do. Would be like saying go Patriots in Dallas.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this post from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites blog with the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT THE FIRST HEAVIER THAN AIR AIRCRAFT FLIGHT BY THE WRIGHT BROTHERS IN 1903
LikeLiked by 1 person
Looks great. Thank you for the reblog, Don.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] Head over to find out the rest of the things not to do at the first flight of an aeroplane:John Howell – Top Ten Things Not To Do […]
LikeLike
Thank you so much, Sally.
LikeLike
So funny John. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks for the chuckle, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always good to chuckle, Mark. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
And for heaven’s sake, don’t ask the Wright brothers if they’ve heard of Icarus. They probably have, and they won’t be pleased!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good one, Linda. That would put a damper on the day for sure. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person