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This week marks the 508th anniversary of the opening of the Sistine Chapel to the public in 1512. Michelangelo, the greatest artist of the Italian Renaissance, was commissioned by Pope Julius II in 1508. After four years of hard work, the chapel was opened to the public. Certainly, we want to go there and see what that first day was like. Let’s not forget to take the list of things not to do so, heaven forbid, we do not make an error that causes a tear in the time continuum. Everyone, grab a list and jump in the Olds, and we’ll be off.
James’s Olds from Eternal Road.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Sistine Chapel in 1512
10 If you go, do not let Pope Julius II hear you call the building the cistern chapel. If you do, at best, he will think your Italian is horrible. At worst, he will take a ruler to your knuckles for such a faux pas. (The chapel was named after Pope Sixtus IV, who restored it between 1473 and 1481. It looks like Julius thinks you need more punishment, Meinrad. He’s heading your way with two big burley cardinals. We are not talking birds here.)
9 If you go, do not tell Tiny, the WWF champ, that he is blocking your view of the ceiling. If you do, at best, Tiny will think you are talking to someone else. At worst, Tiny will be offended that you had the nerve to tell him he is in the way. (You see, Meir, when Tiny gets offended and has skipped several court-ordered sessions at Narcissists Are Us, there’s trouble. He won’t blame himself for being in the way. He blames you for saying anything. Look like he is ready to practice his new body slam move. Guess who is the slamee?)
7 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo for his autograph. If you do, at best, he’ll pretend not to hear you. At worst, he will be forced to ask the guard to escort you out. (Michelangelo, who also sculpted David and The Pieta, only signed one work: the Pieta. Looks like the guards are coming for you, Melanthius. Maybe next time you’ll not ask.)
6 If you go, do not suggest that the skin tones on God’s arm need some attention. If you do, at best, Michelangelo will think you are kidding. At worse, after concentrating on God’s arm for a month, Michelango has reached his limit. (Don’t look now, Melbourne, but I think Michelangelo is arranging for you to go up and paint whatever you want. Oh, my mistake. He just wants to paint you. Not in a good way either)
5 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo about the cupid statue he carved for sale to Cardinal Raffaele Riario early in his career. If you do, at best, he will ignore you. At worst, he will think you are trying to blackmail him. (As the story goes, Melbyrne, Michelangelo carved a cupid and then made it to look older and sold it to the Cardinal as an antique. The Cardinal caught wind of the scam and demanded his money back. Of course, he was impressed with Michelangelo’s work and invited him to a meeting in Rome. Michelangelo eventually won a commission to carve the Pieta.)
4 If you go, do not mention that Michelangelo’s David is deteriorating faster than other marble statues of his day. If you do, at best, he will think you are joking since Davis is only eight years old. At worst, he will wonder where you got your information and want to have you arrested as a witch. (You should have kept your mouth shut, Meldrick. Not too many people know Michelangelo carved David out of a block of 40-year-old marble rejected by other artists, and he found it discarded. Here come the guys with the handcuffs. I think I would leave quickly.)
3 If you go, do not ask Pope Julius II for a review of Michelangelo’s work. If you do, at best, he’ll give you a “no comment.” At worst, you have to sit for some time listening to all the grievances. (The problem was, Melville Julius II had definite ideas of what he wanted Michelangelo to paint. Michelangelo had other ideas and demanded that he get his way. Julius II capitulated but was not happy. He may ask you to do the ceiling over. My advice. Don’t.)
2 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo if it was hard to paint on his back. If you do, at best, he will laugh at you. At worst, he will get out the drawings of the scaffold he built and take you through hours of engineering fine points. (Originally, X and an architect was hired to build the scaffold. He came up with an unworkable design, and the matter came before Julius II. He told Michelangelo to build what he thought he needed. The scaffold that Michelangelo built allowed for painting standing up. Wake up, Melvyn. Michelangelo is finished explaining.)
1 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo if he would like to do it all over again. If you do, at best, he will walk away. At worst, he will detail all that was accomplished and tell you to get lost (When complete, Melelaus the ceiling had over 300 figures of biblical characters. The area was over 130 feet (40 m) long by 43 feet (13 m) wide. This meant Michelangelo painted over 5000 square feet of space. I don’t think he wants to do it again even if you loan him your phone with Spotify)
Fiction Favorites 
Something is amiss in the title!
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Thank you. Corrected.
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Can I ask Tiny to get old Mikey there to paint my Florida room? It would be a cinch for him compared to the chapel!!
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I think Tiny would be a little put out that you didn’t want him to paint your Florida room. Tiny has been hanging around Mikey just begging for a chance to get some paint on the walls. Now he has a chance, so I would stand aside. What’s the worst that could happen? Don’t answer that. 😁 That knock on your door is Tiny and he brought his own paint. ( Fucia is his favorite color.)
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YYikes, just when you gave me idea that it would be easy to have Tiny paint MY ceiling, you go and pick FUCIA?!! 😮😲
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It is his favorite. I’m just the writer.
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Okay, I just assume it was hard for Michelangelo to paint on his back. 🙂 Great list, John!
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Yeah, he took building the scaffold into his own hands so he wouldn’t have to Thanks, Jill
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So, are they doing anything to preserve David? Kind of funny how such a famous statue was made on the cheap.
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I’ll have to look that up. I would hope they are.
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David is in fine form… I don’t believe it is deteriorating at all…
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Informative and funny! I got a big kick out of #10.
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Thank you, Liz.
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You’re welcome, John.
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After waking from that body slam, I found that I had a great view of the ceiling. Of course, I thanked Tiny. Where did we park the Oldsmobile?
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It is out back. Here, take this Corona and call me in the morning. 😁
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Phew, thanks!
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I always keep it in a safe place.
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Huh! He doesn’t look anything like Charlton Heston.
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Neither did Moses.
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Another great list, John. It prompted a lot of memories of my visits to the Sistine Chapel. It’s amazing how creative geniuses live on through their work. Thank you for the morning smiles — and the flashbacks. 🙂
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I’m glad you got some nice memories from the post, Gwen. Michelangelo’s work was magnificent.
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First of all, what a beautiful aerial view. It’s simply breathtaking, and to think it was made 508 years ago. KInda takes your breath away. Mikey always said, God made it and he was just the helper, something like that, taking humility to new heights, so to speak. I’m wondering is he had to do it all over again, would he have opted for maybe doing over a kitchen instead. 🙂
I love these. 🙂
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Hahaha. I think Mikey would opt for anything but that ceiling. He went on and served six more popes with his art.
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He was a hard worker alright.
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With tons of talent.
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Boy, I’ll say, and so humble about it. He never preened.
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He did put his foot down when the Pope wants only 12 paintings on the ceiling. Mikey had the 300 in mind. He won.
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Didn’t know that. Wait’a go Mikey.
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He was da man.
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Si lo era….yes he was.
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😊
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He was no house painter, that’s for sure, but imagine what he could do for one’s kitchen. No Benjamin More for that ceiling. Feeling silly this morning John, without a president…sigh
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Understood. I have to wonder why a particular state can’t get it together to get all the vote counted. What is up with that? I think Mikey could do a heck of a trompe l’oeil in the kitchen. Sure looks good. That skylight and ocen view is terrific.
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Oh, and an angel here and there. I’d be in there cook’in all day. 🙂
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It would be fun for sure. (I wonder if he would like a hot ham and cheese sandwich?)
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And a Coke…:)
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Yum. 😊 In a tall glass with crystal clear ice.
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Wow, John. That typo in the title was a biggie. 🙂 Another great list and fun facts!
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Yes it was, Jan. Got it fixed though.
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I didn’t realize he only signed one work — thanks for adding to my education, John! I remember seeing a TV movie about the painting of this ceiling (ages ago, now), and I can still hear the actor playing the Pope saying “Make a finish!” (or something to that effect. Guess it took a while!
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Yes four years and I’ll bet the POPE asked everyday when it was going to be finished. 😊
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😉
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Great list John. It’s an amazing thing to see no matter what time-frame you see it.
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Yes. I would love to see it myself.
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The Sistine Chapel is one of the top 5 places I’ve longed to visit. Michelangelo’s work has long fascinated me. It was fun learning more facts about the man. Thank you, John. 😊
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I would love to go there too.
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Ha! No kidding. I don’t even like painting the ceiling of one small room — with an extension roller. I just can’t even imagine. Loved the historical details you included here, John. Hugs on the wing!
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I’m glad you enjoyed it Teagan.
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Michelangelo possessed the patience of angels and all the talents of the Gods. I’m sure he would love this ode to his great name.
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Hahaha. Thanks, Marc
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Good to see you Boss
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Good to have you back. 😁
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Good to be back
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Lol. These are always so entertaining, John. On a serious note, I’d love to go there someday.
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I would too, Diana. Thank you. 😊
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Learned some new things about the scaffolding and David. Like Diana, I’d also love to go there someday.
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Yes, I would too, Teri.
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I didn’t make it to Rome – yet – and would love to see this beauteous piece in person. It is remarkable and amazing that he did it in four years, when you think about it… And we learn something every Monday!
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It is amazing. I would love to go there and see it. 😁
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Great post John. I’ve always been fascinated by this topic. I had no idea about many of these facts, but the Cupid and David statue really threw me.
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Glad you liked it Mark. 😊
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A great history lesson, John. I didn’t know about the scam and the rejected marble. Narcissists Are Us – hilarious!!
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Thank you, Jennie. 😁
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You’re welcome, John.
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Brilliant. I wonder if they’d want me to keep my camera flash switched off.
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That would be a yes.
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Coming on this late. But here’s my two cents anyway.
Most of those 300 figures had faces of people who worked in the Vatican. Including the Pope’s. Michelangelo wasn’t easy to get along with. If he had a beef with you … well … BAM! your face went on the ceiling.
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Thanks for sharing, Andrew.
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