Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day

Pixabay image

 

Normally I would be doing a post on a historical event but this week was pretty slow in the History department. (Sorry, Susannah and Andrew) It just so happens that today is National Spaghetti Day. So I thought it would be fun to lay out some things not to do in celebration of spaghetti day.

Top Ten things Not to Do on Spaghetti Day

10 If you celebrate, do not wear white. If you do, at best, the sauce will be alfredo. At worse, you will be served a big bowl of sausage and basil. (good move, Martyn. You now look like the subject in a Lizzy Bordon reenactment.)

9 If you celebrate, do not reach for Tiny the WWF champ’s bowl of spaghetti. If you do, at best, have a $20 bill handy. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped several group sessions on his food aggression treatment plan, will grab your arm. (Looks like Tiny wants to separate you from the bowl, Malcolm. I think to drop it while your hand still works is good advice.)

8 If you celebrate, do not try to substitute Bucatini for spaghetti. If you do, at best, no one will see you make the switch. At worst, you’ll be having dinner with Guido Barilla. (You must understand, Marston. Guido is the president of Barilla pasta and does not take kindly to anyone fooling with his spaghetti. Looks like he has called his friend with the big car to take you home. Maybe.)

7 If you celebrate, do not toss your spaghetti against the wall to test for doneness. If you do, at best, you are in your own house. At worse, you are visiting your in-law’s new house. (I guess it goes without saying, Macauley, that the idea of spaghetti on the wall of a new house won’t be well received. I see your father in law going to his gun safe. That can’t be good.)

6 If you celebrate, do not try to twirl your spaghetti on a fork if you don’t know how. If you do, at best, you will be able to fit it in your mouth. At worst, you will be faced with a twirl the size of your head. (Now, what are you going to do, Maverick. You can’t fit it in your mouth, and there is no way to untwirl it. Might want to see if anyone wants to play basketball.)

5 If you celebrate, Do not think el dente means raw. If you do, at best, no one will show up for your meal. At worst, your guests all decide to go to the spaghetti house for dinner. (Seems a shame they all left you, Miska. That advice to read the box cooking directions was especially hurtful. )

4 If you celebrate, do not try to serve Five-Way Chili as an authentic spaghetti original. If you do, at best, there will be no spaghetti experts at the meal. At worse, you have invited Bobby Flay to dinner. (So what are you going to do now, Mace? Bobby keeps looking at his bowl of chili over spaghetti as if there should be more. I think carry out might be the best option.)

3 If you celebrate, do not try a new goat sweetbread pasta recipe. If you do, at best, your guests love sweetbreads. At worst, all your guests have to leave early. (The sad part, Mikhael, is your guests are all together in the ER. I don’t think you should join them for an after-dinner drink. It is ipecak all around)

2 If you celebrate, do not try to serve spaghetti for dessert. If you do, at best, you make it sweet. At worse, you’ll serve up your garlic special. (If your guests haven’t left by now, Mablevi. This concoction of spaghetti and garlic will drive them from the room. No, that chocolate sauce just makes it worse.)

1 If you celebrate, do not make funny animal pictures on everyone’s plate out of the spaghetti. If you do, at best, the sauce will cover them. At worst, your guests will slowly get the feeling that they should leave. (Funny thing about adults, Macbeth. Not many like having their food manipulated into characters. It’s that uncomfortable feeling about not knowing where your hands have been. Oh yes, and that spaghetti giraffe is positively creepy.)

125 comments

  1. Gwen M. Plano · ·

    Number 6 got me laughing out loud. Some of us non-Italians solve the problem by switching to a different pasta, or we just might break the spaghetti noodle before adding it to the boiling water. Loved your Top Ten, John. Thank you for the morning laughter. 🤣

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I’m so glad you did, Gwen. Thanks for letting me know. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Number 10 is priceless. Hard to maintain also if you aren’t told what’s for dinner.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That is the fly in this ointment, Charles. For whatever reason I always were white wen eating a tomato based pasta. I think it is a corollary to one of the Murphy laws. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s one of the universal constants of our reality.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is hilarious, John! Number seven cracked me up. Way to wake us up this first Monday of the new year!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you , Jill. Yes, it’s time to go to work. (Work is the curse of the drinking class.) 😁

      Like

      1. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

        I’m going to have to make spaghetti tonight. I will keep your list in mind, but making animal shapes does sound fun:)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Go for it. No one will know. Thanks, Denise.

        Like

  4. Hilarious! I laughed out loud at the spaghetti twirl the size of my head!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Liz.😁

      Like

  5. Terrific, John. You can make a list out of anything, can’t you?!! hahaha
    Can I ask Tiny for some white clam sauce?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The problem with Tiny is he is very literal. When you ask for white clam sauce he starts to wonder how he’s going to dig clams in the middle of winter. You know what happens then. He gets to a point of frustration that can only be worked out in the ring. How’s that step one toe hold feeling? Thanks, GP. 😁The beauty of a top ten list not connected to history is I can make it all up and don’t need research.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The way they teach history in schools these days – no one would know if you’re wrong or not!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That is true. As long as it is anti-American it ends up in the course study

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sad but true.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I confess to being a spaghetti cutter. It’s one of those foods that does not get along with beards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can imagine the beard problem. Cutting would be the answer. Thanks, Craig.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for a good laugh to start the week, John. Although, I am a little hungry for pasta. Maybe Tiny is going to leave some in the bowl. I have created some large spaghetti twirls in my day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have created some large spagetti twirls myself. A disaster just waiting to happen. Thanks, Dan.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. A great post to kick off the new year, John. We all love spaghetti, although not on the wall or as a pudding.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, two things to avoid, Robbie. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Regardless of what day it is, whenever I eat spaghetti, I get stains all over what I am wearing. It’s pitiful because I love spaghetti and don’t plan on stopping to eat it.
    Shalom aleichem

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have taken to wearing a cooks apron. Since I do the pasta cooking, no one seems to notice. Thanks, Pat. Shalom aleichem.

      Like

  10. I did not know it was such a special day. I may have to celebrate by eating a bowl of spaghetti and singing the meatball song. I promise not to throw it or make animal pictures out of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you have the kind of place that can support throwing and food animals you can go ahead. A bowl of spaghetti does sound good though. Thanks, Mary.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. #10 always gets me. Seems like every time I have red sauce, I’m wearing a light color. The next day I’m usually using stain remover.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I keep a gallon of Shout around for that very purpose. Thanks, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. My #1 woud be: never cook spaghetti for Mary. Waste of time, because she doesn’t eat pasta. 😀
    Have a great week, John.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Number 7 is hilarious! I can just see the look on my mother-in-law´s face!! Especially since she has never made spaghetti in her life (if you can imagine).

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Funny you should mention Bucatini, John. Over Christmas, Domer was regaling me with some story he’d read about the shortage of Bucatini (https://www.grubstreet.com/2020/12/2020-bucatini-shortage-investigation.html). Who knew? I didn’t realize today was National Spaghetti Day, but I’m thinking any day is fine for pasta!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. We read the same article. That’s why I chose Bucatini. Thanks, Debbie.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I suppose the zoom zoom sound as the airplane goes into the hanger is out too ! ? !

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah that one needs to go too.

      Like

  16. Very amusing, John! Happy Spaghetti Day:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Becky. Happy Spaghetti day to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. A great entertaining top ten to kick off 2021, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan

      Like

  18. Being the Italian that I am, and from Connecticut where you don’t even wear white after Labor Day, yes, a print is preferable when eating spaghetti since, even Don Corleone splashes here and there, especially if meatballs are included. And yes…NO TWIRLING EVEN IF YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM ROME. !!! Funny list John. And it’s not too raw 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Susannah. Glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. LOL, I’m definitely having spaghetti for dinner now, John. This has completely blanked lunch from my memory. White is certainly a tomato sauce magnet. When I used to go out to eat, I was not above matching my wardrobe to the kind of food.
    Hugs on the wing!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Teagan. Nothing beats a big ole bowl of pasta. Hugs

      Like

  20. Number 10. Story of my life. GUARANTEE any time I wear white, I’m going to get spaghetti sauce on me. I could be in the middle of the ocean on a life raft, but if I was wearing white, I’d get spaghetti sauce on me.

    Liked by 3 people

  21. So much fun, John. Ummm. nooo… sweetbreads would only be served when you know for sure the guest eat that stuff… and definitely NOT with spaghetti!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. Not much of a sweetbreads man myself.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If they are well prepared…

        Like

      2. I made a deal with organ meats. If they won’t eat me I won’t eat them. So far we have kept our pact.😂

        Like

      3. Offal is awful to most peeps 😉 Rather ironic the name, don’t you think?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I do indeed. I think whoever picked the name did a good job. It’s like a warning. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Hahaha! No kidding… And there are those who are all into offal. Me? I gladly pass…

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I worked for a German company and they are all over offal. They thought I was nuts taking a pass on simple stuff like liver (makes me shudder thinking about it)

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Hahaha! You were too delicate for their sensibilities 😉 I’ll do liver – loaded with bacon and caramelized onion (no, I’m not trying to hide the taste…); the rest? Meh.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. It is a texture thing for me on liver. It always looks good but….

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I completely understand – it’s why I load it up with onions and bacon. To make it palatable… I guess you could say I am NOT a fan…

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Although I love goose liver pate. There is usually a baget under it though.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. That’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish, m’dear!!

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Yum. Martini and pate. Nothing finer.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Ooooh… Ice wine goes well with pate as well…

        Liked by 1 person

      14. Yeah of course. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      15. But only one glass… too sweet. After we have to move to something else 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      16. Yes. Maybe a nice red.

        Liked by 1 person

      17. Mmmm… Count me in.

        Liked by 1 person

  22. I am an admitted twirler. But I’m also an admitted wine drinker. What does one have to do with the other? When I drink wine, I don’t remember.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I get that for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I knew you might.

        Liked by 1 person

  23. My goodness — now I want pasta for dinner! I would suggest an addition: whatever you do, dn’t bring up the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the table. Everyone knows that religion’s one of the topics to avoid at dinner. The Pastafarians might not care, but you’d sure get some looks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I loved that article. Thanks, Linda.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Hey John, I missed reading your Top Tens every week. Glad to be back to it. Number 6 brought back some memories for me. When I was a kid in an Italian household, my grandmother, a Sicilian, and my father, with a family from the alpine region of Northern Italy, would debate on the twirling technique. My dad used a spoon over the tines of the fork as he twirled and my grandmother thought this was unnecessary. It got to the point where she would make a big production of providing a spoon to my father whenever she made spaghetti.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Glad to see you back, Don. We had the same battle in our house. My in-laws used the spoon technique which I thought was not needed. Of course I eventually let it go and put spoons at everyone’s place. Thanks for the story. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s interesting John. In my house is was a battle for which part of Italy is better.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh a bigger issue. Lucky there was no plate throwing.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Did I say there wasn’t? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hahahaha. 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  25. Maybe not wearing white should be repeated? 🤣 I always manage to get sauce on myself when wearing any color, but white is the worst!

    You need a spoon to help you make the perfect twirl. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Since I do most of the pasta cooking I have double jeopardy. Spoon helps but I like going commando.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Brilliant John. I love spag bol.. and one of the first things I learnt to cook.. thanks for the reminder and we will have this week.. and behave ourselves…hugsx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. Spaghetti all around. It amazes me that spaghetti is a universal food (at least in the western world and China.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Great stuff.. my go to comfort food..xx

        Liked by 1 person

  27. Glad I read all the not to DOs😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. yes. Much easier to stay out of spaghetti jail. Thak you for the nice comment, Christin.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Thanks for the many laughs, John. I loved this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  29. Great list John. Thanks for the smile. My daughter got one of those calendars that tells you what is being celebrated eachday, so I knew about spaghetti day. Apparently there is also a day to celebrate ‘Nothing’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That would be a good one too.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day […]

    Like

  31. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day […]

    Like

  32. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day […]

    Like

    1. Thank you for sharing the post.

      Like

  33. […] Head over to read and enjoy the other 8 entertaining things not to do on National Spaghetti Day: Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day with John Howell […]

    Like

  34. petespringerauthor · ·

    Oh, man, I needed this. #7 and #1 🤣

    Anything that involves tossing spaghetti against the wall, I’m signing up for. I’m picturing that guy with the Jugs gun at a baseball game. “Oooh, that registers 98 mph on the gun. This kid can really bring it.”

    Making animal pictures on everyone’s plate. “What is it?” You may have just started some dinner conversation or created the next great debate similar to the Mona Lisa’s smile.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it Pete. Come back anytime. 😊

      Like

  35. I’ve seen a recipe for pasta made into dessert, but I’ve never tried it. I do love bucatini, though. It’s one of my favorite pasta shapes. I’ve even made it from scratch. Loved this post, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Made it from scratch? Goodness. You are the one for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I love to make pasta. It’s not hard to do, and it’s so much better than store-bought.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That hole in the middle of a strand would get me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’d love to tell you I’m a master at rolling the noodles, but I use a machine.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. If a machine works then why not? 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  36. So funny, John. It makes me want to whip up a batch of spaghetti. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Do it and throw in a couple of meat balls too. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  37. LOL, hilarious John. Good thing I don’t eat spaghetti 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes you don’t have to worry aboiut youir white clothes. Thanks Debby.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Can you believe the “i” in those words up there. Sheesh.

        Liked by 1 person

  38. William Price King · ·

    These were fun, John. Didn’t know about National Spaghetti Day. We eat lots of pasta in our house but rarely spaghetti. I really liked #6, probably because I’m not the best spaghetti twirler in the world. Guess I could always try a little harder. Take care, all the best.

    Reblogged on Improvisation – “The Art of Living”
    https://williampriceking.tumblr.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the share, William. 😁

      Like

  39. I forgive you for no history in this one. But good advice is always appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There you go. I appreciate your forgiveness

      Like