Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Margarita Day (Which is Today)

February 22, 2021 · by John W. Howell · in Ten Things Not to Do · 87 Comments

Unsplash Image – Jack Bender

It is National Margarita Day today, and I would be remiss in allowing that kind of day to pass without providing some helpful advice. The top ten list won’t help prevent a time continuum disruption, but it might keep you out of jail.

10 On Margarita Day, do not begin the celebrations with breakfast. If you do, at best, you are still working at home and have no meetings. At worst, by ten o’clock, it is clear on your Zoom calls that something is amiss. (Your boss keeps asking you to be quiet, Mar. Might be a tip-off that the old tequila friendship is about to go south.)

9 On Margarita Day, do not stand between Tiny, the WWF champ, and his first margarita. If you, at best, he will go around you. At worst, he’ll think of you as a strip of asphalt. (When you get up off the floor, Marceau, do yourself a favor and go sit in the corner. Tiny has skipped several of his anger management classes, and he looks like he is one margarita over the line.)

8 On Margarita Day, do not ask for a virgin margarita. If you do, at best, the bartender will think you are kidding. At worst, the server will give you what is thought to be the right drink. (After your lips unpucker, Marcellin, and your hair returns to its normal flat on your head position, you will realize you were given a glass of pure lime juice. The thought was you were deficient in vitamin c.)

7 On Margarita Day, do not forget to tip the mariachi band. If you do, at best, they will play across the room. At worse, they will keep playing next to you until you cough up a tip. (You see, Marcely, this is how they make their living. If you don’t tip, they won’t get paid. No, a quarter is not enough.)

6 On Margarita Day, do not think you have to eat one taco for every margarita. If you do, at best, you’ll only have two. At worst, you managed to eat six tacos and drink six margaritas. (You don’t have much to worry about, Mardel. In a few minutes, your taco’s and Margarita’s will be joining each other in what is called a technicolor yawn.)

5 On Margarita Day, do not challenge everyone to guess which plant tequila comes from. If you do, at best, the room is too noisy for anyone to hear you. At worst, everyone knows it is the blue agave. (Don’t look now, Mardon, but people are starting to move away from you. Try not to go to your next quiz on agave nectar.

4 On Margarita Day, do not challenge everyone to a tequila shooter contest. If you do, at best, you will be ignored. At worst, someone will take you up on it. (Just your luck, Mariam, you have challenged the only guy in the room who has an immunity to the effects of alcohol. I see you are starting to drool and calling for the tender bar. It might be time to capitulate while you are still conscious.)

3 On Margarita Day, do not bother the bartender with your recipe for the perfect margarita. If you do, at best, they may be too busy to listen. At worst, they have been instructed to make the margaritas according to the house formula. (I can see they are getting a little irritated with you, Marino. If those daggers coming from the eyes are an indication of displeasure, just take the margarita as offered and go away.)

2 On Margarita Day, do not go into the health risks of salt on the rim. If you do, at best, the bartender will not be listening. At worst, the bartender is a very busy person right now. (They want to know with or without salt, Marji. Any other information is likely to earn you the status of cut-off.)

1 On Margarita Day, do not even think of having a good time with your margaritas and then getting behind the wheel. If you do, at best, someone will stop you. At worst is not something any of us want to think about. (Get out of that car, Marland before someone gets hurt. Let me call you a cab, and don’t say, “Okay, I’m a cab.”)

Tags: author, books, Circumstances of Childhood, Eternal Road - The final stop, fiction favorites, His Revenge, John W. Howell Author, My GRL, Our Justice, The Contract with Gwen Plano, Top Ten Things Not to Do

87 comments

Keith Edgar Channing · February 22, 2021 - 4:24 am ·

I’ll take your advice on 8, John. I prefer a virgin mojito anyway (ideally with coconut water – didn’t Harry Nilsson recommend putting the lime with the coconut and drinking it all up?)

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:29 am ·
  
  And call him in the morning. 😁
  
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  1. Keith Edgar Channing · February 22, 2021 - 8:29 am ·
    
    🤢
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:38 pm ·
    
    Quite.
    
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Sorryless · February 22, 2021 - 4:36 am ·

I cannot promise anything on this sacred day. Except for number one, yeah, that’s a promise.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:33 am ·
  
  I certainly get that too. I wonder if raisin brand crunch would pair with a margarita?
  
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  1. Sorryless · February 23, 2021 - 7:49 am ·
    
    That’s for the next morning . . .
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 7:50 am ·
    
    😁
    
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Jill Weatherholt · February 22, 2021 - 5:27 am ·

A “technicolor yawn.” LOL! Where do you come up with these things, John? This was great! Thanks for the early rainy Monday laughs. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:35 am ·
  
  It is always fun to come up with something that makes me laugh too. Thanks, Jill. Hopefully, you can stay dry.
  
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Liz Gauffreau · February 22, 2021 - 5:53 am ·

Haha! I love #7 in particular!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:36 am ·
  
  Thank you, Liz. Glad you liked it. 😁
  
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  1. Liz Gauffreau · February 22, 2021 - 4:57 pm ·
    
    You’re welcome, John.
    
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Dan Antion · February 22, 2021 - 6:29 am ·

It all sounds like good advice, before the first one is down the hatch. After two, I might be bumping into Tiny. After three, I might be asking him to apologize…I guess there won’t be a fourth one 😉

Good list, John, especially #1.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:38 am ·
  
  Hahahaha. I don’t think I ever got to a third and with Tiny around it could be a hazardous move for sure. Thanks for the laugh, Dan
  
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coldhandboyack · February 22, 2021 - 6:34 am ·

Maybe that explains the stop sign from your last post.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:40 am ·
  
  Early celebrant. 😂
  
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Staci Troilo · February 22, 2021 - 6:48 am ·

Now I’m picturing the technicolor yawn by the un-tipped mariachi band. Quite the visual. Funny post, John. Happy National Margarita Day!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:41 am ·
  
  Thank you, Staci. I’m glad you liked it. 😁
  
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Charles Yallowitz · February 22, 2021 - 6:59 am ·

Not sure I agree with #10. It’s always happy hour somewhere.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:42 am ·
  
  Yeah, you are right. In fact, time is all relative. 😁
  
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Gwen M. Plano · February 22, 2021 - 7:02 am ·

My goodness, your Top Ten brought back memories of headaches — and laughter. Thank you for the morning chuckles, John. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:44 am ·
  
  You have to wonder why margarita-infused laughter has its consequences. Maybe in heaven, that headache part goes away. Thanks, Gwen. 😊
  
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Jennie · February 22, 2021 - 7:16 am ·

Me: Laughed out loud. Hubby: What’s so funny? Me: A technicolor yawn. Hubby: What are you talking about? Me: It’s John making me laugh out loud. Hubby: Tell him I said Hi.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:47 am ·
  
  Aw. Tell him “Hi” back. 😁
  
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  1. Jennie · February 22, 2021 - 5:51 pm ·
    
    Done! 🙂
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 8:08 pm ·
    
    😁
    
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Teri Polen · February 22, 2021 - 7:21 am ·

I have to agree with Craig about the stop sign.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:48 am ·
  
  😁
  
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shoreacres · February 22, 2021 - 7:39 am ·

“One Margarita over the line” made me laugh. That’s a great play on the old, other song. I’ll stick with the Margaritas, thank you very much. I see even you weren’t brave enough to tackle the frozen-or-on the rocks controversy!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 7:51 am ·
  
  Yes indeed. When I used to go to Cabo (in the 80s when there were no phones) we always got a margarita upon check-in. Never frozen. That was enough for me on the classic offering. Thanks, Linda.
  
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Luanne · February 22, 2021 - 9:01 am ·

😹 my kind of day! I will take all your advice.

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:41 pm ·
  
  Good. Enjoy. 😁
  
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Dale · February 22, 2021 - 9:31 am ·

Save me a seat at the bar, John. We both love margaritas done just right!
I would not dream of doing anything else but hang out with y’all and not drive anywhere!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:41 pm ·
  
  Excellent. Best was to have a good time. 😁
  
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  1. Dale · February 22, 2021 - 3:19 pm ·
    
    Hey, I know how to choose my drinking buddies…
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 8:09 pm ·
    
    Yes you do. 😁
    
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  3. Dale · February 22, 2021 - 8:45 pm ·
    
    😉
    
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Debbie · February 22, 2021 - 9:33 am ·

Gotta love Ton — you’d think those anger management classes would have done some good by now! I didn’t know there was such a thing as National Margarita Day; thanks for educating me, John!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:42 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Debbie. 😁
  
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D.L. Finn, Author · February 22, 2021 - 11:17 am ·

Happy National MargaritaDay, John!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:42 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Denise.
  
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Jacqui Murray · February 22, 2021 - 11:55 am ·

Good list, John. Is there a National Scotch Day? Hmm?

On an unrelated subject, is this the TextWP WordPress theme? I have to switch my theme, considering TextWP. It looks good in the preview! If this is, do you like it?

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:36 pm ·
  
  On July 27th is National Scotch whisky day. My site theme is Origin. I like Origin. Have not tried TextWP. Hope this helps.
  
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John Hric · February 22, 2021 - 12:24 pm ·

At some point Groundhog Day the movie had to overlap with national Margarita day. So when is the sequel ?

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:43 pm ·
  
  Coming soon to a theater near you
  
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Jan Sikes · February 22, 2021 - 1:19 pm ·

Whoo-hoo! Happy Margarita Day!! Who knew there was such a day. Love your top ten tips, John. I’ll raise a glass with you after 5. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 2:46 pm ·
  
  It is five o’clock somewhere, Jan.
  
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noelleg44 · February 22, 2021 - 2:54 pm ·

Aw, john, salt on the rim is the ONLY way to have a margarita! Sun’s over the yardarm!

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1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2021 - 3:05 pm ·
  
  That is why I advised not to be discussing the health issues with salt. 😁 enjoy.
  
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Susannah Bianchi · February 23, 2021 - 4:06 am ·

In the days when I drank daily at the Carlyle, a Margarita, that rivaled my ConEd bill when the check came, was a favorite of mine. Tommy, the late great barman, made the best Margies, as me and my pal Camille called them, and you really only needed one. But you know how girls are, living with 3. Lucy, Twiggy and your Missus, not necessarily in that order. Twiggy’s a gal, right? I can see one now the salt glimmering around the glass, that if it could only talk. Did you hear that? It’s Tommy, from the ether’s eternal bar, asking if we want another.

I love your Mondays. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 7:13 am ·
  
  Yes, Twiggy is a gal. Speaking of margarita moments, I remember sitting in the Hotel Cabo San Lucas bar overlooking the Sea of Cortez waiting for our room. Warm sun, margaritas on the house, and munchies. I would have liked time to stand still and stay there forever. Yes, Tommy, I’ll have another and one for m’lady too. Thanks for the memory, Susannah. 😁
  
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  1. Susannah Bianchi · February 23, 2021 - 8:54 am ·
    
    No, thank you. You started it.
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 12:05 pm ·
    
    I know but your memory germanated mine. 😊
    
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  3. Susannah Bianchi · February 23, 2021 - 1:54 pm ·
    
    I see. Like jump starting a car? Kinda?
    
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  4. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 2:22 pm ·
    
    Yup. So it is proper to thank the person with the jumpers. 😁
    
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  5. Susannah Bianchi · February 23, 2021 - 2:42 pm ·
    
    That’s true. They give you a lift, so to speak. 🙂
    
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  6. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 7:56 pm ·
    
    So to speak. 😊
    
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  7. Susannah Bianchi · February 24, 2021 - 6:03 am ·
    
    We’re in perpetual accordance. 🙂
    
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  8. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 7:25 am ·
    
    A postion of comfort. 😊
    
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  9. Susannah Bianchi · February 24, 2021 - 10:35 am ·
    
    Like a cushy chair.
    
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  10. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 11:55 am ·
    
    With foot stool. 😊
    
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  11. Susannah Bianchi · February 24, 2021 - 3:01 pm ·
    
    and slippers.
    
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  12. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 3:13 pm ·
    
    And a fire.
    
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  13. Susannah Bianchi · February 25, 2021 - 3:52 am ·
    
    And a coupla’ dogs at your feet.
    
    LikeLiked by 2 people
  14. John W. Howell · February 25, 2021 - 6:57 am ·
    
    And. . . wait for it . . . A good book.
    
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  15. Susannah Bianchi · February 25, 2021 - 8:49 am ·
    
    And some brandy…well, for you. I’d have to have a Coke. sigh
    
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  16. John W. Howell · February 25, 2021 - 4:49 pm ·
    
    Coke in a brandy snifter with lime and clear ice
    
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Don Massenzio · February 23, 2021 - 7:06 am ·

Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this timely post from John Howell with the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO ON NATIONAL MARGARITA DAY

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1. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 7:42 am ·
  
  Thank you, Don.
  
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  1. Don Massenzio · February 23, 2021 - 8:42 am ·
    
    You’re welcome.
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 12:06 pm ·
    
    😁
    
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Victoria Ray NB · February 23, 2021 - 7:56 am ·

okay… if I can’t say “I’m a cab”, then I am Margarita, yooohooohooooo 🕺🎭🕺 Lets celebrate!

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1. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 12:10 pm ·
  
  I agree. Nothing like margaritas to ramp up the celebration. Thanks,VR.
  
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  1. Victoria Ray NB · February 23, 2021 - 1:52 pm ·
    
    100%
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 23, 2021 - 2:23 pm ·
    
    Until the law of diminishing utility sets in. 🤢
    
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circadianreflections · February 24, 2021 - 10:56 am ·

LOL! A good list, John! Some of those Margaritas are potent! I had one in Todo Santos once and afterward, I was singing in Spanish fluently! 😂😂🍸 Salut!

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1. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 11:53 am ·
  
  At least you thought you were. Thanks, Deborah 😁
  
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  1. circadianreflections · February 24, 2021 - 12:02 pm ·
    
    LOL! Ha! You have the same thought my family has on that subject! 😂😜
    
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  2. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 12:08 pm ·
    
    Hahahaha. I was doing some kind of tequila fueled dance one time and someone came out on the floor and suggested I quit. Talk about redfaced. I thought I was doing so well. I picked up my pants and left the place.
    
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  3. circadianreflections · February 24, 2021 - 12:15 pm ·
    
    OH MY GOSH, I’M DYING HERE!! I’m going to have reapply my mascara now. That’s hilarious, John!! 😂😂😂😂😂
    
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  4. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 2:30 pm ·
    
    Glad you liked it, Deborah. 😊
    
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kethuprofumo · February 24, 2021 - 2:13 pm ·

After the National Margarita Day as a rule comes a long Margarita Night, dear John! So, no driving & everybody is happy next morning. 😁😁😁

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1. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 2:22 pm ·
  
  Yes that is the best way.
  
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markbierman · February 24, 2021 - 5:49 pm ·

Technicolor yawn . . . bwaha!ha! 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 24, 2021 - 6:04 pm ·
  
  You can use it if you wish.
  
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  1. markbierman · February 24, 2021 - 7:16 pm ·
    
    Thanks. 🙂
    
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