Top Ten Things Not to Do While Visiting a Bar

 

Photo of a bar

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This post was originally run on May 25th, 2015. It was a cautionary prescription before the Memorial Day holiday

Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Bar

10 If you are visiting a bar, do not stand too close to someone expecting them to talk to you. If you do, at best, they will move away. At worst, you might be surprised to find yourself an unwilling volunteer for a jujitsu demonstration with you as a student. (That thumb hold is pretty painful)

9 If you are visiting a bar, do not order a flaming drink for any reason. If you do, at best, you will confirm your narcissistic tendencies. At worst, your concoction will catch the back bar on fire, and the four-alarm fire department response cost will put your credit card into default.(you lit up the night though)

8 If you are visiting a bar, do not join others in doing shots. If you do at best, you will fall unconscious. At worst, you will be on your feet but engaged in behavior that you will not recall at your trial.(But you are sure you had fun)

7. If you are visiting a bar, do not get up on the karaoke stage no matter what. If you do, At best, you will be coerced into singing a song that you have never heard of before. At worst, you will be idiot enough to tackle Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody and to attempt to sing all the parts. (The “We will not let him go” part got you)

6 If you are visiting a bar, do not join a discussion about sports if you don’t know anything about sports. If you do, at best, your companions will have proof that you are an idiot. At worst, Tiny, the guy whose facts you were challenging, will finally have had enough and provide you with your solo flying lesson. (That landing will be pretty rough)

5 If you are visiting a bar, do not insist that the band play your song. If you do, at best, the band will ignore you totally. At worst, the huge guy with the word SECURITY on his back will be helping you to the exit to the amusement of the patrons and joy of the band. ( I think if you had just asked once they might have played your song)

4 If you are visiting a bar, Β do not try to duck buying a round. If you do, at best, you will soon be drinking alone. At worst, your companions will shame you into buying a drink which to your s everyone in the bar as arranged by your former friends. (Would have been cheaper the other way)

3 If you are visiting a bar, do not challenge the house champion to a game to impress others. If you do, at best, you will be beaten so badly that all those who you wanted to impress think you are a dope. At worst, you will get into several double or nothing bets that will end up with you no longer having a car. (Walking is good for your health)

2 If you are visiting a bar, do not send back a plate of food no matter how bad. If you do, at best, those who you are with will wonder why you had the poor judgment to order food in a bar in the first place. At worst, your plate will return from the kitchen with some additional ingredients courtesy of the night cook and his dog. (Don’t even taste it)

1 If you are visiting a bar, do not accept the pickled egg eating challenge. If you do, at best, you will be finished for the night. At worst, you will be feeling the physical effects of too many pickled eggs for the next week, including sleeping alone in the yard. (Think about it next time)

62 comments

  1. Definitely stay away from #1!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha. Thanks, Liz

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The thought of pickled eggs makes me cringe. πŸ˜€ LOL about #9 and lighting up the night.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cringe is a perfect word, Joan. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Alcohol and fire…not a good mix.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Alcohol and most everything is not a good mix. 😁 Thank you, Jill.

      Like

  4. OMG, I can not imagine even trying to take the pickled egg eating challenge! Although I spent many a year tending bar, I had to chuckle over No. 8 !!

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  5. I had the pleasure of being part of a group who shamed the chronic β€œI was in the bathroom when it was my turn to pay” into picking up a round for the house. There weren’t many more people than the ones in our group, but it felt good.

    It was good to see Tiny perfecting his role. I hope you’re off to a good week, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dan. I hope your week is terrific too. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve seen #6 get broken so often. It’s bad when you’re pulled into a sports chat and have no knowledge too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s like being pulled into a D&D discussion with no knowledge. Very awkward. Thanks, Charles.

      Like

  7. You’ll never find me doing #7 – ever. No matter how many drinks I’ve had.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m like you. No way Jose. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is a “How To” list that any bar newbies would be wise to copy and paste to the notes app in their phones for future reference. I might add, buy the round(s) early before people start forgetting. And uh . . don’t partake of the later rounds or you will join them in forgetting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Buy early is a great tip. Thanks, Marc.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I might have applied this logic in another life.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s been many a moon since I went to a bar, but I’ll keep your list available, should I ever change my mind. Thanks, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you. It has been quite a while

      Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s a great list of things we’ve all seen. The only thing I could add is “Don’t dance on the pool table. If you have to dance, choose a table or the bar.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Scuffing the green coud get you in a lot of trouble for sure.

      Like

  11. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

    All good advice, John πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. My mother used to make awesome pickled eggs. They’re great sliced up on a salad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like them myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Haha, John, this is a good one. The same cannot be said about English pub food which is always very good. I’ve never seen pickled eggs though, that must be a USA thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think so on the eggs. When I visited London I enjoyed the pub food a lot. My visit to Scotland only included one pub and the food was terrific as well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve rarely had a bad pub meal in the UK. Or a bad order of fish ‘n chips.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I had the best fish and chips in a little shop opposite Trafalgar Square. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  14. This made me yearn for Bemelmans. I remember the late Tommy the bartender who didn’t care too much for a friend of mine because she was quite snappy and very manufactured well endowed, if you know what I mean. He used to say, he didn’t like her sitting at the bar too close to the brandy because, he felt she was flammable. I did not make that up. I love these.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. Good one, Susannah. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I loved this one.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m glad. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. They’re so clever.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Yes, live and keep breathing by the advice in #2, yuck. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Excellent list, my good man. There is always that guy who benefits from the rounds and when it is his turn, suddenly has to leave. I wonder when he realised he was no longer invited?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thse kind never notice.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True ’nuff…
        Though one of our friends did. And was nailed by everyone for being a cheapass!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Does happen. Thanks, Dale.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    It’s time for another great list from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites blog. This one is the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO WHILE VISITING A BAR

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Don.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. The Rerun is just as good as it was the first time around. Numbers, 1 and 2 are words to live by.
    Pickled eggs don’t sound good at. all. I wonder how drunk you have to be to like em? Nah, don’t answer that! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or how drunk to swallow them whole. No don’t answer that either. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  19. All sound advice. But I might add the pickled egg contest could land you in the hospital (not that I’ve ever done that πŸ˜‰ ) For women, do not enter a wet T shirt contest. At worst you will be ridiculed, at best you will never live down winning.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I am so far behind on visiting blogs. This one made me chuckle. All good advice!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. #7 would be just my luck. Good advice, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Usually on these, I pick one out that I agree with more than the others. But not this time. All ten of your “Do Nots” are spot on. If I had to pick one that I agree with the most, it would be #2 by a long shot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Andrew. Sending food back anywhere is a risk for sure.

      Like

  23. This was terrific, John. Have you ever had a pickled egg? They’re good. But in a contest at a bar, well no.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have had one and liked it. I agree on the contests. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

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