Top Ten Things Not to do During a Storm

October 25, 2021 · by John W. Howell · in Ten Things Not to Do · 105 Comments

Photo by Henrieke Fischer on Unsplash

This post originally ran on October 26th, 2015. Since we all have been through some storms this year, I thought it would still provide a chuckle.

* * *

The inspiration for this list is a recent three-day storm here in Texas. Although I had enough sense not to do these things, they did come to mind as I was going through various circumstances.

Top Ten Things Not to do During a Storm

10 If you are in a storm, do not decide to drive around to check out the damage. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stranded by high water. At worst, you might be trying to explain to the grumpy-looking national guardsman why you didn’t heed the warnings to stay inside. (You have to wonder if that rifle has real bullets)

9 If you are in a storm, do not call the electric company to report a power outage. If you do, at best, you will be on hold for hours. At worst, you will be reminded that the entire grid is down and then asked some embarrassing questions designed to point out that it is dark all around you. (Never thought to look out the window, huh?)

8 If you are in a storm, do not rush your grocery store for a month’s worth of food and water. If you do, at best, you will be in the company of your hysterical neighbors. At worst, you will find yourself in a primal fight over a roll of toilet tissue with Shultz, the county cow tossing champion. (And you almost wrestled it away before you blacked out)

7 If you are in a storm, do not ignore the weather warnings. If you do, at best, you might be surprised at how fast things come at you. At worst, you might be challenged to swim for safety with only a duckie ring as a flotation device. (And you read on the duckie that it is not to be used as a flotation device. What’s that hissing sound?)

6 If you are in a storm, do not try to move through the darkened house without a flashlight. If you do, at best, your shins will take a beating on the furniture. At worst, that candle you lit will somehow fall into the pile of newspapers you left in the living room last night. (And guess how long it will take the fire department to reach you?)

5 If you are in a storm, do not keep driving in the heavy rain. If you do, at best, you will stress out to the maximum. At worst, your car might be invisible to that giant 18 wheeler behind you with the devil himself at the wheel. (It must be the devil given the recklessness of the driving)

4 If you are in a storm, do not think all your emergency gear takes the place of common sense. If you do, at best, the gear may not fully perform. At worst, you will think you will be able to ride out the storm only to change your mind two minutes after it is too late. (Don’t worry about trying to Google it. That wall of water is called a Tsunami)

3 If you are in a storm, do not think you need to go outside to fix something in the middle of wind and downpour. If you do, at best you will get very wet. At worst, you could find yourself being carried away in the company of your neighbor’s swing set. (You might be able to turn around in a mile or so.)

2 If you are in a storm, do not think a quick dash to the mailbox doesn’t require wet weather outer gear. If you do, at best, you will need a bath and hot cocoa to thaw out. At worst, the chill you received on the jaunt turns into something that keeps you in bed for a week. (And what you are doing cannot be remotely described as enjoying yourself.)

1 If you are in a storm, do not think you have to brave the elements to get to work. If you do, at best, you will show up, and no one else will be there. At worst, you will have battled the storm for hours, and once you get there, all questions about your judgment skills will be answered. (And you thought you were indispensable)

Tags: author, books, Circumstances of Childhood, Eternal Road - The final stop, fiction favorites, His Revenge, John W. Howell Author, My GRL, Our Justice, The Contract with Gwen Plano, Top Ten Things Not to Do

105 comments

Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. · October 25, 2021 - 4:16 am ·

Very helpful John and a reminder of the pre-Covid announcements of an imminent lockdown and there were a few cow tossing champions in the TP aisle to be avoided lol.. another terrific ten things..♥

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1. Liz Gauffreau · October 25, 2021 - 6:20 am ·
  
  I was reminded of the pre-COVID lockdown behavior as well.
  
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  1. Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. · October 25, 2021 - 6:48 am ·
    
    xx
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:51 am ·
    
    Yes indeed.
    
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2. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:09 am ·
  
  Thank you, Sally. Glad yu like it. 😁
  
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Charles Yallowitz · October 25, 2021 - 4:19 am ·

I’m guessing all of these have been done. There are a lot of people who just lose their minds in bad weather.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:10 am ·
  
  Hard to explain too. Thanks, Charles.
  
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more · October 25, 2021 - 4:45 am ·

Reblogged this on OPENED HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:12 am ·
  
  Thank you, Michael.
  
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more · October 25, 2021 - 4:46 am ·

Thanks for the very useful advices, John! I will print out and pin it on the back of our front door. Lets hope i will be able to read before the next storm. 😉 Have a nice week! xx Michael

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:16 am ·
  
  Thank you, Michael. Have a wonderful week. 😁
  
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  1. OIKOS™- Art, Books & more · October 25, 2021 - 11:50 am ·
    
    Thank you, John! Enjoy also a beautiful week! xx Michael
    
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Jill Weatherholt · October 25, 2021 - 5:18 am ·

Best to stay home! Good advice, John. Happy Monday!

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:42 am ·
  
  Great advice, Jill. Have a super day. 😊
  
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Joan Hall · October 25, 2021 - 5:41 am ·

Can I admit to being on the road during a tornado? It’s not an experience I care to repeat!

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:43 am ·
  
  I guess not. Glad you were safe.
  
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Dan Antion · October 25, 2021 - 5:48 am ·

Can I modify #1 and send it to my old boss? Do not call a staff meeting and require all hands on deck… I was able to get out of going after slipping on the ice and falling down a short flight of stairs.

Great list John. As winter is approaching, I should start counting violations in our area. There are always several, especially numbers 10, 8 and 3.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:44 am ·
  
  It’s nice you can count the violations from your easy chair. No need to go out and count. 😁
  
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shoreacres · October 25, 2021 - 6:17 am ·

It’s a great list. Unfortunately, I ended up breaking #5 on Saturday night, and it wasn’t at all enjoyable. Clearly, the highway department thinks striping the sides and center of the roads isn’t important, or white paint isn’t in their budget.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:46 am ·
  
  I hate it when you can’t see and have no lines for guidance. Glad you were safe. 😊
  
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GP · October 25, 2021 - 6:19 am ·

haha, Number 1 did happen to me!! 🤪

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:50 am ·
  
  I think we all have done that. I remember going to work in a snowstorm and running into a twelve foot drift that was across the road. The car was there for three days. Lucky for me a farmer saw me go by and got his frontloader to at least dig enough so I could open the door and get out. His question put everything into perspective. “What’s so important?”
  
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  1. GP · October 25, 2021 - 1:05 pm ·
    
    Sounds like my father talking!
    
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Liz Gauffreau · October 25, 2021 - 6:24 am ·

All you have to do is watch the news to see all of these, with the possible exception of #1.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:51 am ·
  
  Yes number one is not so common. Thanks, Liz.
  
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  1. Liz Gauffreau · October 25, 2021 - 10:11 am ·
    
    You’re welcome, John.
    
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Gwen M. Plano · October 25, 2021 - 7:11 am ·

There have been close calls with some of your points, LOL, but #1 happened. During a hurricane in CT, I was part of the team traveling with an emergency crew down to the beach to rescue students. The truck could withstand about anything, so I was safe, but it was a surreal experience.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:53 am ·
  
  I’ll bet. What were students doing at the beach during a hurricane? Never mind. I get it. Thanks, Gwen
  
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Maggie · October 25, 2021 - 7:12 am ·

I could write a version of this for life in Alaska! I graduated from Tech school in December at Shepard AFB and the day we were to fly home for our first leave all the planes were grounded due to an ice storm. Texas weather!

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:28 am ·
  
  Yes indeed. We have ice sometimes. Thanks, Maggie.
  
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Jan Sikes · October 25, 2021 - 7:18 am ·

Great ones, John! I may or may not have tried a few of these. 🙂 But never with a duckie floatie. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:28 am ·
  
  I have not done a duckie floater either. Thanks, Jan
  
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Teri Polen · October 25, 2021 - 7:39 am ·

I’m with Jill – best just to stay home.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:29 am ·
  
  Hahaha. Good idea.
  
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Dale · October 25, 2021 - 8:10 am ·

Very sound advice and I am sure there are maroons here and there who attempted each and every one of these!
Happy Monday Boss!

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:30 am ·
  
  I’m sure you are right. Thank you , Dale. Happy Monday to you as well. 😊
  
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  1. Dale · October 25, 2021 - 10:32 am ·
    
    Thank you 🙂
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:36 am ·
    
    😁
    
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noelleg44 · October 25, 2021 - 8:55 am ·

NC is populated by idiots who do all the things you said not to! Especially getting out and driving around – it’s amazing! We watch the weather and just make sure we have the basics (which everyone mostly has anyway).

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:31 am ·
  
  I always wonder about thosewho hop in their cars and then get stuck. Thanks, Noelle.
  
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coldhandboyack · October 25, 2021 - 9:31 am ·

Timely advice. We’re even getting a downpour in Idaho.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:31 am ·
  
  I heard it was raining there. Keep your feet up.
  
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Luanne · October 25, 2021 - 9:31 am ·

Lol these are great! Can I add one from the gardener’s personal experience? Do not go in the wash to open the gate when the water level is rising rapidly unless you have two police officers helping you. (luckily he did)

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:32 am ·
  
  OMG. Good thing too. One should stay out of washes in heavy rain. Thanks, Luanne.
  
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John Hric · October 25, 2021 - 9:39 am ·

It is October. Doesn’t that require a haunted storm and a roaming pack of werewolves ? Sure kids we can still go out trick or treating once this blows over…

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:34 am ·
  
  Naw Pa. Let’s go now. I hear that guy with the chainsaw. We want to see him.
  
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  1. John Hric · October 25, 2021 - 5:05 pm ·
    
    I hear he carves things. Screaming things…
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:55 pm ·
    
    Yes. That’s why we have to go see him.
    
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Debbie · October 25, 2021 - 9:42 am ·

Still good advice, John, and yes, we’ve had way more than our usual rain totals. Nos. 7, 8, and 10 nearly always take place when a hurricane approaches, despite the warnings. And I had to giggle at No. 6 — moving through a dark house a few years ago was a nightmare-waiting-to-happen because of the Domer’s Legos, ha!

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 10:35 am ·
  
  Oh the legos. I still have an imprint of a brick.
  
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  1. Debbie · October 25, 2021 - 12:13 pm ·
    
    Funny how something so small can inflict such immense pain!
    
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D.L. Finn, Author · October 25, 2021 - 12:51 pm ·

Very timely list for me, John 🙂 nothing stops my husband from going out in it….lol.

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Sorryless · October 25, 2021 - 3:58 pm ·

In order to protect myself as per #6 on this list, I wear shin guards to bed.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 4:04 pm ·
  
  I guess you sleep alone a lot.
  
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  1. Sorryless · October 25, 2021 - 4:15 pm ·
    
    You got me pegged. 😉
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 8:03 pm ·
    
    Hahaha.
    
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Resa · October 25, 2021 - 5:06 pm ·

Always a fun 10 things!
Well, funny, anyway. Still laughing on #3… in a mile or so…LOLOL

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:55 pm ·
  
  I’m glad yo liked them. Yes it can’t go on forever. Sooner or later you will be dropped to the ground. (Watch that picket fence)
  
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D. Wallace Peach · October 25, 2021 - 5:43 pm ·

Great advice, John. I hope to avoide them all. Thanks for the smiles.

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:53 pm ·
  
  😁
  
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Baydreamer · October 25, 2021 - 6:07 pm ·

Based on your great advice, John, we did well yesterday in our Cat. 5 storm. It was intense! 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · October 25, 2021 - 7:51 pm ·
  
  I’m glad you are okay. 😁
  
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  1. Baydreamer · October 25, 2021 - 9:50 pm ·
    
    Thanks, John! I am too. 🙂
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 6:38 am ·
    
    😁
    
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Book Club Mom · October 25, 2021 - 8:01 pm ·

Sage advice, John!

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Andrew Joyce · October 25, 2021 - 10:55 pm ·

Was Shultz a precursor to Tiny?

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1. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 6:39 am ·
  
  Yes he was. The idea was there. I think he had a number of names until I settled on Tiny. as a reoccurring character,
  
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  1. Andrew Joyce · October 26, 2021 - 2:00 pm ·
    
    I hate to tell you this, but Tiny’s been moonlighting over at the Dortmunder series by Donald E. Westlake. He’s in all the books except the first few. And he was so sure of himself he didn’t even use an alias. He’s known as Tiny … and he’s your guy!
    As a side note: I laugh out loud about every three or four years. And then only once. These books break me out laughing all the time.
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 2:09 pm ·
    
    If he published after 2015 then he is my guy.
    
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petespringerauthor · October 25, 2021 - 11:20 pm ·

This one hits home, John. #10—for sure! I remember when we’ve had tsunami warnings around here, and people go down near the water to check out the waves. Didn’t anyone tell them a tsunami can travel over 500 mph? 👀

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1. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 6:41 am ·
  
  I remember one in Hawaii. We all went to the highest point of the island and just sat there. It never came. Thanks, Pete.
  
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Tails Around the Ranch · October 26, 2021 - 10:35 am ·

Re No. 1…yup! Being close to work is a super disadvantage when there’s a storm. And yes, my boss took advantage of it. 😬

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1. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 1:45 pm ·
  
  Most of them will. I think COVID taught a lot of them a lesson.
  
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Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – Tuesday 26th October 2021 – #Reviews James J. Cudney, Colleen Chesebro, D.G. Kaye, #Story Elizabeth Gauffreau, #Storms John W. Howell. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine · October 26, 2021 - 12:00 pm ·

[…] over to read the other 9 things not to do in a storm: Top Ten Things Not To To In A Storm by John W. […]

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1. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 1:43 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Sally. 😁
  
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kethuprofumo · October 26, 2021 - 3:57 pm ·

Great post, dear John! Thank you. It is so necessary in our age of climate surprises no matter where you stay. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · October 26, 2021 - 7:13 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Maria. 😁🥃🍰🥂🍰
  
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  1. kethuprofumo · October 27, 2021 - 3:00 pm ·
    
    😉😉😉🍗🥠🥠🥠🍻
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 4:41 pm ·
    
    😊
    
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circadianreflections · October 26, 2021 - 8:50 pm ·

Numbers 8 and 3 are spot on! We have the Washoe Zephyr wind here. Mark Twain made it famous with his 3 page description of it in his book Roughing It.

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1. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 7:13 am ·
  
  To name a wind is somethng.
  
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  1. circadianreflections · October 27, 2021 - 10:20 am ·
    
    It is something. It’s knocked over our big outdoor grill three times since we’ve lived here. It’s now really heavily weighted down. Neighbors have their outdoor furniture anchored to fences with tie downs, and straps. It’s a pretty incredible wind. Twain’s take on it is pretty accurate and funny.
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 3:02 pm ·
    
    Wow. I just hate wind form my days in Illinois. I don’t think that would make me happy.
    
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  3. circadianreflections · October 27, 2021 - 3:48 pm ·
    
    We’ve definitely made some adjustments and are adapting to it. 😀
    
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  4. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 4:40 pm ·
    
    Good for you.
    
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Becky Ross Michael · October 26, 2021 - 8:50 pm ·

I totally agree with #1. Too many people risk their lives in storms just to get to work!

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1. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 7:14 am ·
  
  I think the stay-at-home situation has changed that somewhat.At least the bosses have relaxed on face to face necessity. Thanks, Becky.
  
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  1. Becky Ross Michael · October 27, 2021 - 10:21 am ·
    
    Yes, I hope that has changed a bit, John.
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 3:01 pm ·
    
    I do too. I fought for about six years for work at home privileges. Always the same answer. “Too vital to be missing.” I did let my folks have one day a week though. If caught it would have been the guillotine.
    
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  3. Becky Ross Michael · October 27, 2021 - 5:26 pm ·
    
    Depending on the person, I think that working at home can be quite productive!
    
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  4. John W. Howell · October 28, 2021 - 6:38 am ·
    
    I always found it to be so.
    
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dgkaye · October 26, 2021 - 8:56 pm ·

I would say that’s pretty darn good advice John. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 7:14 am ·
  
  Thank you, Debby. 😁
  
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  1. dgkaye · October 27, 2021 - 11:06 am ·
    
    🙂
    
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alexcraigie · October 27, 2021 - 8:46 am ·

🤣 Most of these have been attempted at one time or another by people I know. The end results were uncannily like your predictions!

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1. John W. Howell · October 27, 2021 - 9:16 am ·
  
  Thank you, Alex. I hope they al recovered. 😂
  
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tabs2018 · October 28, 2021 - 1:02 am ·

Creepy storms brrrr!

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Jennie · October 28, 2021 - 7:28 pm ·

Shultz the cow tossing champion (see, I can’t even type this without laughing) and the devil driving the 18 wheeler… how do you write this without laughing for hours?

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1. John W. Howell · October 28, 2021 - 7:37 pm ·
  
  I do laugh for hours but I have to be quiet about it.
  
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  1. Jennie · October 28, 2021 - 8:15 pm ·
    
    I’m glad you laugh!! If it was loud, waking the girls might stir a water buffalo and puma chase. Quiet is good.
    
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  2. John W. Howell · October 29, 2021 - 6:40 am ·
    
    Especially since The Producer thinks I’m a little off anyway.😊
    
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  3. Jennie · October 29, 2021 - 7:56 pm ·
    
    Hahaha!!
    
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  4. John W. Howell · October 29, 2021 - 8:58 pm ·
    
    😊
    
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henhouselady · October 31, 2021 - 5:57 pm ·

Great advice. I think I’ve broken all ten of those rules and lived.

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1. John W. Howell · November 1, 2021 - 7:02 am ·
  
  Hahaha. It is a good thing too. Thanks, Molly Shea.😁
  
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