Photo by ConvertKit on Unsplash – No that is not Twiggy –
This post ran on November 24, 2014. Since this is Thanksgiving week, I thought it might be good to review it again.
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This list has been inspired by numerous friends staying overnight and, sad to say, doing one or more of the things on the list. Since this week is Thanksgiving, I thought it would be good to post some behavior tips if a visit to friends is in the cards. (Oh yes, I know you would never do any of these)
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Staying Overnight with Friends
10 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not ask, “what’s for dinner?” if you do, at best, you will come off as pretty a demanding guest. At worst, your host may send you out for fast food. (by yourself)
9 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not sneak late-night snacks. If you do, at best, you may scare your guests thinking there is an intruder in the house. At worst, you might be asked to come out of the house over a bullhorn held by a big person from the local SWAT team. (I would not argue. Just come out.)
8 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not keep telling jokes in which you keep forgetting the punchline. If you do, at best, your friends will take pity on you and try to change the subject. At worst, your friend will believe you are a prime candidate for an intervention, much to the amusement of others in the house. (Full video recording too.)
7 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not keep grabbing extra portions of food. If you do, at best, your friends will wonder why you are not eating regularly at home. At worst, they will assume you have an eating disorder and insist you see their couple’s counselor. (which raises a whole new problem)
6 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not assume your friends want to stay up with you to see the dawn. If you do, at best, your friends will hope you pass out. At worst, the last few drinks made by your friend will be strong enough to ensure you pass out. (Say goodnight Gracie.)
5 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not get sick in their bed. If you do, at best, the stay will be very short. At worst, you may wake up in the backyard with a large dog named Bruno, who thinks you are cute. (I know the drool is annoying.)
4 If you stay overnight with friends, do not sleep until noon, even if you usually do so at home. If you do, at best, your friends will think you rude for missing the brunch they prepared. At worst, your friends will go about their day and leave you in the house to fend for yourself, which will include warding off the affections of Bruno. (He wants you to keep throwing the ball.)
3 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not think it is okay to adjust the thermostat to suit your own comfort. If you do, at best, you might not be invited back. At worst, your friends may surprise you with a deluxe suite which is, in actuality, the back seat of your own car. (You could have saved all those hours driving.)
2 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not take an ordinarily long hot shower. If you do, at best, you may encounter some hostile looks since your host community is under severe water restrictions. At worst, the hosts will be served with a cease service order which will mean no more water for them and a wanted dead or alive poster for you. (You can run, but you can’t hide.)
1 If you are staying overnight with friends, don’t forget to say thank you. If you do, at best, you won’t be invited back. At worst, your friends will come and stay with you and do their best to eat, drink and create mayhem for revenge. (I don’t think they are going home soon.)
Fiction Favorites 
Totally unrelated, but this put me in mind of something I heard many years ago and that has stuck with me since. Before you borrow money from a friend, decide which you need most. Have a good week, John.
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Excellent thought. Have a great week as well, Keith.
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I think I’ve met everyone of these guests!
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Hahaha. 😁
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I had one friend stay – my sons were disgusted at his behaviour! Can you imagine? Must have been badder than bad!
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For teens to be disgusted it muat have been sonething.
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Right? He sat there like some king and expected to be served…
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I consider myself very fortunate that I haven’t met any of them!
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Yes, do! 😉
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Yes, you are fortunate. I had guests come one time and then leave with four books out of my library. Never saw them or the books again.
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How awful! I’m seeing that the fact that my husband and I have very few guests stay over is a good thing.
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Oh no . . revenge guesting. It will become a thing now, Boss. You shouldn’t have let Pandora out of her box!
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It’s like revenge drinking. Takes work and stamina. MIght be an Olympic event some day. Thanks Marc.
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Too much work, and it’s a waste of good stuff. I like to take my time.
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Yes indeed. 😁
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Loved your list, John. #2 really got me laughing. During winter months, who doesn’t love a hot shower, but taking it all when there are others waiting their turn — that’s a big no-no. “Dead or Alive” poster — hilarious! 🤣
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I’m glad you liked it, Gwen. Have a super day. 😁
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Number 3 is a hard one for me, but I’ll restrain myself. Great list, John!
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Yes, don’t touch that dial. 😁
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I might add, don’t let the dog out again at 10 at night, no matter how he whines. They just spent two hours trying to get him in, and you’re not getting back in until you find him again.
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Hahahaha. Thanks, Linda.
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I have company coming, and they’re bringing pets.
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YAK.
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Yikes!!
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When to get up is the biggest dilemma for guests as you probably are not sure of their morning routine and don’t want to intrude before they have had their first coffee and feel strong enough to face the gusts. On the other hand they may be wondering why there is no sign of you and perhaps you have died in your sleep and should they go and check…. Ps You omitted to mention – remember you are NOT at home, do not pop to the bathroom in the middle of the night naked.
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Yes, being naked while a guest is always a risk. Thanks for the laugh, Janet. 😁
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Great list, John. When I lived in Seattle, we attracted friends like fly paper. I think I met most of these people. I prefer staying in a local hotel these days.
Number two reminds me of my ex-father-in-law. Their house had a half bath that backed up against the full bath. He installed a shutoff valve on the hot water line to the shower. Take too long and you were rinsing in cold water.
I hope you have a great week.
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Hahaha. He must have been a riot.
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#8 is a lifestyle for some of my friends. I figure they mean well, but it’s tough getting several messed up jokes in a row.
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I know what you mean. It gets worse as the evening gets longer. (Might be an alcohol side effect.)
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Maybe. It would explain things.
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Just the perfect list, John. I should print it out and mount it on the wall. If you are staying with friends, do not prolong your visit!
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Great stuff, John. Gives me a chuckle. 🙂
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Lol! Good ones. Gotta love Bruno!
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Ha! I’ve seen people do most of those too, John. (Usually the person doing it was my ex-husband. Enough said.) The bits with Bruno slay me.
Twiggy certainly has a doppelganger dog. That’s amazing. Happy Thanksgiving week. Hugs on the wing.
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Perfect list! They are NOT invited to my house!!! I can’t believe you had to put up with all that! Last one was the crowning glory.
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That is a terrific list, John. I only have a one bedroom, but my parents’ house used to look like Grand Central during the work rush! (why do you think I have a one-bedroom? haha)
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Hahaha. I think you are a smart man.
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Number 1) is my greatest fear, having to reciprocate without limits.
I’m so OCD, having a tendency towards excessive orderliness, perfectionism, and great attention to detail. I would try not to fluff the cushion every time you’d get up, or follow you around with a coaster, but I’d probably have to drug myself in order not to.
I’m also not a happy house guest since, I so never want to be one. When I was with my last long term, lousy lover…how’s that for Freudian alliteration…he was invited everywhere, dragging me reluctantly along. sigh
Thursday is Thanksgiving. No one quite believes how happy I am to spend it alone. Actually I’ll be in Saratoga with Edith Wharton inhaling her The Buccaneers
As for you John, its’ amazing how many of these you’ve written, all so beautifully penned. 🙂
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I woud love to visit you just to see that deer ib the headlights look when the couch cushion took to long to reinflate. Have a nice trip with Edith to Saratoga. Thak you for the nice words about those top tens. 😁
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I think you should put them in a slim collection by dates. They are very educational while they entertain. 🙂
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That sounds like a good idea. 😁
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You might call it…History Repeating Itself
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Good title. I was also thinking along the lines of Abbie Hoffman with ‘Steal This Book.’ 😊
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Too obscure in my opinion. The public isn’t so clever nowadays. My 2 cents
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Yeah, you are right. GGotta hit ’em between the eyes. How about, “Mind Porn.”
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How bout HOWELL…
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Yeah that would work too.
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Move over Allen Ginsburg, here comes John.
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I do have to finish my current one first, but I think I’m going to do it.
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Words of wisdom here, John. I think it was Ann Landers who said, “Fish and overnight company smell after two days. 🙂
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I think you are right. Thanks for the visit. and I hope your time off is good.
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You must be a better host than me. I’ll pick up friends at the airport and take them to their HOTEL or out to dinner, but I want my own space when I’m home. Family is the exception.
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Our house used to be called Hotel Howell. Thanks, Pete.
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Thankfully, I’ve not had many friends like those on the list stay over. The hardest for me when I’m a guest is not touching the thermostat! I’m always cold. I don’t touch it. I add extra layers of outerwear instead. 😀
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There you go. You would be totally unhappy at our house. 68 in the winter and 78 in the summer. 😁
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I keep the thermostat at 68 most the time here too. I’m always under a blanket though! 😂
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Great advice, John 🙂 Many times I’ve taken a cold shower with certain guests using all the hot water. Happy Thanksgiving.
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It does happen.
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Great list, John, and we’ve had friends who have brought their dogs without us knowing. Just a little annoying. 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving!
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Wow that would be annoying.
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It was, but fortunately, the canines all got along. 🙂
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That’s a good thing.
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Great list, dear John! The most important for any overnight is not to last weeks. 😁
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
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Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving.
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Reblogged this on OPENED HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thzk you for sharing the post, Michael.
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Thank you as well for writing it, John! xx Michael
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Thanks for another great list, with a lot of useful advices. By the way, if its not Lucy on the unsplash photo, maybe its a clone of her. 😉 The clone of Twiggy could be in one of the suitcases. Lol xx Michael
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Of course, the plumbing is all wrong.
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🙂
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I’m totally guilty of #3. And I’m not ashamed of it.
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When we had a home large enough for guest quarters there was a separate AC and heat unit for that area. I always told folks to make themselves comfortable at any setting they wanted,
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My only thought after reading these is that you must have had some wonderful, wonderful “friends.” Wish I could have met them.
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Yeah, they were a pack of wolves.
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This is very timely, with many readers being guests in someone’s home over Thanksgiving. I won’t sneak midnight snacks and alert the SWAT team. Happy Thanksgiving, John.
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You would be a great guest. Happy Thnksgiving, Jennie.
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🥰 Thank you, John.
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Good advice, John!
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Thanks, Barbara. 😊
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