Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Here is a post from January 19th, 2015. Clearly,. I was in the Walter Mitty mood that day. I hope you enjoy it.
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Mondays creep up on me sometimes. I guess I should remember how quickly the weekend goes and not be surprised. Needing to do another Top Ten list got me thinking about time and being under the gun, so to speak. So I decided to use this situation to inspire this week’s list.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Are Short on Time.
10 If you are short on time, do not stop to talk to sweet old Mrs. Beagly while she walks her dog. If you do, at best, the latest tale will have you captive until you are late. At worst, Mrs. Beagly will sense you are trying to avoid a long chat, and in doing so, she will believe she has cause to stick those pins she has been soaking in bat guano in that doll that has a lock of your hair on its otherwise bald little head. (That pain in your arm may be more than muscle strain)
9 If you are short on time, do not begin mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the neighbor who has fallen and can’t get up. If you do, at best, you will hurry the process, and the neighbor will be able to tell you don’t have your heart in it. At worst, despite hurrying the process, you have yet to get a sign of life, and because you are late and not that it matters anyway, you call the time of death about three minutes too early. (Maybe leave an apology note for the EMTs)
8 If you are short of time, do not begin surgery on a brain. If you do, a best, you may forget something in your haste to finish. (You know, like reconnecting the pleasure center) At worst, you will totally run out of time, and unfortunately, once you start, there is no good way to pack everything up and plan on finishing tomorrow. (So your foursome will just have to find another player.
7 If you are short of time, do not begin building that rocket to Mars. If you do, at best, you might finish with several nuts and bolts leftover, and the answer for this phenomenon is not “they packed extras.” At worst, you may rush through the job and actually finish only to see your beautiful rocket light up the night sky over Disneyland just in time for the Main Street Parade finale. (Who would have thought one rocket would produce a ten-minute fireworks show?)
6 If you are short of time, do not take flying lessons. If you do, at best, you will know only half of what you need when the propeller on your airplane decides to visit a local cornfield. At worst, you will have rushed through so many of the classes. While dealing with things like fuel starvation, magneto malfunction, preflight check, and navigation on your cross-country flight, you might lose track of your position. It’s not a good thing to be intercepted by two F18s flown by two very unhappy-looking pilots who signal you to follow them. (Straying into restricted space over the White House is a no-no)
5 If you are short of time, do not attempt to prepare an elaborate dinner for your boss and her husband. If you do, at best, they might overlook the rare chicken and concentrate on the bone-in potatoes. At worst, you will give your boss a bad case of salmonella from undercooked food, and although you try to deny it, everyone will assume you did it on purpose so you could have the position. (The fact that you got it underscores the rumors)
4 If you are short of time, do not start a mechanical fix on the family car. If you do, at best, you may not have time to put the car back together again in time for work tomorrow. At worst, you hurriedly fix the vehicle, and while commuting to work, you take notice of the tire passing you on the right, followed by a loud screech and sparks from the hub hitting the road. This is only the beginning since the tire went on and found its way into the front seat after passing through the windshield of the police car in the oncoming lane. ( I think the charge is going to be assault with a deadly tire)
3 If you are short of time, do not offer to help with the kid’s homework. If you do, at best, you will not finish, and the child will get an incomplete the next day. At worst, you will do the best you can in the time allowed and will be more than mortified at the failing grade your child received. A note is attached to the homework reminding parents children to do their own work. (Further insult is a P.S. that the teacher would like you to come in and discuss the issue)
2 If you are short of time, do not offer to help coach your child’s soccer team. If you do, at best, the parents will forgive a couple of your absences. At worst, the parents will blame you for the losing season, and the stigma will stick with you and your child until the child graduates from high school. (for their own good better enroll at a college in Spain)
1 If you are short of time, do not offer to watch someone else’s kids for just a moment. If you do, at best, the other parent will only be a few minutes late, and there will be no harm done. At worst, the other parent will arrive way past when you were to be at your meeting for the bid parameters on a building. The explanation will range from a “to die for” sale at Niemen’s to “I just lost track of time.” The net result is you have been excluded from the bidding on the new project whose scope has changed from one building to a whole shopping center. (So what’s a few million among friends?)
Fiction Favorites 
Hilarious, as always, John. At my stage in life, I’m always amazed by how fast time disappears. I simply do not know where it goes — definitely no evidence of it on my WIP. 😁
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I think we all have the same experience, Gwen. I looked at my WIP and am at 70,000 words. Seems like a century ago I started it. (I think it was a century ago 🤣) Oh well. Onward.
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70,000? That’s impressive, my friend. I can’t wait to read your latest masterpiece. 😊
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Thank you, Gwen 😁
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You do know your worst-case scenarios! (e.g., #3)
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Yes, indeed. Walter Mitty at work. Thanks, Liz.
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You’re welcome, John. Walter Mitty was such a fun movie.
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It was.
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You know… on another blog, I just listened to “One Toke Over the Line”… These scenarios could have been created following… no, never mind. You never would’ve 😉
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You have to explian this one. Never would’ve what? 😊
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Would’ve taken such substances 😉
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Ah yes. So true. 🤣
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Tee hee 😉
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These are great tips, John! I’m amazed by how fast time goes by. It’s hard to believe we are halfway through January!
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Get your Chrismas shopping done. It will be here before you know it. Thanks, Jill
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All very true, John. They almost sound as though you know these from personal experience…?
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Well, a few of them maybe. 😁
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Given my current post about flight, I really grinned about the one concerning flight. When it comes to flying lessons, I’ll always be short of time. I didn’t grin so much when I came to the caution about preparing a fancy dinner. As the saying goes, been there, done that, although salmonella didn’t show up as an uninvited guest.
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Always a relief to spare dinner guests a trip to the ER. Thanks, Linda. I’ll be over to read your post.
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You already did — blue skies!
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Ah yes. I just got back from there and said to myself, “I loved this and have already read it.” Nice memory anyway.
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Especially with nature blogs, I’m often expressing enthusiasm for a photo I’ve already commented on. So many blogs, so little memory!
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Ha ha ha
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Bits and pieces of a couple of these remind me of bad days in my past, John. Good job.
I hope you have plenty of time for whatever comes your way this week.
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Thank you, Dan. We all have to hope for enough time. 😊
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Some things just can’t be hurried, or at least shouldn’t be. 🙂
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So true. Thanks, Tim.
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So far it seems like time is flying by this year – we’re already in the middle of January!
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Order that Thanksgivng turkey. 🤣
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Ha! Ha! None of these are things I’d want to get stuck with when I am short on time. Thanks for the Monday chuckles!
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Thank you, Jan
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Great advice. #5 sounds like the perfect premise of a sitcom episode.
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I agree. Thank you, Charles.
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Yup. I’ve had to stay after wrestling practice because some parents couldn’t return to pick up their kids. Guess it was also a babysitting service.
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I used to coach softball and it was always a pain when parents did that.
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Short on time? Is there any such thing as long on time? I swear the older I get, the faster time goes.
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I’m with you Joan. 😳
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I would NEVER do any of these things! 😉
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Me either.
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Love your advice!
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😁
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HI John, I am always short of time and that is why, baring the homework one, I don’t do any of these things. A fab post.
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Thank you, Robbie. 😁
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I don’t work on my car, John, but I can’t even count the times I’ve started on big projects when I don’t have the time to complete them. Lol. Sigh. Another fun post.
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I have been there as well. There was the time I completely demolished the only bathroom and the new toilet was back ordered.
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OH NO. John. That’s worthy of a post! Ten reasons not to demolish your bathroom!
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Lesson learned.
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It’s amazing how fast time flies to begin with…doing something when you’re short on time… yep, it has all the makings of a disaster waiting to happen. 😄
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Yes it does. Thanks, Deborah.
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Great list of things I will avoid when I’m short on time…which seems to be always 😉
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Yes. Good idea, Denise.
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Time. Yes, we all have too little of it — yet we all have 24 hours in a day. Wonder how some manage to fill those hours with finished projects while others claim to have done nothing. Interesting post, John, as always!
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Thanks, Debbie. Gad you liked it.😊
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Watch out for us “Mrs. Beaglys”….muahahahhahaha!
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Yes, indeed.I’m sure you have run into her before. Thanks, Willow.
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…I suspect I might just be one, in the near future. Care to hear about the latest super cute thing my cat did? Ha!
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Ha ha ha
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What about “If you’re short on time, don’t rush, or you might actually take longer.”
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Yes very good advice. “Haste makes waste.”
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I usually quote two sayings: “God created time. He didn’t mention haste.” or “God created time, haste was created by the Devil.”
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😁
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Funny stuff, John. I especially like the ones about working on one’s car or helping your child with their homework. I had many parents confess that they did not know how to help their child with the work.
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I can believe there were some parents who didn’t know how to help. I spent many a night studying the subject material so I could help the next day. (And I have a master’s degree)
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I connected with Walter Mitty on such a deep level. I felt seen. Strikingly good movie.- Enjoyed reading this list again. May have shed a few tears thinking of time.
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Shedding tears over time does happen. Thanks, Audrey.
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♡
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thank you for the share, Michael.
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Thank you for the good advices, John! xx Michael
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😊
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Oh yes, these are all worst case scenarios, and number ten is so close to me. Until now, it had cost me around ten years of my life. 😉 xx Michael
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Thanks, Michael. Ten years is a lot.
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Oh yes! But i had become smarter, and found new ways for saving time. 🙂 xx
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Good.
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I’ve been doing too much of #3 lately, but the kiddos are back in school today!
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Always a good thing. 😊
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Yanno, I thought a trip to Mars, brain surgery and flying a plane required much time and patience, but I think coaching your kids team or worse, watching someone else’s kids trumps that.
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I think you are right, Marc.
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I would never attempt #7 unless I had an entire day to do so. Everyone is mentioning the movie, but I enjoyed the book more, even though Danny Kaye is a favorite of mine.
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I enjoyed the book too, Andrew. Thanks for the comment.
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I like this piece.
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Thank you, Richard. Best wishes. 😊
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John, this was hilarious! I had to read it twice to laugh even harder.
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I’m glad you liked it, Jeanne.
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Very much so! 😀
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