Photo by Levi Jones on Unsplash
This list was originally posted on August 18th, 2014. The inspiration came from standing in lines. I don’t think lines have gone out of style, so it may still be helpful.
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Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Find Yourself Waiting Your Turn
10 If you are in line at a ferry, do not turn off your car. If you do, at best the minute you do, the line will start moving. At worst, your car won’t start, and the friendly folks behind you will figure out a way to heave your vehicle over the side of the access terminal into thirty feet of water. (I don’t think detailing is going to get those water spots out of the upholstery)
9. If you are in line at the pharmacy, do not try to eavesdrop on the confidential medical briefing of the person in front of you. If you do, at best, you may hear something that your ears won’t forgive. At worst, the store will hit you with a HIPPA violation and send you to the back of the line again. (Those dosage instructions just weren’t all that interesting.)
8. If you are in line at the ten items or less express checkout at the supermarket, do not comment on the twenty items the person ahead of you has just laid on the counter. If you do, at best, you will hear the old excuse, “Oh, I didn’t notice that this was ten items or less.” At worst, you will be savagely attacked by a seemingly quiet, unassuming person who (unbeknownst to you ) was just released from a psychiatric hospital due to the lack of funding. (It seems he has a problem with questions.)
7. If you are in line at a movie theatre, do not groan loudly when the person in front of you wants to know the movie’s rating. If you do, At best, you will need to suffer through other questions like, “How long does it run?” At worst, you will be faced with the spouse of the person in front of you wondering what your problem is and asking you kindly to cut them some slack. (The closed fist speaks pretty loudly)
6. If you are in line at a convenience store, do not make any comments about a person in front of you who wants to pick out a specific scratch-off Lotto ticket but can’t make up their mind. If you do, at best, you may have to try to logically explain your problem when asked. At worst, you will need to apologize for your impatience when you learn that the ticket is being purchased as a 60th wedding anniversary present. (Now you are unromantic as well.)
5. If you are in line at the bank, do not prompt the half-asleep person standing in front of you behind the wait here line that a teller is open. If you do, at best, a person may pop awake and think you are being fresh. At worst, the person will take offense since they were not paying attention and ask you something about “Where’s the fire?” (They also invite you to help ask the teller for all the money in the drawer.)
4. If you are in line at the doctor’s office, do not complain to the receptionist about how valuable you consider your time. If you do, At best, you will be waiting twice as long since the receptionist just had an argument with the doctor about how little she makes. At worst, the receptionist will somehow lose your place, and you will still be there when the doctor and the receptionist leave for the night. (They don’t dare to ask you to come back tomorrow.)
3. If you are waiting to be served at one of the hottest bars in town, do not wave at the bartender. If you do, at best, he will simply wave back and wait on others. At worst, the bartender will finally give you the old “What’ll you have.” He then tells you they don’t have it, and maybe they will across the street. (I think he has had it with folks who wave.)
2. If you are waiting to be seated in a trendy restaurant, do not think you will be seated without tipping the Matre D. If you do, At best, you will finally have to break down and either tip or go elsewhere. At worst, you will get a seat in the bar just as they are starting the fastest cigar smoker contest and there are twenty-four contestants all lighting up simultaneously. (You initially thought you wanted the smoked trout. Might want to change that.)
1. If you find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks, do not try to cut the line. If you do, at best, you will be chastised by the barista. At worst, your double decaf, soy, low foam latte will have a taste resembling something familiar but just not easily identified. (Do ask what that flavor is right now.)
Fiction Favorites 
I might print this so I can hand it to a few people (in line behind me).
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Good idea. 😁
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Good ones, John!
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Thank you, Joan. 😊
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Long lines test the best of us and your examples capture some of those challenges. Well done, John. Morning smiles are the best! 😁
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Moring smiles sets the tone for the day. Thanks, Gwen. 😁
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I think I’ve met one of each on the list! Mind you, I do turn off my car… emissions and all that 😉
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Well as long as it starts again. 😊
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There is that 😉
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😁
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It still rings true. These days we have drive through Covid testing to deal with.
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In the cities there are still stand in line for a test too. Ugh. Soon we’ll all have tests ent to the house (Or so the gov says)
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I needed this last Friday…forty-five minutes in line at Walmart. 😦 Good ones, John!
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Goodness, Jill. I’m so sorry. That is 45 minutes in hell. 😁
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It was, but my little mother was a trooper!
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As she always seems to be.
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Good reminders! I’ve been stuck in the house so long, I think I’ve forgotten how to wait in lines.
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So true. I’m glad I wrote this in 2014. I don’t think I could do it today for the same reason. 😁
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# 8 is perfect. I wonder if that’s why Winn Dixie now has 20 or less aisles?! 😏
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I’ll bet. To accomodate more men shopping. (Men don’t read those ten or less signs.)
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🙄🛒
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Hahaha.
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I like number 1 simply because, if you dared cut in line at a Starbucks in New York, by the time that barista made it from behind the counter, the person you cut, would have already stabbed you.
Love the picture on the steps of the plane, no doubt, an annoying connecting flight.
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Yes, cutting lines in New York is considered justifiable homicide. 😁 Thanks, Susannah.
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Another good one, John. 🙂
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Do they still have ‘10 items or less’ lines? I never see those open around here.
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Aha, you are right. Standing in line hasn’t gone out of style, we just have to be six feet apart now. These are hilarious! Thanks for sharing and happy Monday, John!
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#7. A couple weeks ago I was behind a group of 4 adults in a very long concession line at the theater. Once they got to the counter, one turned to the others and asked what they wanted. None of them had even looked at the offerings. I wasn’t the only one groaning and rolling my eyes.
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That’s when you want a paintball gun.
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Despite my best efforts, I still get irritated when I find the person with thirty items in the ‘fifteen items” line. I never say anything, but I’ve been known to sigh loudly. On the other hand, our HEB finally has replaced the signs that said “fifteen items or less” with signs that say “fifteen items or fewer! Life’s little victories.
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Yay. A sign of progress. Thanks, Linda
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Oh, dear. Patience is not one of my virtues, sad to admit, and I generally find myself vigorously tapping my foot, loudly sighing, or even grousing under my breath when the people ahead of me take *forever* to conduct their business! Thanks for reminding me I need to chill a bit!
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Yes, chilling is a good thing.
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thank you so much, Michael. 😊
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With a great pleasure, and many thanks for the entertainment, John! Have a nice day ahead. xx Michael
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😊 You as well, Michael.
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Thanks, John! Your Top Ten Things posting are always the best entertainment, for a very cloudy Monday. :-)) xx Michael
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I’m gald you enjoyed it, Michael.
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Always highly informative, and best for a smile, John. 😉
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Always entertaining, John. Another great list!
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Thank you Mar
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Smoked trout! 😂😂 That one got a chuckle. Lines or queues aren’t going out of style unfortunately. I tend to people watch or zone out while standing in them.
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I haven’t been is a line for two years. I used to people watch as well. Thanks, Deborah.
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All good advice, John 🙂 The only line ai find myself in lately is at the grocery store.
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Yes. That’s the only one that is worth the wait.
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Anymore, if you look at someone sideways while standing in line you could find yourself with a black eye, lol
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That’s why I wear my .45 on the outside of my PJs. (I don’t have a .45 in case you wonder. I just liked the sound of the PJ joke.)
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Lol, hubby lives in PJ’s 🙂
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Good store wear too.
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I may not say anything, but I know what I think when people attempt to buy a whole careful of items in the express lane at the supermarket.
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Your thought are your own, Pete
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Never cut in line . . . that rule is more important than every in these crazy times. Speaking of, nope, you never mention the 10 plus items the person in front of you is rolling onto the belt. You don’t want be the assault victim superstar on social media . . .
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Always carry your .45 on the outside of your PJs
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Pro tip. 😉
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Hahaha.
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You see, this is where wisdom comes from. In your long, prolific life, you have experienced them all. And now you can dispense your wisdom at leisure. Thank you.
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What a nice thing to say, Andrew. Yes from my web chair in the yard I can be wise. 😁
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[…] you came to know them/why others should follow them?The first one who commented was writer/blogger John Howell. I have been following John for about a year. One of the things that first attracted me to him was […]
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Boy, are these examples relevant. My husband was chastised by a man standing in front of him in the supermarket for standing too close (even though he was masked) because his wife was pregnant (she wasn’t with him).
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Another reason to wear a .45 on the outside of the PJs
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LOL!
These lists are a riot. Thanks John!
I’ll be back later tomorrow or Friday to see Lucy and Twiggy!
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Thank you, Resa
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I have been witness to most of these. So true, and really funny.
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Yes I think we all have, Jeannie.
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Haha!
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