Photo by John Bakator on Unsplash
I have waited seven years to rerun this one. It originally ran on February 16th, 2015. I hope you enjoy it.
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Today’s list has been created to provide a little satire surrounding President’s Day. (Happy President’s Day) This is a holiday that I have had a tough time getting my mind around. Other than getting a Monday off, I haven’t been able to see the significance of it all. Yes, Lincoln and Washington each have a birthday two days apart, which may be the only reason. Of course, there have been forty-five presidents, and most have made at least half of the population angry at one time or another. Let’s just say if a President were a member of the family, their birthday would, in a probability, be forgotten. So I’m making the supposition President’s Day is an invention of mattress and car companies for an excuse to have a sale. Here is a tongue-in-cheek top ten things not to do on President’s Day.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on President’s Day
10 On President’s Day, do not go to Wal-Mart and buy a giant Happy Presidents Day blow-up lawn thingy. If you do, at best, your neighbors will think you have a screw loose. At worst, a stiff wind will grab the lawn thingy and drag it and the tie-down through your neighbor’s front window. (There is no way to call upon the spirit of President’s Day for forgiveness).
9 On Presidents Day, do not plan to receive lots of President’s Day gifts. If you do, at best, you will sit under the cherry tree a very disappointed person. At worst, all the presents you bought expecting a significant gift exchange will all come due. (Just as your credit card company has a new policy on minimum payments required).
8 On President’s Day, do not try to organize a President’s Day office party. If you do, at best, your co-workers will request a transfer. At worst, the HR department will invite you to participate in the employee mental health improvement program. (Which will include three days in group therapy and an hour in ice and electric shock treatments).
7 On President’s Day, do not ask your neighbors to donate to a fund for the less fortunate. If you do, at best, you will never have to speak to them again. At worst, the local police will have you in for questioning. (It looks like one reported the potential for your request for donations to be taken as a scam).
6 On President’s Day, do not try to sing President’s Day carols in your neighborhood. If you do, at best, there will be several slammed doors and no invitations for hot cocoa. At worst, your neighbors might band together to organize an intervention. (And a free ride bound and gagged to the nearest institution).
5 On President’s Day, do not expect a bonus from your boss. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed. At worst, the money you spent in anticipation of your President’s Day bonus will need to be covered before the card company sends a collection notice. (The last time, the statement was delivered by a huge guy with a broken nose.)
4 On President’s Day, do not organize a picnic at the park to celebrate. If you do, at best, no one will show up. At worst, you will be shoveling three feet of snow just to find the barbecue grill. (Don’t even mention the crimp in the volleyball game).
3 On President’s Day, do not shoot off fireworks. If you do, at best, you will be the only one doing so, and your neighbors will know where to send the police. At worst, your massive fireworks display will ignite the neighbor’s roof, and since it is thirty degrees below zero, the fire department won’t be able to pump water. (To make matters worse, the neighbor is heading over to your house with what looks like a ball bat in his hand).
2 On President’s Day, do not sit in front of the TV thinking there will be a football game to watch. If you do, at best, your family will seek council from the local clergy. At worst, your friends will all come over and start eating your snacks and drinking your beer while betting on how long it will be until the ambulance shows up. (You might want to get in on the bet since the pot is at one hundred dollars).
1 On president’s Day, do not send Happy President’s Day cards to all your friends, family, and co-workers. If you do, at best, they will not know what to do or say. At worst, next year, they will all send you a Happy President’s Day card since you sent one last year. (This will cause you to check each off your list and only send a card the following year to those who sent you one).
Fiction Favorites 
Wait, what? There are President’s Day carols? And uh . .. too late as for as the fireworks are concerned. . .
This was worth that wait, Sheriff.
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Thank you, Marc. 😁
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thanks for sharing, Michael.
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Always with a great pleasure, John! Thank you as well, and have a great week! xx Michael
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You too.
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Happy President’s Day, John! Thank you for the information. Now, I heard about it for the first time. But, you really do not celebrate it? Why? Best wishes, Michael
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Not sure why, Michael. It seems good to think about past Presidents but as a holiday i’m not convinced it is necessary.
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Maybe, but as you in the USA get not further benefits of it (off work …) is only half the pleasure. xx Michael
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😁
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This really is an odd holiday. Weirder when you see it has multiple names. Some say it’s for Washington. Others for Lincoln. I’m just happy it starts Winter Break here.
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That makes it worthwhile for sure. 😊
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WalMart didn’t have the lawn thingie, but a guy in the parking lot offered to sell me some seeds. If I plant these, by this time next year, I’ll have a shrub that look like Mt Rushmore. I think I got a good deal. I’ll send photos in 2023.
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I can’t wait for the photos. Thanks, Dan 😁
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No holiday here…working as usual. At least the stock market will be closed!
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A closed stock market is a good stock market. Thanks, Jill.
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These days…yes! 🙂
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🤣
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And don’t expect a day off work! Great list, John.
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Thanks, GP. I won’t be taking the day off that’s for sure. 😁
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Great commentary, John. When we were kids, the day was celebrated with stories and festivities. Years later, we had sales. Today, it’s business as usual. Makes one wonder, doesn’t it?
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The point of my post, Gwen. It does make you wonder. Thanks.
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Good point, John. 🙂
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Gotta wonder.
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I have printed your list and put it up on my refrigerator to remove temptation. (I was thinking of baking a President’s Day cake, but the red, white, and blue theme has been taken.)
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Yeah. Try to resist the temptation. Thanks, Maggie.
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Dang! I can’t exactly un-chop that cherry tree.
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Try some crazy glue.
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#4 is spot on here today! It’s snowing! I’m thinking I should hang my bathing suit on the refrigerator to keep me out of it today! 😂
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The suit or refrigerator?
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😂 the fridge!
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Oh yeah.
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Monkey says, “Hear, hear” for #3 — he hates firecrackers! Personally, I think somebody just invented another excuse for taking a Monday off. I mean, really, it’s a pretty lame reason to hold a holiday….
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I agree with you , Debbie.
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We don´t have a Prime Ministers´Day. I guess we are missing out.
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I imagine nothing more boring than to celebrate Prime Minister’s Day so I think you are not missing a thing. 😁
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We actually have a holiday today in some provinces in Canada. It´s called Family Day, created so families can spend a day together. I rather like that.
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That would be nice.
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I celebrated by going to work, and giving myself an extra ten minutes for coffee break!
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A wild holiday for you Linda. Thanks for sharing.
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No presents, fireworks, carols, parties – not a very fun holiday.
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My point exactly. Thanks, Teri.
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Super funny!!! I know you didn’t ask for my opinion, but I’ll share it anyway. I believe that all presidents and political types are sociopaths of one grade or another. Can’t stand any of them.
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I’m glad you got that off your chest, Luanne. There are a lot who would agree with you.
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I laughed out loud at “President’s Day Carols.” Is there even such a thing? Great list!
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No such thing. Because this isn’t a real holiday. (My opinion.)
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I think of mattress sales and longer sking weekends for this holiday. Good list of things to avoid!
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Me too, Denise.
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Great post and wonderful comments from readers too!
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Thank you, Bette. Always nice to get those.
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I have to agree with you on the ridiculousness of this holiday… but I would take the day off offered, of course. As it it, today is “Family Day” in Canada. Well, except for Quebec. Which blows because there are no holidays between New Year’s and Easter. I miss the days of going away on vacation with the kids for March Break because as it stands now? I am way overdue for a day off. Maybe I shall take a “Well Day” soon…
The plus side, is this gives you fodder for a post!
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Yes I like post fodder. Thanks, Dale
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Post fodder is grand!
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I like it with bananas and milk
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Now you’re talkin’
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😁
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😉
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I too am a bit bewildered at the gravitas or lack of, the day. The only good news was, Danny, my mailman, had the day off. Loved that you used Mount Rushmore though I keep seeing Trump’s face looming. I remember him saying he’d like to be included.
OY, said the Shiksa.
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Oy says the Goy.
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I see a bumper sticker in our future.
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Good one, Susannah.
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You can tell my eyes are better. My Humor’s back.
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A very good thing.😁
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I loved your list. As a former teacher I can say that we needed a day off in February after having to deal with sugar high kids on Valentine’s Day.
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Yeah, I can understand that for sure. Thanks, Lauren.
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I haven’t had President’s Day off since I was in school … well, now I have every day off 😉 I’m with you, John. The “holiday” seems to be just another reason to push sales (and not very good ones at that).
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i love the matress guy dressed as honest Abe. (yeah sure)
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Well, at least the commercials could be funny 😉
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That would be a benefit. Thanks,Marie.
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I had a fun time visualizing one guy doing all ten of these. I’m sure glad I’m not that guy!
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Me either. 😁
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Hilarious list, John! I’m afraid President’s Day doesn’t get much attention other than some people get the day off—always a call for celebration. I don’t want to make this a political commentary, but heaven forbid if we can’t do better than President Trump and President Biden in a country of more than 330 million people! I like the President Day lawn blow-up lawn thingy. I have one neighbor who has the blow-ups for almost all holidays, but even she leaves this one alone.
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I wonder what the president’s Day blow -up thingy would look like?
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These are hilarious, John! 🙂
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Thank you, Joan.
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Absolutely hilarious, John!!
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😁 I’m glad you liked it, Jennie.
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😀
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” … President’s Day is an invention of mattress … companies for an excuse to have a sale.”
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Like they need an excuse.)
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I know right?
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I like your list! Great
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Thank you.
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