Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash
This post originally ran on August 1, 2016. Since I’m still going to the gym, I still see the same annoying things, so I think it will be helpful.
* * *
Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)
Having been a gym member for some years, I observed some annoying habits of other attendees. I want to dedicate this blog to y’all. (you know who you are)
10 If you are working out, do not leave the equipment covered in sweat. If you do, at best, you’ll earn the club gross-out award. At worst, you might have a discussion with Tiny, the club rules enforcer. (Tiny tends to talk with his fists, and you could be looking at an incoming knuckle sandwich.)
9 If you are working out, do not do your stretches in a way that blocks others’ use of a machine. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stopped at some point. At worst, a brave soul may only knock you out of the way and use the machine. (You would argue, but it looks like they outweigh you by 100 pounds, and they are wearing a WWF champion belt)
8 If you are working out, do not wear week-old workout clothes. If you do, at best, you’ll have plenty of workout space to yourself. At worst, the membership will take up a collection and present you with the “Sponsor a homeless person” check for twenty-five dollars. (Pretty embarrassing getting into your BMW after the ceremony, isn’t it.)
7 If you are working out, do not drop the bar of weights on the floor. If you do, at best, the population will take cover, thinking an earthquake is in progress. At worst, you happen to hit the floor weak spot, and you and the bar of weights wake up in the basement. (You have to wonder why no one seems to care that you are missing.)
6 If you are working out, do not sing along to the music in your earbuds. If you do, at best, the rest of the club will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, Someone will call 911 thinking you are in excruciating pain and are in the throes of a heart attack. (You might as well go with the EMTs since they are trained to subdue crazies who resist.)
5 If you are working out, don’t brag about your weight loss. If you do, at best, those who might have considered being a friend are long gone. At worst, you will brag to the wrong person who has a medical condition coupled with psychotic episodes triggered by the word “loss.” (Running fast was never your strong suit, was it?)
4 If you are working out, do not flirt with the instructor. If you do, at best, the instructor will do their best to stay away from you. At worst, the instructor will think you may be the love of their life. (Only now do you find out the instructor is on a work-release program after an episode with a former student.)
3 If you are working out, do not try to hoard as many clean towels as you can fit in your locker. If you do, at best, others will know and treat you like a thief. At worst, security will pay you a visit just as you open your towel-stuffed locker. (Talking fast doesn’t seem to help, does it?)
2 If you are working out, do not make grunting noises as you do your reps. If you do, at best, the room will think you’re obsessed. At worst, the management will send Tiny to discuss proper decorum in the gym. (It seems many folks thought your grunts were a little too personal.)
1 If you are working out, do not make a habit of filling up more than one water bottle at the fountain. If you do, at best, the long line will consist of those who have come to hate you. At worst, the tall guy behind you will cease to be able to control his desire to act on an urge to drown you in the very same fountain. (Wow! “Where did that come from?” You ask.)
Fiction Favorites 
This reminds me why I don’t like gyms. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m with you. But I have to go anyway.
LikeLike
Yep, I’ve seen all types at the gym. It never ceases to amaze me why some never wipe down the machines. They apparently can’t read the signs instructing them to do so.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or the cell phone sign. Makes one want to hit them with a custard pie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good ones, John. Ah, the joy of sharing sweat with strangers. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Or even Covid microbes. 😳
LikeLiked by 1 person
I prefer to work out in the privacy of my own home. With good reason, it would appear!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very smart, Liz. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I haven’t been to the gym since the pandemic started, but these are ALL true!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I went back. I still wear a mask though. Get some funny looks sometimes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do too at the store, but I made it this far and even if there’s no Covid lurking around, there are plenty of other diseases to avoid!
LikeLiked by 1 person
For sure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I avoid anything healthy as a rule.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not a bad philosophy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is why I own my exercise equipment and workout at home. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Smart, Jill. 😁
LikeLike
OMG, this is a hilarious list, John. I’ll choose a walk in nature any day over this craziness. 🤣🤣🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. A much better solution. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Numbers 6 and 2 are especially annoying. Since Monkey isn’t permitted in most gyms, we’ll just do our exercising at home and our walkies outdoors!
LikeLike
Been a while since I’ve been to one. All good advice 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe will convince you to continue to stay away.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! Ha! Now I remember why I avoid gyms, John. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to remind oneself.
LikeLike
Yes to all of these! You could also add the people who do a rep on a machine and then continue to sit there and play on their phone for another ten minutes. Or the people who gather around machines and weights, act like it’s social hour and carry on coversations for waaayyyy too long. Can you tell I get annoyed?
LikeLike
I’ve met pretty much every one of them over the years. The worst one was in an all-women gym. As soon as I walked into the locker room, I knew she was there. The crazy part is, she lived in a very ritzy part of town. You’d think she would take her workout clothes and toss them. The stink was obviously stuck into the fibre and no amount of washing would get rid of it. There were a few complaints and one day she came in sporting new duds. Thank Gawd!
Excellent list, my friend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Dale. Sorry to trigger an olfactory memory. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tee hee… Those days are long gone. The gym closed, unfortunately. It was just up the street, to boot. Sigh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That always hurts. When I worked in California we had a facility right in the building. It was great.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I bet! Back in the pre-kids days, I used to go to a gym downtown, right next to work. That was cool, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup. That’s what happened when I moved to Texas.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fun sstuff.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m a gym rat, and I’ve seen every one of these things in the last month. I’ll add to your list, John. Don’t be that person in the gym who feels the need to walk up to strangers and coach them because they aren’t doing an exercise correctly. It’s one thing when people ask for advice, but it’s entirely different when it’s unsolicited.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Pete. That is a good one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
When I did belong to a gym, I brought my own sweat towels. I didn’t trust it otherwise. I used one of their towels to clean off equipment, but mine were for me.
And Tiny is back!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was one of the early Tiny appearances.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love Tiny.
LikeLike
Fortunately, I don’t have a gym membership. I wouldn’t want to be looking over my shoulder at Tiny.
LikeLike
Good list, John. I’m content walking Copper or using the treadmill in the house. Sometimes privacy is nice. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Privacy is nice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tiny!! Where ‘ya been? This was so funny, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jennie. He obviously is back in 2016.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😎
LikeLike
😂😂😂 Gym people are really odd, dear John…Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
They really are, Maria. 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
☺☺☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read the title of the post and thought this would be the perfect place to meet Tiny. And indeed, he was there right from the start.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He is always lurking. Thanks, Ankur.
LikeLike
What is a gym? And I can’t even comprehend what a “workout club” might be.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know Gold Gym. It’s a place to work out. A workout club would be like 24 hour fitness or a country club fitness area.
LikeLike
Okay. Okay. But what the hell is this “fitness” of which you speak?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is a concept that is put forward by Marxists
LikeLike
It involves (excuse me) exercise.
LikeLike
God help us! And you know it would be the Marxist that brought this to bear.
LikeLike
I have a treadmill at home for a very good reason.. or ten of them… thanks John..hugsx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you are wise, Sally.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol.. hugsx
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person