Photo by Elizabeth French on Unsplash
This list was originally posted on June 6th, 2016. I hope you enjoy it.
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The inspiration for this list is some men-only ski trips I have taken to Lake Tahoe. Some of the items in this list are a result of observation. There is at least one in which I participated. I’ll let you decide which one it is. I also wanted to make this list while the memory of snow is good.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Men Only Weekend Trip.
10 If you are on a men’s trip, do not volunteer to cook anything. If you do, at best, you will be relieved after the first meal. At worst, the group will love what you do, and you’ll spend the rest of the trip chained to the six-burner stove. (You always wanted someone to praise your food but not this much, huh, chump?)
9 If you are on a men’s trip, do not take your time to enter the house when you get there. If you do, at best, you’ll have the last pick of sleeping accommodations. At worst, the final selection will be the swing on the three-season porch, and the three seasons have passed. (Yes, that is snow on your shoulder this morning.)
8 If you are on a men’s trip, do not wear your at-home sleeping attire. If you do, at best, that hole-filled T-shirt will be the talk of the group long after the trip is over. At worst, pictures will be taken and go viral. (Pretty hard to explain no bottoms, isn’t it?)
7 If you are on a men’s trip, do not slip and fall headfirst into the hot tub while holding onto a pastrami sandwich. If you do, at best, you’ll be able to get rid of the sandwich before it hits the filter. At worst, the damage deposit will be entirely consumed by replacing the filter. (Guess who’s going to pay the whole thing?)
6 If you are on a men’s trip, do not decide to gamble unless you know what you are doing. If you do, at best, you will lose early and quit. At worst, you will win early and then continue until you are cleaned out. (Sure, the casino accepts American Express)
5 If you are on a men’s trip, do not try to convert anyone to your vegan principles. If you do, at best, everyone will think you are joking. At worst, your fellow travelers will keep their distance, hoping they don’t catch whatever you have. (The explanation of the virtues of the vegan lifestyle might be better if your audience is sober)
4 If you are on a men’s trip, do not forget the effects of high altitude on liquor consumption. If you do, at best, you might just pass out. At worst, you will spend the night using the ceramic microphone to call trains to places like Pittsburgh. (Amazing how long the detox process takes, huh, Bunky?)
3 If you are on a men’s trip, do not think the whole group wants to go with you to visit the place you were married. If you do, at best, you’ll go alone. At worst, those who go with you will think they have wasted their time and demand you pay for drinks. (Okay, I confess. This one is mine. The Producer and I married at Lake Tahoe, and I did convince some to visit the spot with me. Yes, I bought the drinks after.)
2 If you go on a men’s trip, do not think you must use all the drink coupons on the journey to the destination. If you do, at best, you will still be flying when you land. At worst, you’ll have to face the trip home without any fortification and in the center row between two members of the University wrestling team. (Maybe more air would help, but you can’t raise your arms trapped by the incredible hulks on each side.)
1 If you go on a man’s trip, do not forget a souvenir for the folks back home. If you fail, at best, you have just had your last men’s trip. At worst, the memory token will be chosen for you and will cost a little more than what you would have spent. (No, two ticket stubs from a casino show will not do.)
Fiction Favorites 
Nice share
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Thank you. 😊
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That pastrami sandwich in the hot tub one is oddly specific.
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Ha ha ha. Saw it happen. 😁
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You are right on all of them – but # 5 should be highlighted! I used to think reformed smokers and drinkers were nags, but I do believe vegans have taken over the lead!!
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Ha ha ha. I think you are right, GP.
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I don’t think Old What’s Her Face would appreciate one of those yard long beer glasses.
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I think you are right there. 😁
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That’s a great list, John. I’ve witnessed some of those first hand.
Good to know you own the trip to the marriage location. I was about to start searching for that tee-shirt photo 😉
Have a great week.
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😁 Thanks, Dan
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Number two cracked me up…thanks for the Monday giggles, John!
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Glad you got some giggles, Jill. 😁
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So very glad the pastrami sandwich was not yours, John 😉
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It was not. Quite a mess though.
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Blech. Wouldn’t want to find myself in there with that swirling around!
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Yeah was something to avoid for sure.
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🙂
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What a waste of a good pastrami sandwich.
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I know right?
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Amusing to one who’s never been on such a trip. 🙂
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Glad you liked it Tim
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Well, I won’t be going on a men-only weekend trip (obviously!), but my writer’s imagination is working overtime as I read your list. Some of these are too good not to be included in a work of fiction (perhaps you’ve thought the same thing?!?)
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Yes there are a number of stories thee. I don’t plan on using them so go right ahead.
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Great list, and all things I would avoid, except for revisiting the wedding spot. How could you pass that up?
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I couldn’t. It was great.
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That’s quite the list, John. 🤣 One in which you participated?? I’d guess it had something to do with alcohol. Have a fantastic day — we’re getting rain and I’m hoping the same for you folks.
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We are not getting rain. Looks like at least ten days away for even the slightest chance. Glad you are getting some though.
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I’m betting on #1!
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I hope you are not disappointed.
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I am also thinking #1
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Thanks, Dan.
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These all have at least some relevance to my previous men’s only congregations, which I’m quite amazed I lived through. Thanks for the laughs, John.
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I think I went on ten trips and your are right. Lucky to be here.
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The hot tub, vegan, and ceramic microphone had me laughing out loud! My favorite is writing this while the memory of snow is good. Haha!
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We’ll just leave the men’s only trips to the men, shall we 😀
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Yeah, good idea.
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John,
I talked to Dan, he meant #10
I have nothing clever to add.
Have a great day
Tom
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Thank you, Tom
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“(The explanation of the virtues of the vegan lifestyle might be better if your audience is sober)” Ahahahhahahhahaha! Great line!
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Thanks Willow. I’m glad you liked it.
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I especially chuckled at #2. Race to find reasonable sleeping accommodations, then check out the rest of the house. My wife and I honeymooned in Tahoe, and it remains one of my favorite locations even though I’m not a skier.
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I love it there. Gave up skiing when I turned 72. Thanks, Pete.
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I wouldn’t even mention the word “vegan” unless someone else brings it up first, LOL.
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And not in mixed company.
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Ever
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And ever.
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And ever . . .
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Hard & realistic, dear John. I regret that you had such a sad experienced & had to buy drinks for the whole group. 🙂
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It turned out pretty well. After a few drinks things were much better. 😁
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👍👍👍👍👍 You have chosen the rights ones, then. Indeed, drinks make people melt, sometimes too much…:-)
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Ha ha ha. Melting too much always has it’s aftermath. 🤭
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HI John, I thought this was very funny. I keep trying to encourage the chartered accountant to go on a boys weekend away but he won’t go. He likes to take me everywhere with him and I’m not going on a boys weekend – haha!
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Ha ha ha. Take him on a girls weekend then.
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Why do I get the feeling that the REAL “not to do” list is missing???
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Ha ha ha. We all know that one by heart. 😁
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“… do not forget the effects of high altitude on liquor consumption. If you do, at best, you might just pass out. At worst, you will spend the night using the ceramic microphone to call trains to places like Pittsburgh.”
Yeah, this was you.
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Yup. On top of everything I had a steroid shot in the butt for asthma. Was drinking Tanqueray gin on the rocks and it got away from me.
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Nice try. Yeah, John. Every time I get arrested for being drunk outta my mind, I tell the cops it was because of that shot in my butt. It never works. So go tell it to Sweeny. He might buy it.
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😁
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