This post was originally published on September 14, 2015. I think we can squeeze in a bit of learning from it still. I hope you enjoy it.
* * *
This list is inspired by watching some of the funny things people buy solely because they are being offered at a discounted price. Of course, I’ve taken the list to extremes (which I’m sure you have come to understand by now), but the spirit still lives.
Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount
10 Even on discount, do not purchase cut-rate bungee jumping lessons. If you do, at best, you will only be scared poopless. At worst, your family will wonder what you were thinking as they hold a memorial for your three-foot-tall body. (Not to mention that you are six feet wide as well)
9 Even on discount, do not purchase cut-rate meat. If you do, at best, you will only miss a couple of days’ work. At worst, you will be one of the morbidity statistics as the USDA issues a countrywide recall of the E-coli tainted horse meat. (It tasted good going in, right?)
8 Even at a discount, do not buy a truckload of cut-rate toilet tissue. If you do, at best, you will spend more on storage than the original price. At worst, you will be selected for the Dr. Phil TV show segment “Am I full of it since I can’t stop myself from feeling like I need more toilet tissue.” (You’ve noticed how thin the paper is and have taken appropriate action, right?)
7 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate hair restorative product. If you do, at best, you will need to explain your new Day-Glo orange color to the boss. At worst, you will be going through the day answering to the name Uncle Fester and fielding cue ball and reflecting head jokes. ( You always thought Yul Brenner was cool looking, right?)
6 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate wrinkle injection. If you do, at best, you might resemble Donald Duck for a few months. At worst, you read about your doctor being accused by the FDA of using industrial silicone for some procedures, and now you know why you haven’t been able to feel your cheeks. (You do look good, though.)
5 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate parachute for skydiving. If you do, at best, you could experience the thrill of trying to slow down with a tattered canopy. At worst, you will make a lasting impression in the field as you land without the benefit of an active drag-creating device. (Looking as if you did it on purpose doesn’t help the bystanders forget.)
4 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate beer. If you do, at best, you will have all the taste and satisfaction of drinking carbonated defrost. At worst, you will realize your mistake as you read the label and see that the product is 99% salmonella free. (You only noticed that after six bottles, right?)
3 Even at a discount, do not buy cut-rate gold. If you do, at best, you won’t notice until the day your neck and finger turn green. At worst, you will realize that you have paid the highest amount of money for the least amount of gold, and you thought a pound would be a good buy. (you now have an attractive doorstop. Don’t get it wet.)
2 Even at a discount, do not buy cut-rate fruit. If you do, at best, you will have enough left after you cull the spoiled to make one salad. At worst, the USDA you may call to ask you to donate your generations of fruit flies to genetic research. (And you thought those spots in front of your eyes resulted from too little sleep.)
1 Even at a discount, do not buy a cut-rate used car. If you do, at best, you will understand the phrase “Get a horse.” At worst, you might be called by your homeowner association to move what they interpret as a mobile home for stray animals out of your driveway. (It seemed like a good idea to leave the windows down to circulate fresh air since the thing wouldn’t run, right?)
Fiction Favorites 
All things considered, the fruit and beer feel like biggest mistakes on this list.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I agree. You know my stand on carbonated defrost. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
I sure do.
LikeLike
I agree that the cut rate beer and fruit by far seem most tragic here.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes indeed.
LikeLike
Eesh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
C-c-carbonated defrost.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
The toilet paper one brings back some 2020 memories.
LikeLiked by 5 people
It did for me, too.
LikeLiked by 3 people
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
And this was written seven years ago. 😳
LikeLike
Very prophetic.
LikeLike
😁
LikeLike
Look at the meat, not at the price tag, and you’ll never make that mistake.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Yes, that greenish tinge should tell you something.
LikeLiked by 3 people
😳
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good advice, Linda. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for sharing, Michael.
LikeLike
Great advices again, John! Bungee jumping should be able to be done in horizonal posture.;-) I would take it. Best wishes, Michael
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sounds like that might be difficult. Best stay in bed, Michael.
LikeLike
Good tips, John!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ha ha ha.Thanks, Jill.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL. Good warnings, John. These days I check everything from expiration dates to guarantees. 😊
LikeLiked by 3 people
The right thing to do, Gwen. Thanks
LikeLike
#4 hits home with me, John. My ex MIL would always stock up on whatever the beer on sale was, when I came to visit (they were wine drinkers). I looked up Piels, and I found, “Today’s Piels Lager still offers that same unsurpassed beer flavor.”
Thanks for the memory jog…I think.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yup. Nothing like beer flavor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear John,
this mail made us smile – thanks a lot.
Have a happy week
The Fab Four of Cley
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
You as well. Glad you got a smile.
LikeLike
Oh wow, I see myself in most all your lists, John. 😬🥺
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha ha. I better be careful what I write then. I think I’ll shelve the Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Shower story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG – don’t you dare tell them everything I do!!😲
LikeLiked by 1 person
Okay.That wart treatment information will stay with me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sage advice, John.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Craig.
LikeLike
The parachute pic had me chuckling away! Great list, John. Have a wonderful week 💕🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have a wonderful week as well, Harmony😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sage advice, John! Is that an “Esso” sign in the back of the parachute picture?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. Don’t know if those stations still exist.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha – I remember those in the 60s, but thought they were gone when it became Exxon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That might be a very old photo.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Could be!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good advice. Love that pic – thanks for the laugh!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes this was the intent. (the laugh)
LikeLiked by 1 person
John,
There is a cartoon of a dark cave opening with a guy in there and only his eyes are visible. The caption was “ if your careful enough, nothing good or bad will ever happen to you.”
I guess that’s right.
Now what ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha.
LikeLike
I wonder if number three could be termed fool’s gold? 🙂
LikeLike
I think it could. Thanks, Joan.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now that is a sign with impact.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes indeed. Not many parachutes sold though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s all about making the most money as possible. Perhaps with more life experience now, I approach discounted items first and foremost with…why might it be discounted? Especially when it comes to food and beverages. Carbonated defrost is my new go-to phrase for any applicable situations. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love that description for lite beer
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have to feel sorry for the ones who violated #9. Ugh, gives me shudders. It’s not a bargain if you’re going to have to go to the hospital to have your stomach pumped out!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. Thanks, Debbie. You are so right. 🤢
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! Ha! Another great list, John. A few of these made me cringe, and a few made me chuckle, like the cut-rate wrinkle treatment. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. Thanks, Jan
LikeLike
All good things to avoid, John 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so too. 😁
LikeLike
Very sound advice, John. I was never into buying cut-rate anything and this post has inspired me to continuing to do so 🙂
Happy Monday!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You go girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right. Low prices don’t necessarily indicate a good deal. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true. I stopped buying off brand gas when I got water in the tank.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome, John. I think most of us have been burned once or twice by getting what we paid for. Fortunately, I’ve avoided a cut-rate parachute! Lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have avoided the only used once never opened parachute too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great list, John. My dad always said “free is the best” and I have learned no, it isn’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. I have learned the same lesson, Karen. Thank you.
LikeLike
Funny you should bring up parachutes. I know you like history, so … here goes.
The first hot air balloon flight was over Versailles in 1783. Then in 1797, some guy (André-Jacques Garnerin) decided it was high time (pun intended) to try out da Vinci’s idea for the parachute. So, he jumped out of a balloon at 3,200 feet over Paris. Only one problem, he failed to include an air vent at the top of his parachute and oscillated wildly in his descent. He landed safely, but he was a bit sea sick.
I guess what I am saying is that if you do buy a parachute, make sure there in a hole at the top. I’m old school and I’m not talking about ram air canopies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good tip, Andrew. I’ll make sure I follow your advice. 😁
LikeLike
You’re welcome.
LikeLike
Also, if you want to read my post on the subject here’s the link. https://johnwhowell.com/2019/10/21/top-ten-things-not-to-do-at-the-first-parachute-jump-in-1797/ You are mentioned.
LikeLike
Great list. I should have known you would have beat me to the punch, so to speak. The comments are turned off over there, so here I am. And thanks a lot for ratting me out about the garage thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha.😁
LikeLike
No more cut-rate beer for me. Somebody else can drink the Hamm’s and Pabst Blue Ribbon. I’m happy with a Corona and a twist of lime.
Storage of massive amounts of toilet paper is an issue none of us ever want to think about again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. Yes the “bathroom tissue” wars are hopefully over. Thanks, Pete. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Parachute one is surely to be missed ..
LikeLike
Yes, indeed. 😁
LikeLike
Does the cut-rate care qualify as bad fruit?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thin it just may, Michele. Thank you. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
I laughed at For Sale Parachute, only used once, never opened. And that was only the beginning. Great advice, John! 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Lauren
LikeLike
I love the fruit and the car…so funny
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Ray.
LikeLiked by 1 person
With my macabre kind of humour, I love that sign about the parachute.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too, Pit.
LikeLike
Time passes & things don’t change. Even ued parachutes remain as they are. 😂😂😂 I find vintage 10 Things are more urgent for our days, dear John! Maybe…it’s age of mine…😱😱😱
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are becoming wise Dear Maria. 🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
😪😪😪 It looks like, dear John…
LikeLiked by 1 person
We can only stay innocent so long then knowledge takes over.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂😂😂 How careless the lift might be without knowledge & how precious it is when we share it with our common sense. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
The philosophical Maria speaks truth. 😁
LikeLike
😉😉😉🦐🦐🦐🍺
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁😁 😁 🥂🍰
LikeLiked by 1 person
👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
John, I can’t pick a favorite because I laughed my head off at all 10. Really!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so glad Jennie. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny stuff, John!
At best you had me laughing.
At worst, I didn’t get to the toilet in time.
xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry about the carpet. Thanks, Resa. 🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s okay! I tore out the carpet and put in cardboard! 🤗 🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah. Just tear it up and replace.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly!
No shortage of cardboard here! xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good for shoes too
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cardboard shoes?
I think I can afford those, but they will need insoles.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The cardboard is for the insoles.
LikeLike
OOOOHHHHH! Now I get it. not
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤭
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘😘😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤗😘😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
I laughed hard at the fruit flies 🤣 Good advices though
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. 😁
LikeLike
Sagely advice. I hope it is not based on personal experience 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
All fiction here. I’m not allowed to buy anything without a requisition in triplicate.
LikeLike
🙂 I hope you store the stamped approvals safely. The law of limitation does not apply at home. All past transactions are open to audit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I eat them after they are used. (I make sure they are written on naan with grape juice ink)
LikeLiked by 1 person