Photo by Jeffrey Grospe on Unsplash
This post first appeared on February 27th, 2017. Since its purpose was simple humor, I think running again is okay.
* * *
The inspiration for this list was the desire to do a top ten post that would provide no useful information but just an attempt at humor. I picked bungee jumping since most of you have never contemplated doing something that obscure. If you have, then all the better. I hope you enjoy the list, even though it may not apply to you.
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.
10 While Bungee jumping, do not attempt to light your smoke. If you do, at best, you’ll still be trying at the bottom of the jump. At worst, you’ll be successful, and between the highs and lows of the leap, your shirt is now on fire. (Tough to put out with this wind, huh, Bunky?)
9 While Bungee Jumping, do not attempt to tighten your ankle cuffs. If you do at best, you will turn the keys properly for tightening. At worst, you’ll be confused and loosen them instead. (Sure feels funny this free-flight thing, huh, Pilgrim?)
8 While Bungee jumping, do not try to impress your friends with too many acrobatics. If you do, at best, that Triple Lux comes off without a hitch. At worst, you have extended the Bungee cords about one foot too far. (You could have used that foot when you hit the canyon floor, Buford?)
7 While Bungee jumping, do not try to eat your leftover Pad Thai mid-air. If you do, at best, you might get a bite or two. At worst, you’ll finish the jump looking like the after photo of a food fight. (If careful, you can save some of those noodles, Buster.)
6 While Bungee jumping, do not group text your friends. If you do, At best, your text won’t be understood. At worst, the auto-correct feature will alienate every friend you have. (You thought the message, “Best of Luck to You,” would be well received, huh, Leroy?”)
5 While Bungee jumping, do not edit your latest manuscript. If you do, at best, you get one or two words covered before the first bounce. At worst, the wind will take your manuscript and spread it over several miles. (Should have numbered those pages, huh, Slick?)
4 While Bungee jumping, do not close your eyes on the way down. If you do, at best, you might miss the good parts. At worst, the ride personnel will assume you’ve passed out and throw you into an EMS vehicle despite your protestations. (Who ever heard of someone taking a nap on a bungee jump, Ferd?)
3 While Bungee jumping, do not jump before taking care of that 32 oz Big Gulp drink you just finished. If you do, at best, you’ll feel like a full watermelon when the g-forces hit you at the bottom. At worst, you treat all the bystanders to a show at your expense. (Now, where will you find some dry pants, Tex?)
2 While Bungee jumping, do not turn the GoPro camera to capture your face. If you do, at best, you forgot to turn it on. At worst, the video of you screaming like a kid will go viral. (You could have taken some beautiful shots of the valley, but no, you had to be a hero, huh, Ralph?)
1 While Bungee jumping, do not forget to tip the cuff connector guy. If you do, at best, you can take care of it after the jump is over. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ, was highly offended you forgot him. (That ground comes up fast without those bothersome lines huh, Burt?)
Fiction Favorites 
How about NOT bungee jumping to begin with? I tried that one and the results were outstanding!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have never but must say it looks pretty scary. Thanks, Marc.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. Yes it does.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😳
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cannot agree more. The first thing to not do is bungee jumping. What a thing,
LikeLiked by 2 people
That would top the list for me. Thanks, Ankur
LikeLike
Right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Think I’ll pass on putting my life in the hands of a giant rubber band. Heights and I don’t mix.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always wondered what would happen if the rubber band was four inches too long. Well, I’ll never find out. 😁
LikeLike
Face go splat.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha.
LikeLike
I saw the clip where a jumper band broke. It must have been awful seeing your life flash before your eyes. He suffered multiple injuries. The older I get the fewer risks I want to take.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It seems like a foolish way to put your life at risk. Thanks for the comment, Paula.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Part of me think Gosh you are so brave putting your life in the hands of someone else. Then the other part of me thinks ‘Are you nuts’ 🤷♀️🤦♀️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed. 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
I won’t be needing these, John, but good to know, and it’s always good to start Monday with a chuckle. I hope you have a great week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Dan. I hope you have a great week as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I never understood the thrill of bungee jumping. Your list reinforces my belief!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with you, Jill. 😳
LikeLike
I won’t ever have to worry about any of these, but it’s nice to start Monday with some humor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. I won’t have to worry either. Thanks, Joan
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had trouble reading this list, John. Right at No. 10, I was hysterical laughing !!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you got some laughs, GP. That was the idea. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shouldn’t have had that extra sauerkraut on my hotdog before jumping.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That bean burrito didn’t help either.
LikeLiked by 1 person
💩
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLike
Heights and I don’t tango well. Looking at NYC from the observation deck at the Empire State Building was a thrill I won’t forget. But a bungee jump? It’s an experience I’d only have in a nightmare. Hilarious Top Ten Things, John. 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
You described it perfectly. A nightmare. Thanks, Gwen. 😁
LikeLike
I bungee jumped years ago – so much fun – but I sure wouldn’t recommend drinking the Big Gulp or asking for extra sauerkraut on my hotdog before jumping. That equates to a serious cleanup on aisle four.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤣
LikeLike
So funny, John! Thanks for the Monday morning laughs!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad you got them, Jennie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me, too! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah. No. I like some adventurous things and I think I’d jump out of a plane with parachute, of course, before throwing myself at the mercy of an elastic cord (both of these my son has done, by the way.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will leave it to the youth to do these things.Thanks, Dale.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You and me both, John 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good ones, John, but I’m not sure thrill seekers would listen to logical advice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No never. Thanks, Tim.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s an amusing list, but totally irrelevant for me. Bungee jumping is so far down my list it doesn’t even appear!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mine either. You can chalk this one up to a slow day in the writing office.
LikeLike
Ten reasons NOT to bungee jump! I started reading about all the side effects and decided this activity is a definite no-go!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. Noelle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just a thought, can you imagine all the loose change on the ground under a bungee jumping site? Have a great week John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not to mention wallets and credit cards.
LikeLike
A great Top Ten list I’ll never need, John. This is definitely NOT on my bucket list!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mine either. Thanks, Jan
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great advice, John 🙂 I always wanted to bungee jump way back in the day. Now its off my bucket list… lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m with you, Denise. Of course I never wanted to do it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A wonderful list for those who are gutsy enough to take that task on, John. I am secure in the fact that I won’t be joining them but if I ever did, boy would I make sure those “attachments” were secure.😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I won’t be joining either. Thanks, Bruce.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good tips, John. I would probably be unconscious the second I left the platform! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too, Barbara. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
The Pad Thai and the Big Gulp were my favorite, John. Anything involving food is probably a really bad idea. Lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
I could see all those tofu pieces all over the place.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL. Not good!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Since I have absolutely NO desire to bungee jump, I guess I’m safe from violating all these this week!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I think you are safe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good advice for crazy folks! The worst I saw was someone who bungee jumped from a hot air balloon. And I was on the ground, of course, and would not even go up in a hot air balloon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have done the hot air balloon but no bungee for me thanks.
LikeLike
I’m of the don’t-bungee-jump-at-all persuasion. I’ve never understood the appeal of engaging in terrifying activities. Life is dangerous enough as it is.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I so agree with you, Liz.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Solid advice, John, though I can’t say I’ve seriously contemplated doing this. I still hope to skydive at some point, but bungee jumping is totally out of the question.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree, Pete
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear John
we never even thought of bungee jumping. Even looking at it we felt really funny. Whereas our two Bookfayries don’t have any problems with it. Well, they fly down.
Keep well
The Fab Four of Cley
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always good to have back up wings. 😁 Thanks F4C
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the #1 thing to do when bungee jumping is not to bungee jump.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen.
LikeLike