Today marks the 71st anniversary of the introduction of the VW bus from then West Germany. We certainly want to go and capture the moment. We need to get into James’s Oldsmobile and take our list of things not to do to avoid a tear in the time continuum. So let’s get going.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Launch of the VW Mni-Bus in 1950 by John W. Howell © 2021

10 If you go, do not ask if you can replace the emblem on the hood (bonnet) with a peace symbol. If you do, at best, the engineers will be too busy to answer. At worst, Ferdinand Porsche will escort you to his office. (Ferdinand is the brains behind the original VW, Mate. He is very interested in why the peace symbol. Of course, if you tell him that the bus will represent counter-culture, he may faint.)

9 If you go, do not attempt to avoid a sales pitch given by the head of sales, Tiny, the WWF champ. If you do, at best, Tiny will be giving pitches to others. At worst, Tiny, who just completed an intensive sales training course where he was told not to take “no” for an answer, will view you as a challenge. (The way Tiny handles challenges, Mathieu is to eliminate them. His favorite method is the helicopter spin. Looks like his engine is getting warmed up. Bon voyage.)

8 If you go, do not mention the Westfalia camper to the engineers. If you do, at best, they will laugh you to St. Louis. At worst, the engineers will wonder where you got the idea. (So you’ve blown your cover, Matin. The Westfalia wasn’t introduced to the US until 1956. Those engineers are calling the police. They think you are an alien who is better than a time traveler.)

7 If you go, do not describe Woodstock after a few beers with the VW crowd. If you do, at best, they will think it’s the beer talking. At worst, they will all want to go. (Good luck, Matthieu. You are now on the hook for an event that is 19 years in the future. There is not enough room in the Olds to take you all there. I think you better make up something quick. These guys look a little irritated.)

6 If you go, do not sing the song ‘Convoy’ to describe the VW participation. If you do, at best, most will walk away. At worst, some will find it a bit confusing. (You see, Matvey the song refers to the long-haired sons of Jesus in a micro mini bus. These guys know the VW as the Type 2 or Transporter. Mni-buswas the common term. I think you better explain before any blood vessels are blown. These are german engineers after all.)

5 If you go, do not talk about the VW bus in the TV series ‘Lost.’ If you do, at best no one will be interested. At worst, everyone will want to hear the story. (Sad thing is, Maurizio. You don’t know the whole story, just that a 1968 VW bus was discovered on the survivor’s tropical island. They are all looking at you. I would invent something. Quick.)

4 If you go, do not describe the collectible feature of the Mini-Bus. If you do, at best they will think you are lying. At worst, the engineers will want proof. (You are in a pickle, Marry. Yes the 1967 Samba van used on That 70’s show sold for $121,000. How are you going to prove that. Aren’t you glad you opened your mouth?”

3 If you go, do not call the factory price of a minivan cheap. If you do, at best people will think they misunderstood. At worst, you’ll get into an argument with the biggest guy in the building. (The $2,200 cost is equivalent to about $23,800 today, Mawrth. For comparison, the average car cost about the same $2,200 or about 66.6 percent of the annual household income. So there was little room for price increases.)

2 If you go, do not ask them to take out some seats to make room for your sleeping bag. If you do, at best, they will ignore you. At worst, they’ll call the cops. (Remember this is 1950, Maxfield. People didn’t sleep in their transportation back then. This is not a travel trailer. The badges have arrived. You explain to them what you asked for.)

1 If you go, do not show the engineers a photo of the 1963 Light Bus painted by Bob Grmm. If you do, at best, they will pass out. At worst, they will want you to tell them how to find Bob Grimm. (you have to understand, Maximus. This is their baby and that photo is shocking to see. Looks like they are rounding up a posse. I think I would hit the road.)

This week marks the 160th anniversary of the establishment of the Colorado territory in 1861. Normally on our time travel, we go to the point of the historic anniversary. Since the actual establishment was done in Congress and there is the potential of catching a rash when we go near Washington, we will travel to Colorado. We want to observe how the population is taking the news. Since most of the Colorado people are involved one way or another in gold mining, we will be seeing a lot of miners. We don’t want to cause a tear in the time continuum, so we need to have our list handy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Creation of the Colorado Territory in 1861 by John W. Howell © 2021

10 If you go, do not stand in a minor’s claim on Pike’s Peak. If you do, at best, the miner will be at the saloon. At worst, you’ll be taken for a claim jumper. (You know how it is, Marlin. These guys are jumpy around strangers. That shotgun looks like it’s loaded. might be time to go.)

9 If you go, do not ask Tiny, the WWF champ, if he ever played for the Denver Broncos. If you do, at best, he will be busy panning for gold. At worst, he will think you are teasing him. (Tiny has missed that last seven group sessions on positive self-image, Marlyssa. He thinks you are wondering if he ever played with horses and has taken offense. Don’t worry, the way down isn’t very long. Oops didn’t know he was tossing you off of Pike’s Peak.)

8 If you go, do not ask the saloon keep for a Mountain Brewed Coors. If you do, at best, he’ll just wait on someone else. At worst, he’ll deploy the famous mallet that he keeps behind the bar. (You see Marq, Adolf Coors began brewing beer in 1873, so the saloon keeper never heard of it. Like Tiny, he can’t believe he doesn’t know something, so your head being kissed by the mallet explains it all.)

7 If you go, do not ask for a cheeseburger at the local restaurant. If you do, at best, no one will know what you mean. At worst, you’ll be served something you can’t identify. (The reason is, Marquise, although you heard the cheeseburger was invented in Denver, it wasn’t until 1935. Go ahead and eat that ground cheese.)

6 If you go, do not ask for directions to the rodeo. If you do, at best, you’ll get puzzled looks. At worst, those you ask will wonder where you call home. (Although the first rodeo was held in Deer trail, Colorado, in 1869, Marsh, you are a little ahead of your time. A couple of those roughnecks are wondering if you are going to ride that bull. Saying no does not look like an option.)

5 If you go, do not ask if anyone found a gold nugget. If you do, at best, folks will think you are nuts. At worst, they may think you are a con man. (The largest piece of gold found in Colorado was a 156 troy-ounce ( 10.76 pounds)  piece of pocket gold found by Tom Groves in 1887 in Breckenridge. Most of the Denver area’s gold was placer gold in small pieces or dust, Mattainn. Looks like the Sherrif wants to talk to you.)

4 If you go, do not mention the total output of all the mines in Colorado. If you do, at best, they won’t believe you. At worst, they will think you are from another planet. (You should have kept your mouth shut, Martinien. Telling everyone that total gold production from the area would be over 1,155 tons made you look like an idiot. Here comes a gang of well-wishers with torches. Hope you like rail riding with tar and feathers.)

3 If you go, do not try to sell Pike’s Peak or Bust t-shirts. If you do, at best, no one will be interested. At worst, you’ll sell hundreds. (You now have a big problem, Marven. The T-shirt was not invented until after 1898, when the Navy issued them as standard underwear. How are you going to find someone to make them? I think you better give refunds pronto.)

2 If you go, do not do any strenuous exercise until you are used to the altitude. If you do, at best, you’ll just faint. At worst, you’ll get a case of altitude sickness. (You don’t want to fall off a mountain, Masoud. That first step can be a long one. Can you scream for 10,000 feet?)

1 If you go, do not argue with anyone about being able to stand where four states come together. If you do, at best, there is no money placed on a bet. At worst, your new BMW is now owned by a grisly miner. (It is possible to be in more than two states at the same time, Matchithew. In Colorado’s southwest corner, the state borders three others, Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah. The Four Corners Monument is where to stand in Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah at the same time. I wonder how that guy is going to get your BMW. It is sitting back in 2021. No, he’s not coming with us.)