Category: Uncategorized

Hump Day is as Hump Day Does

~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

camel

 

I don’t know if you have seen the commercial where the camel wanders around an office asking various workers, “What day is it?” Finally one of the staff mumbles, “its Hump Day.” The camel is very happy to be a visible part of what has become the second most important work day of the week. For those of you who defected to Red China during the Korean War and have just come back, let me make sure you know the meaning of Hump Day.  Hump Day is the arrival of the day where one has survived two days of work which could be considered the uphill phase of the week. The downhill phase, being the last two days of the week; doesn’t start until Hump Day is over. For the folks who work a traditional Monday through Friday routine, Hump Day is Wednesday. For all others it is the day that separates the beginning of the work week from that downhill slide to the days off time.  If you work seven days a week or are a writer this is all theory and really doesn’t exist for you.

What makes Hump Day so special? Well it’s like you are on a journey, you finally get to the point of no return and the next major milestone is the destination. The fact that your destination is closer than your point of departure makes it almost appear as if you will actually get there. How many times have we heard a child ask, “are we there yet?” when the trip is only minutes old. It is the same with the work week. Monday begins the journey to Friday. The destination is Saturday and on Monday it seems like getting there is about as possible as walking to Europe from the United States or vice versa. So when the workers of the world reach Wednesday and they are still viable; the prospect of reaching Friday has an exponential increase in odds. The odds increase so much that the day itself becomes a cause for celebration. It is sort of like celebrating being on a like raft when a ship sinks. You are not completely safe but a hell of a lot safer than when the whole mess started.

Since this is Wednesday I wrote a little Haiku that I hope captures the essence of the feeling for getting this far in the week.

Hump Day by John W. Howell ©2013

Hump day is a hill,

Successfully climbed after much trial . . .

Coasting down till Friday

Happy Hump Day.

Top Ten No No’s is as Top Ten No No’s Does

~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

 

Since the football season is upon us here is the Eleventh installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Foot ball party

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Invited to a Football Party

  1. When invited to a football party, do not show up in your favorite team’s uniform if the game that is being watched does not include your team. You will immediately let your host know that you have no interest in the game and that you only came to drink up the beer and eat as much of the food as possible.
  2. When invited to a football party and asked to bring a dish, do not think you are fulfilling the host’s wish by hauling in a big bag of store-bought popcorn and liter of diet soda.  Actually, you won’t be fulfilling anyone’s wish with that contribution.
  3. When invited to a football party and you are welcome to bring a guest, do not think this includes a stranger you grabbed off the street or a distant member of your family. The host probably intended you to bring a date or spouse and won’t appreciate feeding extraneous random people.
  4. When invited to a football party and the host has no intention of starting a gambling pool, do not think it is your duty to correct what you think is an oversight. The host probably doesn’t want to put his guests on the spot to cough up a twenty which they will ultimately lose.
  5. When invited to a football party and none of the guests seem to understand fantasy football, allow them to remain blissfully unaware of the intricacies and complexity of the game that you and your office mates play every week.
  6. When invited to a football party and you see that the host does not have a fifty-inch HDTV, do not offer to buy everyone a drink at the local sports bar just because it has four such TVs. Your tab may wind up more than you can afford and your host may wind up wrapping one of the TVs around your head.
  7. When invited to a football party and the host does not have your brand of beer, do not turn up your nose and declare loudly: “well if you don’t have any I’ll just have water.” Go ahead and sacrifice your delicate taste buds on the beer that resembles carbonated defrost that your host is serving. After all, you don’t need to drink a barrel of it, although a barrel may be what you need to forget why you cared.
  8. When invited to a football party and you need to describe a great play, do not pick up a curio and ask that the crowd to imagine it as the football. It may be that the curio you just passed into the kitchen and that was dropped by your wide receiver was Faberge egg handed down by  your host’s great-great-great-grandmother.
  9. When invited to a football party and you realize the game is the most boring thing you have ever watched, do not pick up the remote and change the channel to a movie. You just may offend not only your host but the rest of the party as well. They may be reminded of the time the TV network cut off the last two minutes of the Super Bowl to air the move Heidi. You chance vigilante action.
  10. When invited to a football party and the game is over, it should be your signal to leave. Do not wait for your host to switch off the TV and start clearing the living room of empty beer cups, pizza boxes and paper plates of gnawed chicken wings. Your host is not making room for you and your guest to spend the night on the couch. They really want you to return to your own couch no matter what they say.

 

 

Dialog is as Dialog Does

~ John W. Howell ~ 35 Comments

Gravestone of John Howard Payne in Oak Hill Ce...

 

There is a Winter Texan writing group in which I have the pleasure of  participation. This group meets during the months of December through March ( all go back up north) and each week we would do a writing prompt. Most of the prompts are flash fiction and carry a theme. The one below was to be less than three hundred words and include only dialog. I thought maybe you would enjoy this fiction favorite prompt. It is titled John Howard.

“Can I help you young man?”

“Yes I am here to see the president.”

“Is he expecting you?”

“He should be.  I sent him a letter and said I was going to stop by.”

“A letter?”

“Yes.”

“When did you send a letter?”

“I guess it was about a month ago.  The letter asked that my correct name be used since there has been a computer error and the University keeps calling me Howard instead of Howell.”

“Did Dr. Hannah respond to the letter?”

“Yes he did. I got a nice letter back.  Here is a copy read it for yourself.”

“Humm.  Dr. Hannah specifically thanked you for your correspondence and indicated that he would look into your problem.  You say that your name is Howell and not Howard?”

“Yes it has been Howell for the last nineteen years.”

“Yet the letter from Dr. Hannah is addressed to John Howard.”

“This is why I need to see him.”

“Wait here Mr. Howard.  Let me see if I can find someone to help.”

“It’s Howell.”

“Excuse me?”

“My name is Howell not Howard.”

“Oh yes that is what I said. Howard.”

“Howell.”

“I said Howard not Howell.”

“I know.”

“Very well Mr. Howard, I will be right back.”

“Howell.”

“I am only trying to help.”

“I’m sure.”

“I think you should call for an appointment.  Good day Mr. Howard.”

Have a GREAT weekend