Today I randomly opened Eternal Road – The final stop to page 165. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word closest to my finger is “passenger.” That is our prompt today.
“Here we are, YouTubers. This is the freight train switching yard in Peoria, Illinois, and boy, is it cold. Look, there’s someone who looks like they just got off one of the boxcars.”
“Sir, do you mind talking with me for a minute about your experience?”
“What are you recording?”
“I have a YouTube channel and am interviewing working folks around the country.”
“Okay, that sounds pretty harmless.”
“So where are you headed?”
“Trying to get to Florida.”
“You been hopping freights? Are you a hobo?”
“I prefer to call it a privileged passenger.”
“But you’ve been hopping freights.”
“Well, yes. I can’t afford the coach fare of a passenger train, and as you can see, the way I look would cause people concern.”
“Isn’t it dangerous hopping freight cars?”
“Not if you know what you are doing. For me, it’s pretty easy.”
“So why Florida?”
“Well, I have to eat, and opportunities up North get scarce when it gets cold.”
“So, you do outside work?”
“Yup. One hundred percent of the jobs I find are outdoors.”
“I can see why it would be better in Florida. You mentioned it was easy to hop freight trains. Mind sharing your secret?”
“I just hover over one of the cars and then slowly ease down for a perfect landing.”
“I’m surprised you can hang on.”
“See these talons. They grip anything. Plus, when I hunker down, I’m pretty much impervious to the wind.”
“It has been a pleasure talking to you. Mr. Ah.”
“My friends call me Victor.”
“It was great talking to you, Victor.”
“Likewise.”
“So there you have it. A discussion with Victor the Vulture. If you enjoyed the discussion, hit “like” below and we’ll see you next time.
This post was published on March 17th, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day, hopefully it will be handy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on Saint Patrick’s Day
10. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not dye any of your body hair green. If you do, at best, you will get strange looks and a possible reprimand from your boss. At worst, you will have to live with the color until the hair grows out or your divorce is final, whichever comes first.
9. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not try to wish everyone a happy day with a made-up Irish brogue. If you do, at best, you might offend a genuine Irish person. At worst, the genuine Irish person offended might just be the local police officer.
8. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not believe you need to bring your homemade corned beef and cabbage to the office to share. If you do, at best, you might have coworkers avoiding your cube since the smell of cabbage might lead them to believe it is something else. At worst, the hazmat team from office services will have foamed down your work area before you have a chance to explain.
7. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not think of Guinness stout as just like any other beer when you go out to celebrate with your coworkers. If you do, at best, you might have to find a ride home. At worst, you might have to rehearse your apology for your coworkers and your boss in an effort to salvage your job.
6. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not sing your favorite limericks, no matter how innocent you believe them to be. If you do, at best, you will start a round of Limericks that aren’t so innocent. At worst, the local authorities will be called in to calm the disturbance reported by those within earshot of what can best be described as X-rated songs.
5. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not follow the suggestion of a coworker to play a Leprechaun at the cake and coffee gathering. If you do, at best, you will be the laughing stock till next year. At worst, you will be asked by your boss to play the leprechaun at the family St. Patrick’s Day picnic, and there is still snow on the ground.
4. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not wish everyone Erin Go Bragh unless you know what it means. If you don’t know what it means and say it to the wrong person, at best, you may get some weird looks. At worst, you may find yourself embroiled in a political battle with someone with a different view.
3. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not think Bushnell’s whisky in coffee is no more harmful than sugar. If you do, at best, you may find yourself slurring your words when you say Erin Go Bragh. At worst, you may find yourself totally wide awake and unable to find your way home.
2. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not put any kind of green-colored hat on your head. If you do, at best, you will look ridiculous. At worst, several photos will be snapped that will live on the internet forever.
1. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not drink anything green. If you do, at best, you will have the lips of a lizard. At worst, you will need to schedule a dentist appointment to have your teeth restored to their original color unless you plan to attend a vampire convention.
The Lakeway Police Department hosted an event called Coffee with a Cop. It was an opportunity for the community to meet police officers and leadership informally. The event was on Friday, but through the miracle of time travel, we can go back. We are catered by Maie Day of Austin, and our entertainment is The Police
A review of the menu on the coffee machine does nothing to change my mind. It’s going to be a double coffee in a 10 0z mug. That would be 8oz of the stuff that stops the low-caffeine alarm horn, and about 2oz of half-and-half. The button is pushed, and the aroma fills the air. The cup is ready, and the first sip puts out the fire of addiction. The second sip raises the Westminster chimes and is accompanied by the ear-bleeding warnings blasted out by the hounds of Baskerville, known as Twiggy and Tempeste. A quick toss of a bacon-flavored Bene bone for each into the soundproof room, followed by a door slam, brings peace back to the valley.
A quick check of the monitor shows a character who looks very much like Elmer Fudd standing on the porch, holding a letter. After a back-and-forth conversation about leaving the letter, it is clear that the door has to be opened. With a sigh, the shutdown process is begun.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. The MH-60 Jayhawk Helicopter hovering over the house is diverted. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The Tasmanian Devil is directed to the food in his cage, and the door drops. The electronic jammer is kept active, given a situation with a robot not too long ago. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
The Elmer Fudd-looking guy hands me the envelope and the clipboard. When signed, I keep the letter and return the clipboard. The Elmer Fudd-looking guy has a shotgun and is casually pointing it at me. Reaching into my pocket and pulling out a five-dollar bill produces a smile on Fudd-like’s face. Rolling it up and stuffing it into one barrel of the shotgun causes Fudd-like to turn and walk away.
The envelope is from Linda Hill. There is a message inside which reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “review.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!
Everyone in life has likely gone through it at least once: losing a wallet can be stressful to say the least.
So can delivering snail mail in -11°F, but that didn’t stop a Pennsylvania postal worker from doing a good deed when presented with the opportunity.
25-year-old Bruce Armah, a new member of the mail team, found a wallet half-buried in the snow in Coraopolis, near Pittsburgh. He tucked it away in his car and continued on his route, but not because he meant to steal anything.
Finishing his shift, he looked for an ID of sorts that might include an address, and thankfully, there was. Speaking with CBS News Pittsburgh’s Barry Pintar, Armah explained why he struck out at the end of a long day in his own car to return the wallet to its rightful owner.
“It was my father’s good deeds,” Armah said, explaining that his father taught him that he should do the same in the stranger’s position. “He lost his wallet, and someone returned it to him, so I was just returning the favor.”
His father’s wisdom at heart, Armah arrived in Clinton, only to find that the wallet’s owner had moved all the way to McDonald, which, for readers not familiar with the area, is many miles away. He nonetheless made the hike—driving 52 miles in total after work to and from the owner’s house—to return that favor his father had experienced all those years ago.
“There was $100 cash in there, credit cards, ID, healthcare cards,” said the husband of the wallet’s owner, Matt Bryan. “He wanted nothing in return; he just said it was the right thing to do.”
Bryan wouldn’t let sleeping dogs lie, and quickly told his own mailman about the incident, who in turn told another postal service worker, who told another, until it caught the ear of their boss, who commended Armah for taking so much time and effort at the end of a long, taxing, cold day.
His father would be proud.
The good news in this story is that there are people out there who care to do the right thing. Today’s JohnKu celebrates those who do care. I hope you have a super weekend.
Today, I randomly opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 141. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word closest to my finger was “document.” This is our prompt.
“They won’t let me stay there until I get a complete bill of health.”
“You look healthy.”
“I know. The parents are pretty upset.”
“About what?”
“Well, they wanted me to go to camp, as you know.”
“You still can after the doctor’s visit.”
“That’s just it. The doctor can’t see me until next week.”
“So?”
“The camp starts this week.”
“Still, you can go to the next session.”
“That’s true, but the parents had planned to go on a trip while I was away.”
“Can’t they postpone a week?”
“I heard them say something about no refunds on the tickets.”
“Yeah, that does hit hard. You wanna come stay at my house?”
“You’d better ask your parents before the offer.”
“Nah. Here’s how we play it. We’ll go to my house, and I’ll look all excited to have you there.”
“What does that do?”
“My parents will feel sorry for you and let you stay until they can contact your parents. Once they do, hopefully, your parents will let mine know the fix they are in. My parents will offer to keep you. Problem solved.”
“Sounds great. Just one hitch.”
“What’s that?”
“How will they be able to contact my parents?”
“Your collar.”
“Huh?”
“Your phone number is on your collar. Now, let’s go.”
This post was published on April 14, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Opening day is coming, so we’d better get prepared.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Attending the Opening Day of Baseball
10. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not dress like you would at the playoffs. If you do, at best, a Good Samaritan will loan you a coat. At worst, you might need to be treated for hypothermia, frostbite, or both.
9. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not sit in an uncovered seat, even if you consider yourself a bleacher bum. If you do, at best, you might just get rained on. At worst, you will get caught under a ton of snow or hailstones and will require rescue by the ski patrol.
8. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not start a fire to keep warm. If you do, at best, you’ll be pressed by a bunch of strangers all trying to get warm, too. At worst, the league might just present you with an invoice for $100M to replace the stadium, which burned to the ground before the end of the game.
7. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not think Brandy will help keep away the cold. If you do, at best, you may only forget where you came in. At worst, you might see yourself on the nightly news being dragged off the field by several policemen while you yell, “Hey, ump, you blind?”
6. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not think you can hide from your boss since you told a fib about where you would be. If you do, at best, your boss will be in the next row, and you’ll have to spend the entire game hunkered down and quiet so you don’t get his attention. At worst, it will be your luck to be featured as the fan of the day on the nightly news, which your boss never misses.
5. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not attend the game with anyone of the opposite sex without telling your significant other. If you do, at best, you will run into a neighbor who will wonder who is with you, which will remind you to text your significant other, so there will be no unpleasant surprises when you get home. At worst, the giant gametron will catch you both sharing a laugh and will surround you with one of those annoying hearts demanding that you kiss, which, if you do because you both indulged in the brandy of #7, will be featured on the nightly news your partner never misses.
4. When attending the opening day of baseball, as a company team building function, do not force everyone to join you in eating a bag of peanuts just because it is mentioned in the song. If you do, at best, you might have problems with co-workers at work the next day. At worst, you might be named in a class action suit by those who are grossly allergic to peanuts.
3. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not bring a mitt thinking you will catch a ball. If you do, at best, people will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, you may be the subject of an intervention by family members concerned with your ability to grasp reality unless you actually catch a ball.
2. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not root against the home team. If you do, even if you like the visitors, at best, you will have some grumpy people around you. At worst, you could find yourself wishing you had a warm towel to go with the ice-cold beer on your head.
1. When attending the opening day of baseball, do not think the players can’t hear your insults from the stands. If you do, at best, you might get a classic gesture from one of the players that implies you should be mated. At worst, you might encounter a phalanx of very big players in the parking lot, all interested in giving you a personal remembrance of the game in the form of eyes that resemble the Raccoon mascot.
