Top Ten Things Not To Do During the French Revolution

~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments
Ten Things not to do
FRANCE – JANUARY 16: Execution of Marie Antoinette on October 16, 1793, painting from that time by an unknown Danish artist. France, 18th century. (Photo by DeAgostini/Getty Images)

 

The inspiration for this list was a suggestion by Maria KethuProfumo that perhaps I could do some historical Top Ten Things Not to Do. I asked Y’all if you would enjoy such a fantasy trip and the majority said, “Yes.” So here is the first edition. Thank you, Maria, and I hope you get some visits to your beautiful blog.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do During the French Revolution

10 If you were in France during the revolution, do not wear your best clothes while walking on the street. If you do, at best you will be suspected of being a monarch supporter. At worst, you will be arrested, tried, convicted, and face the guillotine. (You have to admit it, Frank. These folks have no patience with cleanliness or fine clothes. Get ready for a really close shave.)

9 If you were in France during the revolution, do not accept a ride on a two-wheel wagon driven by Tiny the Revolutionary champ who just got an award for loyalty. If you do, at best you sneak off before you reach the plaza. At worst, you have a difficult time trying to convince Tiny that you are not part of the monarchy and are now trussed up like a turkey. (Those wagons are for transporting prisoners to the guillotine, Felix. What were you thinking?)

8 If you were in France during the revolution, do not wear your “I Love Louis XVI” pin. If you do, at best most folks will think you are joking. At worst, a mob of villagers will ensure you are no longer a threat to the revolution. (What do all these people want, Fredrick. Why do they continue to yell “Off with his head?” This is not Wonderland.)

7 If you were in France during the revolution, do not take the tour of the Bastille even if you paid in advance. If you do, at best the tour will be quick, and you’ll be out before the storming. At worst, you will be mistaken for a defender of the Bastille by the storming crowds. (I would try to remember how to use that saber, Flynn. You are not going to convince that crowd that you are a tourist.)

6 If you were in France during the revolution, do not forget to wear your Liberté, égalité, fraternité T-shirt whenever you go outside. If you do forget, at best you’ll still look like a peasant. At worst, your judgemental air will get you into court. (There doesn’t seem to be a whole bunch of innocent until proven guilty thought around this place huh, Fabio. Next stop the ultimate haircut.)

5 If you were in France during the revolution, do not wear your “I’m With Robespierre,” shirt past the expiration date. If you do, at best you’ll be reminded that he is now thought of as a traitor. At worst, you and Robespierre will become fast friends before the blade falls. ( You gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em, Federico. Don’t be a fool let Robespierre go first. Who knows a miracle could happen.”)

4 If you were in France during the revolution, do not tell folks that you really prefer cake. If you do, at best you might be looked upon as a fool. At worst, those you talk to might think you are a supporter of Marie Antoinette. ( you know exactly where this is going to lead don’t you, Finlay?)

3 If you were in France during the revolution, do not continue to joke about wanting a Napoleon for dessert. If you do, at best you might need a steak for that black eye. At worst, you might need a priest for that long walk to the guillotine. (When no one laughed the tenth time you might have gotten the hint, Finian.)

2 If you were in France during the revolution, do not continue to tell everyone how beautiful you think the Palace of Versailles is in the sunlight. If you do, at best they will be too busy to take you seriously. At worst, you and one hundred of your closest Versaille resident friends will be marched into Paris. (Another trial, Finian. This is getting tiring. The good news is this is tip the executioner free day at the guillotine.)

1 If you were in France during the revolution, do not assume the flag you are flying is that of the revolutionists. If you do, at best you picked right. At worst, your three gold fleur-de-lis on white background although beautiful will attract bullets. (Never believe a guy on the street who sold it to you, Fitz. Now you need to take cover.)

As a reminder, this is my last post until I recover from surgery.

Views of the Neighborhood – Golf Carts

~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

This week I thought I would go out and see how the golf cart business is doing. Mid-week I went to Bron’s Beach Carts to take a photo of the lot. I did this so that I could come back on Saturday and take another shot. A lot filled on Wednesday and empty on Saturday means tourists are here. I know not very scientific but better than nothing.

Her is a far away shot of Brons. You can see some carts in the lot.

A closer look at the entrance.  Looks like a guy has been waiting quite a while for public transportation.

Here is another shot of the lot. That sign advertises drinks to go. You can get frozen drinks in giant economy sizes.

Here is a shot of the entertainment area. Bron’s has live entertainment weekly. Also, they have a late night bonfire. Coupled with those frozen drinks can you spell fun?

Here is a lounge area

Another close-up. You can see the live music sign on the left. Bron’s has to be the most fun cart rental store on the island.

So here is a shot of the cart lot on Saturday. Nothing but automobiles.

A few carts left, but mostly all gone.

Certainly more cars than carts. I checked some other places, and the results are the same. Here is one example.

Before

After

Looks like the tourists are here for a few more final weekends.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Bodily Functions

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

 

Stream of Consciousness

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “bodily functions.” Yup, you heard me right. Flipping bodily functions. Linda Hill says we can write about one or a whole bunch of bodily functions. If you would like to engage in frying your brain as I do each week, please visit Linda Hill’s blog and find out how easy it is to do just that. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-11-18/

Bodily Functions by John W. Howell © 2018

“Why so glum chum?”

“I just went up the Hill so to speak and got my prompt for today.”

“You always love these prompts.  Is this one different?”

“Not different just a big challenge.”

“How so?”

“The prompt is bodily functions.”

Bruuuuhahahahah. You have to be kidding.”

“No. I’m serious. We can write about one or a whole bunch. My problem is I can only think of one.”

“Oh come on. It can’t be that bad. What is the one?”

“Pooping.”

“Whoa. You can’t write about that. Yours is a family friendly blog.”

“Yeah tell me. I did think of another.”

“Okay with some caution I’ll ask what are you thinking.”

“Breathing.”

“Yeah, now there you go. Talk about breathing.”

“I feel better already. Let’s see there are different kinds of breathing.”

“Go on.”

“When you are running you breathe harder.”

“Good.”

“When you sweat and run your breath is different. Wait, another bodily function, sweat.”

“Excellent. I think you’re going to kill this.”

“When you are quiet and resting your breath is easy.”

“Almost poetic. Go on.”

“When you kiss someone your breathing can become deeper. I got it. Saliva production is another bodily function.”

“You are the master.”

“Where was I? Oh, yes kissing.  Makes the heart beat faster. Heartbeat has to be another bodily function.”

“You are taking strange paths to get there, but I have to say you are getting there.”

“Then as the kissing gets more heated—”

“Stop.”

“What do you mean, ‘stop”‘

“You are now starting to concern me again. Where are you going with this?”

“I was going to mention goosebumps. What is wrong with goosebumps?”

“Okay. Nothing wrong with goosebumps. Proceed.”

“Then if all works well there’s the orgasm.”

“One toke over the line my friend. One toke over the line.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments
Hey, Dad. Where you going?

 

Friday is here, and we can look forward to a super weekend.

I want to let you all know that I will be taking a sabbatical from my blog, twitter, and Facebook beginning Tuesday, August 14th. My last post will be on Monday.

My leave is due to a needed knee replacement procedure on Monday, August 13th. I’ll be hospitalized for at least two days.  I’m not sure how long my absence will be but want you to know, so you won’t wonder where I went. I don’t think I’ll be stopping by to leave comments on your posts until I’m sure my brain is clear. There is nothing worse than having to apologize for an incoherent response with the phrase, “That was the oxycodone talking.”

I hope my absence won’t be too long but in situations like this one never knows.

Thank you for your support and understanding.

Today’s JohnKu talks about absence. Have a great weekend.

Absence by John W. Howell © 2018

We appreciate,

Those we are used to seeing . . .

And miss when absent.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Needs Her Rest

~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

“Hi, Lucy. Why so glum?”

“Twiggy is under the sofa and won’t play with me.”

“Oh, I’m sure she is resting or something.”

“She says she is tired of playing”

“Tired? What’s that about?”

“We were running around pretty hard.”

“Well, there you are. She is tired. Give her some time.”

“You think so, Boss? I hope she isn’t coming down with something.”

“Twiggy. Come out of there and let’s have a discussion.”

“Good girl, Lucy. She will listen to you.”

Twiggy

“I don’t feel like playing, Lucy I need a little rest.”

“But we can take it a little slower.”

“Any ideas Bailey?”

“I’d get a treat and lure her out.”

Twiggy

“Okay. The rest is over. Here I am.”

“How about we do tug of war?”

“We can play whatever you want, Little stuff.”

“Aw. Thank you, Lucy.”

“I’m glad you feel better. I know we play a little hard sometimes.”

“It’s okay. I love playing with you.”

“I thought we were going to play.”

“How about we play I SPY with our eyes closed.”

“But you won’t be able to see anything.”

“I know Little Potato, but we can pretend.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 49 Comments
Unique funny hump day memes Hump Day Dog memes quickmeme funny stuff Pinterest

It is Wednesday story day, and last week we left Andrew with the head of the municipal IT department. I think we were taken back with the IT manager being so full of himself. Well, I think our opinion doesn’t count if he is able to come up with a solution to the deleted file. I see Andrew and Larry are back in Larry’s office. We should go there to see what is going on.

“So you talked to the head of IT?”

“I did, and he is trying a unique approach to a solution to the deleted file problem.”

“Do tell.”

“He thinks there might be an old tape which was used as a backup. The big problem is if he finds the tape he will need to find a reader.”

“Any line on a reader.”

“Yeah, he thinks one of his suppliers might have a customer using a reader. If so we can use it and get the deleted file back in its original form.”

“Terrific. I do have a question though.”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“What do we have when we get the deleted file?”

“I’m betting my old notes will give us some forensic basis for determining how the heart was disintegrated. and maybe this will be a thread to the motive.”

“Can’t you just remember what you wrote?”

“You’re kidding, right? Tell me the last thing you wrote down on a piece of paper.”

“What do you mean?”

“Even if it was yesterday. Tell me the last thing you wrote. You know, pen or pencil in hand and a piece of paper.”

“Damn. I can’t remember.”

“You know why?”

“Not really.”

“It’s because when you write something down your brain knows it does not have to store that piece of information. So it remembers where you wrote it but not the content.”

“I get it. I remember making notes about another case but can’t tell you what I said.”

“There you go. So how can I remember what I wrote ten years ago?”

“Yeah, I see. So chasing after this deleted file is worth the time and effort.”

“I think so for sure.”

Then let’s hope the head of IT knows something about getting that tape to work.”

“He has to find it first.”

“Yeah, of course. I have faith.”

“I’m glad one of us does.”

Tuesday- Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #186 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or website, next Monday.”

The photo

Kreative Kue #186

“Easy guys, easy.”
“You say something, Frank?”
“No, I didn’t say anything.”
“Could have sworn I heard something.”
“We need to get control of this bird.”
“Fat chance Dumbo.”
“Come on, Gerry. You don’t have to be insulting.”
“What are you talking about?”
” I said. ‘We have to get control of this bird,’ and you called me, ‘Dumbo.”‘
“I did nothing of the sort.”
“Sure you did fathead.”
“Alright, Frank. I think we have had it for the day.”
“Now what?”
“You just called me fathead.”
“You must be imagining things. I didn’t call you anything.”
“Your mother wears combat boots.”
“Okay, Gerry. Secure your bird. I definitely do not want to do this anymore.”
“Fine with me.”
“Sissy.”
That’s it, Frank. As soon as I get this bird tethered you and I are going to have a serious discussion about friendship.”
“Yeah, well bring it on.”
“Okay smart guy. How about I give you a smack on the chin.”
“I haven’t said a word, Gerry. You are getting worked up over nothing.”
“And you are the nothing.”
“Nice. Get that bird in the car and come on back. I think you have a whooping coming.”
“Forget the bird let’s get it on. Oh, wait.  He just broke loose.”
“Hey, you guys. Bird one. Humans zero.”
“You know that bird could talk?”
“I think it is more like that bird can mind control. No, I didn’t. What about that whooping.”
“Ah, that was just the bird talkin.’ How about a beer.”
“You’re on. Too bad he got away.”
“Why?”
“Could have made some money.”
“And lose your mind.”
“Yeah, and that. Let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media

~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

 

The inspiration for this post was another post by award-winning author Jan Sikes. Jan was wondering out loud whether or not we were all sharing too much on our social media efforts. In a comment back and forth she suggested doing a “Top Ten Things Not to Do” post. You can see Jan’s post HERE. You should visit her blog just to take a look at the five books she has written.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media.

10 If you are on social media, do not publish a photo of yourself making a hand gesture. If you do, at best the gesture has an innocent intent. At worst, your gesture no matter how honest is seen by others as a reason to find out where you live. (It is incredible that you have all those people on your front lawn, Espen. What do you think they are carrying torches and pitchforks?)

9 If you are on social media, do not post that you believe WWF wrestling is fake. If you do, at best Tiny the WWF champ is out of the country without access to the internet. At worst, your post pops up on Tiny’s feed. (Looking through the peephole in your door does not give you the whole view of what is about to happen, Ethan. In fact, I would back up a bit, so you are not hit by flying splinters. Better yet, run for your life.)

8 If you are on social media, do not engage in a back and forth discussion on politics with someone who has an AK 47 as a Gravatar. If you do, at best you’ll stop before going too far. At worst, your last comment which has no retort will be followed by a high-pitched tone. (That tone is the sound of an incoming rocket-propelled grenade, Eupeithes. I would take cover.)

7 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your dinner no matter where it is to be eaten. If you do, at best most will miss it. At worst, the two likes you receive will be indicative of how poorly ham hocks and sour kraut with a side of succotash come across in a photo. (The fact that most of your readers decided to skip their dinner will come back to haunt you, Eurystheus.)

6 If you are on social media, do not publish a GIF that blinks on and off with colorful stars and a giant pair of lips. If you do, at best at least one reader will think it is cute. At worst, you will trigger several psychological and physical events that will hold you forever libel. ( I guess you had no idea the strobe effect would cause such a reaction, Evann. The injury attorneys will find that laughable.)

5 If you are on social media, do not broadcast the fact that you are not home. If you do, at best none of your readers is a cat burglar. At worst, you’ll return home from your trip to an empty house. (Normally you are used to being alone at home, Everardo but no furniture is a bit stark.)

4 If you are on social media, do not rant about a minor inconvenience in your day. If you do, at best folks will just ignore you. At worst, you’ll get other stories that make your problem sound like a blessing. (Now don’t you feel like a dope, Evgeni. You just had to demonstrate how shallow you are didn’t you?)

3 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your new expensive purchases. If you do, at best your materialism will define you. At worst, those followers who have significantly less than you seem to have will drop you like a hot potato. ( I know you were happy you got that BMW, Evzen. All those folks in a ten-year-old Honda can’t help but be jealous.)

2  If you are on Social media, do not pretend to be recommending products that you like when in reality you are being paid. If you do, at best your recommendations will be ignored. At worst you will support something that doesn’t work. (Now you have an angry bunch of readers, Eric. What’s that they are saying about a class action suit?)

1 If you are on social media, don’t forget that your followers are individuals and deserve the best you have to offer. If you do forget, at best a few unfollows will wake you up. At worst, you will need to start over with a new approach. (Funny how those thousands of followers disappeared isn’t it, Edward?)

Views of the Neighborhood – The Harbor

~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

It’s such a nice day, I thought a walk around the Marina might be relaxing. Sorry about the lateness of this post. I messed up the scheduling. Hope you enjoy.

Roberts Point park

The marina is connected to the park. This sign is a Hurricane Harvey survivor.

Lots of nice boats.

Two shrimp trawlers off in the distance.

The PollyAnna and a lot of new slips that are open.

Two nice boats.

I have to alert Deborah that the pole is bent and the sign is straight.

This is named the Jetty Boat and runs people to St Joe’s Island. There is nothing on St Joes except shells.

A sightseeing boat.

Two beautiful fishing boats.

I came home with this picture and told the Producer that I had found our boat. She was not impressed.

More fishing boats across the channel.

Some folks doing some fishing off the harbor jetty. Those are granite rocks.

Always nice to have the Army Corps of Engineers around.

My kind of boat. 35-foot Bertram

Some men working on installing the new docks.

Day fishing boat. Named La Pesca (Why not?).

No fish flag flying.

Review of “The Contract Between Heaven and Earth” by Gwen Plano and John Howell

~ John W. Howell ~ 5 Comments

Marcha Fox an outstanding Sci-Fi author of the Star Trails Tetralogy series has reviewed The Contract. Marcha has a fascinating background at NASA and her “about” tab makes for great reading. You can also find her books there. Thank you so much, Marcha.

Marcha's Two-Cents Worth's avatarMarcha's Two-Cents Worth

contract

I really enjoyed the original premise of this fast-moving thriller. I must admit that it is the first book in quite a while that I stayed up into the wee-hours of the night to finish. The characters were well-developed and engaging. I also appreciated the fact that it was nicely edited, thus lacking any typos or other issues that tripped up my engagement with the characters and plot.

It was truly cross-genre, not only of two, i.e. thriller and romance, but also a paranormal/spiritual element as well, all of which were nicely intertwined in a non-contrived manner. I have only two criticisms, one of which is I would have liked to have seen a bit more plot complexity for something that supposedly had the potential to destroy the world. Exactly who, how, and why were never satisfactorily revealed. My other criticism is that there was at least one major loose…

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