Keith Channing is still on break, so it is time for a finger-point prompt once again. Today, we have opened that non-New York Times bestseller, Eternal Road – The final stop by the world infamous author, John W. Howell. Randomly it was opened to page 167, and again randomly, a finger was pointed to the page. Of course, the word closest to the finger is prompt. In this case, the word is ‘thunderstorm.’ Since I have no idea what will come out as I proceed, I hope you will enjoy whatever it is.
“That noise. I can’t believe we can hear it. The sound of a ball rolling on a wooden floor.”
“That is thunder.”
“Thunder? Oh, I don’t think so.”
“Yes. It is the sound that lightning makes.”
“Huh?”
“When there is lightning, the thunder is the resulting sound.”
“Okay. But I see lightning, and then the thunder comes later.”
“That’s cause light travels faster than sound. So an old trick is to count the seconds from the time you see the lightning until you hear the thunder.”
“What does that tell me.”
“How far away the thunderstorm. One mile for each second.”
“Where did you learn that?”
“Not sure. Maybe school. All I know is you don’t want to be outside when there is a thunderstorm.”
“There’s that sound again. I didn’t see any lightning.”
“Maybe it is because the curtains are closed.”
“Why do they call it a thunderstorm? Shouldn’t it be called a lightning storm?”
“Yeah, good point. I’m not sure.”
“Maybe that should be something we investigate.”
“Yeah, along with how come we hear thunder with no lightning.”
“I think I have the answer.”
“Okay, tell me.”
“We live above a bowling alley, Mr. Thunder expert.”
One thing not to do is mess up a schedule for a post that was supposed to run two days after Christmas. You may have noticed that I scheduled the Top Ten post by mistake, and it ran yesterday. Sadly this kind of thing throws everyone off. I do apologize.
Rather than pull it down, I decided to let it run and explain it today. If you missed it, here is a link. Top Ten Link
Since we are coming to a close in 2021, I thought it would be fun to capture some of the past Views of the Neighborhood by giving a sample of some of the best subject views. We don’t have a catered event, but I’m sure you can remember some of the best menus. We won’t need to get on the bus since we have already gone there. I hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane.
The most Holiday laughs
Cutest Holiday topper.
Best Axis Deer shot.
Funniest Turkey
Best Halloween
Best waterfall.
Best trash.
Best art show
Best bluebonnets
Best Twiggy and Lucy photo (at least the happiest)
Best non-holiday mailbox topper
Best tree planting.
Best spring flowers.
Best Fawn.
Best treasure hunt.
Best Snow (January 2021)
I hope you enjoyed the tour, and I wish you a great week.
This post ran on December 29th, 2015. I think there is still some relevant advice. I hope you enjoy it even though it ran one day early.
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Since this is Monday, you should expect a Top Ten list. This week will be the same as the others for the last year. So YES, here is the Ten Things Not to Do list (although a little late today). This week’s list was inspired by a New Year’s Eve party I attended (or maybe many). I’m not saying if I was a perpetrator of any of these things, but I hope you enjoy them.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve.
10 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to set a personal record for alcohol consumption. If you do, at best, your evening will close early. At worst, New Year’s Day will represent your personal purgatory, just begging for relief. (Getting off your knees might be the first step to redemption)
9 On New Year’s Eve, do not set resolutions that you think would be great to accomplish if you were a superhero. If you do, at best, you will not last a week on your new plan. At worst, you will consider your failure at resolutions to be among one of the many failures for the year. (Now you need to be talked down off the ledge)
8 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your goodwill to humankind feeling leftover from the holidays should be demonstrated by public displays of affection for everyone you meet. If you do, at best, most will try to dodge your advances. At worst, there will be one person who will think you are the new lost love that they have been searching for their whole life. (Now you have someone stalking you for months despite the restraining order)
7 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your stomach deserves to be challenged with copious amounts of strange food. If you do, at best, your later hours will be spent in a degree of discomfort. At worst, your stomach will get even when you least expect it. (Yes, it is two in the morning, and that’s you calling trains into the ceramic microphone)
6 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your off-key singing throughout the year will suddenly get better with the addition of Champaign. If you do, at best, you will still draw the same looks you got for the rest of the year. At worst, you will begin to gather stray cats and dogs who think you are calling them for dinner while singing Auld Lang Sine. (Better find some kibble fast)
5 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your famous green monster punch will be enjoyed by everyone. If you insist everyone try it, at best, your party may end early. At worst, you may be responsible for sending some guests over the edge due to a strong allergy to Everclear and, if not an allergy, certainly a diminished capability for strong drink. (hint green carpet spots never come up)
4 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to surprise your significant other with a mystery destination that you promise will make the best New Year’s Eve ever. If you do, at best, you may have selected a place that has some negative memories. At worst, you may spend the entire evening lost in a strange neighborhood which will not be the best destination. (It might be the most memorable as the prime reason your significant other is no longer significant and not your other)
3 On New Year’s Eve, do not get all romantic if all year you act as if romance was as welcome as the measles. If you do, at best, you will look ridiculous. At worst, you could cause a significant upset to the person you are ordinarily ambivalent about. (How was that first dose of pepper spray?)
2 On New Year’s Eve, do not think it a good idea to put that lampshade on your head. If you do, at best, some will laugh not with you but at you. At worst, the shade is an antique given to the host by a grandmother just before her demise, and now it is on the floor under your fanny after you slipped on a bottle and fell to the floor. (Oh, though you would like to know, the video on U Tube has gone viral)
1 On New Year’s Eve, do not think you have to stay up past a reasonable hour to see in the New Year. If you do, at best, the next day’s activities will be a challenge. At worst, you will throw off your sleep cycle, not to mention nodding off at your mother-in-law’s New Year’s Day family gathering. (The pool of drool on the damask fabric of the antique couch will be your mark forever)
Two widowed penguins seemingly comfort one another as they gaze upon Melbourne’s lights. St Kilda, Australia. Tobias Baumgaertner, Finalist Community Choice Award
An excerpt of a story by By Margherita Cole on December 29, 2020, in My Modern Met. For the whole story, click on Margherita’s name.
“I posted this image of these two Fairy penguins a little more than half a year ago, and since then it has circled the globe, it has been seen by millions, and I have received thousands of messages and comments of how these two little guys have touched and mended broken hearts, brought joy, hope, and love into your lives,” Baumgaertner said on his Instagram. “It has become a symbol of togetherness and love. Times are still not easy for many of us, [so] I repeat what I wrote back then. During times like this, the truly lucky ones are those that can be with the person/people they love most.”
The German wildlife photographer spent three nights with the Fairy penguin colony in St. Kilda in hopes of attaining the perfect picture. Although the conditions were difficult, and he wasn’t able to use any lights, his patience finally paid off when he captured two penguins comforting each other in front of the pier. “A volunteer approached me and told me that the white one was an elderly lady who had lost her partner and apparently so did the younger male to the left,” Baumgaertner wrote. “Since then, they meet regularly, comforting each other and standing together for hours watching the dancing lights of the nearby city.”
Today’s JohnKu talks about Christmas Eve. A very Merry Christmas to all who celebrate.
In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.combefore 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
This post originally ran on December 22, 2014. I think it still might give you a smile today.
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This list is inspired by the holiday season and is a result of watching the behavior of folks as we get nearer to the final day. As with all my lists, there is not much redeeming value here but are designed to (maybe) get a smile. Also, some of these items may seem contrary to the spirit of the season, but I can assure you they are.
Top Ten Things Not to do During the Holiday Season.
10 During the holidays, do not invite strangers to your home even if the spirit moves you. If you do, at best, you may have an awkward moment or two. At worst, you might just wonder what happened to the house full of furniture which was there when you went off to church. (You wanted to redecorate anyway, right?)
9 During the holidays, do not accidentally drop more money than you intended into the Salvation Army kettle. If you do, at best, you will have given to a worthy cause. At worst, you will have to explain to the family about the lack of presents due to your generosity somewhere else. (Yeah, they will understand.)
8 During the holidays, do not think you have to buy everyone you know a gift. If you do, at best, you will undoubtedly earn the cheerful giver award. At worst, you may create an identity crisis with those who did not buy a gift for you, causing them to rush out and get you something, or even worse, re-gift the gift you gave them last year. (You thought that tie looked familiar)
7 During the holidays, always remind yourself that self-medication is not a wise thing during times of stress. If you don’t, at best, you will get off easy with a nip of egg nog. At worst, you will find yourself saying some of the dumbest things to those you barely know and what you think are the most brilliant things to those who no longer call you friends. ( You learned to never mention hair color under any circumstances)
6 During the holidays, do not put off your shopping to ‘get into the season.” If you do, At best, you may have to pay more for items that are in short supply. At worst, all the gifts you were going to buy are no longer in stock, so you will have to make last-minute substitutions that will be second-rate and not at all what anyone can remotely appreciate. (Gas station beef jerky, for example)
5 During the holidays, do not touch anything outside your home. If you do, at best, you will come down with a cold from a germ left on that innocent door handle. At worst, you will be quarantined by the CDC because whatever you picked up is not currently identified and is assumed to result from a terrorist attack. The upside here is the CDC has a lovely assortment of Christmas carol CDs that they are happy to play repeatedly. (Never knew Santa Claus is Coming to Town was recorded by 250 artists, did you?)
4 During the holidays, do not think you can pick up that holiday turkey on your way home on Christmas eve. If you do, at best only the twenty-five pounders will be available. At worst, the only thing left in the meat department is a package of Hog Maw leftover either from Thanksgiving or the butcher’s hunting trip. (You’ll never convince the family that hog maw and beans tastes like turkey.)
3 During the holidays, do not think you need to have an old-fashioned Christmas by subjecting your neighbors to your family’s off-key carols. If you do, at best, you will get polite smiles and some hot chocolate. At worst, you and the family will need to run for your lives as the neighbor yells, “Don’t worry. Bruno already ate.” (Man, that dog is big.)
2 During the holidays, do not try to attend every event. If you do, at best, you will be sleep-deprived and will have lost the spirit of the season. At worst, you will need to consume copious amounts of caffeine, which will lead to an unnerving appearance that might cause holiday revelers to actually believe the story of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” (Or even worse, think the Christmas tale of the Zombie is real.)
1 During the holidays, do not despair over small things that you forgot. If you do, at best, things will seem worse as a result. At worst, your family will undoubtedly be forced to look forward to the coming of spring when the state promises to review your case again. (A gas station hold-up is never the answer.)
Since this is the last Sunday before Christmas, I thought it would be fun to cruise the neighborhood and take in some decorations. Also, since we are going out at night, I thought it would be good to have desserts. We are being catered by Spot in New York City. Our entertainment is Bruce Springsteen.
Choose from the menu
So hop on the bus and let’s go.
First, a stop at the Little Library, which is all decorated.
A giant figure in the front yard.
Probably CEO of the electric company.
A multicolored display.
A unicorn and color-coordinated lights.
Santa and elves. One in a helicopter.
I took this in the daytime. Pretty bland.
Look at it at night. A wowzaa.
Here is the purple house which you have seen many times decked out for the holiday.
A night view of the purple house.
Here is the gate decoration of a big ole single-family house.
A night view of the decoration. Notice the red nose on the longhorn.
That’s it for this year.
The Producer, Twiggy, Lucy, and I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Now relax, have some food and listen to Bruce sing Santa is Coming to Town.
