Tag: author

Tuesday – Anything Possible -Kreative Kue #291 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

The Sale by John W. Howell © 2020

“Excuse me.”

“Yes, Can we help you?”

“Are you all friends?”

“Yes, we are. Why do you ask?”

“It is amazing to me that Easterners and Westerners can be friends, is all.”

“Well, we’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Which means you would do anything for each other.”

“Yes, that is true. We are puzzled by your questions.”

“Let me come to the point then.”

“That would be great cause you are starting to concern us.”

“This woman with me has something that I think you need.”

“And what would that be?”

“I see you all are unshod.”

“Unshod? Oh, you mean we have no shoes?”

“Yes, that’s it.”

“We are taking advantage of the warm sand. Our shoes are right over there.”

“Where?”

“Oh, my goodness. They were there a minute ago.”

“Shows how fleeting possessions can become. Fear not, for we have the answer. A nice pair of shoes for each of you in your size.”

“Wait a minute. Those are our shoes.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I bought those boots in town.”

“So maybe we have a case of disputed ownership here.”

“Yeah, maybe we need the police.”

“At your service.”

“Huh?”

“In addition to a cobbler, I’m the deputy peace officer for the township.”

“My word.”

“And today, I have a special on both shoes and arrests. Both for only ten dollars each.”

“So if I want to buy an arrest for the woman?”

“Ten dollars.”

“And if I want the shoes?”

“Ten dollars.”

“Both?”

“Twenty dollars.”

“So to buy the shoes is the cheapest option.”

“You have a quick mind, sir.”

“How about my friends?”

“I can arrest them at a special rate.”

“No, I mean their shoes.”

“Two for ten dollars.”

“Fine, you have me. I’ll take the shoes.”

“That will be thirty dollars.”

“Wait, you said ten dollars for my shoes and ten dollars for my friends. That’s twenty dollars.”

“Shipping and handling. A total of ten dollars for the order.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Folies Bergère Revue in 1886

~ John W. Howell ~ 134 Comments

 

This week marks the 134th anniversary of the first revue stages at the Folies Bergere theater in Paris in 1886. The show was quite a hit, and we certainly want to be there. Grab the list of the Top Ten things not to do so we don’t cause a time continuum tear. Hop in James’s Oldsmobile, and let’s go.

James Wainwright’s Oldsmobile from Eternal Road – The final stop

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Folies Bergère Revue in 1886 by John W. Howell © 2020

10 If you go, do not gape at the scantily clad dancers. If you do, at best, they will think you’re ill. At worst, you might collect a slap from one of the chorus members. (It seems, Mohsen, that you attracted the attention of Bertha, who was previously with Ringling  Brothers Circus. She used to box with the big Grizzley bear. Good luck with your relationship.)

9 If you go, do not laugh at the antics of Tiny, the WWF champ. If you do, at best, he won’t be able to pick you out of the crowd. At worst, Tiny believes he is a serious performer and is now wondering why you are laughing at his performance of Pagliacci. (Of course, you and Tiny know Pagliacci first premiered in 1892, but that didn’t stop him from wailing out what he thought was a fine opera. He is looking for you, Monroe. He said something about high dive. Let’s just say it doesn’t sound like a good thing.)

8 If you go, do not ask what the title of the revue, “Place aux Jeunes,” means in English. If you do, at best, you will ask an older person. At worst, you will ask a young person. (You see, Montague, “Place aux Jeunes” means a place for young people. You know folks who don’t mind a little nudity in their shows. That person you asked is talking to the gendarm over there. The term pervertir keeps coming up. It might be time to leave.)

7 If you go, do not think you can have a feather as a souvenir. If you do, at best, you’ll get a hand slap. At worst, that feather was the cornerstone for the whole costume. (This is a fine kettle of fish you have gotten us into, Montay. Even though it is 1886, causing a person to lose their costume is a serious offense. I hear a bunch of people running your way. It might be good to go the other way for now.)

6 If you go, do not think you can take the stage and sing along. If you do, at best, you’ll fall into the orchestra pit. At worst, your off-tune singing will cause the entire show to stop. (Well, Montez. Believe it or not, the 200 or so who have paid for admission are not pleased about this circumstance. I hear someone calling for tar and feathers. A very tough combination to get off.)

5 If you go, do not ask about the acrobats. If you do, at best, no one will know what you are talking about.  At worse, you’ll ask Édouard Marchand. (Marchand was the guy who took a different direction with the Folies, Montrel. He had the idea of an elaborate review featuring women. He will point out to you that acrobats, circus acts, and boxing kangaroos all played at the Folies in the 1870s. He now wants to know if you want your money back. I would tell him no.)

4 If you go, do not ask about the artists Manet and Toulouse-Lautrec. If you do, at best, no one will know them. At worse, you will ask the barmaid. (Now you have given away your status as a time traveler, Moor. Both artists painted famous paintings using the Folies as subject material. In fact, Manet’s A Bar at the Folies-Bergère, painted in 1882, is of that girl. Manet died a year later. This painting did not become famous until long after 1886.)

3 If you go, do not order Absinthe at the bar. If you do, at best, they will be out. At worse, they are having a happy hour special. (You better be careful, Moreley. Absinthe contains the chemical compound thujone made up of a ketone and a monoterpene present in the spirit in trace amounts and was blamed for its alleged harmful effects. That theory has been debunked, but why chance it. Oh, I see. A little too late on the warning. Happy trails to you.)

2 If you go, do not make a bet about how many costumes sets and people are involved in the shows. If you do, at best, you only bet a little. At worst, you put up your virtual farm in Les Baux-de-Provence. (Of course, you lost, Morgen, since who would be able to guess 40 sets, 1000 costumes, and 200 people. I shape you have a virtual deed to your virtual lavender farm.)

1 If you go, do not mention that the show Place Aux Junes does not have the word Folie and thirteen letters like all shows at the Folies Bergère. (Another faux pas, Morpheus. That tradition was established 100 years ago, so you are about 34 years too soon. Don’t worry, I think these guys like the idea anyway.)

Views of the Neighborhood – A Holiday Peek

~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Well, here we are gathering for another tour of the neighborhood. This week we are going to see how the holiday decorations are progressing as well as some community events. We are getting rain, and it is wonderful. So that y’all will be comfortable, I have arranged a tour that can be done without leaving the bus. Just keep your eyes on the 75-inch monitors and let the remote cameras do the work. While you are relaxing, we will be serving tomato and basil crostini, roast leg of lamb, red potatoes, grilled root vegetables, and cedar plank baked salmon with caper/lemon aioli. For dessert, there are assorted tarts and chocolate chunk cheesecake. The top shelf bar is open, and we are passing Duckhorn merlot and Cakebread chardonnay. For your entertainment, we have Toby Keith playing some of your favorites.

So, hop on the bus, and we’ll be off.

Our first stop is the Lakeway Police station. (All right. Everyone keep your seats) The Lakeway Police Department is hosting the Green Santa toy drop off. The Green Santa drive ensures that no child goes without a gift this Holiday Season.

The rain falls yet the drop off is set up and waiting.

A photo of the high school student volunteers. Thanks, guys for giving of your time.

 

A. big box that needs filling.

I don’t think the hydration station is going to get much use today. There is plenty of hydration falling from the sky.

Of course, the police car is there to let folks know the donation station is open.

A few welcome lawn characters.

Views of the Neighborhood

Moving away from the police station, we are stopping briefly at the Activities Center. There is a box for all the letters to Santa.

Views of the neighborhood

A big bunch of presents too.

Now into the neighborhood. Here is a very eclectic gathering of shepherds, farm animals, dogs, and Mary and Joesph.

The three wise men did make an appearance as well.

A quick view of the mailbox topper shows a festive decoration.

Lawn blow-ups working hard to make us smile.

A blue snowman with a big smile.

That about does it for our tour this week. We will be seeing some more holiday decorations and of course, the Trail of Lights in the coming weeks.I hope you all have a spectacular week. Have some more to eat and during and here is one of my favorite toby Keith songs. I Love this Bar.

 

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Opt”

~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

 

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and Linda Hill already left the prompt on the front porch. At first, I didn’t know what the envelop contained, so I soaked it in disinfectant. Here it is. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “opt.” Use it as a word or find a word with “opt” in it and base your post on that. Have fun!”

Opt by John W. Howell © 2020

“No one will ever think of this one.”

“What one.”

“The prompt this week is ‘opt.”‘

“Like in opt-out.”

“Hey. That’s the one I thought no one would think of.”

“Shows how delusional you are. It’s the first thing I thought of.”

“Now I have to think up another.”

“That’s your option.”

“You did it again. That was my next.”

“I guess you will have to optimize your thinking.”

“You are torturing me, aren’t you.”

“You need to be an optimist. Your dark side is not very attractive.”

“Okay, I want you to stop talking and let me think.”

“Sure. I’ll adopt the mannerisms of a mime.”

“When?”

“Just as soon as we are finished with the shoptalk.”

“We are done.”

“M.”

“What? Where did you get that chalkboard. Oh, I see. You are going to communicate by writing. Yes, I will read what you write out loud. You are welcome. Oh, sorry. ‘Thank you.’ Yes, you are welcome. Now what?  ‘You have to admit this optical way is still good.‘ That’s it. I quit.”

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

 

Lucy and Twiggy
“Why does UPS ring that bell.”
“To warn me to bark them to St Louis.”
“How considerate of them.”

Here it is Friday. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know we did. Unfortunately, I was looking forward to the Steelers game on Thanksgiving day. I was the last to know that the game was canceled and rescheduled for Sunday.

There I was saying Go Steelers to everyone, and no one wanted to ruin my day. It was announced shortly after noon on Wednesday that the game was rescheduled for Sunday because of COVID trouble on the Baltimore Ravens team. Oh well, I had about twelve hours of looking forward to a game, which was a feeling that everyone else had lost.

Today’s JohnKu talks about having a hope dashed. I hope you all have a great weekend.

A hope by John W. Howell © 2020

When what you wish for,

Becomes too impossible . . .

Make another wish.

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Happy Thanksgiving from Lucy. and Twiggy

~ John W. Howell ~ 109 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy

“So, dad. I thought there would be something cooking by now.”

“Yeah, Boss. Where’s the turkey vibe?”

“We are having a small breast this year. It doesn’t have to start this early”

“But there will be one, right?”

“Yes, not to worry, you two. There will be turkey and all the trimmings. We even have the Steelers on TV today.”

“Well, then we should wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving from our house to theirs.”

“I couldn’t have said it better, Twiggy.”

“Thanks, Lucy.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA- Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 60 Comments

 

Twiggy and Lucy
“What are you doing Little One?”
“I thought I heard Friday out there.”
“Two more days.”
“Drat.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we learned about the driver of Carolyn’s car. It is Andre Terrian, a guy with mob ties and a ton of aliases. We also learned someone slouched in the back seat, and the FBI can’t make an identity. Pricilla is headered to the interrogation room again. She wants to ask Lazar what he knows about this Andre Terrian. I think we would all like to know too, so let’s join them in the interrogation room.

 

“So, we have identified the guy driving Carolyn’s car, Mr. Popović.”

“Who is it?”

“A guy named Terrian.”

“That would not be Andre, would it?”

“Yeah, you know him?”

“I know of him.”

“Want to explain?”

“I hired him a while ago.”

“To do what?”

“To check on Carolyn. She was hanging around with this kid from the East End, and I wanted to know what was going on.”

“Did you find out?”

“Well, I got a report that the kid decided he no longer wanted to see Carolyn.”

“Sounds strange.”

“Not really. Part of the deal was to convince him that some of Carolyn’s friends were not keen on him.”

“Carolyn’s friends?”

“Well, euphemistically speaking.”

“What happened to the kid?”

“I have no idea. All I knew was Carolyn called crying her eyes out about the loss of this boy.”

“Did Terrian say anything?”

“Nope. Just ‘mission accomplished.’ Why are you asking these questions?”

“There is a kid in the back seat of Carolyn’s car.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Wish I was.”

“What the hell? I wonder if it’s that kid.”

“Only Terrian would know. We will find out when the car gets to France.”

“Now I’m concerned.”

“What about?”

“I got Andre’s name from Cortez.”

“Oh shit. Er, Excuse me. Are you telling me that maybe Terrian is working for Cortez?”

“I pray not.”

“What would make you even think he’s not.”

“When I talked to him after the kid incident, I got the feeling he had feelings for Carolyn.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not lustful feeling more like big brother feelings.”

“How did you ascertain that?”

“He lectured me on having more involvement in Carolyn’s everyday life. He had shadowed her for a month, and I just think he became interested in her welfare.”

“So you don’t think he would sell out to Cortez.”

“In my heart? No.”

“I hope you are right, Mr. Popović. I hope you are right. What about you, Larry? You think he sold out?”

“Without a doubt. These organized crime thugs would sell their own mother for a buck. What do you think, Andrew?”

“I’m going with Lazar’s gut here. I think the big oaf fell for the pretty American, and he’s going to protect her.”

“I prefer Andrew’s take on it.”

“I do too, Mr. Popović. Let’s hope Mr. Cummings is right.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 290 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The Photo.

Kreative Kue #290

A Decision by John W. Howell © 2020

“Well, we are here.”

“Yeah, it looks like it.”

“Shall we go in?”

“What for?”

“The whole idea was to come here and seek sanctuary.”

“I know, but to look at it now, it seems overpowering.”

“It is just a building.”

“You can say that, but to me, it means so much more.”

“How’s that?”

“See those crosses on the steeples?”

“Yeah, hard to miss.”

“It is a sacred place, and we should be respectful.”

“We are respectful.”

“I mean, we should not be going in there just to. escape our fears.”

“Then, why?”

“We should be offering thanks for the blessings we have.”

“I will give thanks for the security the building offers.”

“By the way, how do you know that building is all that safe?”

“Remember when I went on that scouting trip?”

“Yeah.”

“I snuck in there and witnessed the rector having an allergic reaction.”

“What was he allergic to?”

“Get this. Cats.”

“Cats?”

“Yup. One of the parishioners came in with a cat. I can tell you I was scared out of my wits seeing that thing. Lucky, he didn’t see me. I suspected he had my scent the way his nose was twitching.”

“Then what?”

“The rector told her to take the cat out. He was allergic. He then started sneezing his head off.”

“So you are saying there is no cat there.”

“That’s why I chose this place. A mouse can’t be too careful.”

“Well, okay, but you have to promise we will give thanks for our good fortune.”

“Of course we will. Also, you will be glad to know the rector tends to leave a lot of crumbs after his lunch.”

“All the better. Any cheese there?”

“I think somebody moved it.”

“Figures. Oh well, crumbs will do. Let’s go.”

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First American Motor Car Race in 1895

~ John W. Howell ~ 90 Comments
Frank Duryea – Duryea Wagon Company Wikipedia Image

 

This week is the 125th anniversary of the first automobile race in the US. The race took place in Chicago and was a 50 mile round trip between Chicago and Evanston. We should go and at least witness the finish. Don’t forget to take a list of things not to do to protect the time continuum. We will need James’ Oldsmobile, so climb in, and we’ll be off.

James’s 1956 Oldsmobile from Eternal Road – The final stop

Top Ten things Not to Do at the First Motor Car Race in the US in 1895

10 Do not complain when only six of the 89 racers entered actually made it to the starting line. If you do, at best, no one will care. At worse, you’ll be overheard by the editor of the Chicago Times-Herald, the sponsor of the race. ( It seems he is not in a good mood, Miikka. A freak snowstorm dumped ten inches of snow and prevented the other starters from showing up. I see he is handing you a snow shovel. Good luck clearing the first 25 miles.)

9 Do not tell Tiny, the WWF champ, that you would like to ride in his entry. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you above the engine noise. At worst, since he has to have a race official riding with him, he will assume you are trying to overweight his vehicle. (It is easy to explain a perceived slight away with Tiny. Of course, you have to allow him to toss you at least ten feet, Miklos. I know the landing isn’t always perfect.)

8 Do not place your money on the electric car entries. If you do, at best, you only bet what you could afford to lose. At worst, you put up the deed to your ranch. (You see, Millard. The two electrics that made the starting line had battery failure after a few minutes. So much for supporting green technology. It will be interesting to see you explain away a deed from 2019.)

7 Do not mention to the race organizer that you figure the race to last at least an hour. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are kidding. At worst, he’ll think you are drunk. (Although the race was only fifty miles, Milos took over ten hours for the first-place finisher to arrive. I noticed the organizer is pointing you out to a couple of Keystone cops. It might be a long night.)

6 Do not try to sell advertising to the first Benz team. If you do, at best, they will laugh. At worst, they’ll tell their sponsor, Macy’s of New York. (Don’t look now, Min, but I think that is a Pinkerton private investigator looking at you. I’m sure the Macy’s wonder what you are up to by soliciting their driver.)

5 Do not ask where you can get a Bud Lite. If you do, at best, someone will think you are talking about a candle. At worst,  you’ll ask a guy named Bud. (Good going, Minoru. Bud thinks you are mocking him, and now he wants satisfaction. He talks about a bare knuckle fight. I hope you have some boxing experience.)

4 Do not predict that one of the three Benz cars will be the winner. If you do, at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst you’ll make the prediction to Frank Duryea. (Nice move, Misha. Frank was the winner of the race in a car that he and his brother built. He is not happy with you,, so don’t try to get a selfie with him and his car.)

3 Do not belittle the $2000 dollar first prize for the winner. If you do, at best people will think you nuts. At worst, the sponsor will be highly up set. (That $2000 in 1898 is equivalent to over $60,000 in today’s dollars, Miska. That kind of money didn’t grow on trees. The sponsor has decided to toss you out. Good sailing.

2 Do not wait around for the second place finisher. If you do at best someone will buy you a drink. At worst, you’ll miss dinner waiting. (The second place car came in two hours later than the first, Mjolnir. It was a Benz and was the only other care to finish.)

1 Do not congratulate Mr. Macy on his car’s finish. If you do, at best he’ll not hear you. At worst, he will think you are putting him on. You see, Modi. The Macy sponsored Benz collided with a streetcar on the way to Evanston and with a sleigh and then a horse drawn hack on the return trip. It never made it back.)