Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #274 by Keith Channing

August 4, 2020August 3, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #274

“Okay, guys. Settle down. Let me do the talking.”

“Sure. Whatever you say. You are the biggest after all.”

“Darned right and the smartest.”

“Cut the chin music and tell the man our demands.”

“Boy, you sure cut to the chase, don’t you.”

“Look, we elected you to the position of steward now tell that oaf how things are going to be.”

“Okay, okay. Hey, you, man. Listen up.”

“Doesn’t look like he understands you. I thought you said you could speak human.”

“I didn’t say I could speak human. I said I can get humans to understand what I want.”

“Well, I would concentrate on that then. I can tell you we have had enough of the miserable treatment around here.”

“You never told me about miserable treatment.”

“You’re kidding. You live with humans. Wait, don’t tell me you are one of those fawning pups who flops on its back for a tummy scratch.”

“Well, I —”

“Say no more. You are an imposter. Never peed behind the couch, I’ll wager.”

“That is so wrong on many levels.”

“Chewed a new pair of shoes?”

“Of course not. What do you think I am an animal?”.

“Dug up a newly sodded lawn?”

“I think you have the wrong representative. You need a cur like yourselves.”

“No matter. We elected you, and you need to bring some organization to this life.”

“What is it you want?”

“Steak bones with meat on em for one. I’m sick of kibble.”

“That sounds a little unreasonable. What else.”

“A damn dog door. I’m sick and tired of having to repeat my request to go outside umpty ump times.”

“Don’t you just whine like everyone else.”

“Yeah, but then I have to scratch on the door maybe a hundred times.”

“Okay, well, this one seems reasonable. Anything else?”

“I think that will do it.”

“Okay. Hey man, listen up. Dog door, steak bones with meat. You got that?”

“What did he say.”

“He’ll get back to you on that.”

“Sounded like ‘good dog,’ to me.”

“Same thing. Now excuse me. The man and I need to go have lunch.”

“What? You are breaking bread with the enemy. Why can’t we go too.”

“I’ll have my person call your person. We’ll make a meeting.”

“You sound like a politician.”

“Of the doggies, by the doggies, for the doggies. See ya.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do On a Trip Under the North Pole in 1958

August 3, 2020August 2, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to Do

This week marks the 62nd anniversary of the historic submerged trip of the nuclear submarine Nautilus under the North Pole ice cap. All those who don’t suffer from claustrophobia certainly want to go along. Of course, we need to take a list of things not to do to make sure our actions don’t alter the course of history. So grab the list, and let’s head out.

10 If you go, do not touch that valve that says do not move. If you do, at best it is the TV control. At worst, it is the doomsday valve designed to fill the ship with water for scuttling. (Okay, Maddox. Lucky for you, the captain knows how to reverse the action. You need to get a mop and bucket and pick up the water.)

9 If you go, do not get in Tiny the WWF champ’s way when the chow bell rings. If you do, at best, there will be a doorway you can duck into. At worst, because of the close quarters, you and Tiny will be having a moment. (Don’t try to get up, Mateo. The medical man will be here shortly. You sure look flat, though.)

8 If you go, do not ignore the klaxon horn and the announcement of the dive. If you do, at best, your wet feet will give you a clue to get inside. At worst, you will now attempt to beat the world’s record for treading water. (Yeah, don’t worry, Major. The boat will be back sooner or later. They plan to stay submerged for 1830 miles, so make yourself comfortable. Thank heavens for that cute duckie ring life preserver you are wearing.)

7 If you go, do not ask to visit Santa. If you do, at best, the crew will think you are joking. At worst, they’ll shoot you out the torpedo tube when the Nautilus reaches the North pole. ( Now you have a bigger problem, Murphy. The ice at the pole is fifty feet thick. I hope you can find a hole somewhere. In any case that holding breath exercise you did in palates class may come in handy.)

6 If you go, do not tell the captain that the compass heading is wrong. If you do, at best, he will ignore you. at worst, he will make you comfortable in the excellent brig down below. ( The point is, Marvin navigation beneath the arctic ice sheet is confusing. Above 85°N, both magnetic compasses and normal gyrocompasses become inaccurate. A unique compass was installed, which is the one the navigator is using. Excuse me, did you order bread and water for lunch?)

5 If you go, do not tell the crew you think the hull is going to collapse. If you do, at best they will be too busy to hear you. At worst, they’ll send you to the infirmary for a calmative. (The hull and sail of the Nautilus vibrate, Magnus. Everyone on board except you knows that fact. It is one of the things that required attention to future nuclear subs. How’s that calmative working? No, you can’t have another hit.)

4 If you go, do not ignore the announcement that the boat is entering the Bering Strait. If you do, at best, there will be enough room for the bost to pass. through. At worst, the ice is at least 60 feet thick, and there won’t be room between the ice and sea bottom. (So now you are wondering what all that scraping noise is, Morris? The captain has to find a different way, which he does. You can change your underwear right in there.)

3 If you go, do not have the intent to eat your garlic salami sandwich that you brought on board. If you do, at best someone will take it from you. At worst, you’ll bite it, and the captain will declare an emergency. (Now look at what you’ve done, Melvin. The captain was forced to surface to save the crew from garlic poisoning. There goes an underwater record. There is a message from President Dwight Eisenhower that he would like to see you when the boat gets back to the US. I don’t think it is to congratulate you.)

2 If you go, do not ask the captain when he plans to make the next fuel stop. If you do, at best he will be laughing so hard he’ll forget the question. At worse, he will ask you why you are interested in a fuel stop. (Now that the captain is suspicious of you, Mathias, are you going to tell him you were jonesing for a slushie? Better than to have him thinking you were going to harm his boat. You see, the next fuel stop is ten years off.)

1 If you go, do not try to open that hatch before the green light comes on. If you do, at best, you’ll get wet. At worst, the captain will want to ensure that you never ride on his submarine again. (Lucky for you, Milton, the pressure of the sea kept the hatch closed. A couple more seconds and it would have cleared the surface. Now you need to get the wet vac and clean up this mess.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Kinetic Sculptures

August 2, 2020August 1, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

Today we are going to visit the kinetic sculpture garden in Lakeway. The sculptures were done by kinetic artist Joe LaPaso to reflect Lakeway in motion. The Lakeway Arts Committee is responsible for the installation.

Views of the neighborhood

A view of the esplanade where the sculptures are installed.

The first sculpture. You will note the powerlines since we are in the original section of Lakeway. This sculpture is hard to visualize in a photo.

Here is a video which will let you see it in motion

A shot of Mexican sage just finishing its bloom.

The next sculpture. Hard to see in the wires. I could not take a shot from the other direction since it was right into the sun.

Another video of the motion.

far away shot of the third sculpture

A little closer.

And now in motion

A view of the esplanade from the other end.

Old live oak trees

As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.

I hope you enjoyed our walk around the kinetic sculpture garden. Have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “More”

August 1, 2020July 31, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

More than ever, I want to welcome Linda Hill to explain our Stream of Consciousness prompt for this week. So here she is to let us know what to work on. “Thanks, John. You still haven’t gotten a haircut, I see. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “more.” Start your post with the word “more.” Enjoy!”

I guess now you know why I started the post with “more.” Yes, I did cheat. I read ahead before Linda got here. If you would like to join in the enjoyment, visit Linda’s blog, and learn how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2020/07/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-1-2020/

“More is less.”

“Excuse me?”

“The saying, ‘more is less.'”

“Yes, what about it? By the way, the saying is ‘Less is more.”‘

“I think it means the same thing. Sometimes when you have more, you really have less.”

“But the idea that ‘Less is More’ circles on the concept of having very little leads to being able to enjoy what you have and thus is more beneficial.”

“I get that. I was thinking more about having choices.”

“Okay. Now that we are in a philosophical discussion tell me more.”

“Go to the food store and see how many more breakfast cereal choices there are there.”

“Oh, I know. More than Cheerios, and I am confused.”

“So I’m saying that if there were only Cheerios on the shelf, the more, you would like them.”

“Well, let’s say the more I would like not having to make a choice.”

“So, in my example, having all those choices is actually not giving you more choices but rather less satisfaction.”

“I think that is more or less accurate.”

“Ta da. ‘More is less.”‘

“You do this to me more times than I want to count.”

“And I will do it more times than I can count since you are such an easy mark.”

“Maybe I trust you more than I should.”

“More is less.”

“I’m going to the pub. More to try and forget this conversation.”

“I’ll buy the first, then if you want more, it’s on you.”

“One is more than none. Okay, you are on.”

“You are so easy. More to come.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

July 31, 2020July 30, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy — “Go ahead and ask.”
“Ask what?”
“If it’s Friday?”
“Is it Friday yet?”
“Nope still Monday.”
“Lucy your nose is growing.”

Friday is here again, and I’m sure Twiggy is delighted. For whatever reason, she is always pleased to see the weekend roll around. I mean, it’s not like The Producer, and I are working full time or are not chained to the house. So I guess it is not our presence but something else.

I was blown away by the number of volunteers for the launch of Eternal Road – The final stop. I’m so grateful to everyone and am looking forward to the start. Thank you all again.

The e-book and paper formatting is done, so now it is a matter of going on to KDP and setting up the books. This is my 6th rodeo, and so far, I’m still in the publishing saddle. Not sure if I’m going to do preorder or not. I do know the initial price for the e-book will be $0.99. That price will last for 30 days, then it is up to $2.99. I believe the lowest cost should be at the intro to reward the folks who buy early. I tend to grit my teeth when I rush out and pay full price for a book only to have the author run a $0.99 sale shortly after launch. Yes, there may be discounts down the road, but I double-dog guarantee none for at least a year. I know this may fly in the face of conventional wisdom, but I think it is the right thing to do.

There is not much more to say about the virus. We now have a full-fledged mess on our hands, and I hope someday it will prove to be temporary. Leadership is nonexistent. In case you think I’m talking about one party or another, I’m not. I’m talking about anyone even remotely connected to the political process. Yes, Democrats and Republicans, I’m talking about you. I am so tired of hearing how the other side has mishandled everything that I think it’s time for you to get a grip and do something to help. None of us give a crap about blame anymore. There is enough to go around. How about taking the initiative and doing something to help? Yeah, I get it. Too much work, and it may look like you have turned sides.

Today’s JohnKu talks about finger-pointing. I hope you all have a safe and happy weekend.

We should remember,

Someone pointing a finger. . .

Has three pointing back.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy on Duty

July 30, 2020July 29, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy

“You see anything, Little One?”

“Nope, all clear here.”

“I thought I heard something, though.”

“See Anything?”

“No, that was a false alarm.”

“How about on the perimeter over there?”

“Is that movement in the hedge?”

“I think it might be the wind.”

“Okay then, I’m going to scout the yard.”

“Right behind you, Little one.”

“Hey. Where you going?”

“A quick jump onto the porch.”

“Makes for a better view.”

“See anything from way up there?”

“Could have sworn I saw a bear with an AK47.”

“A bear has no thumbs. How’s he going to carry an AK47?”

I’ve seen ’em with fish. Not a big leap to a weapon.”

“I think your imagination has finally taken you over the edge.”

“Well, let’s just say it would be fun to have a bear to battle. Hey, what was that?”

“I do believe it is the call of the kibble for the early morning patrol. Check it out.”

“You are right. Dad is putting down the bowls.”

“Oka,y then. Let’s report all is well and have a nice breakfast.”

“I think all is well.”

“Keep the bear information between us.”

Interludes 2 – A New Book from Harmony Kent

July 30, 2020July 20, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

I am so pleased to have Harmony Kent visit Fiction Favorites. I have known Harmony for a number of years and it gives me great pleasure to see her with me today. So, Harmony the post is all yours.

Thanks so much for having me over at your place today, John.

Hi everyone. It’s great to be visiting with you all.

While I’m here, I’d like to talk about my latest book, Interludes 2. This is a book of short erotic romance fiction. As with the original Interludes (which you can find HERE), the book contains 10 short stories, with the first tale totalling 1,000 words, the second one totalling 2,000, and so on up to 10,000 words in the final story.

For each story, I used prompt cards from a great creative tool called Storymatic. Here’s what the set gave me to work with:

teller of secrets, b) nudist … c) extremely hairy person

conflict = hiding spot is discovered

A and B relate to the main character. C relates to the secondary character. And the final prompt gives us the conflict.

From the above set of prompts, I came up with Nudist Camp—a contemporary romance in 5000 words.

An older woman. A younger man. A gossip discovers their secret tryst. What will happen when it all gets laid bare?

Excerpt from Nudist Camp:

Too soon, it was finished. Too quickly, the guilt sprang upon her. ‘Jordan …’

He sat up with her and held a finger to her lips. ‘Let’s not.’

She nodded. Whatever it was they had just shared, it was fine with her to keep it in its own little bubble. They didn’t have to dissect it or repeat it. A moment of madness, that’s all. Awkwardness filled the air between them, and the inch or so of space between them felt like a mile.

Jordan rubbed at his eyes and then jumped to his feet. He held out a hand and helped her to stand too. Then he rested his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. ‘You’re sure you’re okay?’

Chloe nodded. ‘Maybe too okay.’

Jordan nodded and planted a soft kiss on her mouth, then he turned and loped off into the trees in the direction from which he’d come. Not sure what to do with herself or how to be, she stood there for a few seconds. And then another bee bumbled along and brought her back to her senses.

Aware of the dirt and debris that clung to her sweaty skin, Chloe brushed herself off with the flats of her palms. Around her, the forest lay quiet, as if holding its breath. Probably, their amorous yells had startled the wildlife. Nervous and wanting to get to her cabin so that she could shower off, Chloe followed the trail back to the camp. Her foot smarted, and she limped to favour it.

Happily, she made it back without seeing anyone else. Chloe let herself into her cabin and headed straight for the shower room, but no amount of steam or hot water could make her feel clean or whole. While, of course, she’d enjoyed herself, she shouldn’t have gone there, not with Jordan. God, even hairy Harry would have been better. The thought made her shudder and reconsider. No, she wouldn’t go that far. Hairy Harry was the lech of the camp and known for his loose tongue. If you had a secret to keep, he was not the man to confide in. He loved to gossip. Oh, God … imagine if he’d seen them. Another shudder rattled her, and she turned up the heat on the spray.

I had so much fun writing this one, and I hope you’ve enjoyed this little teaser. I’d love to hear what you think via the comments at the bottom of the page. Thanks for stopping by.

Interludes 2

Interludes 2 Blurb

From author, Harmony Kent, another best-selling collection of short erotic fiction that will tickle more than your taste buds and wet [sic] more than your appetite.

With a range of genres and styles, this book has enough steam for everyone.

WIGGING OUT—contemporary romance in 1000 words. Two strangers. A crowded platform. A collision. And a wig on the floor.

STORM CHASER—ménage à trois in 2000 words. A sabotaged tire. A raging storm. Passion mounts.

MOON-STRUCK—shifter romance in 3000 words. Trapped on a ship orbiting the moon, a horny astronaut falls for a hunky author who has a secret.

THE CLUB—contemporary romance in 4000 words. An invitation and a host, who is so much more than he seems, bring excitement, enticement, and a choice to make.

NUDIST CAMP—contemporary romance in 5000 words. An older woman. A younger man. A gossip discovers their secret tryst. What will happen when it all gets laid bare?

INITIATION—contemporary romance in 6000 words. A pretty daydreamer arrives for her first day at university. A brutal initiation, and a man with an unusual issue, leave her reeling. Strange, the places you find true love.

THE INCOMER—contemporary romance in 7000 words. A divorced beekeeper has spent her whole life in or around her local village. Then a city-slicker architect comes to town. When two worlds collide, a big bang is sure to follow. Can you have a frenemy with benefits?

DOWN AND DIRTY—contemporary romance in 8000 words. On the run from a sadistic ex-husband, Ellie flees to a remote mountain town and takes a job in the mines. Wary of men, she resolves to keep herself aloof, but mother nature has a way of having the last word and will, quite literally, make the earth move if she has to.

REUNION—contemporary romance in 9000 words. A school reunion looms. Not wanting to arrive sad and single, Molly talks her long-time friend Adam into going with her. While the music plays, the sparks fly.

SOUL MATES—supernatural romance in 10,000 words. A bereaved woman seeks solace in remote woodland. All too soon, she discovers that she’s not as alone as she’d expected. And her heart isn’t the only one that needs to mend.

READER ADVISORY: This book contains explicit sex scenes and language hot enough to melt your book. For mature readers only.

Harmony Kent

Author Bio

After spending around thirteen years as an ordained Buddhist monk, living in a Zen Buddhist temple, and six years after a life-changing injury following a surgical error, Harmony Kent returned to the world at the tender age of forty.

Now, she is famous for her laughter, and has made quite the name for herself … she’s also, um, a writer … and fairly well known for that too. She’s even won a few awards. Harmony lives in rural Cornwall with her adorable husband, ever-present sense of humour, and quirky neighbours.

Harmony is passionate about supporting her fellow authors.

Links

Website: https://harmonykent.co.uk/

Story Empire (co-authored): https://storyempirecom.wordpress.com/

Amazon Author Page: author.to/HarmonysBooks

Twitter: @harmony_kent

LinkedIn: Harmony

Goodreads: Author Page

BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/harmony-kent

Interludes 2 Pre-order Link: mybook.to/Interludes2

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

July 29, 2020July 28, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

“Come on Lucy. Tell me it’s Friday.”
“It’s Friday.”
“No, it’s not. It’s Wednesday.”
“Why’d you bother me?”
“I thought you could pull a miracle.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we learned that Lazar had a bunch of information that he is willing to share for inclusion in a Federal Witness protection program, and the case be turned over to the Federal authorities. He implicated Taggert, the Reno DA, as a participant in the drug ring. Let’s get back to the interrogation room to see where this goes.

“So, Lazar. You know we need to check with the feds.”

“Yeah, I know that. I’m a patient man. After all, not too many can get inside this detention center to get me.”

“You. Have my assurance, Lazar, you are safe here.”

“So lieutenant.”

“Yes, Jerry?”

“When can we expect to see something in writing?”

“Hard to say. I will call the Federal DA when we leave this room. He will no doubt, want to come over and interview your client before he makes up his mind.”

“That could take some time.”

“I would say a few days.”

“In the meantime, I would have your client begin a narrative that he can share with the DA. The more details, the better.”

“I know how this works, lieutenant.”

“Fine councilor. You can have all the time you need. Normally we would transfer our prisoners to county, but in this case, we will keep ole Lazar right here. Come on, Larry and Andrew. Let’s leave these two alone. When you are ready to leave, Jerry, just push that button on the wall, and someone will escort Lazar back to his cell.”

“I do appreciate what you are doing, lieutenant.”

“I want to close down this drug operation and if it takes doing a deal with. The devil, I’ll do it. Let’s go, guys.”

“Hey, lieutenant.”

“Hold on, Larry. Wait until we are in my office. Okay, what is it?”

“I know you are focused on the drug operation, but can we find out the information we need to know?”

“Like who ordered you killed?”

“Well. That and does Lazar know anything about the Sandusky and Rafferty killing.”

“I’m guessing the DA won’t give a shit about your case.”

“I was afraid of that.”

“I do think we could get him interested in the fact that someone tried to kill you here in his jurisdiction, but as far as anything in Boston, I think you can forget it.”

“Rafferty was killed here in Tahoe.”

“Really? That may make a difference.”

“Of course, the local DA.”

“Taggert?”

“Yeah. The whole thing was ruled an accident.”

“Well, let’s see if we can get Lazar to discuss some of this when he meets with the DA.”

“That sure would help.”

“Have a seat, guys. Let me call the DA and find out when he can get over here.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #273 by Keith Channing

July 28, 2020July 27, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue 273

“Please tell me you will be my running mate this fall.”

“Running mate? You know I don’t like exercise.”

“That’s rich Old Shoe. What I mean is for class president.”

“I don’t want to be president.”

“You are making this tough Old Boot. I want you to be on the ticket with me as I run.”

“The ticket? We talking a ride here?”

“No Old Sock. We are talking about me as president and you as vice-president.”

“I don’t know anything about vice.”

“It is not vice that we will be dealing with, Old Block. Vice means assistant.”

“Assistant president? What do I have to do?

“Nothing Old Chap. Just smile and look pretty.”

“Do I get paid?”

“No Old Boy. There is no payment.”

“Well, since it is you, Old Bean, I’ll do it.”

“I don’t know how I became so lucky to have you as a friend.”

“You bought me a gobstopper remember?”

“Ah, yes. The best five cents I ever spent.”

“You told me it was twenty-five cents, Old Cow.”

“What difference does it make? We’re pals to the end.”

“You owe me twenty cents to make that a reality.”

“How about four more gobstoppers?”

“Since I’m a politician now, bribery will get you everywhere. Four it is.”

“Since you are a politician, I’m glad it is just four.”

“You good for five?”

“Whatever you say.”

“Man, I love this power.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do During A Lunar Rover Mission in 1971

July 27, 2020July 26, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

This week marks the 49th anniversary of Appollo 15 Astronauts using a vehicle to drive on the moon. Of course, we all want to go with them, and through the magic of our imagination, we can. We do have to follow a few rules, and so this list has been developed to keep you from causing a tear in the time continuum. Hop aboard the imagination time thingy, and off we go.

Top Ten Things Not to Do During a Lunar Rover Mission in 1971.

10 If you go, do not ask Dave Scott, the mission commander, if you can take Jim Irwin’s place on the ride. If you do, at best, Dave may not hear you through the sunspot static. At worse, Dave will let you drive. (That was smart, Michael. You have no idea how to work this thing, and you are now headed for that vast crater. Of course, this buggy can be replaced for $10,000,000. You can pay for it out of your book royalties. Hahaha)

9 If you go, do not ignore Tiny the WWF champ when he gives you a direction from mission control. If you do, at best, Tiny will provide you with one more chance. At worst, you think you are safe from Tiny up here on the moon. (Feel that heat, Mark. That is the pre-ignition warm-up of the rocket in your pants. You see, Tiny can put you in orbit. It looks like the countdown has begun.)

8 If you go, do not complain about the 8 MPH speed of the lunar rover. If you do, at best, you won’t get another ride. At worst, the commander will take you out to the furthest point and leave you there. (You now need to know what “walk back limit” means, Mica. It is the furthest point you can go and yet walk back to the lunar lander before your oxygen runs out. I hope you can hold your breath cause you were dropped off outside the walk back limit.)

7 If you go, do not mess with the equipment. If you do, at best you won’t mess up anything. At worst, you will tinker with the Sun shadow device. (That was the one thing not to touch, Moses. It is the navigational device that keeps the lunar rover in contact with the lander using the sun. The purpose is so the rover doesn’t get lost. Good thing there is still a gyro device, or you might get a tour of the dark side of the moon.)

6 If you go, do not plug your phone into the battery system to play tunes. If you do, at best, someone will tell you to knock it off. At worst, playing your music will wear down the batteries. (The only power cells carried on the mission are 36 volt, silver-zinc potassium hydroxide non-rechargeable batteries. They are suitable for a 57-mile range. Sure hope you are not out that far, Marcus.)

5 If you go, do not ask if we are there yet. If you do, at best, Dave Scott will ignore you. At worst, he will finally give up and tell you to walk back to the lander. (Since the maximum distance traveled on the lunar rover during the Apollo mission was 17.25 miles, Miguel it is no wonder Dave wants you out of the vehicle.)

4 If you go, do not ask how far to the next rest area. If you do, at best, Dave Scott will be talking to Mission Control. At worst, he will give you additional instructions on the capabilities of your suit. (You need to relax, Mitchell. There are no rest areas on the moon. Gives new meaning to the term, “hold it.”)

3 If you go, do not tell Dave Scott someone stole the steering wheel. If you do, at best, Dave will think you are joking. At worst, he’ll realize you know nothing about the lunar rover. (The rover is controlled by a T-stick controller, Milo. Push forward and you go ahead. Right or left to go right or left. Pull back, and the brakes are engaged. Press that little button while pulling back, and the rover goes into reverse. Dave is now asking you to get out of the control seat. You blame him?)

2 If you go, do not let Dave Scott know you have AAA in case of a breakdown. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are nuts. At worst, he will call Mission Contro and ask permission to lock you in the lander. (The whole idea of AAA on the moon is laughable, Miles. The fact that you said that out loud gives Dave grave concerns about the mission safety.)

1 If you go, do not offer to play your road trip CD. If you do, at best, you will get a polite decline. At worst, you’ll now have to explain what a CD is. (The CD was first sold in 1982, Marshall. The crew has never heard of it. It is not going to help to turn up the volume on Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again.” You have these guys concerned.)