Tag: author

Wednesday Story Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Wednesday is story day (of course) and this week is no exception. This story today was inspired by a transaction I had with a major retailer where I needed to go on-line and discuss the problem with a chat service. I often wonder where management got the idea of on-line chat as a problem-solving device and why they think it works. Here is the story titled Chat.

Chat by John W. Howell

“Hello, my name is George how may I help you?”

“Hello George. I have a product I need to return as it is defective.”

“I can certainly help you with that. Who am I chatting with?”

“This is Frank.”

“Oh Hello Frank. What is the problem.”

“Well George, I bought this gun through the mail order and I find it does not work.”

“……..Can I have the order number, please?”

“Yes it is 15567396672211336.”

“Thank you. Let me check………….Oh yes, here it is. I see you ordered a 9MM Glock and 100 rounds of ammunition.”

“Yes.”

“And you say it does not work. May I ask what doesn’t work.”

“When you aim the gun and pull the trigger, it doesn’t always fire.”

“I see. Have you tried loading the weapon before pulling the trigger?”

“I always load the weapon.”

“And have you tried pulling back on the slide to inject a round into the chamber.”

“I always cock the weapon.”

“Have you tried releasing the safety?”

“I always release the safety.”

“Do you put your finger on the trigger and pull?”

“Yes.”

“……….one moment until I check with the tier ll techs. Yes, it appears your weapon has some kind of problem. How may times has it failed to fire?”

“Twice.”

“Can you detail these two incidents for me.”

“The first time was when I asked the clerk for the money and she hit the alarm. I shot into the air to scare everyone, but nothing happened. The second time was going out the door of the bank and running into a bunch of police.”

“I think you will need to visit one of our authorized service centers for repairs.”

“I’ll do that George in twenty years. Thanks for your help. I have to shut down now for lights out.”

“Have I answered all your questions and is there anything else I can do to resolve this problem?”

“Sure. Sit on this George.”

“Would you like to remain and fill out our customer satisfaction survey?”

A Little Inside Information About My Book -My GRL

~ John W. Howell ~ 10 Comments

I have been asked a number of times about the inspiration for My GRL and I have decided to begin discussing some of the aspects of the book. One reason is to take advantage of this space to help promote the book (gasp). The other is to give some information about the book hoping those who have read it and those who have not may find some interest in background information. So everyone is on the same page here is a brief synopsis of the book. My GRL is the story of a successful San Francisco lawyer who wants to take a break from practicing law. He thinks it would be nice to run a fishing charter business and decides to buy a really nice boat. he is totally unaware that his new boat has been earmarked by a group of terrorists to be used to launch an attack on one of the symbols of America’s military strength. His first inclination of trouble comes when he wakes up in the hospital to learn he was found unconscious next to the body of a girl who sold him his boat in the first place. He also becomes aware during police questioning the gun which killed her was found under him.

This is a story about intrigue and terrorist plots against America. I originally got the idea while visiting the Aircraft Carrier Lexington which is moored  in Corpus Christi Bay. My sister and I were taking a tour since our father served on the ship as a naval aviator during WWII. We wanted to visit the spots where he lived and worked and in some manner honor the time he spent defending us from our enemies.

While standing on the huge flight deck I could not help but wonder what would happen if someone launched an attack against this museum. How would it be defended and what would the resultant public opinion of such a move? The boat was clearly defenseless and could be attacked with no resistance. I pretty much made some notes in my iPhone with the idea when I quit full-time work I might revisit this idea. This was in 2009  and in 2012 I finally hung up my spurs and began the live of a lunatic er writer.

I did revisit the idea and knew I had to create a way to destroy one of America’s treasures and then, in the same way, create a way to defend the artifact. I went through the exercise of both scenarios to develop a plausible story. My GRL starts in a small fishing village in Texas and ends on the high seas forty some odd miles from New York Harbor. The only person who knows the true target and method of destruction is John J. Cannon the protagonist. He is the only one standing between the terrorists and the successful completion of their objective.

If you haven’t read it there are 26 four and five-star reviews on Amazon that may help you make up your mind.All you have to do is click that cover over to the right. That’s right over there.

 

Top Ten Things Not to do While Waiting Your Turn

~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

 

Here is the 59th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from standing in a number of lines Hope you like it.

Top Ten Things Not to do if You Find Yourself Waiting Your Turn

 

10 If you are in line at a ferry do not turn off your car. If you do, at best the minute you do, the line will start moving. At worst, your car won’t start and the friendly folks behind you will figure out a way to heave your car over the side of the access terminal into thirty feet of water.

9. If you are in line at the pharmacy do not try to horn in on the confidential medical briefing of the person in front of you. If you do, at best you may hear something that your ears won’t forgive. At worst the store will hit you with an HIPPA violation and send you to the back of the line again.

8. If you are in line at the ten items or less express checkout at the supermarket do not comment on the twenty items the person ahead of you has just laid on the counter. If you do, at best you will hear the old excuse “oh I didn’t notice that this was ten items or less.” At worst, you will be savagely attacked by a seemingly quiet unassuming person who (unknown to you ) was just released from a psychiatric hospital due to the lack of funding.

7. If you are in line at a movie theatre do not groan loudly when the person in front of you wants to know the rating of the movie. If you do, At best you will need to suffer through other questions like; “how long does it run?” At worst you will be faced with a spouse of the person in front of you wondering what your problem is and asking you kindly, while showing you a close up of a fist, to cut them some slack.

6. If you are in line at a convenience store do not make any comments about a person in front of you who wants to pick out the specific scratch–off ticket, but can’t make up their mind. If you do, at best you make have to explain your problem when asked. At worst you will need to apologize for your impatience when you learn that the ticket is being purchased as a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary present.

5. If you are in line at the bank do not prompt the half asleep person standing in front of you behind the wait here line that a teller is open. If you do, at best a person may pop awake and think you are being fresh. At worst, the person will take offense since they were not paying attention and ask you something about “where’s the fire?”

4. If you are in line at the doctor’s office do not complain to the receptionist about how valuable you consider your time. If you do, At best you will be waiting twice as long since the receptionist just had an argument with the doctor about how little she makes. At worst, the receptionist will somehow lose your place and you will still be there when the doctor and the receptionist leave for the night asking you to come back tomorrow.

3. If you are waiting to be served at one of the hottest bars in town do not wave at the bartender. If you do, at best he will simple wave back and wait on others. At worst , the bartender will finally give you the old what’ll you have and then tell you they don’t have it and maybe they will across the street.

2. If you are waiting to be seated in a trendy restaurant, do not think you will be seated without tipping the Matre D. If you do, At best you will finally have to break down and either tip or go elsewhere. At worst, you will get a seat in the bar just as they are starting the fastest cigar smoker contest and there are twenty-four contestants all lighting up at the same time..

1. If you find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks do not try to cut the line. If you do, at best you will be chastised by the register barista. At worst, your double decaf, soy, low foam latte will have a taste resembling the faint essence of dirty socks and you should not ask why..

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

 

This post is in response to the Linda Hill Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt “Time” You can go here to see some of the other author submissions

http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-1614/

 

Time by John W. Howell

“Do you have the time?”

“Yeah, I sure do.”

“That’s good. Could you tell me what time it is?”

“Yes I could tell you.”

“Okay. What time is it?”

“Half past six.”

“Thank you. Was it so tough to tell me?”

“No not at all and no need to get huffy.”

“I’m not huffy. I just think I had to go through a lot just for the time.”

“That may be, but I wasn’t the one who didn’t know, now was I?”

“Meaning?”

“Let’s see. My watch not yours. I know and you don’t. I think any amount of fun I have at your expense you have coming.”

“Okay, I see that. Let’s do it another way. You ask me for something.”

“Swell, do you have ten dollars?”

“Sure here.”

“See Ya.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu for Week’s End

~ John W. Howell ~ 16 Comments

 

 

Friday is here at last. Seems like an eternity since Wednesday but that ‘s how it goes in the scheme of things. Sometimes the weeks go by in a flash and sometimes it feels like a five-day root canal. Unless you have a secret answer I have not been able to pinpoint just what makes time fly or standstill. It has to be all mental. Of course, I could think of occasions when time would fly and others where it would stand still. The time fly one is easy. Picture falling on a subway track and there is no way out except to run to an egress door which  is five hundred feet away. Can you guess how fast the time will fly until the next train arrives? You can bet it is already here with you under it. Okay let’s turn away from that scene and go to one where time moves so slowly it seems to stand still. How about when you accidentally kick over the step-ladder and you are holding on the eve of your house and you have called for help. The help answers to the effect they are coming. How long does it take for them to get there and put the ladder back? Almost forever and just maybe after you thunder down into the hibiscus with a dull thud.  The point is; has anyone given us anything more scientific to measure this stuff? Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) deals with science and is titled Answers. Have a nice weekend.

Answers by John W. Howell © 2014

There are questions asked,

On the mystery of life. . .

Many Qs few As

Wednesday Short Story Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 23 Comments

 

Wednesday is upon us already. We need to feel good about that. This week’s story was prompted by the realization that our children are grown and can make decisions and determine their own outcomes. Sometimes one has to be reminded since it seems like yesterday they were dependent on their parents. Such is not the case anymore. The title of the story is Dear Old Dad and I hope you like it. Happy hump day.

 

Dear old Dad by John W. Howell © 2014

“Hey BB.”

“Oh Hi Megan I’m glad you called.”

“Why’s that? I hope you have a sitter for Saturday night.”

“Yeah, that’s not why I’m glad and yes we have a sitter. I just got off the phone with my dad and I really need someone to talk to.”

“Is he okay?”

“Oh yes, he’s fine. He just drives me up the wall sometimes.’

“He’s not forgetting his pants again is he?”

“No nothing like that. No it’s just he asks me the dumbest questions and I have a tough time understanding where he is coming from.”

“Like what?”

“Well, he asked if I was going to get tennis lessons for Joe.”

“Sounds like an okay question. What is the problem?”

“Of course I’m going to get tennis lessons for Joe. Joe is good but needs to get better. I just wanted to say to him, ‘no dad I decided to eliminate the tennis lessons and cut off food in the bargain to teach Joe not to be so success oriented.’”

“Humm. I see what you mean. What else?”

“He asked about singing lessons for Ali and I wanted to tell him we took the singing lesson money and bought a kyack, beer, chips and cigarettes.”

“Who boy that’s funny.”

“Since I live in Indiana, in one of the most-desirable tourist destinations he thinks I have a washing machine on my front porch. At least he is always wondering about facilities and education. I always joke about the rock where I hand wash the clothes, and sometimes I think he believes me.”

“Maybe he is just concerned.”

“Oh, I know that, it is just sometimes I wonder. I wonder if he can fully grasp what it takes to have a full-time career, raise three kids and support a husband who is also working

“What does he do?”

“He’s a writer. Novelist. In fact, he is the only Type A writer I know.”

“Yikes. No wonder.”

“What? Type A or Novelist?”

“I would say both. I think he probably sees the world from a different point of view and doesn’t have a clue on how the questions come across.”

“I know you’re right. I guess I just needed to vent. He can be a dork at times. I guess we all can.”

“Is a female dork a dorkess.”

“I don’t know. Is a female ass an assess? Goodbye Megan.”

“Goodbye BB. See you Saturday.”

Rave Reviews Book Club – Quality Member Search

~ John W. Howell

 

I am one of nine members of the 9-1-1 club for August within the Rave Reviews Book Club. The 9-1-1 club was formed to seek out and provide to the Rave Reviews Book Club high quality and sustaining members. Each month, nine current members of the Rave Reviews Book Club are tasked with finding one new member. That member then is to find one new member within the same month. My purpose of posting is to find one of you out there who would like to be a member and feel they could enlist another writer to join as well. If you are interested please send me an e-mail  johnhowell.wave@gmail.com. Go here for more information on the Rave Reviews Book Club itself.

So why join the Rave Reviews Book Club?

  • Moral support from 500 members
  • Tweets of your handle twice a week.Retweets of your events
  • Book reviews by members and importantly book sales to members
  • Contests, promotional and PR opportunities
  • Spotlight and push honors which serve to increase awareness and sales of books (my Amazon rank went from six figures into the low 30s after a push honor)
  • Member of the month opportunity which includes a blog tour
  • Listing in the Review Catalog

The membership is now $25 per year for member-authors and $10 per year for NON-authors.  As listed there are some great perks to that PAID membership, as well.  Right now, we are offering a limited time discount to all new member-authors to  join for only $15.00!!!  We don’t know when that special will end, so JOIN US today!  (The $10 NON-author fee remains the same).

The only requirement to maintain your membership (besides the payment) is to commit to reading and reviewing four member books a year.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Have a Lousy Boss

~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

Here is the 58th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from a number of blogs which focused on different kinds of bosses. Hope you like it.

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to do if You Have a Lousy Boss

10.If you have a lousy boss, do not try to curry favor. If you do, at best your co-workers will shun you. At worst, the boss may think you are a big ass suck up and have no respect for you what so ever.

9. If you have a lousy boss, do not wish a cheery good morning. If you do, at best the boss will think you are shallow. At worst, the boss will not appreciate your greeting since all days are bad in the boss’s opinion.

8. If you have a lousy boss, do not volunteer to plan an event. If you do, at best you will be disappointed in the boss’s disapproval of how the event went. At worst, your permanent record will have an entry about poor planning skills.

7. If you have a lousy boss, do not talk to the boss at company functions. If you do, at best the boss with think you are sucking up. At worst, the boss will allow paranoid feelings to influence the decision to move you to the basement mop closet.

6. If you have a lousy boss, do not ask a question at meetings. If you do, at best your co-workers will think you are sucking up. At worst, the boss will take your question as a personal attack on the company objectives and will record this lack of loyalty for your next review.

5. If you have a lousy boss, do not take normal coffee breaks. If you do, at best the boss will think you are not motivated. At worst, the boss will assume you are leading a plot with your co-workers to undermine the boss’s authority.

4. If you have a lousy boss, do not get caught taking to the boss’s boss at a company function. At best, the boss will allow the paranoid feeling to influence your next pay raise. At worst, the boss will have a private discussion with the boss’s boss on the need to develop a performance plan to get you back on track.

3. If you have a lousy boss, do not expect praise and reward for a job well done. If you do, at best you will be disappointed since the boss believes all good things are a result of excellent management of you. At worst, the boss will find out how disappointed you are and will make a note in your file about your weakness as a team player.

2. If you have a lousy boss, do not think the invitation to join a special team is an honor. If you do, at best you will be disappointed to find out the boss just needed some folks to do extra work. At worst, you will learn the special team is being held accountable and chartered to correct some screw-ups done by another special team appointed by the boss.

1. If you have a lousy boss, do not feel comfortable going on vacation. If you do, at best you just may be interrupted by annoying phone calls. At worst, you will not be interrupted but will come back to find your job function has changed with another forty hours of work added on to your current load.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

 

This is in response to the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt using the word or thought of two. The prompt and rules can be found at: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-914/

A Couple by John W. Howell © 2014

“Give me a couple of those donuts.”

“A couple? Do you mean two?”

“Yeah, I mean two. What do you think a couple is?”

“Well, where I come from a couple could be four or more.”

“How’s that?”

“You got mom and dad and the young ens. We say that’s a couple.”

“Okay, but you don’t say a couple of donuts is more than two.”

“You do if they are on sale like buy two get one free. Then a couple is three.”

“Okay, so maybe I’m pretty dumb. I wouldn’t call a couple of donuts three even if the one was free.”

“You are not in the donut business.”

“And I’m so glad I’m not.”

“Here’s your donuts. That’ll be a couple of dollars.”

“A couple as in two or three?”

“Surprise me.”

 

JohnKu Friday – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Friday is always a good day it seems. After a long week, it seems like a little reward for at least showing up. I know I always feel good on Friday and maybe one does not really have to punch a clock to have a sense of celebration because the week is over. I hope your weekend goes well and your Friday is the best. This week’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) celebrates the little things we do which we should congratulate ourselves. It is titled  Congratulations.

 

Congratulations by John W. Howell © 2014

Not necessary,

A great big accomplishment.. .

Maybe one small step.