Tag: collaboration

Top Ten No Nos Is as Top Ten No Nos Does

~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

Here is the 23rd installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do When Buying Gifts for Others

10.  If you are buying a gift for a girlfriend, do not plan to give clothes unless you are double dog sure of the sizes. If you’re lucky, you buy something too small and she feels bad (yet happy) because you think she’s smaller than she really is. If you’re unlucky, you buy something too big and she makes you feel bad for thinking that she’s bigger than she really is.

9.  If you are buying a gift for a boyfriend, do not plan to give him one of those latest mechanical gifts from an on-line gadget store. Best case: he won’t be able to figure out what it is for and will feel stupid. Worst case: he will know what it is for since he already has one.

8.  If you are getting a gift for a mother-in-law, do not plan to re-gift something you received from a family member or even a complete stranger. In the best case, you’ll have left the gift receipt in the box with last year’s date. In the worst case, it will be the very gift your mother-in-law gave you two years ago. To make it even more embarrassing, you raved about how perfect the gift was when you got it.

7.  If you are buying a gift for a father-in-law, do not plan to give any kind of hat. The best case is your mother-in-law will tell him he looks ridiculous in it. The worst case is he will actually like it and wear it just to spite the mother-in-law, and then you will be on the hook for the resulting friction.

6.  If you are buying a gift for a spouse, do not plan to give them anything they asked for when you asked what they wanted for Christmas. At best, your spouse will consider the gift as a no brainer on your part and wonder why you didn’t get something else. At worst, your spouse will have changed their mind and you now have a new door stop.

5.  If you want to give a gift to a teen-ager, do not buy anything. Simply give them the money you would have spent. If you do buy an unwanted gift, the best you can hope for will be an eye-roll followed by the teen-ager getting a cash refund for the gift. At the worst, you’ll soon find the gift, with the gift sticker still affixed, at your local thrift store.

4.  If you are buying a gift for a co-worker, do not buy any intimate apparel or anything that could be considered personal. In the best case, you will be thought of as “kind of creepy.” In the worst case, you will be explaining to Human Resources what you had intended by the gift.

3.  If you are buying a gift for the postal person do not give anything you have baked. The postal employee is fully capable of putting their own cookie together. At best, you will see your baked goods handed off to the next mailbox on your street. At worst, you will wonder why your mail stopped after the holidays.

2.  If you are buying a gift for a white elephant gift exchange, do not buy anything you might not want to take home. The best case is you manage to avoid being stuck with what you brought. The worst case is you will be the proud owner of the gift you brought which then you will have to store away until next year or gift to your mother-in-law.

1.  If you are buying a gift for your boss, do not try to keep up with his tastes. Simply get a gift card from Amazon and let him pick up a book. The best case is whatever you give other than the gift card will never cost enough. The worst case is you might actually spend enough to find out your boss has one of what you bought. Unless it is a new Ferrari, you will never recover.

Top Ten No Nos Is as Top Ten No Nos Does

~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Here is the 20th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. This list has been prepared for all you campers who will be taking advantage of the Thanksgiving weekend. We hope you enjoy.
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Top Ten Things Not to do When Camping at a Primitive Campsite

10.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not forget to pack a sufficient amount of toilet paper for your stay.  Yes, the added bulk and weight of the paper may seem burdensome in your backpack, but you will appreciate the luxury soon after you’ve eaten too much of the wrong kind of berries.

9.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not store your food in your tent thinking it will be more protected from the elements there.  If you do, you will likely be rudely surprised in the middle of the night by, at worst, a bear that will find your leg more delicious than your beef jerky, or, at best, a coterie of raccoons who will steal your pistachio nuts and proceed to eat them loudly in the surrounding bushes.

8.  If you camp at a primitive campsite and want to explore some of the nearby hiking trails, do not forget to bring a topographical map of the area in which you are camping.  At best Google Maps may not be up-to-date on the hiking trails around your campsite and you may wind up walking in circles while your iPhone quickly burns its battery. At worst the Google map didn’t give you a warning about the five hundred foot drop you encountered on the way to the trail below.

7.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not forget to bring plenty of waterproof Band-Aids for blisters.  No matter how many layers of socks you wear and how well-broken in your boots may be, you are likely to suffer at least one blister.  Without aid, at best you can expect to spend the rest of your camping trip hopping around in burning pain. At worst you will find yourself trying to apologize to your hiking partner for having to carry you the last five miles.

6.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not forget to bring a water filtration system in case you run out of potable water.  The water in the creek near your campsite may look clean and pure, but without a filtration system, at best you may end up wishing you had brought more toilet paper. At worst you might get a close up view of the local ER.

5.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not carry a gun thinking it will be sure protection against any wild animals that you may encounter.  For one thing, you are in their territory and if it isn’t hunting season, you have no right to be toting a lethal weapon.  For another, if you are afraid of wild animals, then you risk shooting your own foot when you awake to a leg cramp in the middle of the night and think it is a bear gnawing at your calf.

4.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not forget insect repellant.  Be prepared to apply repellant every hour unless you don’t mind being a blood donor for all species of biting insects.

3.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not think this is the best time to break in those new Keen Ketchum hiking boots you bought for $160.  Chances are your feet will wind up in worse condition than is suggested in item #7, and you will be driven so crazy by the painful blisters that you will throw your new hiking boots and maybe yourself off the nearest cliff.

2.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not try to make like Grizzly Adams and befriend any orphaned bear cub or other wildlife you come across.  Chances are the bear cub is not orphaned, its mama is in smelling distance of you, and you’ll soon find yourself having to explain to a very impatient mama bear why you have her precious cub in your hands.

1.  If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not leave your trash behind.  Take out what you pack in.  Otherwise, you might find yourself in a Far Side cartoon where the deer and the bear join forces to wipe every trace of you from their habitat.