
March 9th marks the 56th anniversary of the beginning of the production of the Ford Mustang. Since most of you were not around or were too little to remember. I thought it would be fun to go back to see the first roll down the line. As usual, we need to take a list to help us stay away from making any time continuum slip. By the way, I remember the event well. (tsk, tsk)
Top Ten Things Not to do as the Frist Mustang Rolls Down the Production Line in 1964.
10 If you are there, do not start singing the song “Mustang Sally.” If you do, at best, no one will listen. At worst, people will wonder where the song came from. (Since the song was recorded and released first by Mack Rice in 1965, you are getting suspicious looks from those security guards, Keagan. Maybe it is time to hum a Buddy Holly tune.)
9 If you are there, do not try to get around Tiny the WWF champ to touch a newly built car. If you do, at best, Tiny will turn you back. At worst Tiny, who has skipped his Zoloft medication for two weeks, will think you are going to harm a car. (Funny thing about having your legs behind your ears, Keene. It takes a while to get them untangled again. Here have an aspirin. It’ll help with the swelling.)
8 If you are there, do not ask if the Mustang comes with a stereo radio. If you do, at best whoever you ask doesn’t know what a stereo radio is. At worst, you will ask an engineer who has been working on the project. (Now you’ve done it, Kenner. That guy has been sworn to secrecy on the stereo project, and you wander in, and ask the question. Since the first stereo wasn’t introduced into the auto market until 1969, that guy is pointing you out to those two big security guys. I think he wants you silenced.)
7 If you were there, do not offer to drive one of the cars to the staging area. If you do, at best, you’ll get a polite, “no.” At worst, you’ll ask a union member who will want to see your union card. (Since you could not produce one, the member assumes you are management and has declared a walkout. You are personally responsible for the line stopping, Kennan. Lee Iacocca is looking for you.)
6 If you are there, do not wear your Corvette sweatshirt. If you do, at best, you’ll keep it covered. At worst, someone will notice and call security. (You have been taken for a Chevy spy, Kristof. You know what they do to spies, don’t you? I think I would exit right about now if I were you.)
5 If you are there, do not say out loud that you believe the word Ford is an acronym for Fix Or Repair Daily. If you do, at best, the factory noise will drown you out. At worst several workers will hear you. (Looks like a few guys with big wrenches and muscles are headed your way, Konrad. That hardhat won’t help.)
4 If you are there, do not pick up one of the mustang insignia, thinking you could take a souvenir. If you do, at best, the foreman will tell you to get behind the yellow line. At worst, the foreman will take more extreme measures. (I don’t think he is joking about putting that in insignia back in the bucket, Keelan. That baton looks pretty hard.)
3 If you are there, do not try to touch a car to see if the paint is wet. If you do, at best, no one will observe you, and you’ll rethink it. At worst, the painter will see you coming and help you out with wet paint. (According to the paint instructions, Kristofer, you will be wearing that British Racing Green color for ten years. I think it looks pretty good.)
2 If you are there, do not get in the way of the camera crew filming the first car off the assembly line. If you do, at best the filming will stop until you get out of the way. At worst, the filming will continue with you in it. (There are two options, Kienan. 1. You join the Screens Actors Guild. 2. You reimburse the film crew for the reshoot. Let’s see that will be about $20,000 or $166,432.90 in 2020 value.)
1 If you are there, do not ask a question at the press conference. If you do, at best you won’t give your time travel away. At worst, you’ll ask something really dumb. (The question about the relationship with Carroll Shelby and the Mustang Cobra was about three years too early, Kali. That paper you’ve been handed is a summons to appear in court to answer copyright infringement charges.)