I open the book His Revenge randomly to page 143 and, without looking, point to the page. The word closest to my finger is frustration.

Frustration by John W. Howell © 2024

“Don’t say it.”

“Don’t say what?”

“Express your frustration with this situation.”

“Okay. You just said it, so I don’t have to.”

“I wish I could explain why this vehicle broke down now.”

“I could give you a hint.”

“Okay, this should be good.”

“This old beater is about ten years beyond its use-by date.”

“Aw, come on. It was running just fine this morning.”

“That was this morning. It is now afternoon, and here we stand.”

“Okay, let me adjust something, and you can get in and start it.”

“Just don’t ask me to help push.”

“Don’t worry. That would be the last thing I would ask.”

“Might even be the last thing you do.”

“Okay, try it now.”

“Nothing.”

“Are you turning the key?”

“Like I don’t know how to start a car or this heap?”

“Okay. I’m sorry. I guess we will have to call a wrecker.”

“Of all days.”

“I know. I just don’t know what else to do.”

“Right now, I’m thinking of leaving you here and hitchhike to city hall. There is only one thing stopping me.”

“What’s that?”

“I can’t marry myself, so I need you to go with me.”

“What about the truck?”

“Call the wrecker. He can drop us off and then take that pile of junk to the salvage yard.”

“But it’s my truck.”

“You have a choice. Marry me or the truck.”

“That is not a fair choice.”

“Why’s that?”

“I could just see you trying to haul a yard of dirt.”

 

Today, I randomly opened the book My GRL to page 241, and without looking, my finger landed closest to the word ‘communicate.’

Communicate by John W. Howell © 2024

“So what did you say?”

“I said that is no way to communicate.”

“What happened then?”

“He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little pad and pencil.”

“Then what?”

“He wrote out a note. Tore it out of the pad and handed it to me.”

“A note? He already threatened you with his fist and then wrote out a note? What did it say?”

“Put all the money in a bag, or you’ll get it.”

“Get what?”

“That’s what I asked.”

“And.”

“He looked at me for a minute and then scribbled another note.”

“I can’t wait. What did this one say?”

“It was a crude drawing of a gun with the word ‘this’ under it. I held it up in the air and said, ‘This?’ He nodded.”

“Then what?”

“The police came in and took him away.”

“Did they disarm him?”

“He didn’t have a gun. I did give them his drawing.”

“Imagine that?”

“I sort of felt sorry for him. Doesn’t seem like he knew what he was doing.”

“Wait a minute. He was robbing you.”

“Yeah, I know. I probably should have just given him some money and let him go. He looked desperate.”

“Now, you are sounding crazy.”

“At least he won’t be charged with armed robbery. A drawing of a gun is not a gun.”

“At least not yet.”

 

 

 

Today, I randomly opened Eternal Road – The final stop to page 45 and, without looking, placed my finger on the page. The word closest to my finger is “answer.”

Answer by John W. Howell © 2024

“Is that your final answer?”

“What do you mean, ‘final answer?'”

“I mean that you can’t change your mind once you commit.”

“Um, maybe I better think a little linger.”

“I haven’t got all day.”

“Okay, okay, I just need a second.”

“Time’s up.”

“I said a second, not a split second.”

“Very funny. Come on, is that your final answer.”

“Yes. For heaven’s sake. That is my final answer.”

“Well, congratulations. You have completed the test.”

“Test? What test?”

“The test to see if you have what it takes to be part of this great organization.”

“Part of? Wait a minute. All I did was come in here for lunch.”

“I know, and now you are one of us.”

“I just said yes to your question. I didn’t know there was any more to it than that.”

“Oh, cricket. The world is a wondrous place, and on every highway, important questions need answers. You did well.”

“I’m sure I don’t understand what you just said, nor will I understand it.”

“It doesn’t matter. You said yes, and that’s all that counts.”

“I still don’t understand the importance of the question, ‘Do you want fries with that?’ I will just trust that my sandwich will be ready soon.”

“Life is more than a sandwich, cricket. I pray you see that one day. That’ll be eight fifty.”

 

Today, I opened the book The Last Stop to a random page (219) and pointed to the page with my eyes closed. The word closest to my finger is the word “kidnapping.”

Kidnapping by John W. Howell © 2024

“I have heard everything now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t believe you would tell a story like that.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“It is so hard to believe I must call foul.”

“My kidnapping is the truth.”

“Oh, please. Your parents are wonderful folks.”

“Yeah, they are, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that they kidnapped me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“All you have to do is look at them and then look at me.”

“So what’s your point.”

“Are you kidding me? My point is I don’t look anything like them.”

“I never noticed. Okay, but that still doesn’t mean you were kidnapped.”

“I don’t talk like them either.”

“Oh, come on. Yes, your voice is a little deeper, but still.”

“I’m telling you they stole me from my natural parents.”

“Hold on. I think I read about something like this.”

“You did?”

“Yes. National Geographic Magazine had an article about brown-headed cowbirds.”

“What does that have to do with anything.”

“You have a brown head.”

“Yes.”

“And your mom and dad are bluebirds.”

“Yes, of course.”

“That’s it then.”

“What’s it?”

“Brown-headed cowbird moms lay their eggs in other bird’s nests, and then the other birds raise their young.”

“You mean I’m a Brown-headed cowbird?”

“Looks like it.”

“Abandoned by its mother.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Get off the half-empty kick. You have wonderful and loving bluebird parents.”

“I guess it could be worse. I could have been raised by wolves.”

“There you go. Although wolves don’t build nests or lay eggs.”

“Hey, it’s my coping mechanism. Don’t throw shade on my parade.”

“Fine. Anything to get you thinking positively.”

“I think I’ll start thinking like the bluebird of happiness.”

“Swell. Let’s go flying.”

“We can sing songs.”

“Yeah, Maybe you should let me handle that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind. Take to wing bluebird of happiness.”

You know the drill. Randomly open a book to a page and, without looking, put your finger on the page. The word or words closest to your finger is the prompt. Today, we have opened The Last Drive to page 91, and the word is ‘glasses.’

Glasses by John W. Howell © 2023

“Do you see better with lens one or two?”

“Two.”

“Two or three?”

“Three.”

“Three or one.”

“Three.”

“Okay, that does the exam. I have some good news for you.”

“I love good news.”

“You won’t need your glasses anymore.”

“Really? That is good news. What has changed?”

“According to the database, a new set of lenses has come in, and you are qualified to receive them.”

“I don’t understand.”

“When we last worked on your eyes, we had to give you the 2.1 version of the lens set. They were not the latest. Now the 3.0 version is available. This set will correct all the problems of the 2.1.”

“But the others were okay. With glasses, they worked quite well.”

“Yeah, but your new classification came through as well. You have been upgraded to warrior.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Warrior bots have to have perfect uncorrected 20/20 vision.”

“Bots?”

“You got the briefing?”

“What briefing?”

“The orientation to AI briefing. You used to be a human, right?”

“Used to be?”

“Oh, dear. Hold on. Central? I need to report a programming snafu. Yes, in my office now. Okay. No, he won’t be going anywhere. He is still restrained. Good. Hurry.

 

So here’s how it goes. I open a book to a random page and then, without looking, point to the page. The word or words closest to the pointing finger then becomes the prompt. Today the book is The Last Drive (Of course). The page is 86, and the word is ‘banker.’

Banker by John W. Howell © 2023

“What did he say?”

“Who?”

“The banker, for heaven’s sake.”

“Oh, he was very nice.”

“So it was a ‘no.'”

“I didn’t say that. I said he was nice.”

“Which means you didn’t have anything else to say.”

“Yeah, he turned us down.”

“So what are we going to do now?”

“Go to a different bank, I suppose.”

“This was the last one in town.”

“I don’t get it. We have the invention of the decade and can’t get any backers.”

“Maybe they don’t understand how big this could be.”

“That could be, but how do we convince them?”

“I don’t know. Maybe if we used our invention in something other than our demonstration.”

“What can be more impressive than burning down a building?”

“That’s just it. Maybe we are coming at this the wrong way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just how many folks want to burn down a building?”

“I see what you mean. Well, at least it is good for campfires and stuff.”

“Who will pay ten cents a gallon when kindling is free.”

“I’m stymied. What can we build that will use gasoline as a fuel?”

“I think we need to study this problem. Let’s go to the library.”

“Want to take the Stanley Steamer.”

“We have enough wood for the boiler.”

“Yeah, I just bought some.”

“Good, let’s go.”