Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

 

 

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week, Larry, Andrew, and Mike Moore arrived at the warehouse where the SUV was found that spirited ADA Thomas, Lieutenant Mayfield, and Lazar Popović away from the highway patrol headquarters by two guys posing as agents of the FBI. Supposedly Lazar will be traded for Carolyn. When our boys pulled up, the warehouse had many patrol cars around it, and Moore asked everyone to stand down. Let’s get to the warehouse, so we don’t miss anything.

 

“Patrol one. Moore here.”

“Go ahead, Moore.”

“Are you men in place to breach the structure?”

“Affirmative. We have someone at every entrance..”

“Okay, good. So we don’t shoot each other I think we ought to go in the main door in front. You people in position can make sure no one sneaks out the back. You. copy?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good. Have a couple of troopers meet us at the front. We will go in on my count.”

“Roger that, Moore. Trooper one out.”

“Moore out. Okay, Larry, you have a sidearm, right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Andrew?”

“I only have my two arms.”

“Fine. You stay here. Larry, follow me.”

“Right behind you. Bye, Andrew.”

“Keep your head down, Larry.”

“Larry, when we meet up with the troopers, I’m going to ask you to stay behind us, okay?”

“You’re the boss.”

“Hi, guys. My name is Moore, Special Agent. FBI.”

“Sampson here. You know me as Patrol one.”

“Sounds like our communication gear is working fine. Okay, here’s how we are going to do this. Let’s check to see if the door is unlocked. If not, we need a ram up here.”

“We already checked. It’s unlocked.”

“Great. Then let’s hit it. Your guys can penetrate and loft a couple of stun grenades.” We’ll follow you.”

“Does that guy in the suit have a vest?”

“No, he is going to stay behind me.”

“Okay, sounds good. We are ready.”

“On three then. One, two, three. Go, go, go.”

“Hot damn. Someone’s shooting.”

“Launch the grenades.”

“There they go. Okay, shootings stopped. Let’s go.”

“Shit, a lot of smoke.”

“Yeah, that happens. Stay low. We don’t know how many were in here. Nevada Highway Patrol. Put down your weapons.”

“Oooh.”

“Here’s one. Put the cuffs on him. He looks stunned but not badly hurt. Man, that is some weapon he has. Talk about machine guns. Careful now there could be more. I don’t see Thomas or Mayfield anywhere.”

“It looks like there was just one guy left behind.”

“Check to see if anyone made it out the back.”

“Patrol one to troop. See anyone come out the back.”

“Patrol two negative.”

“Patrol three, negative.”

“Patrol four, negative.”

“Well, that covers it. We are pretty clear in here. Doesn’t look like the rest are here. I hope that guy can tell us something.”

“Don’t count on it. They work for Cortez, and loose lips are not one of their approved habits.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #307 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo ( below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo

Kreative Kue #307

The Wait by John W. Howell © 2021

“So Trevor, old boy.  How have you been lately?”

“You are talking like we don’t share living space. You know how things have been lately.”

“I’m just trying to make conversation while we wait.”

“Yeah, well, don’t bother. Those humans will be in there forever. Or at least, it will seem forever.”

“What goes on in there.”

“See that horseshoe?”

“Yes, I do now.”

“That is a sign of luck.”

“And what does a sign of luck mean?”

“We’ll be lucky to get out of here in less than two hours.”

“Why do you say that?”

“See that beaded curtain?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Once a human goes through a beaded curtain, it is like the brain is wiped clean.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Inside beaded curtains are all kinds of weird things. There’s tea to drink.”

“That doesn’t take long.”

“Cakes to eat.”

“Yum. I could do that in a second.”

“Leaves to read.”

“Huh?”

“These people finish their tea and then look at the dregs at the bottom for guidance.”

“Like sniffing a fireplug?”

“I suppose. They put their nose in it and get all up in the leaves.”

“I know I need to get my nose all up in things to get a read on them too.”

“Also, there are things.”

“Things?”

“Yes, shelves of things. Useless crap like soap and those smelly sticks.”

“I remember we ate a couple of those. Mom kept yelling about her defusers. I thought that maybe there would be an explosion.”

“I remember that too. Pretty funny. The most feared of all items is a scarf or hat the gets put on for a picture.”

“A picture of the humans?”

“No, you dolt. A picture of us.”

“Us?”

“See my pose.”

“Yes.”

“Imagine some hideous scarf or bunny ears.”

“The horror, the horror.”

“Yes. You describe it well. Was that your Marlon Brando voice?”

“Thanks. Been working on that. Why don’t we just take off?”

“Whhhaaaattt? We were given the command ‘wait.'”

“So it is just a word.”

“Don’t be a fool. Behind that word is all the things we hold dear. Kibble, treats, ear scratch, belly rub, fetch, delivery person barking—”

“Okay, I get it. We will stay till our hinnies hurt. I just hope the hat and scarf thing is not in the cards.”

“You want to play a game of cards?”

“Sure, which one?”

“I’m thinking of a card. You tell me which one.”

“The three of clubs.”

“Nope. That’s not it.”

“Hey wait a minute.”

“You are too quick for me. It was the Ace of Spades. I’m thinking of another.”

“Queen of hearts.”

“Nope.”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Birdwatching

Top Ten things not to do

This post was originally run on April 11th, 2016. I hope you enjoy it.

The inspiration for this list is the fact that birds of all kinds are in the process of migration and spring has sprung.  I thought I would start off with a little bird joke.

Vultures
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

“Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked.

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”*

*Courtesy of http://Hungarianbirdwatching.com

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Birdwatching

10 If you are birdwatching, do not leave home without your species checklist. If you do, at best, you will not know the species of birds in your area. At worst, you will broadcast to every watcher for ten miles that you have no idea what you are doing. (Which is the case, right? Slick.)

9 If you are birdwatching, do not ask someone if you could borrow their binoculars. If you do, at best, you will get a lecture on proper preparedness for birdwatching. At worst, the folks you ask will spread the word that you are an escaped mental patient. (Who else would ask for binoculars. It’s like using someone else’s toothbrush.)

8 If you are birdwatching, do not take a guess out loud about the species of bird. If you do, and you are wrong, your fellow birders will pounce as if they are Panthers to correct you. At worst, the leader of the group will ask you kindly to sit at the edge of the road with the hopes you will be run over. (Man, these folks are serious)

7 If you are birdwatching, do not toss terms like mantle, bib, and flair around lightly. If you do, at best, you will broadcast the fact that you should have stayed home. At worst, you might be responsible for that kindly old gent finally going postal after being so patient with you. (He is certainly agile with that cane, isn’t he?)

6 If you are birdwatching, do not snicker at the apparel of your fellow birdwatchers. If you do, at best, they all will be too busy to notice. At worst, they will all snicker at you when you need hospital care for the sunburn, chigger, and tick bites. (How’s that Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever treating you?)

5 If you are bird watching, do not make any sudden noises. If you do, at best, you will capture the frown crown. At worst, your noise caused the rare Tillywinkle Warbler to take flight, causing most of the group to miss the sighting. (Does that group murmuring sound like an old west posse?)

4 If you are bird watching, do not pull out a pastrami sandwich to munch on while looking at birds. If you do, at best, your fellow birders will try to ignore you and the pastrami. At worst, the leader will offer a kindly suggestion about the appropriate place for that sandwich. (No one told you that eating and bird watching are not allowed. The location suggested for the sandwich sounded quite impractical and dark, didn’t it?)

3 If you are bird watching, do not yell “Tally Ho” when you sight a rare species. If you do, at best, the bird will fly away. At worst, the group is not carrying a defibrillator to handle what could be resultant heart attacks. (Those old folks go down like ten-pins, right, Buster?)

2 If you are bird watching, do not offer your fellow watchers a pull from the old flask. If you do, at best, they will try to lose you in the woods. At worst, just as you thought you were getting along, you realize the group is setting you up for an intervention. (After all, no self-respecting birder would chance anything that would interfere with seeing the birds. Therefore, you need help)

1 If you are bird watching, do not walk and watch at the same time. If you do, At best, that hole you stepped in is only a few inches deep. At worst, you could walk off the end of the swamp pier and into the waiting jaws of “Old Hickory,” the crocodile. (He gets, at least, one a month this way.)

 

Views of the Neighborhood – Spring Flowers

Today we are going out to find the spring wildflowers, and as usual, we need to be fortified with good food and drink. Today we are being catered brunch from Matties in Austin.

Matties Brunch

STARTER
FriedGreenTomatoes shrimp+crabsalad,lemon,creoleremoulade . . . . .
SALADS
Farmhouse Salad (V) local greens, fennel relish, tarragon vinaigrette, cherry tomatoes

Beet Salad cardamom yogurt preserved lemon, arugula, hazelnuts

Frisée Salad pickled apples, arugula, roasted grapes, candied pecans, bleu cheese, lemon-poppyseed dressing

Little Gem Caesar (V) creamy cashew caesar dressing, rebel tomatoes, almond “parmesan,” garlic crostini  Add to any salad
Roasted chicken breast  Seared salmon
ENTRÉES
Biscuits+ChorizoCreamGravy ̊with scrambled eggs
Milk Punch French Toast macerated strawberries, candied pecans, whipped cream, bourbon maple syrup.
Green Chile Pork Chilaquiles tomatillo sauce, chunky pico de gallo, over-easy eggs, cotija cheese, tortilla chips
Breakfast Plate ̊ scrambled eggs, home fries, bacon, or house-made wild boar sausage.
Fried Chicken Eggs Benedict ̊ buttermilk biscuits, hollandaise, green salad
Basmati Rice Bowl (V) chickpeas, coconut curry, roasted vegetables, cilantro, tomato, green onions
Grassfield Farms Beef Burger ̊ aged Tillamook cheddar, tomato-bacon jam, Duke’s mayo, house frites. Add egg, bacon, or avocado
SIDES
Nueske’sBacon  HomeFries  Porfi’s Housemade Sage Sausage  FreshFruit(V)

Wine

Raventós i Blanc Blanc de Blancs Conca del Riu Anoia, Catalonia, Spain 2016

Moussé Fils ‘l’Extra Or d’Eugène’ Blanc de Noirs Extra Brut Champagne, France nv

Chateaude Brézé Cremantde Loire Brut Rosé France nv

Rose Gold Côtes de Provence,France 2018

Dessert

Chocolate-Peanut Butter Tart honey roasted peanuts, flourless brownie, salted caramel sauce

Mexican Vanilla Ice Cream peach curd, blackberry compote, sugar oat streusel

Hummingbird Cake  banana, coconut, pineapple, cashew, almond,
rum-cream cheese frosting

Today’s entertainment will be a soothing and relaxing time with a Cardinal at the falls.

So let’s get on board.

Views of the Neighborhood

Along the side of the main drag in Lakeway is a beautiful display of bluebonnets.

And some wild daisies.

Closeup of the bluebonnets.

A few four nerve daisies in with the bluebonnets

The California poppies are blooming

A close-up of the California poppies.

We are now at the greenbelt, and the iris are blooming.

A close-up of the iris.

Views of the Neighborhood

The cedar sage (Salvia roemeriana) is lovely.

Views of the Neighborhood

Path with bluebonnets on each side.

Views of the Neighborhood

A close-up of the bluebonnets

It could be Antelope horns (Asclepias Asperula), but I’m not sure.

Evening primrose close-up.

The evening primrose in the natural setting.

Views of the Neighborhood

Some prairie verbena (Glandularia bipinnatifida)

Views of the Neighborhood

A fern by a water feature.

We have finished our tour. Stay and have some food and listen to the falls and cardinal.

Have a great week.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Difference

 

A large box was left on the porch today. Since it wasn’t from Chewy, I was pretty sure Linda Hill had paid a visit with this week’s prompt. The box did have a sinister look about it.  Sure enough, after a precautionary soak in a tub of water, here is what was inside.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “difference.” Whatever the word “difference” conjures first in your mind, write about it. Enjoy!

If you would like to enjoy little things like this and want to experience difference go to Linda’s blog and read how easy it is to participate.

Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2021/04/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-10-2021/

Difference by John W. Howell © 2021

“Hey, there, my man. Why are you hanging that wet paper on the line?”

“This is the prompt from Linda Hill.”

“Why is it wet?”

“I wanted to make sure it wasn’t from a bomber, so I soaked the package in water.”

“Surely you know the difference between Linda’s messages and something strange like a package from a bomber?”

“I don’t like to be called Shirley. Yes, I know the difference between a Chewy box and Linda’s. This one looked a little strange.”

“How so? Give me an example of the difference.”

“The return address on this one was blacked out.”

“Yeah, okay. That does show a difference.”

“There was a printed warning on the side.”

“What did it day.”

“Explosives – Do not drop.”

“A total difference for sure. Anything else?”

“Another note.”

“Which said?”

“Loud ticking is normal.”

“Hahahaha. I think Linda was playing a trick on you.”

“See, that just shows the difference between you and me.”

“What difference?”

“You laugh at everything.”

“And you frown at everything.”

“Like I said, there is a difference between us. You see the glass as half full.”

“And you see the glass as half empty.”

“Speaking of.”

“Yeah, a nice full glass of beer.”

“You’re turn to buy.”

“I’ll make it a pitcher.”

“Even better.”

“Viva the difference.”

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

 

“Hey, Lucy. Look at these spots before my eyes”
“That’s dappled sunlight, Little One.”
“Who invented that?”
“The Big Dog over the Rainbow bridge.”

Hello, Friday you big beautiful thing you. It is so nice to see you again. Yes, indeed, it is Friday and close to the weekend.

This week has been pretty much a non-event. Yes, I worked on my WIP and am please about that. The new month started, and I can’t believe it is April already. Other than that not much to say

Today’s JohnKu talks about what to do when blogging news is scarce.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

No news by John W. Howell © 2021

When you have nothing,

New and ready to report . . .

Sign off gracefully.

Thursday – Anything possible – Lucy and Twiggy Mellow Harsh

Lucy and Twiggy

We going to do this, Little One?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Okay, Lucy. I guess we need to lay out the field.”

“The field? What do you mean?”

Lucy and Twiggy

“You know. Get the lime. Layout the boundaries. Set the goals.”

“Oh, blech. Can we just skip all that?”

“We can, but it won’t be much of a game.”

“My point exactly. Patio, here we come.”

“Lucy. What’s that ladder thing at the neighbors?’

“I don’t know. They are noisy, though.”

“You can say that again. What’s that rumble?”

“I think they are using a jackhammer on something.”

“A little of that goes a long way.”

“Can you say annoying?”

“Wait. Did it stop?”

“I think. you are right.”

“And there it goes again.”

“I have to believe they are going to be here all day.”

“Not sure I can handle this.”

“I know I can’t. I’m going to a quiet place.”

“Not much quiet over here either. I’m heading back to the patio. At least there is sun there.”

“I guess you are right. Little One.”

Twiggy and Lucy

“Well, it’s not perfect.  I guess it is better than nothing.”

“Now you’re talking. I love optimism.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“Yeah. It starts and stops, so I guess we can put up with it.”

“Dibs on this lounge. Gotta get some serious shut-eye. Send the server over if you can catch his eye.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we learned that Cortez’s men were driving a late model Chevrolet Suburban. Also, we know that neither Lieutenant Mayfield nor ADA Thomas was in sight of the security camera that recorded their departure from the Highway Patrol headquarters. Agent Moore ordered a car to be brought around to be ready if the Suburban was spotted. I see Agent Moore’s phone is ringing, so that may mean the car has arrived. Let’s go to ADA Thomas’s office and see what is going on.

 

“Yes, this is Moore. When? Okay, get a couple of Troopers over there. Test me the address we are on our way. Moore out.”

“Sounds like they found something.”

“Yes, they located the Suburban outside a warehouse in the commercial district. We need to move now. I just got the address.”

“You driving?”

“Yes, the car is federal property, so I have to drive. It’s policy.”

“Right behind you.”

“Larry, please sit upfront with me. Andrew, do you mind riding in the back?”

“No, I’m good. Probably more legroom anyway.”

“Hahaha. Good one, Andrew. Oh, shoot.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to ask them to kit the car out.”

“What does that mean.”

“Here, get in. The door is unlocked.”

“Okay, what did you mean by kit out?”

“I wanted some other weapon other than my Glock. I should have ordered an MP5/10 submachine gun.”

“I see a shotgun in the rack. Isn’t that enough?”

“I guess it will have to be. You okay back there, Andrew.”

“Yup, ready to go.”

“Let me punch the address into the GPS, and we’ll be off.”

“The screen says we will be there in ten minutes.”

“Well, I hope we aren’t too late.”

“You think these guys ate in the warehouse?”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it? Out of the way place to make a trade.”

“I guess so. Don’t know why they didn’t pull into the warehouse to at least hide the car.”

“Yeah, good point. I see where you are going. Maybe they dropped the Suburban and took off in another car.”

“Well, that’s what I would do.”

“That would not be a good thing.”

“Tell me about it.”

There’s the warehouse. I see the Suburban.”

“And three patrol cars.”

“Let me get on the radio and get this thing organized. Patrol one, this is Moore.”

“Go ahead, Moore.”

“Do not penetrate the building until I order it, okay?”

“Copy that. We are standing by.”

“Thank you Patrol One. Moore out. Okay, let’s see what we have.”

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #306 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #306

Directions by John W. Howell © 2021

“Yes, ma’am, I’m on duty today.”

“Where are the guards?”

“Guards, ma’am?”

“Yes, you know, with the big furry hats and red coats.”

“As far as I know, we have had no such guards here.”

“But all the travel brochures have them pictured. Here look.”

“I see. They do look rather disciplined.”

“I’ve traveled a long way, had to test negative on covid, and was quarantined for 14 days, and now I want to see them.”

“I can understand.”

“So where are they.”

“My guess would be Kensington Palace.”

“Isn’t that where I am?”

“No, ma’am. This is not Kensington Palace.”

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry. I guess I got my directions wrong.”

“No worries, ma’am, it happens to all of us.”

“Can you give me directions to Kensington palace?”

“Well, I can give you general directions. Then you can get more specific when you get closer.”

“How far away am I?”

“Are you driving?”

“Yes, I have rented a car.”

“It is about five and one-half hours.”

“Five and one-half hours? I could be to Paris in five and one-half hours.”

“Um, ma’am.”

“Yes, young man.”

“You are in Paris.”

“Wait. What?”

“You are in Paris. ma’am.”

“I can’t imagine how I got here.”

“I would say via route 1A.”

“It did seem like a long time to get here. I asked the nice young man at the hotel desk for directions. He wrote them down for me.”

“Let me see them.”

“Here.”

“Ah yes. I see the problem.”

“You do?”

“The directions to Kensington Palace were written on a paper that also has directions to Paris on the back.”

“And I got the wrong side.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Still have to wonder how that can happen?”

“We will probably never know.”

“It could have been when I took a nap.”

“Nap?”

“Yes, I rented a Tesla, and it had an autopilot feature. I turned it on and then got into the backseat for a nap. I guess I slept too long. Darned jet lag anyway.”

“You are lucky to be here, ma’am.”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“Ma’am?”

“Would have rather gone to Kensington Palace.”

 

 

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Plan to Attend a MLB Game

Major League Baseball

Here is a post that I originally published on April 4th, 2016, in honor of opening day in baseball. Maybe you’ll find it funny again or for the first time.

This list has as inspiration the fact that the Major League Baseball season is underway, and there are things you need to know if you plan to attend a game.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Plan to Attend an MLB Game.

10 If you plan to attend a game, do not call in sick to work. If you do, at best, no one will see you that day. At worst, you will be highlighted as the 100th attendee, including an interview playing of the 6:00 and 10:00 news. (You hope that fake nose, mustache, and glasses get up will keep your boss in the dark.)

9 If you plan to attend a game, do not bring your favorite glove in hopes of catching a home run. If you do, at best, those around you will assume you have some kind of mental illness that focuses on balls. At worst, you will actually have the opportunity to catch a home run ball only to drop it in front of thousands of fans on the jumbotron and those watching the game on TV. (Can you say, “Clumsy idiot,” Bucky?”

8. If you plan to attend a game, do not drive your car to the ballpark. If you do, at best you pay more for parking than the ticket. At worst, you’ll have trouble finding a place to park and take up the offer by the guy in sunglasses and a knit cap to watch your car for five dollars. (The tow truck didn’t do too much damage, and you understand a new bumper will cost under a thousand.)

7 If you plan to attend a game and are taking a date, do not try to avoid the kiss cam by talking on your phone. If you do, at best, this will be the last time with this person. At worst, the commentary from the TV coverage will ensure you may never get a date again. (Sure, you are the Wolf of Wall Street, Ace, and now maybe a lone wolf).

6. If you plan to attend a game and sit close to the players, do not yell insults that the players can hear. If you do, at best, you’ll get some fierce looks. At worst, you might have to think fast to avoid that Louisville slugger that is heading your way. (Man! Those bats are hard, aren’t they, Buster?)

5. If you plan to go to the game, do not try to better your old beer per hour record. If you do, at best, you will fall short and be glad later. At worst, you will soundly beat your old record, which you will celebrate by calling trains (Pittsburgh, Pokipsie, and Albuquerque) in the ceramic microphone. (Those cheese nachos looked better an hour ago, didn’t they? Ferd.)

4. If you plan to go to the game, do not think it will be a cheap day. If you do, at best, you will have sticker shock at the end. At worst, you will overspend to the point that you realize you could have had a trip to a lovely resort. (Who was to know those peanuts prices were by the piece rather than the bag.)

3 If you plan to go to the game, do not sit in a part of the stadium where the away team fans sit and then root for your team. If you do, at best, everyone will take your loyalties good-naturedly.  At worst, you may find that the guy everyone calls Brutus has finally had it with your cheers and decides to give you a close-up view of a knuckle sandwich. (The view was brief before the lights went out, wasn’t it?)

2 If you plan to go to the game, do not keep up a running chatter about the team and individual statistics. If you do, at best, you have everyone wanting to move away. At worst, while you impress yourself, you are not paying attention to that large man with cauliflower ears who is pushing people out of his way and heading in your direction. (It seems odd that he can pick you up by the neck, doesn’t it?)

1 If you plan to attend a game, do not make the assumption that the umpire is not qualified and has been on the waiting list for a Lasik procedure. If you do, at best, your accusations of sight and skill problems will fall on deaf ears. At worst, security will help you to a position in the park where no one can hear you. (If you need help, you are now in a place where no one can hear you scream.)