Top Ten Things Not to Do in an Elevator

September 9, 2019September 15, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 93 Comments

The inspiration for this post came as a result of thinking hard about the Top Tens that have already been done. Since history was a little less funny this week I decided to do this since it hasn’t been done before.

10 If you are in an elevator after inspecting the inspection document, do not mention that the inspection date is overdue. If you do, at best you have already reached the ground floor. At worst, you are on an express that has 50 levels to go. (Well, you lucked out, Jack. No one on the elevator has a bucket of tar and a feather pillow.)

9 If you are on an elevator, do not stand too close to Tiny the WWF champ. If you do, at best Tiny is bust worrying about the creaking cable. At worst, Tiny, who just left his OCD workshop, has decided his personal space needs to be enlarged. (Yes, Jeremy Tiny is suggesting that you get off at the next stop. I would take the hint which is far better than a full helicopter spin toss-off.)

8 If you are on an elevator, do not think of the big gulp soda you just had before getting on. If you do, at best, you only have a few floors. At worst, the downward motion of the elevator will give you a challenge. (It is not up to me to say, Joel but finishing your tour of the Empire Stae building with a 32 oz soda might not have been a genius move. Have faith only 100 floors to go. Yeah, that swishing sound does remind me of running water.)

7 If you are on an elevator, do not open that container of take out garlic chicken. If you do, at best everyone in the elevator has had garlic for lunch. At worst, your lunch will be a feature on the evening news. (That report about the hazmat emergency in your building was a source of embarrassment huh, Jesse? That photo of you being booked as a chemical warfare terrorist was especially unflattering. I don’t think orange is your color.)

6 If you are on an elevator, do not think you can make room for those giant packages from Ikea. If you do, at best everyone will get off. At worst, the four people who were bumped and bruised all have excellent lawyers. ( Might be more comfortable to settle out of court, Jeffrey. Those four plaintiffs have formed a class action suit against you. The one with the black eye seems the most unforgiving of all. The others not so much.)

5 If you are on an elevator, remind everyone that your pet lion is friendly. If you do, at best one or two may pet it. At worst, the first roar may cause a mass evacuation. ( And even a few might get off, Judah. Please give everyone else your card and the name of your cleaner.)

4 If you are on an elevator, do not hum a song. If you do, at best everyone has earbuds and won’t hear you. At worst, the occupants will consider you psychotic. (You must wonder why you only made it to the first stop, Jasper. The vigilantes declared you unfit for a further ride. Don’t worry, another will be along shortly. This time stay quiet.)

3 If you are on an elevator, do not look at anyone. If you do, at best they will be looking at their shoes and miss the connection. At worst, you’ll make eye contact with that big guy in the back. (Now you’ve done it, Jonah. That big guy needs to ask someone if they can spare $5.00 for a train ride back to Connecticut. All you have is a ten? Maybe he will make change.)

2 If you are on an elevator, do not continue your cell phone call. If you do, at best everyone will be interested in how you know Taylor Swift. At worst, the most annoyed may just take your phone from you. (I think if you ask nicely, they’ll give it back, Josh. Ooops my bad. Looks like you might need a new one.)

1 If you are on an elevator, do not practice emergency procedures in case the cables break. If you do, at best you’ll be tossed after thirty seconds. At worst, the rest of the occupants will start jumping up and down to try and time hitting bottom in the up position. (As luck would have it, Jaden the cable does break under the weight of twenty folks jumping up and down. Don’t worry, there is an automatic brake system. Well, there should be an automatic brake.)

Views of the Neighborhood – City Sculptures

September 8, 2019September 14, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Lakeway has several permanent art pieces located around the city. I thought it would be interesting to take a look at some of them.

This is a bronze entitled Craine and is located near the Justice Center. I think the little creek is perfect. Where possible, I have included the artist. Not all of the artists are identified.

This is a kinetic sculpture by artist Lyman Whitaker is titled “Agave” and is located on one of the busy street medians. The idea is to enjoy the art as you drive by carefully.

Also by Lyman, Whitaker is “Sail.” and also located on a median.

“Tennis Player,” Is located in the Florence Newton sculpture garden.

“Girl with Teddy Bear on a Stool,” in the Florence Newton sculpture garden.

“Guardian Angel” by Lyman Whitaker in the Florence Newton sculpture garden.

“Girls with Arbor Rope” in the Florence Newton sculpture garden.

“Boys Balancing” in the Florence Newton sculpture garden.

Florence Newton and her husband, Fred, moved to Lakeway in 1995. She became an active volunteer—at the City Hall reception desk and other functions. She died in January 2008.

The sculpture garden on Lakeway Blvd. between Rogues Roost Dr. and Top O The Lake Dr. is a memorial to her, funded by her family and friends. It was produced by the City of Lakeway’s Arts and Beautification Committee.

I hope you enjoyed the tour.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt

September 7, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again, and this weeks prompt is a direct quote from Linda Hill “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “weigh/way/whey.” Use one, use ’em all, bonus points if you do that last thing. Enjoy!” So there you have it. I’m going for the bonus points since I’m very close to having enough for that Bentley turbo convertible. If you would like a Bentley, visit Linda’s blog and find out how easy it is to earn bonus points. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Sept. 7/19

“Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet—”

“Please don’t tell me you are going to score the word whey with that nursery rhyme?”

“I knew I could count on you to weigh in on the side of critical.”

“So tell me you aren’t going to used that nursery rhyme.”

“No way. I don’t have to tell you anything. This is my prompt, and I’m going to use it any way I want.”

“Even if your way is an embarrassment?”

“Who’s embarrassed?”

“Well starting with your first-grade teacher, I think anyone who tried to teach you anything would weigh in on the side of embarrassed.”

“Okay, then. Maybe you can show me the way. Give me another use of whey besides curds and.”

“Hmmm. How about whey powder.”

“Huh? How would I use that in a story?”

“You could talk about muscle building. For example. Dick used whey protein powder and gained weight and muscle.”

“Oh and them someone asks him, ‘By the way, how much do you weigh, Dick?'”

“Now, you have it.”

“Thank you for showing me the way. . . Not.”

“What’s the problem? You got all three in that little story.”

“No one’s going to go out of their way to read a story about weight and whey powder.”

“And you think they will about Muffet on a tuffet eating curds and whey?”

“It’s the spider part that gets ’em.”

“You know the spider is no surprise.”

“Just listen to my version, and you be the judge.”

“Fine.”

“Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

eating her curds and whey.

Along came a spider who sat down beside her,

And said,’ what’s that you’re eating? It looks disgusting”‘

“You need help.”

“I could do anchors aweigh.”

“No way.”

“Way down yonder in New Orleans?”

“Stop now. before I need to find a grocery bag for my head.”

“Grocery bag?”

“So no one will recognize me.”

“Funny you are.”

“Master Yoda.”

“Drink?”

“Way ahead of you.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

September 6, 2019September 5, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Twiggy — “It’s Friday. So much to do. So little time.”

“Here, we are again. Having to face another weekend away from our beloved work,” said no one ever. I hope you are looking forward to the weekend. I also hope your week was a good one.

Nothing much going on around here. Just plugging away on the WIP. Last week I finished up at over 61,000 words. This week’s total is over 68,000. That is still on the 1000 word a day goal. I am grateful I can continue the pace and don’t take the productivity for granted. We all know things could get in the way at any time, so I mark it up as a good run so far. It also means I’m about 75% complete on my first draft. Yeah, that feels good.

Today’s JohnKu talks about taking things for granted. I hope you enjoy your weekend.

We accomplish goals,

And tend to think it’s just us . . .

Fate is there to help.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy

September 5, 2019September 19, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

“Hey, dad. Any chance of forcing Lucy to play with me?”

“Now you know that doesn’t work well, Little One.”

“look at her though. Sound asleep when there are toys to play with.”

“Go see if she wants to play.”

“You want to play, Lucy?”

“Little potato. I’ve played with you for the last three hours. I need a small break.”

“Okay, then. I’ll just wander over and play with my hamburger.”

“There you go. A nice hamburger.”

“Lots of fun. Look I can chew the cheese-like fabric.”

“Uh-huh. Why not play with Beaver?”

“Beaver is under the couch.”

“Get the Boss to help you.”

“Dad? Can you get Beaver for me?”

“Sure Twiggy. No problem.”

“Ah Thanks, Dad. Beaver is my friend.”

“I hope Beaver likes to be checked for fleas.”

“It’s no fun trying to play alone.”

“Come over here, Little one.”

“You know there are times when you just have to play alone.”

“But I miss playing with you.”

“Okay. I’ll make you a deal. We take a nap then I’ll play with you.”

“Okay, Lucy. You are the best. I’ll try to close my eyes.”

“I think more important is trying to close the mouth.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

September 4, 2019September 3, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “Friday yet?”
“No, Little One. Just Wednesday.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we witnessed Larry and Andrew get waylaid on their way to their hotel by a couple of men brandishing handguns. The men told Andrew and Larry to get out of the car, and Larry advises Andrew that they should do just that. These guys were a surprise to us all, so I think we better get over there to find out what they intend to do.

“All right we are getting out of the car. Andrew do as the nice man says.”

“You two keep your hands where we can see em. Slowly get out and come around the front.”

“You’ll have no trouble with us. Can I ask what this is all about?”

“You can take a big cup of shut the fuck up, detective. That’s what you can do. If we want to hear from you, we’ll ask. In the meantime, shut your yap.”

“Well, okay.”

“I said, shut it. You two got any weapons?”

“Can I answer?”

“A real smart ass we have. Did I ask a question?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Then answer the dammed question.”

“No, we don’t have any weapons.”

“Big detective like you from the big city of Boston is not packin’ I find that hard to believe.”

“You can search me if you want.”

“I’ll do anything I want to you smart ass. I don’t need permission. Your constitutional rights are suspended. Spread your legs and reach for the sky. Uh-huh. No weapon.”

“Told you.”

“Shut up. How about you, fat man? Got a gun in your underwear?”

“For heaven’s sake, my good man. Why would I put a gun in my underwear? It might go off accidentally.”

“Oh, you are a regular stand up comic. Hear that Lance? This guy doesn’t want to shoot his parts off. What a laugh. You spread your legs as well. Okay, no weapon either. Now I need you two to get in this big ole SUV. We are going for a ride.”

“A ride like Al Capon ride?”

“Shut up, detective. Your jokes are getting on my nerves. Just get in the vehicle. Lance here is going to ride with you. He’ll be in the third row behind you. Don’t do anything to make him have to go to confession this Sunday okay?”

“Don’t worry. I certainly want to respect his feelings.”

“Okay, then. Lance get in. You two follow him. I’ll be driving.”

“Yes, sir. Can I ask where we are going?”

“You can but I ain’t gonna tell you. My boss wants you to be surprised.”

“Ah, you have a boss.”

“Doesn’t everyone. Now shut up and watch your hands. I’m closing this door.”

“Boy Andrew. Looks like we are going to be blessed talking to one of the biggies here in town.”

“We all ready back there? No more talking. Here we go.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #227 with Keith Channing

September 3, 2019September 2, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Hey, you there. You by the gate.”

“Yes? What is it?”

“What do you mean what is it? That’s my gate, and you are messing with it.”

“Not messing sir. Fixing.”

“It doesn’t need fixing.”

“Oh, it most certainly does, sir.”

“How so?”

“Well first of all the gate sections are not level.”

“Yeah so? It looked fine.”

“Not if we are expecting guests, sir.”

“Guests? I’m not expecting guests.”

“Yes, sir. Second of all these hinges are almost frozen with rust.”

“Who cares?”

“Your guests will care if they can’t come through these gates.”

“You keep talking about guests. I told you I don’t have guests here.”

“That is about to change sir.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your farm has been declared the country White House.”

“Huh. Never heard of such a thing.”

“Well, we have the White House and Camp David. We now need a residence that recognizes the country folk constituents.”

“You are in marketing, aren’t you?”

“How’d you know?”

“No one else could come up with a hairbrained scheme like that. What makes you think I’m going to go for this charade?”

“Ten million.”

“What?”

“Ten million cash for you to get out today.”

“Excuse me while I get my hat. By the way. You create it, and they will come. This is a really, really terrific idea.”

“Oh, I know. Been doing this for a long time. Where do you want your money deposited?”

“Wells Fargo in West Palm Beach. Got a little place down there.”

“Love your hair, sir.”

“Thanks. On sale at Costco.”

Happy Labor Day

September 2, 2019September 1, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

Since I think a holiday to honor those who work hard is a good idea, I’m taking Labor Day off. I hope you all have the best day.

Views of the Neighborhood – Lake Travis Community Library

September 1, 2019August 31, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

Today we are visiting the Lake Travis Community library in Lakeway. Here is a bit of history quoted from their webpage.

“The Lake Travis Community Library was founded in 1985 and through the generosity of Lake Travis ISD, shared space with the Lake Travis High School Library for over 20 years. In May 2004, voters approved the formation of a Lake Travis Community Library District as a means to create public funding for a regional library. The library district includes Hudson Bend, Lakeway, The Hills, Spicewood, and Briarcliff.

In March 2011, the library received a generous donation of land from Haythem Dawlett in the Tuscan Village development. The new library opened in February 2013. This 11,000 square foot building includes a meeting space for community use, dozens of public computers, a teen room, study tables, a book sale area, a coffee bar, a patio, and ample space for children’s programming.”

The library overlooks some beautiful scenery.

A sculpture of a boy reading a book.

The bookmobile.

The building is expansive with over 50,000 books, audiobooks, magazines, and movies

The entrance.

The audiobook and movie corner.

Nancy’s Nook has fiction and non-fiction books for sale. Several times a year, the library has a flash sale where a reader can buy a bag of books for $10.00. Coffee is available as well.

A peaceful and comfortable place to read.

The stacks

Plenty of computers.

The patron’s recognition wall where gifts of $10,000 to over $100,000 are acknowledged.

The grand opening commemoration.

Supporter’s walk with personalized bricks.

This is a beautiful library and I hope you enjoyed the tour.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Couch.”

August 31, 2019August 30, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and this weeks prompt is “couch.” Linda Hill (The prompt master) says we can use it as a verb or noun. She then adds, “have fun.” So in keeping with her wish, if you would like to have fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.