Tag: John W. Howell Author

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy Look for the Sun

~ John W. Howell ~ 94 Comments

 

“So what do you want to do today, Little one?”

“I’m thinking about a big bunch of sun worship.”

“I don’t know about that. looks like the sun has the day off.”

“That can’t happen. When it is time for a sun bath it should be there.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“I hate to bring this to your attention but the sun doesn’t work for you.”

“Well, maybe if I go to the patio it will follow me.”

“Here we are and no sun. Did you send a memo?”

“No I didn’t send a memo. I just expect it to be here.”

“How long are we going to wait for the sun to show up?”

“It can’t be too long. Look I think there is a spot of light over there.”

“I think you are wishing for a spot of light. I don’t see any anywhere.”

“What the heck is the matter with the sun today? This is real annoying.”

“Are you coming. I’m going to try and find something to chase.”

“I’m going to lay out just as if the sun is here.”

“Well suit yourself. You look kind of funny on that cement slab with no sun.”

“They laughed at Gallio. Look over there a glimmer.”

“It’s a bird, Twiggy. I think you are out of luck today.”

“Darn. I guess I should have done this yesterday.”

“As  recall you did do it yesterday. Just write this one off.”

“A few more minutes and I will.”

“Hold up Lucy. I changed my mind.”

“Not fickle at all I see. What made you change your mind?”

“The day is still beautiful. The flowers still smell as sweet. So I’m going to do a little carpe to my diem.”

“Now you’re talking. You want to help me find something to chase?”

“Start running water buffalo . There’s a puma stalking you.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 325 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

The Sign by John W. Howell © 2021

“Okay, I see them. What is this?”

“You won’t believe it.”

“Try me.”

“It’s a photo of two full moons.”

“I get that.  Why the photo of two full moons.”

“Well, it is actually a photo on one moon but taken at different times.”

“You want me to say they are lovely? Okay, they are lovely.”

“No, that’s not what I want you to say. I want you to look closely at the two moons. I took the photos so you could compare.”

“Very well. One is a little lighter, and I notice it has rotated so that the impressions are in a different place in relation to the axis.”

“Very good. Anything else?”

“Well, there is some kind of hairy thing on the lighter moon.”

“Exactly. What do you think it is?”

“I have no idea. Do you?”

“It’s a signal.”

“A signal? What kind of signal.”

“It says 73 Question mark. Look right here in the manual is the answer.”

“I can’t look over there. What does it say in the manual?”

Okay, I’ll quote. “When the sign 73 question mark is shown, rose leaves are ready to eat.”

“You’re kidding. Rose leaves are ready to eat. That’s great news.”

“I know, right. You want to see for yourself.”

“Put that damn manual away, and let’s get to the roses. But, wait, how far are they?”

“Pretty big treck. Across the wide green space and then over the mulch barrier to the bush.”

“How long will it take?”

“If we start now and go straight through, we can be there by tomorrow night. I would suggest we travel at night, though.”

“How long will that take?”

“It will be two days.”

“Do we have that kind of time, and why by night?”

“Yes, the 73 season is at least two weeks long. We need to travel by night cause that confounded Robin is still patrolling the yard. He sleeps at night.”

“Well, okay then. Let’s wait until nightfall.”

“Since we are green, we don’t have to worry about being spotted in the day.”

“Good point. It is so nice being a caterpillar.”

“Till the pupa stage.”

“Let’s not talk about that now. Let’s revel in the 73 question mark season while we can.”

Top Ten Things to Never Ever Say Out Loud

~ John W. Howell ~ 81 Comments
I’ve Got a Big Mouth Photo http://www.winwes.com

 

Originally posted on August 17th 2015. Still seems to make sense.

***

This list was inspired by hearing many things said in an out-loud voice that would have been better kept to the inside. Hope you like it.

Top Ten Things to Never Ever Say Out Loud

10 Never say out loud, “When is your baby due?” If you do, at best, the person will give you a time of expected delivery but a frown for asking a personal question. At worst, you will be apologetic for making the assumption of motherhood when, in fact, the person has a different condition that the non-recognition of same requires numerous hits about your head and body. (And you thought that umbrella was on account of the rain forecast)

9 Never say out loud, “Do you smell something?” If you do, at best, those around you will wrinkle their nose and assume you are an animal. At worst, big Brutus, who is behind you, will think you are making fun of the fact that he works on an oil rig such a slight will become apparent to you on your way to the ER. (Brutus has some sensitivity about smelling like oil although he has not mastered the art of bathing)

8 Never say out loud, “It’s my turn.” If you do, at best, you will have someone choosing to disagree. At worst, the crowd behind you in line will sense the insecurity of such a statement and push forward in an attempt to eliminate your position in line. (You should not say it even if the clerk asks, “Who’s next?”)

7 Never say out loud, “My, you have a healthy appetite” If you do, at best, you will call attention to the fact that the person ate quite a bit. At worst, you will demonstrate your lack of social grace, and someone might hand you a well-deserved knuckle sandwich. (Which will be 100% fat-free.)

6 Never say out loud, “Is that appropriate wear for a date?” If you do, at best, you might be responsible for the opening salvo of a great teen war. At worst, you might be told that what is worn is nobody’s business and what are you going to do about it? (The next move and ultimate fault for the episode are yours.)

5 Never say out loud, “You out of razors?” If you do, at best, there will be some additional comment about you not liking a particular look. At worst, you will come to understand that razor use is now part of certain banned behaviors of a back to nature group. (That you had no idea existed before now. How do you like my AK47?)

4 Never say out loud, “I hear you’re in Weight Watchers.” If you do, at best, you can expect an unwelcome comment about your weight. At worst, you could be on the receiving end of an invitation to engage in an unnatural act with yourself. (And we are not talking about spanking.)

3 Never say out loud, “Did you have a choice of color?” If you do, at best, the subject of your humor will not laugh with you.  At worst, you might be on the receiving end of some very critical comments about your lavender-colored Ford Focus. (And you know you had a choice.)

2 Never say out loud, “Your children are certainly a handful, aren’t they?” If you do, at best, you will have precipitated a great test of will on the part of the parent. At worst, you will understand what it is like to pick on a baby bear cub. (Running up a tree is probably the best solution.)

1 Never say out loud. “You don’t eat meat. What’s wrong with you?” If you do, at best, those who don’t eat meat will avoid you like the plague. At worst, several Professional Vegan Wrestler Society members will provide a free message, and you will agree there is nothing wrong with people who choose to avoid eating meat. (Admit it you never felt so relaxed. Too bad you can’t feel your feet.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Shark Week Scavenger Hunt – Part Two

~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Welcome back to Part Two of the Shark Week Scavenger hunt. If you missed last week you can go HERE and take a look. Today we are being catered by Biderman’s Deli. I asked them to package up their most popular sandwiches. So you can take your choice.  Today’s entertainment is Chicago.

Menu

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This looks like a sand floor.

Here is the number six fin.

COW SHARKS are considered the most primitive of the species. This is due to their skeletons which resemble those of ancient extinct sharks. They are the only shark to have 7 gills where all other sharks have 5 gills.

Clue: Find the COW SHARK fin at this “ancient” location. (A large old tree, Upper Level, near a fork in the sidewalk)

This looks very much like the description

Sure enough. Number seven. (Upside down)

GREAT WHITE SHARKS are muscular-bodied. Young members of the species dine on small coastal fish. As they grow so does the size of their prey. They position themselves underneath their intended target, then burst up to surprise their prey. (We all remember the swimmer in “Jaws.”)

Clue: Find the GREAT WHITE SHARK fin at this location down “below” (Upper Level, playscape

Here is the upper-level playscape.

Pretty tricky location but we got it. Down below for sure.

BLUE SHARKS have a slender, aerodynamic body that allows them to move elegantly in the water. They prefer to swim slowly, biding their time and stalking their prey.

Clue: Find the BLUE SHARK fin at this location perfect for “taking it slow”. (Lower Level, scenic overlook, heavily wooded sidewalk path).

A “no wake” section of the lake is pretty slow.

On a bench is the fin.

LEMON SHARKS are highly social. They tend to live in groups and work as a team to coordinate attacks. Their yellow coloring provides camouflage as they search for food along the sandy seafloor of their coastal habitats.

Clue: Find the LEMON SHARK fin at this “social” location where kids can play together and talk on a yellow phone.

Kids socialize here for sure.

There’s the yellow phone and our final fin.

I hope you enjoyed the tour and now sit back and enjoy the music and the food.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Luck

~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

I was taking a break during my bike ride and having a sip of water. Then, looking out over the scenic countryside, I spotted a cloud of dust heading in my direction. I thought it strange that a cloud of dust would appear in a neighborhood that was completely paved. But, since I figured it would be another one of those fictional engagements, I decided to go with the flow. Sure enough, coming around the bend was a wagon train being led by Ward Bond on horseback. “Hey, partner,” he yelled down at me.”You know of a place where we can make camp for the night?” As luck would have it, our park was free of weekend activities, so I gave him directions. “Much obliged,” he said. He then gave a sign to the wagons to follow him, which they all did.

It was about four hours before the last wagon came ambling by where I was standing with my bike. A young man walking beside the wagon came over and handed me an oilcloth-wrapped parcel. I tried to tell him I didn’t expect a present, but he insisted I keep the package. Once the wagon was out of sight, I unwrapped the parcel and found two things. The first was a block of pemmican. The second, a piece of parchment paper with a message. The message read, Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “luck.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

Yes, I did want to follow the train to the park and maybe learn about crossing the plains, but I knew it was just a figment of someone’s imagination and probably would be a waste of time. It sure seemed real, though. I did try the pemmican and can tell you not to bother. The smell alone will get ya.

If you want to enjoy, go to Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/08/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-14-2021/

Luck by John W. Howell © 2021

“Here we are on Saturday.”

“Yup.”

“So, what’s the prompt?”

“Luck.”

“Luck?”

“Luck.”

“What you got?”

“If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.”

“You serious?”

“It’s a song.”

“Oh. For a minute, I thought I was going to be forced to have an interdiction for you.”

“Nope, everything’s okay. I’m going to sing the song.”

“Please don’t.”

“Why?”

“Number one. You can’t sing.”

“Says who?”

“Number two, There’s beer at the pub calling our name.”

“You got a three?”

“Yup.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Our word count allocation is up.”

“It’s that stupid intro. Eats word like they were free.”

“So let’s go.”

“Can I hum the song?”

“Sure, if you want to ride on the roof of the car.”

“Let me think about it.”

“Only you would say that.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments
“So this is Friday, Lucy.”
“Yeah, I know that.”
“Time for you to chase me.”
“Well, start running.”
“Count to three before you come after me.”
“Given my age, you will be in St. Louis before I catch you, but here goes.”

 

Friday is on us before we know it. Wait a minute. We know it. What I meant to say is Friday is here already. This has been a fast week for sure. I really don’t know why. Oh well, we’ll take it, right?

Not much going on here. The school boards across the state are still asking themselves what to do about the kids coming back to school. Our governor has signed an executive order forbidding mask and vaccination mandates. Those people outside of Texas have a difficult time understanding that move. Some inside Texas have the same problem, especially those who have fled the tyranny of other state governments. (I guess they came here for reasons other than the freedom to live without big brother watching.) The governor’s action is best explained by the Texas ideal of personal freedom, which is freedom above all else, even if it kills you. Here is the flag from the Battle of Gonzolas, the first battle of the Texas revolution. The Texans were told to give the cannon back to the Mexican army. The flag was the response. Maybe that explains the Texas love for freedom.

So what is going on is a lot of handwringing by school boards and county judges. Here in my county, our judge has the guts to go ahead and mandate masks in all schools, public and private. Then, of course, there will be a lawsuit challenging the governor’s right to issue the non-mask order. There will also be a lawsuit brought by the state against our county for defying the order. While all this kerfuffle is going on, at least the kids and teachers will be safer.

I was dumbfounded by the news that Laredo, Texas, is putting untested migrants on busses and shipping them to Austin and Houston. As the mayor of Larado, they have no facilities to handle the numbers expected to test positive. Once tested, the city would be responsible for taking care of them, and they have no facilities to do so. I’m not sure the mayor understands that we only have three ICU beds left in our five-county. Before we get too upset with Lerado, we have to remember that the Department of Homeland Security is dumping untested immigrants on the city of Laredo and who knows where else.

The situation on the Texas border is approaching a major disaster. The sad thing is that the American public is not hearing anything about the situation other than the propaganda point that these immigrants are fleeing dire circumstances and need help. These people aren’t really getting help. They are being transported and then dumped. I hope everyone is happy with a gagged media once all the border crossers are placed quietly inside American cities. It is estimated that at a minimum of 1% of those crossing the border are infected with Covid. So if you look at the YTD apprehensions of over one million. It is reasonable to believe 10,000 are positive for the virus. Sure the 10,000 are not all in the same place simultaneously, but it is worrisome when someone decides, without even asking, to dump migrants in a city. It is almost laughable that no testing is being done by the Feds or locals with the excuse that they can’t handle taking care of positive cases, so no one gets tested. A case of head in the sand at best.

Well, that’s enough of a discussion about the human tragedy here in Texas. Today’s JohnKu discusses when something is not our problem. I hope you all have a terrific weekend.

Tragedy by John W. Howell © 2021

Tragedy seems vague,

When it happens far from home . . .

It still requires help.

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy at Leisure

~ John W. Howell ~ 70 Comments

“So you think you heard something over there?”

“Yeah, it was like a snarl of a puma.”

“You stay here. I’ll go investigate.”

“Sound like a plan.”

“I looked everywhere. There is no puma.”

“I know what I heard. Maybe it moved.”

“You continue with your nap. I’ll risk life and limb and look around the corner.”

“You’re starting to sound like a drama queen writer. Wait up, I’ll come with you.”

“You sure you want to risk it?”

“Oh, come on. How bad could it be. There are two of us.”

“Make that one and a half. Oh, oh. That’s not good.”

“Not good? What is over there?”

“Leaves and more leaves, Little one.”

“Whew, you had me for a minute.”

“I do think I have the scent of puma in my nose.”

“You’re just playing with me, right?”

“Now, when do I ever mess with you?”

“Yeah, okay. Like never. I’m telling you there is something over there.”

I’ve already looked, and there’s nothing. So I’m going to see if I can beg a treat.”

“Aw, come on. Help me on this one.”

“Mom seems a little slow. Okay, what do you want to do?”

“I say we both charge into those plants and scare the puma up.”

I think you have your terms mixed up. You scare up birds, not a puma.”

“I guess you are right. They don’t fly. What if he turns on us? Maybe begging a treat is the better part of valor.”

“That’s right, Little One. The puma will be there tomorrow. Let’s go.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

 

“What are you waiting for Little One?”
“Going to see if Friday is busy.”
“I’m sure Friday is busy for the next two days.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we witnessed a gunshot that caught Larry in the chest. In addition, the shot caused the SWAT team to move in. In the melee, both Cortez and Juan were taken down. We also saw Gloria make an appearance and comfort Larry. The medical Examiner’s team has arrived, and Larry has been placed in a bag. He is then gently lifted to a stretcher. The stretcher is taken out of the house and passes through a phalanx of SWAT team members who stand at attention and give the passing bier a final salute. The rear doors of the hearse are opened, and Larry silently eased inside.  The attendant closes the doors. Two police motorcycles take up a position in front of the vehicle. The entourage pulls away slowly. I see Mike and Andrew talking in the front yard. Let’s go and listen in.

 

Mike squints in the bright light and reaches for his sunglasses. Andrew is turned with his back to the sun. He is looking toward Larry’s departure until the vehicle goes out of sight. Mike clears his throat. “Our boys will take real good care of Larry until the ME releases him to you. We have a twenty-four-hour honor guard and consider him to be one of our own.”

Andrew looks at Mike. “I appreciate that. I know Larry would be pleased to know you guys are taking care of him.”

“It’s really the least we can do. I wish this had turned out a little differently. Larry did a hell of a job in trying to get Cortez to surrender.”

“What’s going to happen to Cortez’s family?”

“Not sure. I hope they take that plane to Mexico. We have no reason to hold them. I sent someone to give the bad news about Cortez to his widow. I haven’t heard back yet. You and Larry close?”

“We really only got close over the last few weeks working this case. How are the hostages doing?”

“The doc’s with them now. So we should know something shortly. They all looked okay, though.”

“I’m glad those goons decided to give up rather than cause any more bloodshed.”

“You and me both. Did Larry have a family?”

“He had a wife. But, unfortunately, she died, and I have to say Larry misses . . . er missed her something fierce.”

“So no kids or anyone we have to notify?”

“No. I need to call the chief and fill him in, but the department was all the family Larry had. I think he will be missed, though.”

“He seemed like a nice guy.”

“That he was Mike. That he was.”

“You have a place to stay?”

“I’ll get a hotel room to wait for Larry. I have some arrangements to make to get him home.”

“If you need anything, let me know.”

“I guess just a ride back to the rental car if I can remember where it is.”

“Okay. You ready. The team can finish here.”

“More than ready, Mike.”

***

Well, that is the end. I want to thank you all for hanging in there. It was started May 9th of 2018, and as of right now, it is 91,200 words. For those of you concerned about Larry, here is the latest. He and Gloria are on the French Riviera, sharing a bottle of champagne and looking forward to an eternity of travel and fine dining. The nice part is they never have to sweat reservations.

I am at Story Empire today having some fun. Please come visit. HERE is the link.

I will be taking a little break from the Wednesday Story Day but will come back with a new one when appropriate.

Tuesday Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 324

~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

In Keith’s words, “Using this photo ( below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

picture of a tent

Changes by John W. Howell © 2021

“So, mum. What do you call this?”

“I think it is more important to know what you call it.”

“Why is that?”

“This is going to be your new doghouse.”

“New doghouse? I don’t have an old doghouse. So what’s going on?”

“Dad and I feel you should have your own space. You are old enough to take that step.”

“Wait a minute. What’s wrong with me being in the house.”

“Oh, nothing, and you are welcome to come in anytime.”

“But?”

“But we feel its time for a young dog like yourself to have the freedom of your own place. You know, so you can invite your friends over, entertain guests, and that sort of thing.”

“You trying to get rid of me?”

“No, of course not. It’s just now that you are older it doesn’t seem right that you continue to sleep in our bed.”

“I get it.  Threes a crowd.”

“Well,  something like that. Now tell me, what kind of rugs would you like in there?”

“Rugs? What about heat and A/C? This thing looks like it might be blistering in the summer and freezing in the winter.”

“Come on, Trevor. Aren’t we a little dramatic? This will keep you nice and cool. Look at the huge screens. In the winter, the flaps come down to keep you cozy.”

“Your mind is made up?”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m writing a letter to an American congressperson and voice my complaint.”

“But you’re not a citizen.”

“All the better. Non-citizens seem to be heard more over there.”

“Let me know if you need help.”

“Can I borrow your computer?”

“Sure.”

“Could you do the typing?”

“Absolutely.”

“Help me with the phrasing.”

“Of course.”

“Let me know when you are finished, and I’ll proof it.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do On a Monday

~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Last week I replayed what not to do on a Sunday. This week’s post is from August 9th, 2015, which ran one week after the Sunday post. (of course) I hope you like it.

***

 

This list was inspired by facing Monday over 3800 times so far. Everyone was a little different, and it was not because of the day but rather because of the day before. Hope you enjoy it.

funny-monday-pictures-2

Top Ten Things Not to Do On a Monday

10 On Monday, do not bustle into the office as if you don’t have a hangover. If you do, at best, you will broadcast your desperate condition. At worst, you may just burn out by ten o’clock and will have a rough time explaining how you managed to sleep at your desk until after everyone went home. (And you were drooling too)

9 On Monday, do not go into your boss’s office with a demand for higher pay. If you do, at best, you can expect a locked door next time. At worst, your boss is fighting a bad headache, and you are now considered a pain in another part of the body. (We are too gentrified to mention what that part is)

8 On Monday, do not get near fellow workers. If you do, at best, they will thank you for moving further away, given the garlic fumes from your midnight Caesar salad. At worst, you will confirm that you just had to have one more round of firewater before the last call at 2:00. (Funny how two hours of sleep and gallons of coffee won’t get rid of the alcohol vapor)

7 On Monday, do not use a laser pointer during your presentation. If you do, at best, your shaking hands will be magnified by the frantic little dot moving around the screen. At worst, you will accidentally point the laser out the window just in time to catch the eye of a 747 pilot on the final approach to the airport. (The next thing you will face is an interrogation by Homeland Security)

6 On Monday, do not volunteer to be a homeroom parent. If you do, at best, the kids will whisper to the teacher you smell funny. At worst, as you realize you need to visit the restroom, quick, you stumble over little Johnny sliding into the hallway and involuntarily render the trip to the restroom redundant. You also notice how each child can say “eeewww” at a different pitch. (And you thought there would be no teaching moment out of the situation)

5 On Monday, do not meet with friends unless they were with you the night before. If you do, at best, they will not understand your current state. At worst, since they are friends, you can expect an interdiction even though you think you will live. (As luck would have it, you decided you were going to live after that first glass of wine)

4 On Monday, do not operate any dangerous equipment. If you do, at best, you will harm the machinery and not yourself. At worse, you will be screaming for help as the piece of equipment you forgot to turn off heads down the street. (Don’t worry, a runaway forklift can’t cause much harm. Or can it?)

3 On Monday, do not walk the dogs. If you do, at best you will forget where you live. At worst, the dogs will sense some weakness and will take the opportunity to haul you on your stomach through the neighborhood in pursuit of the neighbor’s cat. (Too bad you put on your best outfit for the presentation this morning)

2 On Monday, do not take the carpool to work. If you do, at best, you will be asked a hundred questions about your appearance. At worst, your fellow carpoolers will decide to let you off after a couple of miles, and you’ll have to make your way to work anyway. (And you thought that dime-store cologne was going to cover up your night before reek)

1 On Monday, do not get out of bed. If you do, at best, your college try will get you an F. At worst, you will expose yourself to any one of the nine things on this list. (Trust me, it is safer in bed)