Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 405 by Keith Channing.

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before Sunday evening UK time. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.”

You can go to Keith’s site and check out the prompt. Here is the link. https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2023/10/30/kreative-kue-405/

The photo.

The Show by John W. Howell

“Excuse me, waiter.”

“Yes, sir?”

“We ordered wine quite a while ago.”

“Yes, sir, I know, but the show is running long.”

“Show?”

“Yes, sir. Old Babcock and  his Hamburgler show.”

“Hamburgler?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I should explain. You see, Mr. Babcock lives alone. Every year around Halloween, he dresses up like the Hamburgler and puts on a show.”

“What kind of show?”

“Ah. This is where your bottle of wine comes in.”

“I was hoping we’d get there.”

“He selects five bottles of wine from our cellar.”

“That’s a lot to drink.”

“No, he doesn’t drink them all. He has one for himself and then four for the legs of a chair.”

“Legs of a chair?”

“Yes. He balances each leg of a chair on one of the four bottles till all are resting on the wine.”

“Then he sits in the chair and drinks the fifth bottle.”

“No. He then stacks chairs on top of each other with himself on the uppermost chair.”

“Is he nuts?”

“Only a little. Mostly he is very balanced, and people love the performance.”

“So, back to my bottle.”

“Yes, it is one of the bottles holding up a chair.”

“You don’t have another?”

“It was the last.”

“So I wait until the act is over?”

“It won’t be long.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s putting the fifth chair in place now.”

“And.”

“Every  year, he crashes while installing the fifth chai—Oops, there he goes.”

“What happened?”

“He was caught by a guy with a cigar. I’ll be right back.”

“Where you going?”

“To get your wine. He won’t be needing it anymore.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, he’s had enough.”

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Your Halloween Costume

Photo by Tom Roberts on Unsplash

 

This post ran on October 30, 2017. Since Halloween is almost here, I think it is still good advice.

* * *

The inspiration for this list was seeing a guy out in public in a Halloween costume. It struck me that he was unaware of the stares and reactions of those around him. Hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Your Halloween Costume

10 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go into the bank to make a withdrawal. If you do, at best, some will only stare. At worst, the teller will not look at your withdrawal slip but assume you are holding up the bank. (That zombie makeup had her rattled, Donald. Too bad the SWAT team had no sense of humor.)

9 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not think you have the same powers as the superhero you are dressed to be. If you do, at best, you’ll hurt yourself. At worst, you will think you can take on Tiny, the WWF champ who is in step two of his anger management treatment. (Looks like that cape is not going to save you, Dorian. I would just go limp, and maybe Tiny will think you are dead.)

8 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go shopping at the grocery store. If you do, at best, you will have the aisles to yourself. At worst, the store manager will insist that you leave since most of his employees have locked themselves in the lounge and refused to come out. (It could be that the hatchet embedded in your skull looks too real, Dex.)

7 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go through the fast food drive-through. If you do, at best, you may be wearing a chocolate milkshake. At worst, the panicked employee will call 911 and drop your food outside the window. (The police are understanding, but you still have no food, Dante.)

6 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not think you can attend the Saturday night church service. If you do, at best, you’ll have a pew all to yourself. At worst, the minister will continually point in your direction when he comes to the phrase “Devil worship.” ( You didn’t realize Halloween is not a big thing in your church, huh, Dacey?)

5 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not keep your doctor’s appointment. If you do, at best, you will empty the waiting room. At worst, your doctor will assume you have had a massive mental breakdown and will call the county home for a pickup. (The clown  makeup and white straight jacket is quite a look, Dagwood.)

4 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not drive on the freeway. If you do, at best, you’ll get some weird looks. At worst, you will shock the fragile person in the vehicle next to you, and they will turn into your car as a defensive move. (The cop insists it’s your fault for scaring the wimp next to you, Dalbert.)

3 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go next door to borrow a cup of sugar. If you do, at best, you won’t get the sugar. At worst, your NRA member next-door neighbor will not recognize you and will only quit shooting when you dive into your house. (What would have happened if your neighbor was a good shot, Damek?)

2 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not exceed the speed limit. If you do, at best, you’ll get home without incident. At worst, you’ll be pulled over and, after all is said and done, lying on the street with your hands cuffed behind your back. (Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to dress as Pretty Boy Floyd after all. Although you must admit that Tommy Gun sure looked real, Dareau.)

1 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go through the TSA security screen at the airport. If you do, at best, you will be denied boarding. At worst, the private search that turned up the sword, flintlock pistols, and the grog will be enough to charge you with terrorism. (The pirate idea sounded good at home, Dartagnan. In the airport? Not so much.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Lakeway Witches Ride

Today, we are attending the witch’s ride in Lakeway. This is an annual celebration of Halloween and includes events as well as an opportunity for the community to dress up and ride in a parade. There are a ton of things to see. There will be food at the event so we will eat there. Our entertainment is Frank Sinatra.

Picture of an old time school bus

Let’s go.

Here’s the banner.

Happy Halloween to everyone.

Gouls.

Witches and pumpkins.

Games for everyone, including first responders.

A juggler.

Face painting.

Balloon animals.

Dress up and take a photo.

Day of the Dead reminder.

Parks and Recreation.

Lady stilt walker.

Big screen.

Monster band.

Participants in the ride.

Dragon bike.

Spectators.

Decorated cart.

Another cart.

And another.

Participants.

On the menu – Tamales.

Ice Cream.

Kettle corn.

Sno cones.

Subs, Salad, pizza.

We all love the bookmobile.

That is about it. So relax, wander around, eat, and enjoy the music. I hope you have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “OO”

Coffee frees the mind and stimulates the soul. It drips from the spout like it has all day, not knowing the quivering mass witnessing the slow process is about to explode. It finally fills the cup, which reaches the lips just in time. One sip and the affirmation of living one more day is assured. The brain thanks the hand for delivering the wake-up medicine critical to jump-start the thinking process.

With a free-basing brain in gear, the memory of the alarm clock comes rushing in like the sea through an open port hole. The memory seems as messy as a ton of seawater on the floor. The clock sits where it was left. Poor me is the thought in my mind as the task of trying to figure out what to do with it bounces around in my head like a marble in a fishbowl.

Looking at the face provides no clue. There is one big face with hands, one little face with hands, and one medium-sized face with just numbers and one hand. The back has three wind-up keys. One marked time, one marked alarm, and the final marked travel. Beside each key is a small dial, which looks like it is used to set the time and alarm. The question is, what could the dial near the travel key be used for? After fiddling, it is found to move the one-hand face. To set the time, you pull out the dial, move the hands, and punch it in. The alarm is set the same way. The travel dial, when pulled out, moves a single hand to any of the twelve numbers. It is discovered that repeated pulling and pushing of the dial makes the numbers appear in a little window that looks like an odometer with room for seven numbers.

Further experiments causes me to enter my birthday in the odometer window. The next stop is Harper Hospital in Detroit, Michigan, the place of my birth. An alarm goes off, and then back home again. Standing in awe before the clock, which is now on the floor, I get a text. It is from Linda Hill. It reads Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “oo.” Find a word with “oo” in it or just use “oo” because why not? Whatever you decide on, use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!.

To see what other bloggers have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2023/10/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-28-2023/

OO by John W. Howell © 2023

“That is some clock.”

“No kidding.”

“So, is it magic?”

“I have no idea. I looks that way.”

“You need to find out sooner rather than later.”

“It seems that it can be set for any year.”

“What made the alarm go off?’

“You got me there. Maybe Google has an answer.”

“I think you did something goofy before you took off to the place of your birth.”

I think I could set it for any time I want.”

“Just don’t set it for doomsday.”

“When is that?”

“No one knows.”

“I can’t very well set the date if I don’t know it.”

“You could make a mistake, too.”

“Now is the time for a Voo Doo. Did you call Über?”

“He’s parked in the drive.”

Photo by Dan Antion

“That’s a herse.”

“Think how much room we will have coming home.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We can sack out in the back.”

“Maybe you can. I’ll ride up front, thank you.”

“After enough Voo Doo, the back will be proof I made a good deal.

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA- TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

Photo by Simone Uriartt

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety. Also, for those concerned about Twiggy. The operation was a success, and she is home and resting comfortably. She had a torn meniscus as well as a ligament, so the surgery was a must-do. Twiggy will see you all next Thursday. Thanks for all your messages and well wishes.

Top 30 Most Delightful Things That Happen Unexpectedly–Like Finding Cash in Jeans or Compliments from Strangers

A new poll compiled the top 30 most unexpectedly delightful things to happen, including pulling cash from the pocket of an old pair of jeans, getting a surprise refund, and receiving a compliment from a stranger.

The survey of 2,000 adults found 36 percent love it when someone lets them jump the line in a supermarket and when they find a treasured item that had been lost.

Driving through a run of green lights, catching a whiff of a familiar smell from your childhood, and hearing your favorite song pop up on the radio, also feature in the top 30 list.

(Imagine feeling double the joy if you run into all green lights while your favorite track begins to play!)

Commissioned by Alpen Delight (UK snack brand manufacturer), a spokesperson for the snack brand said: “The nicest things are those which are totally unexpected, and they don’t have to be big things—sometimes little moments lead to big smiles.

Respondents guessed that unexpectedly delightful things happen to them an average of twice per week, and it automatically puts them in a good mood.

But it’s not just being on the receiving end of these unplanned surprises that brings the most joy. 77 percent of those polled find making others happy improves their mood, too—which is why 36 percent try to do this as often as they can.

Such acts include smiling as they walk past another person (52%), just being there to listen to a friend (50%), and telling someone they’re proud of them (38%).

Nearly four in ten have cheered up others by making the effort to cook someone a meal or by letting another driver into their lane while on the road.

And a generous 19% find joy in paying for the meal while out for dinner.

84 percent of those surveyed by market research firm OnePoll, said these moments in life restore a little hope in humanity. And half say they’re more inclined to pay such moments forward if they’ve been on the receiving end themselves.

“It’s good to see how people enjoy delivering, and not just receiving, lovely surprises,” said the Alpen Delight spokesman.

TOP 30 UNEXPECTED MOMENTS OF DELIGHT:

1. Finding money in a coat or jeans pocket
2. Getting a surprise refund
3. A compliment from a stranger
4. Someone letting you go ahead of them in line at a store
5. When the radio plays your favorite song
6. Receiving a bonus at work
7. Constant green lights on the road
8. Hearing your baby’s first word
9. Your partner randomly showing affection
10. When someone actually understands what you’re talking about
11. A familiar smell from your childhood
12. A loved one randomly telling you they’re proud of you
13. Finding a treasured lost item
14. Waking up before your alarm and getting to sleep for longer
15. Getting upgraded – on an airplane or at a hotel
16. Thinking it’s Thursday, but it’s actually Friday
17. When a child starts a conversation with you
18. Receiving a postcard
19. Hitting the exact number when getting gasoline
20. Getting home from work and finding someone else has cooked dinner
21. A work meeting getting canceled last minute because the boss isn’t in
22. Seeing a funny car license plate
23. Getting asked for ID when you’re way over 21
24. When you’re brought breakfast in bed
25. When you and your friend say the same thing at the same moment
26. When your teenager wants to spend quality time with you
27. Your neighbor bringing over a baked good
28. Bumping into an old schoolteacher – and they recognize you
29. Catching the eye of your favorite artist during their performance
30. Witnessing a proposal in public

The good news here is that if we recognize these things that delight others, we can easily do just that. Today’s JohnKu talks about doing unto others. I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Pay it Forward by John W. Howell © 2023

A list of thirty,

Things that delight other folks . . .

Pick one, go for it.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Kizzy Comes to Play

“Hello, cousin. So nice to have you over.”

“Great to be here. How’ve you been?”

“Well, you know the torn CCL has given me some trouble.”

“Not healing completely?”

“No. It is still weak. I have trouble running.”

“Well, let me do your running for you.”

That’s sweet. I do have to have surgery to fix it.”

“Oh my gosh. I hope everything goes well.”

“Mom tells me we have the best surgeon, and they do these all the time.”

“Well, that’s good. I hear it is a long recovery.”

“Yeah, eight weeks. No running or making any big moves.”

“I think we should go out and play a little. Sounds like it will be a while till we can.”

“Whoa there. Who are you?

“Prarie buffalo taking out the puma.”

“Okay then. Better watch your flank.”

“Got my horns sharpened just for you.”

“The puma waits for the perfect moment to strike.”

“The buffalo is thinking of what to have for lunch.”

The puma decides to take the buffalo on the run.”

“The buffalo decides to gallop by the threat.”

“If the puma could run, that buffalo would be dead meat.”

“The buffalo decides to be easy on the puma and call it a day.”

“Hey, Kizzy, how about a treat?”

“You buyin’ I’m flyin'”

Twiggy tore the CCL (Cranial Cruciate Ligament – knee joint) in her left leg several months ago. As is our custom, we wanted to try a less invasive treatment before putting her through a surgical procedure. Unfortunately, we now have to move to the next level of treatment. This post captures last Sunday’s visit. Twiggy will be in surgery today, and we pray for the best.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #404 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before Sunday evening UK time. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.”

Here is a link to Keith’s post – https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2023/10/23/kreative-kue-404/

The photo

Alarm by John W. Howell © 2023

“What the heck is that noise.”

“I’m not sure. Sounds like an alarm of some kind.”

“But who set it off, and for what reason?”

“I have no idea. Let’s go out and see.”

“You crazy? If it’s an alarm, you could get hurt.”

“I suppose you’re right. It’s just how long can that noise last?”

“I would suspect until the danger is over.”

“Yeah, that certainly makes sense.”

“So you’re staying put?”

“Until it stops, I am.”

“Smart.”

“Wow. The silence is deafening. It stopped.”

“Now you can go out there and see what it was.”

“You coming?”

“I’ll watch you from here.”

“Okay, I’ll report back.”

“Wait. It’s a trap. That Bald Eagle over there  made that noise to lure you out of the den.”

“Whoa, that could have been a big mistake.”

“He loves chipmunks, and a big tasty bite like you would have been right up his alley.”

“Hold on.”

“What?”

“You calling me fat?”

“Erm. Might be better to take my chances with the Eagle.”

“You said it, not me.”

 

 

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do If Your Internet and Cell Service Are Down

Photo by Mike van den Bos on Unsplash

 

This post ran on September 18, 2017; given the coming winter storm weather, it could happen to all of us.

* * *

The inspiration for this list came from living without the internet and very spotty cell service for the last two weeks. It took me a while to get used to the fact that I could not do what has become everyday activities with my devices.

Top Ten Things Not to Do If Your Internet and Cell Service Are Down

10 If your internet and cell service are down, do not try to send emails. If you do, at best, you’ll never get an answer. At worst, you will convince yourself that you have been cut off from the world and will start filling bottles with notes. (Forget the fact that the most significant body of water near you is the dog dish, Barnaby.)

9 If your internet and cell service are down, do not look for “likes” on that last selfie. If you do, at best, you’ll think no one saw it. At worst, you’ll feel no one actually liked your selfie and could spiral into a black hole of self-doubt. (Your raging FOMO is about to overtake you, huh, Barlow?)

8 If your internet and cell service are down, do not think you can poach off your neighbor. If you do, at best, they will have a secure connection. At worst, your neighbor’s brother-in-law, Tiny, the WWF champ who just returned from survival school, will notice you crouched in the bushes close to the house. (That scream you are hearing was taught to Tiny to throw off the enemy he is about to pounce upon. Guess who, Bartek?)

7 If your internet and cell service are down, do not think you can sneak into a coffee house and use theirs without buying anything. If you do, at best, the manager is sixteen years old and afraid of you. At worst, the manager is a retired Marine who has just been told by a twenty-year-old District Manager that they will be fired if they allow poaching of the WiFi. (Looks like you made it out of there unscathed. Too bad about that flying laptop. The landing was not pretty right, Bastian?)

6 If your internet and cell service are down, do not try to meet your book publication deadline in spite of the difficulties. If you do, at best, you will be forced to set a new deadline. At worst, you will end up bald and with a bad case of PPSD. (That’s Post Publish Stress Disorder Bubba.)

5 If your internet and cell service are down, do not try to stream a movie that you have wanted to watch. If you do, at best,  you’ll have to watch an old Harry Potter DVD. At worst, you’ll refuse to believe that the “LOADING” sign is a lie. (So after watching the LOADING sign for two hours, maybe it’s time to call it a night, Bub.)

4 If your internet and cell service are down, do not keep picking up your phone after every little noise. If you do, at best, you’ll be continually reminded that it’s gone. At worst, you might develop a tick requiring long-term therapy. (Try explaining to the doctor that your illness is cell phone related, Berkley.)

3 If your internet and cell service are down, do not put your life on hold until they return. If you do, at best, you’ll miss out on trying new things. At worst, your family will begin to wonder if they need to orchestrate an intervention. (Sitting in a chair all day will not bring the internet and cell service back faster, Bixby.)

2 If your internet and cell service are down, do not lay out sheets in the backyard spelling the words, “Help, I Have No Internet.” If you do, at best, a passing helicopter will drop some supplies in your yard. At worst, the Channel Six news team will hover above you and broadcast a story about the world’s shallowest individual. (You could have guessed the story would go viral, right, Bojan?)

1 If your internet and cell service are down, do not think anyone will miss you on your social media accounts. If you do, at best, your feeling of isolation will drive you to books. At worst, you take to standing at the traffic light with a sign that says, “Will work for Tweets.” (Notice how many drivers look away when you get near, Benny?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Sculpture Garden Ribbon Cutting

Today, we are attending the ribbon-cutting ceremony at the Lakeway Sculpture Garden. The construction of the garden and the footbridge have been projects conceived and led by the Department of Parks and Recreation. We are catered by the Salty Sow of Austin. Our entertainment is Rick Nelson.

Menu

CRISP CHICKEN THIGHS
fried smashed potatoes, neck bone gravy
CANDIED PORK BELLY
collard greens, pot liquor, soy balsamic syrup
RANGER CATTLE WAGYU CHEESEBURGER
caramelized onions, gruyere cheese, pickles, Salty Sow special sauce, duck fat fries
SLOW COOKED BEEF SHOULDER
mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, fried egg
PETITE BONE-IN FILETS
mixed mushrooms, red wine sauce
SMOKED PORK CARNITAS
avocado, tomatillo salsa, corn tortillas, bbq hominy
GENUINE BLACKENED REDFISH
quinoa + lentils, smoked tomato, chipotle Tabasco lemon butter
Picture of an old time school bus
So let’s go
Parks and Recreation have cookies for the event. In the background, you can see the giant scissors that will be used later.
One of the sculptures. The chess players.
The elk family.
Lakeway Sculpters
The Crane.
The community orchestra is ready to play.
The spectators are in place. (looking much like an Edouard Manet painting)
A view of the new footbridge over Hurst Creek.
To the right is the old footbridge.
Looking back toward the garden. A paved path and rock retainers.
Thomas Killmore, the mayor, makes a few remarks.
The ribbon cutting
Now is the time to relax and enjoy the music and food. I hope you have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Material

If a deity is in charge of coffee, then it would be a good idea to offer thanks. The dark, steamy liquid waits for my approving sigh. There it is, the first sip and then the crashing reminder of that box on the back patio. Yelling, “What a curse,” does no good for poor Twiggy’s nerves. She can only react to the volume level of the expression.

Once Twiggy is off the ceiling, finding out what is in the box must be addressed. Another ear placed against the box produces the same result as last time, namely, no sound. A crowbar comes in handy to remove the top. Peering over the edge gives no information since whatever is in there is surrounded by packing material.

Pulling out each piece of material gets me down to another box. The top is quick work, and inside is a clock. It appears to be an old-fashioned alarm clock with two large bells on the top. On the back is a key to wind for the clock and one to wind for the alarm. There is also a third key that is unmarked. The thought goes through my mind that this is a strange gift from the CEO of Warner Brothers. Instructions for the clock are in the box as well. When there’s time, they should be read.

While holding and inspecting the clock, my attention goes to a sudden movement beside the box. It is a carrier pigeon with a message attached to its leg. The message when unrolled reads Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “material.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun! Obviously, it is from Linda Hill. If you would like to read other responses to the prompt, visit Linda’s blog at https://lindaghill.com/2023/10/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-21-2023/

Material by John W. Howell © 2023

“You sure Linda doesn’t set up these prompts for you?”

“Of course, I’m sure. Very coincidental, I would say.”

“I mean, having a box filled with packing material is very suspect.”

“I can assure you she doesn’t play favorites.”

“What is with the clock?”

“I wish I knew.”

“Who’s running this blog anyway?

“I wish I knew that too.”

“You are hopeless. You would think you controlled your own material.”

“Look at you with the prompt word.”

“Slipped out. Didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Sure.”

“You ready for the pub.”

“You order Über?”

“Right over there.”

“I don’t see a haywagon.”

“No, right there.”

image by Dan Antion

“Oh, that 88 corvette?”

“That’s the one.”

“How are we both going to fit.”

“You’ll sit on my lap.”

“Oh, brother. Why can’t we get normal Über drivers?”

“We save the equivalent of two Voo Doo Rangers this way.”

“Say no more. Let’s go.”