Shape is the prompt for this week’s Saturday Stream of Consciousness prompt. You can read all about the torture good fun and join in right here: http://lindaghill.com/2014/10/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-october-1814/ My interpretation of SHAPE is a story named You Don’t Say. Hope you like it.

You Don’t Say By John W. Howell © 2014

“Hey, man where you going?”

“Gotta get to the gym.”

“What for?”

“What do you, usually, do at the gym?”

“Play basketball?”

“Uh, man you are the brightest.”

“You don’t say.”

‘Yeah, I do say. I’m going to the Gym to get in shape.”

“What kind of shape do you want to get in? Trapezoid?

“Ah yes, of course. You are doing stand-up on the tonight show right?”

“You don’t say.”

“I do say you are the most annoying person sometimes.”

“So you didn’t answer the question. What shape do you want to get in?”

“I want to look like a pear. Okay?”

“You already look pear-shaped. Why bother?”

“Do you know how to box?”

“No. I’m more of a bag man myself.”

“That’s it, put up your dukes.”

“You don’t say.”

“I do say. Fight or flee.”

“I choose flee thank you. See ya.”

 

 

It is that time again where I have to sit down and write whatever comes out of my head. This week’s Stream of Consciousness Prompt from Linda Hill is to use an ordinal number. As everyone knows who is an English teacher an ordinal number is words representing position or rank in a sequential order. The order may be of size, importance, chronology, and so on. Examples that come to mind are first, second, and third.  To read about the prompt go here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-2714/ My interpretation is the following story titled Caught Between.

Caught Between by John W. Howell © 2014

I ran across a guy the other day who was in deep thought. He was standing next to my car and he looked like he was made of stone. I don’t mean he was the color of a stone, I just mean he was frozen in one spot. He had his hand on his chin and elbow resting on his other arm which was wrapped around his chest. He reminded me of a college professor I had many years ago. The professor would stand in the front of the class in a similar pose and appear to be looking at something on the floor.

I walked up to this guy and asked, ”excuse me. Are you ok?” He did not respond to my question. He didn’t even look up. Thinking he might have some kind of medical problem I decided to look into his eyes and try again. Leaning over and looking up at his face, I could see he was in some kind of trance. “Are you okay?” I said.

He blinked and his eyes caught mine. His mouth tried to form the words, but it was clear he was having trouble getting his thoughts into speech. Fearing he has had a stroke I decided to call 911. Reaching for my phone without breaking the lock of our eyes, I didn’t know how I would call without looking away. I was afraid of looking away since our eyes were the only communication between us.

“Please stop staring at me,” he said.

“W-What? I thought you were in trouble.”

“First I need to explain. I don’t need any help. Second I am really not here so I can’t move until I fully transition to where I’m going.”

“Wait. What are you talking about?”

“Third if you interfere in my transition you will be caught between worlds. Forth you seem like a nice guy so please go away and let me transition in peace.”

So I walked away even though he was preventing me from getting in my car. I didn’t go far but when I turned around the guy was gone. I still don’t have an answer.

Do you?

 

Today’s prompt as determined by Linda Hill is AVERAGE. If you would like to read more about the Stream of Consciousness Saturday yo can go here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-2014/ The following is my interpretation of the prompt. It is a story titled “So?”

So by John W. Howell Copyright 2014

“Hey, Frank what yew up to?”

“You a poet?”

“HUH? Wadda ya mean?”

“You, to. You sound like you been in a coffee shop too long.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“That’s cause you are average.”

“Average? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I am putting out some high-value subtle bits of humor and you aren’t getting it cause you are not a high-level intellect. Just average.”

“Oh, I see what you mean.”

“I’m glad. Makes it easier to get along with me.’

“So Frank since I’m only average I have a request.”

“What’s that?”

“Pay me the thousand bucks you owe me. NOW!”

 

 

The Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt as put up on Linda Hill’s blog is funny. Could be funny strange or funny funny. Read about here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-1314/ Here is my attempt  to cover the prompt.(Pardon me I didn’t mean to create that alliteration. I can’t go back since this is Stream of Consciousness but I think it in itself  is funny) Anyway the name of this piece is Funny Man. I hope you like it.

Funny Man by John W. Howell © 2014

“You have to see this guy. He is the funniest stand up comic.”

“The funniest? That says something. Where is he appearing.’

“Right here. Right now.”

“What are you talking about Frank? You mean you?”

“Yes I mean me. I have a great routine. I’m telling you it is funny.”

“Bear with me if I’m not laughing, but you have never impressed me as someone who is particularly funny.”

“Okay, give me five bucks and I’ll show you.”

“Five bucks? You crazy?”

“Aw come on. I guarantee it will be worth it.”

“I know I will regret this, but okay here you go.”

“Thanks, Bill. Okay, here we go. This horse walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender, The bartender says, ‘Hey buddy why the long face?’”

“That’s it?”

“You get it, right? The horse has a long face and the bartender asks ‘why the long face?’”

“I get it Frank it’s just not funny.”

“How about the termite walks into the bar and says, ‘where’s the bartender?’”

“I hear crickets Frank. Give me my five back.”

“I thought they were funny.’

“You would Frank. You would.”

 

The Stream of Consciousness Saturday, prompt for this week is re-. After the re the writer can to anything with it. I have to admit these prompts are starting to get real esoteric. The fact I enjoy esoteric makes me like them. If you want to know more go to Linda Hill’s site and check it out right here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-614/

So here is my impression of re-. The title is Rewind. I hope you like it.

Rewind by John W. Howell © 2014

“So what the hell you doing?”

“trying to get this thing to work.”

“What is it?”

“Can’t you see it’s a lamp?”

“No I can’t see it’s a lamp. Doesn’t even look like a lamp. Looks like something out of

“Hello. Wasn’t that a lamp?”

“W-Well yes, I guess─”

“You guess? Don’t you know what I have here?”

“Tell me Frank.”

“This is the damn lamp from

“Yeah, okay Frank. You go boy.”

“First I have to make sure the wishes are in line. We know what happens when you make wishes and screw up. You don’t get what you wished for.”

“Frank. Is this a rewind of the story from the Devil thing last week.”

“Naw. This is the real thing. That devil stuff was crap.”

“Okay. Rub away.”

“Here’s my wish. To receive a billion dollars a year for thirty years.”

“Nice. This means you will live a long time and collect all that money. The Genie will not have anything on you.”

“Rubbing.”

“Yeah, Frank and nothing’s happening.”

“I don’t get it. The guy said it would work.”

“What guy?”

“The guy in the shop up the street. I gave him two hundred bucks. He even gave me a

“Which shop?”

“The one called Rewind. An antique shop.”

“Frank there is no shop named Rewind. There is no antique shop on this street period.”

“He got me again didn’t he?”

“Yeah, Frank he did.”

This post is in response to the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt “age.” You will find it here as well as others rendition of their interpretation of the prompt

http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-3014/

I never thought I would ever be considered old. I continued to work in business until I was seventy-one. It wasn’t a matter of loving what I was doing it was a matter of saving retirement money from being spent at one of Texas’ finest private schools for the youngest daughter. She graduated and it then became time to retire.

I did retire and began writing and so far have finished two books. One has been published and the other is with the publisher now. The third is at 36,000 words and should be finished by November first.

I still don’t consider myself old and am very fortunate to be able to function each day. I did get a small wake up call when I was crossing the beach one day while a bunch of college kids were attempting to drink Miller Lite brewery dry. I  had to wait while a pickup truck filled with laughing and obviously toasted young girls passed by. One of the girls leaned out of the truck and gave me a greeting. Was the greeting “hi handsome, “or “hi good-looking?” No, it was “hi old man.”

So at least she wanted to say “hi,” and no I did not say “hi young, good looking, drunk and stupid girl,” back. Should have.