Top Ten Things Not to Do

May 5, 2014May 2, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Here is the 44th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Driving in Bad Weather Conditions

10. When driving in heavy rain, do not think it’s a good time to tap into your inner child and race your car through flooded areas of the road. If you do, at best you’ll just irritate the drivers around you who will be splashed in your wake. At worst, your car will stall at the next intersection where you find out that the “water” you were racing through is really the effluent from a broken sewer main.

9. When driving in heavy rain, do not forget to turn on your headlights so your car will be seen by other vehicles. If you do, at best you may just have a couple of near-misses as cars turn abruptly in front of you because they didn’t see your dark gray car approach the intersection through the gray sheet of rain. At worst, you may wind up wishing your car had been a neon pink color instead of dark gray after you get the bill for the fender-bender you caused.

8. When driving in heavy rain, do not think that you can safely drive the speed you drive in good weather. If you do, at best, the drag from the inches of standing water on the road will slow you down anyway. At worst, you might suddenly find yourself hydroplaning and, even more unfortunately, headed straight for the broken sewer main.

7. When driving in a snowstorm, do not think that you can save time by having the ice on your windshield defrost while you are driving. At best, everyone else will have stayed home and you’ll have the road to yourself and thereby avoid crashing into anyone. At worst, your insurance company won’t buy your story that the two small holes you scraped from your windshield should have been enough for you to avoid hitting the tractor-trailer when you passed into its lane.

6. When driving in a snowstorm, do not think your fellow commuters will find it amusing if you put a sleigh and reindeer antlers on the roof of your car and honk at everyone to let you through because you are Santa Claus. If you do, at best, the other motorists will let you through because they think you’re crazy and want to get as far away from you as possible. At worst, the other motorists will let you through straight to a highway patrol car waiting just for you.

5. When driving in a snowstorm, do not think your passengers will find it funny if you pretend to have snow blindness. At best, your passengers will help you to pull the car over so one of them will take over the driving (which was your intent anyway but you knew they wouldn’t do it if you just asked). At worst, your passengers will help you to pull the car over, but then leave you stranded on the shoulder because they knew you were faking.

4, When driving in a sudden hail storm, do not think it would be a good idea to suddenly pull over and collect the hail because you’ve never seen it before. If you do, at best, you’ll just have some motorists honk at you while you pack a few hail stones into your lunch bag. At worst, you’ll have a hard time convincing your boss that you’re late for work because when you stopped to collect hailstones, you got knock out cold by a big one and that is why you are acting drunk at noon.

3. When driving in a sudden hail storm, do not think it is a good time to pull out your golf club and trying some putting, no matter how obsessed with golf you are. At best, you’ll get the usual honks and rubbernecking from other motorists who are trying to figure out why you’re on the shoulder of the road swinging a golf club. At worst, see #4.

2. When driving during a heavy weather warning, do not think this is a good time to reenact a scene from your favorite Storm Chasers episode. At best, the storm cell never materializes and you simply waste a tank of gas looking for it. At worst, you wake up in another state but without ruby slippers.

1. When driving during a hurricane, … oh, please, just don’t!

Friday the Weekend Eve – Haiku

May 2, 2014April 28, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

Friday again means time for a little Haiku to help celebrate the fact that we made it all the way. (Okay so maybe there is eight more hours of today, but still tonight be the night. Weekend eve . . . woo hoo). Hopefully you will have a restful weekend and will be able to hit Monday (just seconds away) with vigor. Here is today’s Haiku or maybe a Haiban (not really sure)

It is spring today,

Rivers made of snow cascade . . .

Daffodils now live.

Author Interview with Guy Portman – Author of Necropolis and Charles Middleworth

May 1, 2014April 29, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 14 Comments

Click Cover to Visit Amazon

I am very happy today to have Guy Portman author of two great novels: Charles Middleworth and Necropolis visit Fiction Favorites.

Guy’s latest novel Necropolis, released on April 24^th is a humorous work of dark Fiction about a sociopath, who works in the Burials and Cemeteries department in his local council. This is the Blurb:

Dyson Devereux works in the Burials and Cemeteries department in his local council. Dyson is intelligent, incisive and informed. He is also a sociopath. Dyson’s contempt for the bureaucracy and banality of his workplace provides ample refuge for his mordant wit. But the prevalence of Essex Cherubs adorning the headstones of Newton New Cemetery is starting to get on his nerves.

When an opportunity presents itself will Dyson seize his chance and find freedom, or is his destiny to be a life of toil in Burials and Cemeteries?

Brutal, bleak and darkly comical, Necropolis is a savage indictment of the politically correct, health and safety obsessed world in which we live.

Guy is also the author of, Charles Middleworth, the critically acclaimed fictional story about an actuary, who has his existence turned upside down by sinister forces that he can neither understand nor control.

John: Guy currently resides in London, where he was born. He studied for a B.A. in Theology at Kings College London, a subject he chose out of interest rather than any religious persuasion. He also has an M.A. in Sport and Leisure Management. His working life has included being employed in academic research and the sports industry, where he spent several years at a Premier League Football club. He has traveled extensively, living and working in both Sydney and Tokyo. Besides writing and promoting his work, Guy enjoys reading a wide variety of books, reviews of which can be found in the review section of his blog which you can visit HERE. His other interests include sport and social media.

So without further hesitation I want to welcome you, Guy Portman to Fiction Favorites. Please pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. First of all, thank you for agreeing to an author interview on my blog.

Guy: Thank you John. I have been looking forward to our interview. I must say a virtual trip to the US is preferable to the long flight on British Airways, and infinitely better to a flight on Delta Air. I am enjoying the view of the sea from your studio.

John: Yes the sea is very relaxing. Thank you for referring to my dining room as my studio. Can I get you anything to eat or drink? A Margarita perhaps?

Guy: I would love to sample one of your famous Margaritas.

John: Here you are, I hope you enjoy. Well, now that we are comfortable, I have some questions that I’m sure readers would want to know about you and your books. The first is on the subject of your latest book Necropolis. What was the inspiration for such a tale about a worker in a Burials and Cemeteries department?

Guy: I had an overwhelming desire to write a satire/black comedy. Necropolis provided me the opportunity to do both. The fact Dyson is based in the public sector allowed me to satirise (Guy is English after all ) bureaucracy, political correctness and the interference of central government in local government affairs. The fact Necropolis is based in a Burials and Cemeteries department provided a perfect setting for a black comedy.

John: I would say that sounds like the perfect setting for a black comedy. In contrast, Charles Middleworth is a bit of what could be considered light humor. What caused you to try a little darker side in Necropolis?

Guy: I believe that I have a caustic wit, and that writing Necropolis would provide me ample refuge for it. In addition to this I have read a great deal of black comedy and Transgressive Fiction in recent years, which has no doubt influenced my writing.

John: How much of the character, Dyson Devereux in Necropolis is Guy Portman or the other way around?

Guy: Dyson Devereux is a sociopath. I am not. However there are some similarities between Dyson and I. Like Dyson, I am charming and good-looking. You’re not posting a photograph of me with this post are you John?

John: No guy I’m not posting a photograph.

Guy: You’re not – phew. What Dyson and I definitely share is a dry sense of humour and a degree of cynicism.

John: Thinking now of your two books: Charles Middleworth and Necropolis was one easier to write than the other. If not do you have a favorite between the two?

Guy: Charles Middleworth was much more difficult to write, as it was my first book.

John: I can certainly understand the first seems to be the roughest. About your writing process, could you give us an idea of what your average day looks like as it relates to writing?

Guy: It varies from day-to-day. When I started writing Necropolis, I only wrote for about an hour a day – five days a week, but my writing efforts soon escalated to four or five hours a day, as I was so enthusiastic to get the story down on paper, or rather on Microsoft Word.

John: Which is harder for you to write, the beginning, middle or conclusion?

Guy: A good question. Um let me think. The middle. I believe this is because it is difficult to judge how long it should be. The beginning is clear, as is the end, but it is easy to procrastinate and/or elaborate too much in the middle. For me this is the part of the initial draft that needs scaling down the most when I do my first edit.

John: I think elaboration is the curse of authors, so I can understand your choice. This is a question that all authors need to answer since other authors are always interested in the style of others. Are you a plotter (very planned approach to writing) or a pantser? (seat of pants)

Guy: I started off as something of a pantser, but have evolved into a plotter. Of course I want spontaneity in my writing, but as Necropolis is very plot based a pantser approach was never going to work for me.

John: I have been reading about your reviews namely Crime Fiction Lover (Britain’s largest and most prestigious crime Fiction review site) has awarded Necropolis 5 out of 5 stars. For our readers: Click here to read the review (warning: contains some spoilers). Do any others come to mind?

Guy: Necropolis has only been out a very short time, but the positive reviews are coming in fast. Another that springs to mind is this one on Mallory Heart Reviews.

John: So I don’t totally exhaust you I think this will be the last question. Do you have plans for the next book and if so will it be more like Charles Middleworth or more like Necropolis?

Guy: My third book will contain dry, sardonic humour, just like Charles Middleworth and Necropolis. It will be more in keeping with Necropolis, in that it will be a work of dark, disturbing Fiction, but it will not be a satirical black comedy.

John: I’m sure all of us stateside will look forward to the third. In the meantime, all should pick up and read Necropolis and Charles Middleworth if not already done. Thank you guy it was a real pleasure to chat today. Please come back again. Oh, and next time could you bring me some Lemon Curd. I can’t seem to get any here in the colonies

Guy: I can’t seem to get Margaritas like these back in the Mother Country. Perhaps we could form a business partnership. It has to be more profitable than this writing business. Hopefully it won’t end up like the Boston Tea Party. One more Margarita for the road?

John: Here you go Guy. I think almost any venture is more profitable than this writing business. Also the first Boston Tea Party was a once in a life time thing and we rebels got that out of our system. So everyone knows; Necropolis is now available from all regional Amazons in paperback and Kindle. Amazon.co.uk –Paperback: £6.99 Kindle: £2.22 Amazon.com – Paperback: $10.52 Kindle: $3.73 and of Course Charles Middleworth is available on Amazon. Click HERE to take a look.

Top Ten Things Not to Do

April 28, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 23 Comments

Here is the 43rd installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Attending a Parent-teacher Conference

When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not assume your child is never at fault. If you do, at best, you might be disappointed. At worst, you may find yourself explaining certain behaviors that could only be learned at home.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to explain away your child’s behavior with some made-up medical excuse. If you do, at best, you might be questioned about your own veracity. At worst, you might be explaining to child welfare the fact a medical exam found no medical reason for the behaviors.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to deny providing unusual help on the term project. If you do, at best, you will look like someone who has problems with the truth. At worst, you could be accused of being a severely overprotective parent with recommendations for counseling.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to ingratiate the teacher with abnormal compliments. If you do, at best, you will look like you have something to hide. At worst, the teacher will think you are shallow and assign the same trait to your child.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not assume the teacher will be impressed with your professional or work title and your forceful personality. If you do, at best, you may be in for a rude awakening. At worst, the teacher will think you are a bully and report you to the principal.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not do all the talking. If you do, at best you may miss some important information. At worst, the teacher will think you care more about yourself than your child and end the conference early with none of the issues resolved.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not bring along friends or relatives as support. If you do, at best, the teacher will feel outnumbered and end the conference early. At worst, the teacher will bring in a number of witnesses and pretty soon the conference will take on the appearance of a trial with you as the defendant.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not bring gifts. If you do, at best, the teacher will feel uncomfortable in giving you an honest evaluation of your child’s performance. At worst, the teacher will need to call the principal to witness turning down what they consider to be a bribe.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not call the teacher by the first name. If you do, at best, the teacher will believe you are rude. At worst, the teacher will get the feeling you are unnecessarily challenging the professional relationship which will not play well for the rest of the semester for your child.
When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not wear your most casual clothes. If you do, at best, the teacher will believe you are not serious about the conference. At worst, you may be unknowingly violating the school dress code and be asked to leave the building.

Friday Again so Soon – Ha Ha

April 25, 2014April 22, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

We finally made it to Friday. I have to say this was one hell of a week. I am working on my third novel and have set a goal to write 1000 words a day. This week I fell short. Not because I didn’t want to write , but I was busied out with projects needing done and pets needing help. It wasn’t as bad as I thought not achieving my goal, so I now need to whip myself into a frenzy and get back on the horse. It reminds me of the old question when faced with something which you believe has dire consequences. “What is the worst that could happen?” Once you face that question dealing with the issue is more manageable. So when I was pulling my hair out about missing daily numbers, I asked myself, “What is the worst that could happen?” I figured the worst would be a week’s delay in finishing my book. Since I don’t skydive, if I finish my book a week later than planned, it is no big deal. I don’t think the world will even notice. Okay I feel better. Now to the Margarita. Oh I almost forgot the Haiku. Here it is:

Worrying too hard,

About phantom dire results . . .

Breathe in deeply peace.

Wednesday AKA Hump and Story Day

April 23, 2014April 22, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

Wednesday is story day. Today’s story is about friends and helping others. We all want to help others and I’m sure we mean to help as much as possible. Sometimes things get in the way when we have good intentions, but don’t follow through. You know what I mean. For example, an author helped you launch a book on their blog, bought it, read it and put an amazing review up on Amazon and Goodreads. Sure you meant to pay back when they launched theirs, but after all, you were so busy with your own events, you really didn’t have the time. No time even to list it as a “want to read” on Goodreads. Well let’s be honest, you don’t really want to take the time. Besides, you heard from other friends the book was a bit unusual so you decided not to support it and therefore not possibly offend your friends. Well, if this sounds familiar this story is dedicated to you.

“Hey what are you doing?”

“Hi Frank. Making out a list of my friends.”

“Really why are you? Sounds like a waste of time.”

“Ha ha very funny.”

“No I mean who actually makes a list for their friends. You know who they are, isn’t that enough?”

“Well you would think so, but I am a little confused about who are really friends.”

“What difference does it makes. Friends are friends unless you want something.”

“What do you mean want something?”

“Friends tend to disappear when you ask them for things.”

“Then are they really friends?”

“Well do you define friendship in terms of what you get or what you give?”

“I never thought of it before, but I’ll have to say a little of both.”

“Now you’re talking. If you actually believe in give and take then I think you have a good idea of what friends are.”

“So what is the issue?”

“Not everyone believes the same way as you do.”

“What about you. Do you believe we are friends?”

“Yeah I believe we are close friends.”

“And you believe in give and take?”

“Sure I do.”

“Would you loan me twenty dollars?”

“What? And ruin a good friendship? “

Voices of Nature Blog Tour

April 22, 2014April 14, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 3 Comments

Stars Above (alouette)

Starry nights shine bright
Thousands of wee lights
Constellations light the sky
Darkness shows contrast
While clouds have gone past
Suspended in time up high

Pisces and Leo
Taurus and Virgo
Constellations light the sky
Sagittarius
Libra, Pegasus
Worlds of tiny lights float by

This is just a sample of the poetry you will find in Voices of Nature. There are dozens more poems for you to savor.

You can buy it here for only $.99 for Kindle – it also available in paperback ($7.19) on Amazon.

Poetry gives voice to what the eyes see and the heart hears.

Inspiration exists all around us. Beauty can be found in the laughter of a child or the blooms of a tree. Poems are one person’s interpretation of the world seen through their eyes and felt in their heart. Poetry is soul food – plain and simple.

Voices of Nature is a collection of poems that reflect the inherent splendor of nature all around us. This book utilizes a variety of poetry forms to paint word pictures.

One review said “The sheer variety of styles in this poetry book is amazing. Haiku, triple haiku, acrostic, rondeau, and so many others. Even better is that they explain the poems in the back, which is a great service to the curious reader.

Each poem is clear and paints a perfect picture of nature. Though, I have an odd feeling that both poets were tired of winter since that had the most amount of poems out of the season sections. It’s hard to pick a favorite, but I did love the ‘Thunder and Lightning’ acrostic for the imagery and ‘New Day’ for the complicated style and bringing an odd sense of serene closure to the book.

I would highly recommend this poetry book. Even if you’re not into poetry, the pieces for every season will probably have you going ‘I thought the same thing.’

Pamela previously released a collection of love poems titled Dreams of Love with several five-star reviews. She has been writing for a short time, but pours her soul into her poetry.

Kirsten collaborated on a collection called Hope’s Flight.

This is a collection created by two poets – Pamela B and Kirsten A.
Both women enjoy exploring various topics and poetry forms. Many forms are represented in Voices of Nature (along with a short description of the forms for your convenience). Buy Voices of Nature for only $.99 today and experience the wonders all around us.

Ten Things Not to do with On-Line Dating

April 21, 2014April 20, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

Here is the 42nd installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Signing Up With an Online Dating Service

10. When signing up for an online dating service, do not use your old high school senior photo in your profile. If you do, at best, your future dates might forgive you for being somewhat more overweight and wrinkled than your photo suggests. At worst, you might get sued by future dates for emotional and psychological trauma especially those who thought they were going to date an 18-year-old.

9. When signing up for an online dating service, do not say that you live in a foreign country because you want to appear exotic. If you do, at best, your future dates will be relieved to find out that you actually live within driving distance of them and they don’t have to pay exorbitant sums of money for a first date. At worst, your dream date who really does live in the country you claim to live in will out you to everyone else in the service and you will have to change your profile and your identity and actually move to a foreign country.

8. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to be a great cook when you still can’t make a decent peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If you do, at best, your future dates will prefer to dine out anyway and will never find out your lie. At worst, your dream date will wind up in the ER after you actually try to prepare a romantic, home-cooked meal for your first (and now last) date.

7. When signing up for an online dating service, do not inflate your educational background so you can appear to be more intelligent than you apparently are. If you do, at best, your future dates will not be interested in your opinion on the Dunning-Kruger effect anyway and you’ll be saved from having to present yourself as an example of it. At worst, your profile will be tagged as someone who suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect which you will find frustrating since your last name is not Dunning nor is it Kruger.

6. When signing up for an online dating service, do not minimize your educational background to appear to less intelligent than you really are because you are afraid of intimidating anyone. If you do, at best, your future dates won’t be interested in degrees anyway just as long as you can enjoy conversations with each other. At worst, your future dates will look like the cast from “My Name is Earl” or “Duck Dynasty.”

5. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to be fluent in any language when all you can say is “Hello” and “Goodbye” in that language. At best, all your future dates have the same native tongue as you, but no foreign language fluency so they get excited when you say “Bonjour” and “Adios” in the same sentence. At worst, your dream date will be fluent in the language you claim to be fluent in (let’s say, French, for fun) and invite you to a romantic getaway to Paris where the best you can do is say “Bonjour” to everything anyone else says to you, with the result that two hours into the romantic getaway, your dream date leaves you at a café with just your French-English dictionary to help you find your way home.

4. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to not have cats when you do just because the dream date you picked out is allergic to cats. At best, you never get together with your dream date but the second best date not only asks you out but also happens to like cats (and then you live happily ever after). At worst, your dream date comes to your place for coffee and, within five minutes, develops red, itchy eyes, sneezing and coughing fits, and a facial rash, even though your cats are not in your house because you had them boarded. All of this results in you being on the hook for your dream date’s trip to the ER and allergy medication as well as the boarding fees for a date that went nowhere.

3. When signing up for an online dating service, do not use a glamour photo for your profile, even if your friends insist it will get you more dates. At worst, all your future dates also use glamour photos so no one can complain when none of you look glamorous in real life. At worst, see the worst case scenario for #1 and then double it.

2. When signing up for an online dating service, do not present yourself as a social butterfly when in fact you get panic attacks when you have to speak to more than one person at a time. At best, your future dates will be flattered when you say you prefer evenings alone so you can get to know them better. At worst, your future dates will think your Howard Hughes profile is creepy since they assumed you loved the party life and eventually leave you to your evenings alone as a party of one.

1. When signing up for an online dating service, do not pretend to be anyone but who you really are. At best, you will find someone who will actually like you for yourself and you will make some new good friends. At worst, you’ll be stuck with a revolving door of dates but no relationships. (On the upside, that could be fodder for some good stories.)

Friday is Haiku Day

April 18, 2014April 14, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

Today is known affectionately on Fiction Favorites as Haiku day. It is also the last day of the work week and a day we all look forward to having completed. It is also a day when we can take a moment to reflect on the previous week and take stock of what we have accomplished. Of course we need to be pretty sure of those things we put down on the accomplishment side of the ledger. One of the things I accomplished this week is a complete set of photos of my FJ 40. In order to do this, I had to put the roof and doors back on. The roof is no small feat since it weighs close to 400 pounds dripping wet. Now you may ask, why a full set of photos of your 1978 FJ 40 Land Cruiser? Well it is a sad day, but a day I knew was coming for the last year. It is now time to sell my beloved FJ.

I’m not selling her because I’m no longer in love. No far from it. I am selling her because I no longer have the time to pay attention to her as she has become accustomed. She sits for weeks with no-one to play with and talk. Her terminal rust is not getting any better and I have no time to treat the condition properly. Her heart keeps beating and she gets worn down since she must be driven routinely or her sensors and systems begin to malfunction. She becomes deflated with the lack of use. In short, I have another lover, my writing, with whom I am totally committed and it is not fair to her to stay with me.

I originally got her as a project car and did a lot of work to put her on the road. Now I must turn to other things and set her free. Oh yes the Haiku, I almost forgot. It’s titled Goodbye.

Goodbye by John W. Howell

Together is good,

One absent the other not . . .

A new day is here.

How about you. Do you look back and evaluate your week?

Wednesday Story Day

April 16, 2014April 14, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

The mid-week rest period is here. It is time to take a breather and prepare yourself for the rest of the week push. It is kind of funny how a small rest while engaged in some trying work can give you a second wind. This is really true of writing. I know after a few hours pounding the keyboard I am ready for something little different. Sometimes I take a break from the novel (third in the series) and do a little story. This is actually how story Wednesday came about. After two days of dealing with protagonist angst, it is really quite nice to let the brain rest and allow a story to flow where it may. After that exercise it is nice to return to the problem of the day with a new outlook. I’ll bet this works in other than writing situations as well. Try it and if your boss catches you writing a short story explain it is in lieu of a coffee break.

This week’s story is about a person who is in the situation described above and caught by the boss writing a story. It is titled: Caught. Hope you like it.

“So Al what are you doing there?”

“Uh . . . I’m just relaxing a minute.”

“Relaxing? It looks to me like you are writing something with a number two pencil no less.”

“Well yeah Frank. I’m writing a little story.”

“A little story? You are writing a story? About what?”

“Oh it’s about the office.”

“You have time to write stories? You know I’m still waiting for the Dilbert contract.”

“Yeah I know. I should have it to you by this afternoon.”

“Well that will be good considering it is two days late. Let me ask, will you be done with your story by then?”

“Oh it’s all finished.”

“All finished? Can I read it?”

“Why would you want to read it?”

“Well the way I look at it, you wrote it on company time and therefore it by rights belongs to the company. I represent the company so I have a right to read it.”

“I was using my coffee break time.”

“You union Al?”

“No.”

“Then coffee break time does not officially exist. It is a custom not a right. Hand it over.”

“It’s kind of personal.”

“Al?”

“Here you go.”

“Alright let me see. Humm the story opens with you coming into work. You grab a cup of coffee. More break time huh Al? Then you go to your cube. Boy this is exciting. Then your boss comes in and catches you writing a story. This sounds like real life Al. He demands to see the story. Uh Huh. While reading the story a large black shadow creeps up from the floor and surrounds the boss whose name is Frank. Geeze Al this is crap. Let’s see where was I? Oh yes here it is. The boss calls the work crap and then the large shadow . . .”

“Go ahead Frank. Then the large shadow does what?”