I had a dream I was sitting in a bistro at dawn eating smoked salmon and capers and washing it down with Coors Light while being interviewed by a girl wearing a thong. There was a German Shepherd seated in the booth next to mine.

I know it was a dream because I don’t drink Coors Light. But cable news makes my tawdry dreams seem tame in comparison. So I made up three questions, just for kicks.

1-Did Donald Sterling become a racist five minutes ago? 

2-Is CNN experiencing a hangover now that its morbidly extensive coverage of the missing Malaysian airliner has given way to other news, like yanno . . . Donald Sterling?

3-Will Fox News offer Monica Lewinksy a prime time show?

Answers:

1- What are you? Crazy?
2- Absofuckinglutely
3- Depends on whether she can prove Hilary watched

I mean, we get that Donald Sterling’s human…