http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPu_G-T28iU
Wednesday is story day (of course) and this week is no exception. This story today was inspired by a transaction I had with a major retailer where I needed to go on-line and discuss the problem with a chat service. I often wonder where management got the idea of on-line chat as a problem-solving device and why they think it works. Here is the story titled Chat.
Chat by John W. Howell
“Hello, my name is George how may I help you?”
“Hello George. I have a product I need to return as it is defective.”
“I can certainly help you with that. Who am I chatting with?”
“This is Frank.”
“Oh Hello Frank. What is the problem.”
“Well George, I bought this gun through the mail order and I find it does not work.”
“……..Can I have the order number, please?”
“Yes it is 15567396672211336.”
“Thank you. Let me check………….Oh yes, here it is. I see you ordered a 9MM Glock and 100 rounds of ammunition.”
“Yes.”
“And you say it does not work. May I ask what doesn’t work.”
“When you aim the gun and pull the trigger, it doesn’t always fire.”
“I see. Have you tried loading the weapon before pulling the trigger?”
“I always load the weapon.”
“And have you tried pulling back on the slide to inject a round into the chamber.”
“I always cock the weapon.”
“Have you tried releasing the safety?”
“I always release the safety.”
“Do you put your finger on the trigger and pull?”
“Yes.”
“……….one moment until I check with the tier ll techs. Yes, it appears your weapon has some kind of problem. How may times has it failed to fire?”
“Twice.”
“Can you detail these two incidents for me.”
“The first time was when I asked the clerk for the money and she hit the alarm. I shot into the air to scare everyone, but nothing happened. The second time was going out the door of the bank and running into a bunch of police.”
“I think you will need to visit one of our authorized service centers for repairs.”
“I’ll do that George in twenty years. Thanks for your help. I have to shut down now for lights out.”
“Have I answered all your questions and is there anything else I can do to resolve this problem?”
“Sure. Sit on this George.”
“Would you like to remain and fill out our customer satisfaction survey?”
Fiction Favorites 
Only Frank would think to complain to customer service of his gun malfunctioning during a bank heist 😉 Well done, John! Happy Wednesday!
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Yes he is that stupid. Thanks Marie
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It IS true there are stupid thieves and criminals but it seems to be the Chat support isn’t any better. I’m falling on the floor laughing. Can’t help it. Great reading with my morning coffee.
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Chat is the worst. I couldn’t help but bring the two together.
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And they FIT so well. 😀 😀 I’m sure a similar situation has already happened lots of times.
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Now that’s an interesting use of your one phone call.
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LOL. Nice.
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LOL….Poor Frank.
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Idiot Frank
On Wed, Aug 20, 2014 at 8:24 AM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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So all of Frank’s stories will now be jail tales? Or you’ll have to dip into flashbacks, I guess. I hope you haven’t painted yourself into a corner, Mr. Howell! 😉
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Nope. Frank as a reoccurring character is a symbol of those on the Earth who keep our jaws set and pulse racing. He is not really a persona but is a gravitar representing the worst in the human condition. (hope that explains it)
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I get it now. He’s Every-Frank.
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😎
Sent from my iPhone
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In a very short time, you sum up the totally menu-driven lack of empathy types we deal with in customer service jobs everyday! I loved it! I am just beginning to get to know Frank.
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Frank is not someone you will want to know well. He is not a nice person.
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I get that. Now he’s in jail. It seems you have put him on hold for a while!
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No, he will be back next Wednesday. He is iconic (and a metaphor)
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Oh I get it. I like that dimension. I’ve always been fond of double life stories. Maybe as your other follower said, you can make Frank have flashbacks. Or…get into trouble on kitchen duty. 🙂
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I usually construct the Wednesday story after a little thought. Let me work on this and see what happens.
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Excellent work John! Laughing out loud, I almost spilled my first cup of coffee all over the dog! You brought several of the worlds great stupidities together for our amusement – Brilliant!
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Aw thank you. Can’t tell you how much I like Frank and Chat.
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Oh wow, I think I had Frank on the phone today (yay, customer service).
I also dislike Chat – one of our third-party people use it, and it rarely pleases – or helps – anyone!
Great story, John.
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I actually love live customer service. I think the good people really care about the customer. These chat things are a way to handle more calls at cheaper prices. I had a problem with my mower and the chat thingy was useless. I got on the line with the CS rep and the problem was solved in five minutes. (stuck valve that the rep knew how to correct) You guys are the best. XXXOOO
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Frank needs a run in jail……
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I think I’ll keep him there for a while.
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You just can’t get the service these days….
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