Top Ten Things Not to Do While Birdwatching

~ John W. Howell

Top Ten things not to do

This post was originally run on April 11th, 2016. I hope you enjoy it.

The inspiration for this list is the fact that birds of all kinds are in the process of migration and spring has sprung.  I thought I would start off with a little bird joke.

Vultures
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

“Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked.

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”*

*Courtesy of http://Hungarianbirdwatching.com

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Birdwatching

10 If you are birdwatching, do not leave home without your species checklist. If you do, at best, you will not know the species of birds in your area. At worst, you will broadcast to every watcher for ten miles that you have no idea what you are doing. (Which is the case, right? Slick.)

9 If you are birdwatching, do not ask someone if you could borrow their binoculars. If you do, at best, you will get a lecture on proper preparedness for birdwatching. At worst, the folks you ask will spread the word that you are an escaped mental patient. (Who else would ask for binoculars. It’s like using someone else’s toothbrush.)

8 If you are birdwatching, do not take a guess out loud about the species of bird. If you do, and you are wrong, your fellow birders will pounce as if they are Panthers to correct you. At worst, the leader of the group will ask you kindly to sit at the edge of the road with the hopes you will be run over. (Man, these folks are serious)

7 If you are birdwatching, do not toss terms like mantle, bib, and flair around lightly. If you do, at best, you will broadcast the fact that you should have stayed home. At worst, you might be responsible for that kindly old gent finally going postal after being so patient with you. (He is certainly agile with that cane, isn’t he?)

6 If you are birdwatching, do not snicker at the apparel of your fellow birdwatchers. If you do, at best, they all will be too busy to notice. At worst, they will all snicker at you when you need hospital care for the sunburn, chigger, and tick bites. (How’s that Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever treating you?)

5 If you are bird watching, do not make any sudden noises. If you do, at best, you will capture the frown crown. At worst, your noise caused the rare Tillywinkle Warbler to take flight, causing most of the group to miss the sighting. (Does that group murmuring sound like an old west posse?)

4 If you are bird watching, do not pull out a pastrami sandwich to munch on while looking at birds. If you do, at best, your fellow birders will try to ignore you and the pastrami. At worst, the leader will offer a kindly suggestion about the appropriate place for that sandwich. (No one told you that eating and bird watching are not allowed. The location suggested for the sandwich sounded quite impractical and dark, didn’t it?)

3 If you are bird watching, do not yell “Tally Ho” when you sight a rare species. If you do, at best, the bird will fly away. At worst, the group is not carrying a defibrillator to handle what could be resultant heart attacks. (Those old folks go down like ten-pins, right, Buster?)

2 If you are bird watching, do not offer your fellow watchers a pull from the old flask. If you do, at best, they will try to lose you in the woods. At worst, just as you thought you were getting along, you realize the group is setting you up for an intervention. (After all, no self-respecting birder would chance anything that would interfere with seeing the birds. Therefore, you need help)

1 If you are bird watching, do not walk and watch at the same time. If you do, At best, that hole you stepped in is only a few inches deep. At worst, you could walk off the end of the swamp pier and into the waiting jaws of “Old Hickory,” the crocodile. (He gets, at least, one a month this way.)

 

73 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do While Birdwatching”

  1. Dear John
    Great! We live in birdwatcher country – Cley is called “The Mecca of Birdwatching”. Very important is greeting everyone you meet with “What have you spotted?”
    Wishing you a wonderful week
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I didn’t know enough about birdwatching to agitate Tiny, but then I realized he wasn’t here today!! You teach me something though, I’m wondering why no pastrami sandwich – there’s nothing crunchy and noisy on it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Since I refer to most things with wings as “birdie birds” I probably wouldn’t be welcome in the group. I wouldn’t want to end up in the jaws of Old Hickory. Great list, John. I hope your week is off to a good start. Tally Ho!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. OK. You started it.

    A mother gull was quite unhappy with her son. He’d been dating a bird of a different species; a lovely graceful tern. She spent hours trying to educate him about the good qualities of girl gulls, and why he should choose one of his own kind for a mate.

    The young gull was adamant, and insisted that love would conquer all. “Just give me a single irrefutable reason to make a different choice!” he said. His mother looked him in the eye and said, “One good tern deserves another.”

    Liked by 2 people

  9. With this post, John, I ws thinking of our visit lately to the birding center in Port A. and the alligator we saw there. So for me THE most important thing not to do would be fall off the boardwalk. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Great post, John. I’m not an “official” birdwatcher, but I live in an area where all shades and sizes fill the sky. It is magical. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  12. They can be a persnickety bunch those avid bird watchers. I just walk along, nod and thank them for pointing out such and such 😉 Outside of blue jay, cardinal, robin and sparrow… I’m at a loss!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Good list, John! I have to be careful with #1, I’m always looking around and not paying attention to where I’m walking:)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. There is bird watching and then there is bird watching. The rules do change with the situation. Magee Marsh is a birding area on the south shore of Lake Erie. The warblers pause there during migration to feed and rest before continuing north. There is a mile or so of boardwalk that meanders through the woods and wetlands where one can see the warblers. During the height of the migration the number of weekend birders rivals the number of warblers. All of the rules are completely and thoroughly viliorated abused and otherwise spun folded and mutilated. And the warblers could not and do not give a damn as they flit from one tree to another chowing down on the bugs. Who knows they just might be people watching ?

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I had to laugh at your comment about birdwatchers. My parents were avid birdwatchers, and there was practically hell to pay if someone misidentified a bird.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. That ostrich face is hilarious! I do bird-watch out my back window. We chose our lot here because it was next to some trees so we get all sorts. Of course, our bird feeder and birdbath are prohibited by the HOA, but we ignored it.

    Liked by 1 person

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