Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Drive

~ John W. Howell

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

I was enjoying a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood yesterday. I was on the lookout for the deer since I intend to provide a deer update on the Neighborhood Views on Sunday. As I was turning into my cul-de-sac, I felt the wind of the big brown UPS truck as it barely missed running me over. I reached the drive to my house just as the delivery person shot put a package that rolled and tumbled into the front door. I could hear Twiggy hitting high C inside the house. I said, “Thanks.”

The sarcasm was dripping from the word like a melting cone. I could have saved my breath and chilly bon mot since the delivery person was deeply into the tune playing behind the eyes from the noise-reducing earbuds. I’m not certain they saw me as there was no effort to avoid me. I jumped out of the way, and they were off in a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that begged for a tune-up.

I approached the package, which had Handle With Care warnings on all four sides. I could see dark liquid pooling from the side, lying on the concrete. I thought about calling 9-1-1 but gently lifted the package to see if there was any hope.”Stay with me. Help is on the way,” I yelled. Of course, the package had no idea I was not telling the truth. There wasn’t much anyone could have done anyway. I carefully opened the box to see the damage and found a message on top of six pulverized bottles of VooDoo Ranger Ale. The message was from Linda Hill and read, “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “drive.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

If you would like to have, fun go to Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/06/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-12-2021/

Drive by John W Howell © 2021

“What’s that mess?”

“The remains of a six-pack of VooDoo Ranger.”

“You’re kidding. Who would do such a thing?”

“UPS.”

“Aw man, I feel for your loss.”

“Thanks. I feel pretty bad.”

“Want me to drive you to the store?”

“Don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“I understand. You shouldn’t drive yourself to replace them till you’re ready.”

“Yeah. Then I think I’ll be able to drive myself.”

“We may be confusing folks with these drives.”

“I have a natural drive to get revenge.”

“Order another set of weights and make sure they are delivered by UPS.”

“Great idea. How about a drive train for a 1968 Toyota Land Cruiser.”

“You are getting healthier by the minute.”

“A two-ton Mosler safe.”

“Yeah, let’s see them throw that up onto the porch.”

“You’ve helped me stop moping around about the VooDoo Ranger. Let’s drive to the pub.”

“You think you are ready?”

“Well, like they say. If you can’t be with. The one you love. Love the one you’re with.”

“Who says that?”

“The guy who’s going to pull the tap on two pints of icy cold barley pops.”

“Let’s go.”

42 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Drive”

  2. You made me smile with this post so thank you! Ordering a set of weights that has to be delivered by UPS = genius! And then returning it! And I loved this line: “a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that begged for a tune-up.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This was hilarious! What an inspired introduction for the Saturday prompt!! I laughed at this line in particular: “I jumped out of the way, and they were off in a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that nbegged for a tune-up.” Brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no! I’ll have to try it one day. I’ve never seen it here so I’d be frankly surprised. Mind you, should I decide to go for a good hour long drive, there is this store that has an unbelievable selection of beers… I bet you they would have it.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Nice one, John. Thankfully, I have no fictional or real accounts of UPS or FedEx drivers throwing things upon delivery. They’ve been very good through the last year and a half, although I bet there have been times for them that they want to do more than throw a few packages. Kudos for the delivery drivers and your use of the prompt!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. While the fate of the late lamented Voodoo Ranger may be fantasy the rest of the story sounds all too real. Even if the size of the box was as big as the UPS box truck the lettering of ‘handle with care’ would not be big enough to catch their attention. There are only two rules. Deliver it fast. And ring the door bell. There is the unwritten third rule. Leave quickly before the package can start to bleed. And with that please go back to loving the one you are with. Cheers !

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Well done, John. I like our UPS guy/guys. They ring the doorbell and set the package by the door if they don’t see me. They also carry treats for the neighborhood dogs. Wild right? When I lived back East, it was a whole different scene. Have a great weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.