I was enjoying a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood yesterday. I was on the lookout for the deer since I intend to provide a deer update on the Neighborhood Views on Sunday. As I was turning into my cul-de-sac, I felt the wind of the big brown UPS truck as it barely missed running me over. I reached the drive to my house just as the delivery person shot put a package that rolled and tumbled into the front door. I could hear Twiggy hitting high C inside the house. I said, “Thanks.”
The sarcasm was dripping from the word like a melting cone. I could have saved my breath and chilly bon mot since the delivery person was deeply into the tune playing behind the eyes from the noise-reducing earbuds. I’m not certain they saw me as there was no effort to avoid me. I jumped out of the way, and they were off in a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that begged for a tune-up.
I approached the package, which had Handle With Care warnings on all four sides. I could see dark liquid pooling from the side, lying on the concrete. I thought about calling 9-1-1 but gently lifted the package to see if there was any hope.”Stay with me. Help is on the way,” I yelled. Of course, the package had no idea I was not telling the truth. There wasn’t much anyone could have done anyway. I carefully opened the box to see the damage and found a message on top of six pulverized bottles of VooDoo Ranger Ale. The message was from Linda Hill and read, “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “drive.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”
If you would like to have, fun go to Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/06/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-12-2021/
Drive by John W Howell © 2021
“What’s that mess?”
“The remains of a six-pack of VooDoo Ranger.”
“You’re kidding. Who would do such a thing?”
“UPS.”
“Aw man, I feel for your loss.”
“Thanks. I feel pretty bad.”
“Want me to drive you to the store?”
“Don’t think I’m ready yet.”
“I understand. You shouldn’t drive yourself to replace them till you’re ready.”
“Yeah. Then I think I’ll be able to drive myself.”
“We may be confusing folks with these drives.”
“I have a natural drive to get revenge.”
“Order another set of weights and make sure they are delivered by UPS.”
“Great idea. How about a drive train for a 1968 Toyota Land Cruiser.”
“You are getting healthier by the minute.”
“A two-ton Mosler safe.”
“Yeah, let’s see them throw that up onto the porch.”
“You’ve helped me stop moping around about the VooDoo Ranger. Let’s drive to the pub.”
“You think you are ready?”
“Well, like they say. If you can’t be with. The one you love. Love the one you’re with.”
“Who says that?”
“The guy who’s going to pull the tap on two pints of icy cold barley pops.”
“Let’s go.”
Fiction Favorites 
Oh God. Terrible
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Thank you for the comment. (I think)
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You made me smile with this post so thank you! Ordering a set of weights that has to be delivered by UPS = genius! And then returning it! And I loved this line: “a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that begged for a tune-up.”
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Thank you, Michael. I’m glad you got a smile. 😊
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It’s a good thing I know the story is fictional. Or is it?
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Yes it is. Was a riff on a cop show.
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This was hilarious! What an inspired introduction for the Saturday prompt!! I laughed at this line in particular: “I jumped out of the way, and they were off in a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that nbegged for a tune-up.” Brilliant!
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Thank you, Liz. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I did too. 😁
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Such a sad opening, John. I think you might want to order a set of Stop Sticks. That would serve hike right, Enjoy the replacement ale, and have a good weekend.
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You as well Dan. I’ll see you at the bar in a few.
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Good one, John. I’m glad you went out for memorial drinks, in remembrance of the deceased Voodoo Ale. 🙂
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My usual Saturday story end. Thanks, Mark.
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Nice job, John! Thanks for the Saturday morning giggles. Enjoy your day!
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Thank you, Jill. Happy Saturday to you* sung to the tune of Good Morning Starshine by Oliver.
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Still half asleep here. All I got was a Quest for Beer. Possibly revenge for murdered beer. Totally understand.
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You got it all.
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The intro is as entertaining as the prompt response! And that is criminal. Ain’t no business to break such valuable merchandise.
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I know right? VooDoo Ranger is my go to Saturday brew. 😊
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Oh no! I’ll have to try it one day. I’ve never seen it here so I’d be frankly surprised. Mind you, should I decide to go for a good hour long drive, there is this store that has an unbelievable selection of beers… I bet you they would have it.
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I would look it up on line and then see if they have any outlets in Canada. I doubt it since is a craft brew.
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Hmmm… That’s probably the case. However this store has hundreds of beers that I have never heard of and who knows? 🙂
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😁
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Nice one, John. Thankfully, I have no fictional or real accounts of UPS or FedEx drivers throwing things upon delivery. They’ve been very good through the last year and a half, although I bet there have been times for them that they want to do more than throw a few packages. Kudos for the delivery drivers and your use of the prompt!
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Yes, I took some liberty. They all do a good job.
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While the fate of the late lamented Voodoo Ranger may be fantasy the rest of the story sounds all too real. Even if the size of the box was as big as the UPS box truck the lettering of ‘handle with care’ would not be big enough to catch their attention. There are only two rules. Deliver it fast. And ring the door bell. There is the unwritten third rule. Leave quickly before the package can start to bleed. And with that please go back to loving the one you are with. Cheers !
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Hahahaha. Good one, John
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You’ve got me intrigued about this Voodoo, I might have to give it a try sometime.
As for the Stills tune, perfect way to end this drive.
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I like it for two reasons. One, it is a pale ale with hoppy flavor. Two, since I only get one beer a week it is 9.7 % alcohol. 😁
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That a boy! 😉
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😊
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That’s one way to get revenge…lol. Our cat pellet delivery isn’t appreciated by UPS.
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Hahahaha.
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I quit having plants delivered thanks to UPS. I was beginning to think they never saw a plant they liked!!
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I can believe it. Thanks, GP. 😁
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Sorry about the delivery, but the watering hole likely has replacements. Check on the insurance, maybe you can get some sent as replacement.
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Replacement were sent. Medicare covered it. (Told them I was going to have a heat attack)
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Great idea.
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😁
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Well done, John. I like our UPS guy/guys. They ring the doorbell and set the package by the door if they don’t see me. They also carry treats for the neighborhood dogs. Wild right? When I lived back East, it was a whole different scene. Have a great weekend.
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Have a great weekend as well, Gwen. (Or as good as possible.)
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That would be a good way to get revenge for the broken beer package!
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Thank you. I thought you would approve.
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