Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 326 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

The Dark by John W. Howell © 2021

“So here’s the plan. We are going to try and get the tree shot before it gets fully dark.”

“I don’t understand what’s so important about the tree shot.”

“It’s not your job to wonder about anything important. You are the talent. I’m the director.”

“Well, okay. Put that way, I’ll just be quiet.”

“A welcome change of pace. Now I need you to get under the tree.”

“Ew. Things are hanging in the tree.”

“Those are the vampire bats that are going to bite you on the neck in the scene.”

“Wait a minute. SAG rules are no biting.”

“For heaven’s sake. Have you read the script?”

“No. I saw I have no dialogue, so I just skipped it. Besides, you always tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

“Too bad you don’t listen. So here’s the scene. You have run away from the pack of zombies—”

“No way.”

“No way what?”

“I don’t run. It’s in my contract.”

“I know we have a stunt double.”

“So why say I run?”

“Let me rephrase that. In the form of a stunt double, your character runs away from a pack of zombies and comes to this tree. She is all out of breath—”

“Who is out of breath?”

“The character.”

“Go on.”

“She looks up into the tree and then sees the vampires. She falls to the ground screaming, and then we cut. Any questions?”

“I don’t fall. It’s in my contract.”

“We will cut in the stunt double falling. The shot will have you screaming and then a closeup of you on the ground.”

“It’s wet.”

“What?”

“The ground.”

“Let me guess. You don’t get wet. It’s in your contract.”

“Yup.”

“Okay then. Well, put a cover on the ground and make it look like dirt. Then, you’ll be completely dry.”

“What’s the cover made of?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Can’t be latex. I’m allergic.”

“Okay, we’ll use a cotton cloth.”

“Sustainable, organic cotton.”

“It’s in your contract fight?”

“Right.”

“You know if you weren’t my daughter, I would fire you.”

“Oh, come on, Daddy, don’t be a grumpy grump.”

“And if this weren’t your drama class project worth a semester’s grade, I would fire me.”

“You going to keep grumping, or are we going to do this?”

 

Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer

~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

 

***

question_20mark

The inspiration for this list came from observing everyday life and watching others fall into a dark pit for no other reason than attempting to answer dangerous, politically incorrect, or impossible questions.

Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer

10 If you are asked, “How do I look?” do not answer the question. If you do, at best, you only have a 50% chance of being right which is also a 50% chance of being wrong. At worst, the person who asked the question knows they look awful and now picks a fight with you for misleading them. (Your credibility is now null and void. Good luck with the comforting an old friend excuse.)

9 If you are asked, “Have you been drinking?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your answer will not be credible. At worst, if you do answer yes, you might have some explaining to do, and if you answer no, you better be telling the truth. (So what was it that made you trip over the footstool on your way to bed?)

8 If you are asked, “Where did this new car dent come from?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your “I don’t know” will require the need to relay your exact itinerary for the day. At worst, you will be forced to endure an agonizing lecture on how to park and drive a car to prevent it from being dented. ( Lesson one: Shopping carts are car magnets)

7 If you are asked, “Would you like to donate to an organization,” do not answer. If you do, at best, you will sound mean-spirited if you say no. At worst, those around you will consider your clothes and appearance before deciding you must be the winner of the cold heart person of the year award. (They will talk out loud while they deliberate)

6 If you are asked, “Would you mind watching our dog for a few hours?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your friendship will be made or lost on the answer. At worst, little Fido happens to have a rare spastic colon that, unfortunately for you, just decided to attack the poor thing in your white living room. (Which the owners totally forgot to mention.)

5 If you are asked, “Would you like that order supersized?” do not answer. If you do, at best, you will hate yourself either way. At worst, it will be a week or two before the supersized feeling has worked its way out of your mind and onto your body. (“No” is the hardest word.)

4 If you are asked, “What size do you wear?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your underestimate will be a laughable moment for the store personnel. At worst, the continued suggestion that you try a larger size will indicate how much you have been kidding yourself on the need for reform. (A terrible realization after all.)

3 If you are asked, “Is this seat taken?” do not answer. If you do, at best, a yes answer will eventually be proven wrong, making you a petty unsociable.  At worst, the person will decide to take the seat no matter what you say and will now consider you a nut case if you said yes. (If you said no, you have invited a company who will talk your ear off for the next ten stops.)

2 If you are asked, “Where are you from?” do not answer. If you do, at best, the person asking is from the same place, and you now have a new unwanted BFF. At worst, the new BFF decides to go through the list of possible people each of you knows, and you realize that it might be hours before the list is complete. (And because you answered the question, you are too polite to tell the person to bug off.)

1 If you are asked, “Would you like to go out?” do not answer without thinking. If you do and say yes, at best, you’ll need to follow through no matter how dim the prospect. At worst, you say no, and unbeknownst to you, the person asking is a certified psychopath who decided to stop taking the medication that has helped keep the aggressive tendencies in check. (You now have a spurned, non-medicated psychopath wanting to walk you home. Good luck with that.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Cool Arts Show

~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

Today we are going to an art show. This is a show of local artists and is held at the Activities Center. After that, we are going to have brunch in the park. We are being catered by Paperboys in Austin. Our entertainment is Miranda Lambert.

BRUNCH Menu

quiche

daily selection tossed arugula

lemongrass cured lox

grilled toast, ginger-lime schmear, sunflower sprouts, house pickles

paperboy pancake

warm maple syrup, brown butter, sea salt

classic breakfast

two eggs, maple sausage, potato wedges, buttered toast, seasonal preserves

texas hash

braised pork shoulder, sweet potato, onion, kale, poached egg, pecan mole

chicken & biscuit

crispy-fried chicken, country gravy, sunny egg, spicy honey

migas

goat carnitas, tomato, jalapeno, cotija, serrano hot sauce, grilled tortillas,

 avocado

steak & eggs

44 farms steak, chimichurri, sunny eggs, potato wedges, secret sauce, arugula

stoneground grits

roasted mushrooms, pickled onion, kale, cheddar, herbs, butter, poached egg

Top Shelf drinks, Beer, wine, ale, assorted soft drinks, tea, and coffee.

Picture of an old time school bus

Let’s get on the bus and go.

The sign in town announcing the art show and Studio tour.

Here we are. To give you an idea of the layout, here is a shot of one room.

Here is some Western art. All proceeds go to Meals on Wheels.

Travelog art. The artist traveled around the world and painted what he saw.

Various paintings of assorted subjects.

Still life and beach scenes.

Pet portraits. Found out she never painted a French Bulldog before.

A very popular pots and succulent offering.

Abstract and realistic paintings plus some ceramics and wooden items.

The table with information about the studio visits. (I know we have to get to brunch)

A talented artist who also created the “Slow Fawns at Play” yard signs seen all over town.

The three-piece entertainment group is on a break but pretending to play for the camera.

Well, that’s the tour today. So relax, have some food and listen to Miranda.

 

Phil Taylor has Written a Beautiful Review of Eternal Road.

~ John W. Howell ~ 35 Comments

Phil Taylor has always been at the top of my list of bloggers to visit when I need a laugh. His blog is titled The Phil Factor

With a brief subtitle of; “Where Sarcasm Gets Drunk and Let’s Its Hair Down.” Phil is very humorous and a talented author with five published books.
I was quite surprised and pleased that Phil posted a review of Eternal Road today. An additional surprise at the end of the review causes the heart to take a flutter. It would be great if you could take the time to visit Phil and also check out some of his past posts and books. You can also visit Phil on Twitter @ThePhilFactor
Thank you, Phil

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Ode

~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

I was relaxing around the abode when my attention was drawn to the front door. Twiggy was just beginning her famous St. Louis bark, so I knew someone was approaching the house. Grabbing my Ring app, I took a look and was astonished to see what looked like a rhinoceros standing in the driveway.  I made no move to open the door since I wasn’t sure what the rhinoceros was doing there. Just as I was getting ready to phone the police, the doorbell rang. Now you have to understand, the doorbell is just below a sign that says, “Please don’t ring the doorbell.” Twiggy is now apoplectic and is convinced that the aliens have landed and need to be barked to a more rural area like St Louis. Checking the app again, I see the person is dressed like a FedEx delivery employee. I ask what they want through the speaker, and the response is to the effect that the package requires a signature.

I sigh and pick up Twiggy, who now resembles the Tasmanian Devil in Warner Brother cartoons. I open the door and see the package and a clipboard. I quickly sign the clipboard and take the package while there is still some semblance of a shirt on my back. After I shut the door, I ask through the speaker about the rhinoceros, and the delivery person tells me it takes your pet to work day at FedEx. “How cute,” I respond. I put Twiggy on the floor and contemplate the package. Twiggy finally stops barking, and I see that the rhinoceros and the delivery person are gone. I open the package and find a motherload of lifesaver candies and a note. The note reads.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “ode.” Find a one- or two-syllable word that rhymes with “ode,” or use the word “ode.” Have fun!

If you would like to have, fun visit Linda Hill’s blog and find out how easy it is. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2021/08/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-21-2021/

Ode by John W. Howell © 2021

“And now you tell me Billy Joe McAlister’s jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.”

“Okay, what’s up.”

“Nothing.”

“You were singing Ode to Billy Joe.”

“Yeah, I needed you to say that so I could score on the prompt.”

“Billy Joe is the prompt?”

“No, dummkopf. It’s ‘ode.’ We get to use the word or a one or two-syllable word that rhymes.”

“Oh well then. That is easy. One syllable is ‘mowed.'”

“Okay, that’s good. How about ‘owed’?”

“Yeah, that works. Try ‘shload.'”

“‘Shload’? What the heck is ‘shload’?”

It’s a combo of two words. Means a big load.”

“I get the load part. What is the sh…..Okay, I get it.”

“How about two syllables?”

“‘Bifold’?”

“Seems to work. I have one. ‘Ice cold'”

“That’s two words, not two syllables.”

“Well, still seems to be right. Like Ice cold beer.”

“Why do we always get to a pub ending here?”

“That’s where you are wrong.”

“How so.”

“I have a cooler right here.”

“I shoulda knowed.”

“That doesn’t work.”

“For me, it does. Pop one of those. Our job is done here.”

“And the beer flowed.”

“Stop.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 87 Comments
Twiggy and Lucy
“Lucy look at this sun.”
“I know. Just goes to show you.”
“What?”
“What a difference a day makes.”

 

Hey Friday. Come on in. You sure are looking good today. We all could use a couple of days of rest. So here, have a margarita and take a load off.

This week has been a challenge for sure.

COVID cases are causing the cancellation of several events across the country. Garth Brooks and Stevie Nicks canceled five performances where COVID cases were the highest. The Texas governor tested positive but has no symptoms. He is a good example of the benefit of being fully vaccinated. I think there is going to be more news on cancellations. The President announced that Medicare funds to nursing homes that don’t have all providers vaccinated will be affected. Who boy can you imagine the forms that will need to be filled out on this one? The President is also going after those states that forbid local mandates on masking. It looks like the Supreme Court won’t have to worry about a lack of cases this year.

The Taliban took over the capital city of Kabal. Seems like the administration could have done a better job in executing the withdrawal from Afganistan. Funny how both sides of the political aisle blame the other for the mess. Cut the blame game, Mr. President, and get on with protecting our allies and those Americans still caught in-country. What’s done is done.

The CDC surprised us all by recommending a booster shot for those fully vaccinated. It was an original recommendation for those with compromised immune systems and those 65 and over. Now, bam, another mass rush for boosters. I have to wonder if anyone in Washington takes the time to plan anything ahead of the action. I, for one, have no idea of the guidelines for getting a booster. This announcement should have been held after some semblance of the process had been worked out.

The stock market is struggling due to uncertainty about what the Fed will do with its COVID stimulus program. The recovery from the original COVID business impact is again threatened by the Delta variant. Wall Street is afraid the Fed will cut back on the bond-buying stimulus, which is running at $120 Billion a month. Analysts believe the recovery is running into COVID and inflation bumps that were not predicted. Notes from the Fed meeting in July seem to point to a slowdown in bond-buying by the end of the year. I guess we will have to wait and see.

Today’s JohnKu talks about our nerves. I hope you have a great weekend and will try to forget all the bullshit flying around. Certainly, try not to be hit by any.

Nerves by John W. Howell © 2021

There’s the variant,

Prices going through the roof . . .

What will calm our nerves?

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy Look for the Sun

~ John W. Howell ~ 94 Comments

 

“So what do you want to do today, Little one?”

“I’m thinking about a big bunch of sun worship.”

“I don’t know about that. looks like the sun has the day off.”

“That can’t happen. When it is time for a sun bath it should be there.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“I hate to bring this to your attention but the sun doesn’t work for you.”

“Well, maybe if I go to the patio it will follow me.”

“Here we are and no sun. Did you send a memo?”

“No I didn’t send a memo. I just expect it to be here.”

“How long are we going to wait for the sun to show up?”

“It can’t be too long. Look I think there is a spot of light over there.”

“I think you are wishing for a spot of light. I don’t see any anywhere.”

“What the heck is the matter with the sun today? This is real annoying.”

“Are you coming. I’m going to try and find something to chase.”

“I’m going to lay out just as if the sun is here.”

“Well suit yourself. You look kind of funny on that cement slab with no sun.”

“They laughed at Gallio. Look over there a glimmer.”

“It’s a bird, Twiggy. I think you are out of luck today.”

“Darn. I guess I should have done this yesterday.”

“As  recall you did do it yesterday. Just write this one off.”

“A few more minutes and I will.”

“Hold up Lucy. I changed my mind.”

“Not fickle at all I see. What made you change your mind?”

“The day is still beautiful. The flowers still smell as sweet. So I’m going to do a little carpe to my diem.”

“Now you’re talking. You want to help me find something to chase?”

“Start running water buffalo . There’s a puma stalking you.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 325 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

The Sign by John W. Howell © 2021

“Okay, I see them. What is this?”

“You won’t believe it.”

“Try me.”

“It’s a photo of two full moons.”

“I get that.  Why the photo of two full moons.”

“Well, it is actually a photo on one moon but taken at different times.”

“You want me to say they are lovely? Okay, they are lovely.”

“No, that’s not what I want you to say. I want you to look closely at the two moons. I took the photos so you could compare.”

“Very well. One is a little lighter, and I notice it has rotated so that the impressions are in a different place in relation to the axis.”

“Very good. Anything else?”

“Well, there is some kind of hairy thing on the lighter moon.”

“Exactly. What do you think it is?”

“I have no idea. Do you?”

“It’s a signal.”

“A signal? What kind of signal.”

“It says 73 Question mark. Look right here in the manual is the answer.”

“I can’t look over there. What does it say in the manual?”

Okay, I’ll quote. “When the sign 73 question mark is shown, rose leaves are ready to eat.”

“You’re kidding. Rose leaves are ready to eat. That’s great news.”

“I know, right. You want to see for yourself.”

“Put that damn manual away, and let’s get to the roses. But, wait, how far are they?”

“Pretty big treck. Across the wide green space and then over the mulch barrier to the bush.”

“How long will it take?”

“If we start now and go straight through, we can be there by tomorrow night. I would suggest we travel at night, though.”

“How long will that take?”

“It will be two days.”

“Do we have that kind of time, and why by night?”

“Yes, the 73 season is at least two weeks long. We need to travel by night cause that confounded Robin is still patrolling the yard. He sleeps at night.”

“Well, okay then. Let’s wait until nightfall.”

“Since we are green, we don’t have to worry about being spotted in the day.”

“Good point. It is so nice being a caterpillar.”

“Till the pupa stage.”

“Let’s not talk about that now. Let’s revel in the 73 question mark season while we can.”

Top Ten Things to Never Ever Say Out Loud

~ John W. Howell ~ 81 Comments
I’ve Got a Big Mouth Photo http://www.winwes.com

 

Originally posted on August 17th 2015. Still seems to make sense.

***

This list was inspired by hearing many things said in an out-loud voice that would have been better kept to the inside. Hope you like it.

Top Ten Things to Never Ever Say Out Loud

10 Never say out loud, “When is your baby due?” If you do, at best, the person will give you a time of expected delivery but a frown for asking a personal question. At worst, you will be apologetic for making the assumption of motherhood when, in fact, the person has a different condition that the non-recognition of same requires numerous hits about your head and body. (And you thought that umbrella was on account of the rain forecast)

9 Never say out loud, “Do you smell something?” If you do, at best, those around you will wrinkle their nose and assume you are an animal. At worst, big Brutus, who is behind you, will think you are making fun of the fact that he works on an oil rig such a slight will become apparent to you on your way to the ER. (Brutus has some sensitivity about smelling like oil although he has not mastered the art of bathing)

8 Never say out loud, “It’s my turn.” If you do, at best, you will have someone choosing to disagree. At worst, the crowd behind you in line will sense the insecurity of such a statement and push forward in an attempt to eliminate your position in line. (You should not say it even if the clerk asks, “Who’s next?”)

7 Never say out loud, “My, you have a healthy appetite” If you do, at best, you will call attention to the fact that the person ate quite a bit. At worst, you will demonstrate your lack of social grace, and someone might hand you a well-deserved knuckle sandwich. (Which will be 100% fat-free.)

6 Never say out loud, “Is that appropriate wear for a date?” If you do, at best, you might be responsible for the opening salvo of a great teen war. At worst, you might be told that what is worn is nobody’s business and what are you going to do about it? (The next move and ultimate fault for the episode are yours.)

5 Never say out loud, “You out of razors?” If you do, at best, there will be some additional comment about you not liking a particular look. At worst, you will come to understand that razor use is now part of certain banned behaviors of a back to nature group. (That you had no idea existed before now. How do you like my AK47?)

4 Never say out loud, “I hear you’re in Weight Watchers.” If you do, at best, you can expect an unwelcome comment about your weight. At worst, you could be on the receiving end of an invitation to engage in an unnatural act with yourself. (And we are not talking about spanking.)

3 Never say out loud, “Did you have a choice of color?” If you do, at best, the subject of your humor will not laugh with you.  At worst, you might be on the receiving end of some very critical comments about your lavender-colored Ford Focus. (And you know you had a choice.)

2 Never say out loud, “Your children are certainly a handful, aren’t they?” If you do, at best, you will have precipitated a great test of will on the part of the parent. At worst, you will understand what it is like to pick on a baby bear cub. (Running up a tree is probably the best solution.)

1 Never say out loud. “You don’t eat meat. What’s wrong with you?” If you do, at best, those who don’t eat meat will avoid you like the plague. At worst, several Professional Vegan Wrestler Society members will provide a free message, and you will agree there is nothing wrong with people who choose to avoid eating meat. (Admit it you never felt so relaxed. Too bad you can’t feel your feet.)