Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer

 

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The inspiration for this list came from observing everyday life and watching others fall into a dark pit for no other reason than attempting to answer dangerous, politically incorrect, or impossible questions.

Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer

10 If you are asked, “How do I look?” do not answer the question. If you do, at best, you only have a 50% chance of being right which is also a 50% chance of being wrong. At worst, the person who asked the question knows they look awful and now picks a fight with you for misleading them. (Your credibility is now null and void. Good luck with the comforting an old friend excuse.)

9 If you are asked, “Have you been drinking?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your answer will not be credible. At worst, if you do answer yes, you might have some explaining to do, and if you answer no, you better be telling the truth. (So what was it that made you trip over the footstool on your way to bed?)

8 If you are asked, “Where did this new car dent come from?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your “I don’t know” will require the need to relay your exact itinerary for the day. At worst, you will be forced to endure an agonizing lecture on how to park and drive a car to prevent it from being dented. ( Lesson one: Shopping carts are car magnets)

7 If you are asked, “Would you like to donate to an organization,” do not answer. If you do, at best, you will sound mean-spirited if you say no. At worst, those around you will consider your clothes and appearance before deciding you must be the winner of the cold heart person of the year award. (They will talk out loud while they deliberate)

6 If you are asked, “Would you mind watching our dog for a few hours?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your friendship will be made or lost on the answer. At worst, little Fido happens to have a rare spastic colon that, unfortunately for you, just decided to attack the poor thing in your white living room. (Which the owners totally forgot to mention.)

5 If you are asked, “Would you like that order supersized?” do not answer. If you do, at best, you will hate yourself either way. At worst, it will be a week or two before the supersized feeling has worked its way out of your mind and onto your body. (“No” is the hardest word.)

4 If you are asked, “What size do you wear?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your underestimate will be a laughable moment for the store personnel. At worst, the continued suggestion that you try a larger size will indicate how much you have been kidding yourself on the need for reform. (A terrible realization after all.)

3 If you are asked, “Is this seat taken?” do not answer. If you do, at best, a yes answer will eventually be proven wrong, making you a petty unsociable.  At worst, the person will decide to take the seat no matter what you say and will now consider you a nut case if you said yes. (If you said no, you have invited a company who will talk your ear off for the next ten stops.)

2 If you are asked, “Where are you from?” do not answer. If you do, at best, the person asking is from the same place, and you now have a new unwanted BFF. At worst, the new BFF decides to go through the list of possible people each of you knows, and you realize that it might be hours before the list is complete. (And because you answered the question, you are too polite to tell the person to bug off.)

1 If you are asked, “Would you like to go out?” do not answer without thinking. If you do and say yes, at best, you’ll need to follow through no matter how dim the prospect. At worst, you say no, and unbeknownst to you, the person asking is a certified psychopath who decided to stop taking the medication that has helped keep the aggressive tendencies in check. (You now have a spurned, non-medicated psychopath wanting to walk you home. Good luck with that.)

69 comments

  1. Yep, sometimes it’s best to just keep one’s mouth shut.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Or eat something.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I hadn’t thought of thought, A nice eclair would work.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. There you go. Yum.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. When in doubt, zip it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Great advice, Jill. 😁

      Like

  3. I’ve learned a few of those the hard way, including #10 and all its variants (does this __ make me/ my ___ look __). Great list, John.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Dan. I think we have all been on that razor’s edge. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. In these cases, silence is golden!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The sound of silence is the better part of valor.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Weird how I don’t hear #5 any more. People seem to just assume I’d say it if I wanted it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think you’re right. the supersize question is in the past.

      Like

  6. The list is great. Today, you might want to add “Who did you vote for?” and “Have you been vaccinated yet?”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Two good questions, Linda. Thank you. 😁

      Like

  7. I am quite capable of inserting both feet into my mouth by answering questions as well as asking them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too, GP. I have size 12 feet and size 13 mouth. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah-hah – perfect fit!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Plenty of room for both.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    Great list, John. I actually remember this post, probably because the 10 questions took me back to instances where I failed to follow your sage advice. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha. I can’t envision a time when you failed to follow my advice.🙄

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gwen M. Plano · ·

        LOL 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I agree with Joan – silence is golden!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it is, 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Seems like solid advice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gotta remember the source before coming to a conclusion. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  11. #7…ooooohhh, that gets me every time. Just after I’ve paid a big grocery bill, they hit me. Ususally, it’s a young kid at the register. You have to answer. If no one is behind me, it’s easy, but if there is, then I feel the pressure. Sometimes, I succumb, often enough that I don’t have guilt. Excellent post, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always said I gave at the office. No one believed me but it was a way to get out of Dodge. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. By the way, yiu wrote an excellent piece a couple weeks ago about the border fiasco. I stood up and clapped. Couldn’t agree more. Nice work.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, Steve. I appreciate hearing your response. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Good ones, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan.

      Like

  13. Ooh, I’ve been through #8’s interrogation, lol

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Top of the year, dear John! Our silence is the treasure! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it is Dear Maria. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Winner of the cold heart person of the year award… I’m still laughing! “Does this make me look fat?” was always a pitfall question in my family. Thanks for the laughs, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I think you covered most of them. Concerning #7: (And this is true) When I’m asked at the check out line if I’d like to donate to some cause (usually concerning kids), I say in a loud, clear voice, “I don’t like children.” I started doing that because most people feel guilty about not wanting to give money to needy kids. I’d always observed people make some excuse like, “I just gave to that cause last week.” Yeah sure! I love the look on the faces of those behind me … and the poor cashier. I don’t like being guilted into giving or having a middleman handling my charitable largess. For instance: The CEO of the Red Cross. A private jet, $350,000.00 a year, a car, and a year-end bonus. When Katrina hit, they got caught using the donations to upgrade their computer system while people went hungry and thirsty in the Superdome. They finally came through with some bottled water AFTER they got caught.
    Sorry, John. I got carried away … again. (I won’t take offense if you don’t send me the link next week.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Since we were in the middle of Hurricane Harvey I have first experience with the Red Cross. We were without power or water. The local restaurants set up feeding stations and the national guard came in with bottled water, MRE’s and ice. The best the Red Cross could do was offer a cheese sandwich. (Which no self respecting hurricane victim would accept) I was dumfounded by their lack of help.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They didn’t have any money left over after after paying for the private jet. You were lucky to get the damn sandwich.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think you are right.

        Like

    2. P.S. I like your answer.

      Like

  17. What a great list, John, and yes, sometimes mum’s the word!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it is. Thank you, Lauren.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    Good list and definitely beat to keep quiet during those questions 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Walk away would be ideal.

      Like

      1. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

        🙂

        Like

  19. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    Like a fool, I answered #2 the last time I went to jury duty, and some lady talked my ear off for an hour after I told her where.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah that never works out. Good answer to “Where are you from?” is “The womb.” Usually ends the discussion. Thanks, Pete.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh so funny, John, especially the one about Fido.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fido is a funny name too, Robbie. Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  21. You got me with.how do I look? Never ask that since, you’ll get a snarky remark if it’s a woman, and a lie from a man who if you were wearing an inner tube with bows, would say he liked it.

    Have you been drinking? Absolutely. Well, for the first 60 plus years of my life starting at 5 when my grandfather who made wine in the basement, would give me a nip. Toss in that blackberry brandy when you got the curse courtesy of Gramma who knew it would not only knock out those cramps, but you too so she didn’t have to babysit since you were out cold.

    Now I’d say…no, I haven’t been but boy, them were the days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had to laugh at being knocked out cold by the blackberry brandy. I guess grannie wanted to makes sure her TV programs weren’t interrupted. Love that Bob Barker. Thanks for the laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Old World Remedy.

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Silence is golden. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing, Michael.

      Like

  23. I fully agree with you, John! In answering questions always try to have a behaviour like a monk. 😉 Thanks for reminding, and enjoy the upcoming Wednesday! xx Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thnka you , Michael. You as well

      Like

  24. That’s a very good list! Sometimes it’s better to bite your tongue than ask the question.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is better for you. For your tongue not so much.Thanks, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. #3 – If it’s a pretty lady with long flowing blonde hair and a ……. (best not mentioned!), IT IS HER SEAT! (An old man can dream, can he not???) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. Dream away.

      Like

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