Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Taking Family Photos

June 28, 2021July 1, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 97 Comments

Photo of a camera — Unsplash photo by Jeff Cortez

This post was originally run on March 30, 2015. I hope you enjoy it again or if you haven’t seen it, I hope you enjoy it now. Summertime is photo time. Also, I am at Story Empire today talking about writing motivation killers. Please join me if you wish. Here’s the link. Do come back though.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Taking Family Photos

10 If you are taking family photos, do not forget the background. If you do, at best, you might have a stray person in the shot. At worst, you may have the perfect family park photo with a lovely backdrop of the trash receptacle or incontinent dog.

9 If you are taking family photos, do not ignore what each person has in their hand. If you do, at best, you’ll take photos that catch a bunch of red Solos. At worse, you may get a fine shot of everyone with red Solos as well as Uncle Jeff and his smoked turkey leg. (Uncle Jeff looks like he has escaped from a quiet care facility)

8 If you are taking family photos, do not let anyone pose without a shirt. If you do, at best, you have to hope your family is well toned. At worst, you will have photos of family members who resemble a gathering of a Yeti clan or a convention of the Michelin Man actor’s league. (That underarm is a classic.)

7 If you are taking family photos, do not let the camera shake. If you do, at best, your photos will be blurry. At worst, the photos will make your family appear as if they are having severe withdrawal from controlled substances. (The DEA is very interested in these photos)

6 If you are taking family photos, tell a joke and don’t just command everyone to smile. If you do, at best, your family will look artificial in appearance. At worst, you will have captured what will be interpreted by outsiders as living proof zombies exist. (Why didn’t aunt Mary bring her teeth today?)

5 If you are taking family photos, do not take this occasion to introduce some creative photo techniques you have always wanted to try. If you do, at best, your family will not understand what you have done. At worst, you will have created a set of photos that your family will insist be burned in front of them along with the memory stick, which they will destroy in front of you.(You made them look like America’s Most Wanted.)

4 If you are taking family photos, do not try to take photos late into the party. If you do, at best everyone will appear tired in the pictures. At worst, you will find it more difficult to get pictures without tongues sticking out and two fingers behind every head. (Where did that side tongue thingy come from anyway?)

3 If you are taking family photos, do not pose members in an unflattering way. If you do, at best, you might hurt some feelings. At worst, Aunt Malva and Uncle George will seek an injunction to have the photos kept from public view. Especially that one where they are comparing the size of their bellies. ( That photo is one step up from Uncle Joe’s moon.)

2 If you are taking family photos, do not over-serve yourself. If you do, at best you will take some pictures that aren’t useable. At worst, you will capture some subjects in unusual poses which you think are fine, but the subjects want to figure a way to eliminate you for having them in your possession. (That selfie of a close-up of your nose is a classic.)

1 If you are taking family photos, do not keep everyone waiting while setting the camera and the lights and the self-timer. If you do, at best, your photo will show some of the tension. At worst, you‘ll have a photo where it appears someone has just opened a large container of Limburger cheese. (I think their faces are stuck that way.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Search for Color

June 27, 2021June 26, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 103 Comments

Today we are going to go out and search for color. Because of the deer population here in Lakeway, blooms are very near and dear to our hearts. Most do not survive the deer munchies. Finding color then is serious business. Lucky for us, we do have Crape Myrtles, which add substantially to the visual scene.

Today we are being catered by Provision in Austin. Our entertainment has had some trouble getting here so let’s hope for next week.

Brunch menu

Snacks

-Deviled Egg

sandwiches

-Provision Burger

Mains

-18oz Bone-In Rib-Eye

The first stop is a profusion of purple crepe myrtles. These are just getting started.

Red crepe myrtles.

More purple crepe myrtles.

Another red crepe myrtle.

A beautiful display of vincas. The owner told me these were grown from seed. The deer don’t like vincas.

A shot of red and pink crepe myrtles

Now for the quiz. (The answer will be given next week)

The most prolific flowering tree in Lakeway is:

A. The plum

B. The oak

C. The crepe myrtle

D. None of the above

I hope you all have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Up/Down

June 26, 2021June 25, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

I just got up and went to the window to see what all the chirping was about. I looked out on the back lawn, and there was a box sitting in the middle of the yard. There must have been a hundred birds all jumping up and down and all around the box. I quickly went outside to see what was causing all the commotion. The birds parted, and I see that the box is from the ACME seed company. That certainly explains the excitement. What is not explained is how the box got there in the first place. Deciding to ignore the mystery, I opened the box and found a note from Linda Hill with the following message:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “up/down.” Use one, use them both, but try to put one in your first sentence. Bonus points if you use the other in your last sentence. Have fun!

I let the birds have the seed and thought I heard a “beep, beep” as I walked back into the house.

I had to check back to my first sentence and was pleased to see I had used “up.” So I’m on the road to bonus points and one step closer to the Turbo Bentley Convertable.

“What are all these birds doing around your house?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Involves the prompt for today, I’ll bet.”

“Yeah, it does but only in a transcendental way.”

“Okay I’ll take you word for that. What’s the prompt?”

“Up/Down. Bonus points for using one in the first sentence and the other in the last sentence.”

“Oh, too bad. You missed the first sentence opportunity.”

“Au contraire mon frère. I nailed it. It was before you arrived.”

“I’ll take your word. So what else is up?”

“Oh please, that is as trite as all get out.”

“Just trying to help.”

“Next you are going to say you are down with something like beer drinking.”

“Had crossed my mind.”

“We need to think of some way to use up/down in an original way.”

“How about up/down exercise.”

“Common.”

“Uptown/downtown.”

“Not really the pure form of up/down.”

“Okay, I give up.”

“That’s a start.”

“No I mean I quit. Give up. Surrender.”

“Yeah, I get it. You’ve had it up to there.”

“Now you are doing dumb. What do you say about packing up.”

“I like it. Where should we go?”

“Down to the pub.”

“Now I can say anything since that could have been the last sentence.”

“You could say you were down with going to the pub.”

“And lay down all my principles?”

“It’s only down the street.”

“I’m down with it.”

“You are a good man.”

“Don’t say any more. I need to end this with down in the last sentence.”

“Okay then.”

“Grrr, I may have to come down hard on you.”

“Not saying a word.”

“I’m down with that too.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

June 25, 2021June 24, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 93 Comments

Photo of Lucy and Twiggy — “I can’t hear you Little One. You are too far away.”
“It’s okay Lucy. I was just saying what a lovely Friday this is. Plenty of shade with a little dappled sun. So peaceful.”
“What?”

Another Friday is upon us, and it does seem like the week passed quickly. Well, I hope that is a good thing for you. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it is nice to get to the weekend. But, on the other hand, at my age, to feel the weeks fly can be disconcerting. Such a condition can be compared to riding in a driverless car’s back seat, watching the speedometer climb past the speed limit. Who do you call?

As we ease COVID restrictions here in the US, some sobering numbers are being registered in the rest of the world. The WHO reported the official worldwide death tool in 2020 of 1,813,188. So far this year, more than 2,000,000 people worldwide have died. These statistics point out a disparity in the ability of vaccines in the poorer countries. In the US, 53% of the population is fully vaccinated. A bit short of the herd immunity goal of 70% but enough to drastically cut the number of cases reported. Also, the number of deaths has declined significantly. Let’s hope the rest of the world can get the vaccines before another outbreak causes more hardship.

Still plugging along on my WIP. My characters just finished a scene with Lucifer (No, he hasn’t changed. Still evil.)and are now in California in 1849 to see what the Gold Rush was all about. I wish them well there since the place is loaded with ruffians. Certainly not like today.

Today’s John Ku talks about the pandemic. I hope you all have a super weekend.

It seems to be over,

For the richest of countries . . .

What about the poor ones?

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Lucy Fight the Heat

June 24, 2021June 23, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 154 Comments

“I don’t know, Twiggy. Looks pretty hot.”

“Hey, Dad. What’s the temperature.”

“Um, let’s see. Right now, it is 95 degrees Fahrenheit which is 35 degrees Celcius. You want a feels like temperature on that?”

“Thanks, Dad. I think 95 feels hot enough.”

“Tell you what, Little one. I’m not going to making any sudden moves.”

“What does he mean when he says “feels like?”

“That is a relative temperature taking into account wind and humidity.”

“So what is the feels like temperature right now?”

“Well, the phone says it feels like 106 degrees Fahrenheit, which is 41.1 degrees Celcius.”

“Before I ask where you got a phone, I need to rest.”

“I happen to look at the boss’s phone for the weather.”

“Oh well, that explains it. Why are you laying in the sun?”

“It feels good on my bones.”

“But aren’t you burning up?”

“No. I’m not moving, so it is like being in a dry sauna.”

“I see. Wait. What is a sauna?”

“A place that has hot rocks, and you sit in there and sweat.”

“Sounds like something crazy humans would do. Resting is better.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

June 23, 2021June 22, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Photo of Lucy and Twiggy on the floor — “Still Wednesday, Lucy?”
“Sure is Little one.”
“Any way to hurry Friday?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Drat.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we all showed up at the house where we think the Cortez crowd and the hostages are holed up. As Mike was trying to get a megaphone from his car trunk, he was shot. Good thing Andrew is a doctor. Larry picked up the megaphone and announced to the house to the effect that they should give themselves up. I think we better get over there, so we don’t miss anything.

“I don’t see or hear anything, Mike.”

“Give them the announcement again.”

“Okay. ATTENTION YOU IN THE HOUSE. WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED. THIS IS THE FBI. THE AGENT YOU SHOT IS OKAY. SURRENDER NOW, AND NO ONE GET’S HURT.”

“Who’s phone is ringing?”

“It’s yours, Larry.”

“So it is, Andrew. This is one hell of a time for a robocall. Hello, this is Larry. Cortez? How did you get my number? Oh yeah. I remember now. I gave you my card in your office. What can I do for you? Uh-huh. Sure. I get it. Maybe we can work something out. No, I don’t think that’s going to work. I know there are a lot of innocent lives at stake. You need to put down your weapons and come out. Look, you are only facing a harboring kidnapper charge. We could probably mark that down to criminal mischief. You have nothing to gain by making this more than it is. There is a whole SWAT team out here dying to try out their new automatic weapons. Come on. Think it over. Sure, I’ll be here. No, we won’t rush the house for sure. Nice talk.”

“What the hell was all that about?”

“It was Cortez. He wants a safe passage to the airport. I told him that is not going to happen.”

“What was that markdown bit?”

“I just want him to think there are alternatives. How you feeling?”

“Like I got hit with a bolder.”

“How’s he doing, Andrew?”

“Lost a little blood, but he’ll be okay.”

“Good.”

“I don’t think the ADA is going to be interested in reducing the kidnap charge. The way it looks, he is not an accessory but a kidnapper.”

“I know, Mike. I just wanted to give him something to think about.”

“I had to laugh at you bellowing on that bull horn, and he calmly calls your cell phone.”

“When this is over, we will have a ton of laughs over a beer, but right now, I’m worried about those hostages. Oops, there goes my phone. Yeah, Larry here. Oh, hi Joachim. I’m listening. Um…Uh Huh. I really would advise against that, Joachim. You are escalating this matter for no reason. Hello. Hello Joachim. Shit.”

“What happened?”

“He says he’s going to toss a body out every hour until we guarantee safe passage to the airport. Then, he says he’s going to start with ADA Thomas.”

“We better move on the house.”

“Hold on, we have an hour to figure something out.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 317 by Keith Channing

June 22, 2021June 21, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Yeah, I get the whiff of colliander, but I think it is more like wintergreen.”

“You have got to be kidding. I don’t get wintergreen at all. Maybe parsley but certainly not wintergreen.”

“I think you may be right. I must have been having an olfactory hallucination.”

“You have to keep your head in the game Trevor. This is important.”

“See, that’s just the point. Why is sniffing a bunch of flora so damned important?”

“Okay, let me review the situation for you. We are dogs. Got it?”

“Yes, so far.”

“We have great senses of smell, right?”

“Right.”

“Our boss told us to go out and track the flora, yes?”

“Yes, that’s correct. But —”

“So that’s what we are doing. Tracking the flora. What’s the ‘but.'”

“I think the boss was talking about tracking a person.”

“A person. What do you mean?”

“I heard him say, ‘Go track Floria.'”

“Floria? Who’s Floria?”

“He’s the guy who delivered the overripe peaches.”

“So what are we supposed to do when we catch him.”

“Have you just had a brain fart? You were there. He said to track Floria, corner him and start baring like a beagle.”

“I thought the boss was kidding.”

“He never kids about overripe peaches.”

“We better get going then.”

“I think I can detect the subtle essence of peach juice on the trail.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious. Floria is as good as captured right now. I can’t wait to bay like a hound of Baskerville.”

“Where do you get this stuff anyway?”

“I read books.”

“Maybe you out to watch a little more TV.”

“Tally-ho the peach.”

“Hopeless.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Get a Honey-Do List

June 21, 2021June 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 88 Comments

This post originally ran on June 22, 2016. honey-do lists never go out of style.

The inspiration for this list has been several years of being the recipient of lists of things that needed fixing. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Get a Honey Do List

10 If you receive a honey do list, do not laugh at the items. If you do, at best, you’ll get one of those looks that turn brave thoughts to flee instincts. At worst, you’ll have to try to defend the undefendable fact that you haven’t kept up with normal maintenance. (The couch is pretty lumpy, wouldn’t you say?)

9 If you receive a honey do list, do not take shortcuts to complete the list. If you do, At best, the inspection will produce some embarrassing deficiencies. At worst, you find yourself in the do-over mode, and it will take longer than the original model would have taken. (Was that game you rushed to see worth it, Buster?)

8 If you receive a honey do list, do not try to substitute available materials for those that require a store trip. If you do, at best, the fix will last a month or two. At worst, you’ll find after the job definite evidence that you blew it. (How do you feel about a bedroom full of water? Bunky)

7 If you receive a honey do list, do not try to do it if you don’t know how. If you do, at best, you will need to call a pro to complete the work. At worst, you will need to call a pro to fix what you messed up and then finish the work. (Feel good about paying twice what the project would have cost in the first place?)

6 If you receive a honey do list, do not call your friends to help. If you do, at best, they will all but prevent the job from being completed. At worst, none of them will have the skills needed but will attempt to help with questionable results. (You did incur beer and food costs in addition to the repair of the repair costs, huh, Bud?)

5 If you receive a honey do list, do not ignore the instructions as to the desired outcome. If you do, at best, the job will never be satisfactory. At worst, your usual roundabout way of doing things will add time and cost to the project. (Maybe it wasn’t necessary to dig that hole and build a foundation for the flower box after all, right?)

4 If you receive a honey do list, do not fail to finish each item. If you do, at best, you will appear to be someone who needs planning help. At worst, you will be faced with someone who has been hired to complete what you start. (Man, those labor costs are killers, aren’t they?)

3 If you receive a honey do list, do not make excuses for not doing the items. If you do, at best, your excuses will fall on deaf ears. At worse, the excuses will be used as justification for engaging Expensive & How contracting. (What’s in a name? Whoa!)

2 If you receive a honey do list, do not put off getting to work on it immediately. If you do, at best, the list will only get longer. At worst, there will be a growing feeling that you will never get the list done, culminating in an introduction to Beaucoup Bucks & Sons. (Man, those sons sure have dirty shoes, don’t they?)

1 If you receive a honey do list, do not fail to report the results of projects completed. If you do, at best, there will be no record of accomplishment. At worst, you will not have confirmation that the job is complete, and it may just show up again. (You have to demonstrate you can get things done, Buford.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Rhythm and Reels

June 20, 2021June 19, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 86 Comments

The Lakeway Parks and Recreation people have set up a great summer program called Rhythm and Reels. For the next three Fridays, starting at 7 PM, there will be food, treats, and games for the community’s enjoyment. Corn Hole, Giant Jenga, Spike Ball, Can Jam, Ladder Ball, and much more. Residents are encouraged to bring lawn chairs and picnic blankets and pick a spot to lounge. Then enjoy the games. There will be burgers, fries, and ice cream too. In addition, a full feature film will be shown starting at 8:30. What is nice we are all invited too. Even though the event was held on Friday, the staff agreed it would be okay for all of us to visit using the time warp feature of the bus.

The event features food from P. Terry’s of Austin. We have burgers and fries on the menu.

Dessert from IceCream2U

Our entertainment will be The Lost Pines. Austin’s premier bluegrass and classic country band who joins us as a trio.

The movie is The Sandlot. In the summer of 1962, a new kid in town is taken under the wing of a young baseball prodigy and his rowdy team.

So let’s get on the bus and take a time warp back to last Friday.

The event announced downtown Lakeway.

There’s the food truck. Place your order

The bandstand and screen for the movie.

My kind of pop-up Persian rugs and all.

Safe lawn darts.

A field of corn hole games.

Kan Jam disk for a Kan Jam game.

Giant Jenga for the steady hands.

Spoon and egg game.

Ice cream would go well with the 92-degree heat.

A big ole bounce house and the drink station.

It looks like the trio is tuning up to play, so we better grab our lawn chairs and settle back for a night of entertainment. Enjoy the food, music, and movie. I hope you all have a terrific week.

A video of the full band playing their original Maybalee.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Hat/Het/Hit/Hot/Hut.

June 19, 2021June 18, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

Celebrate freedom. Happy Juneteenth.

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and I was laying outback on the chaise lounge thinking of what kind of pasta to make for dinner. When the idea of an amatriciana sauce popped into my head, I was also hit in the same spot with a falling box. I had no idea where the box came from, but I suspect it was heaved over the back fence by a neighbor who received it by mistake. It only took a minute for the stars to clear and the sender’s name to become legable. None other than Linda Hill was the name in the left corner of the label. I ripped open the box with the help of my newly cleaned and polished teeth. Sure enough, the prompt was the only item in the box.

The prompt. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “hat/het/hit/hot/hut.” Choose one, choose ’em all, put ’em in your post. Enjoy!”

If you would like to enjoy this prompt, visit Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/06/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-19-2021/

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out the prompt today.”

“Oh yes, Saturday Hill time. What’s to figure out?”

“Het.”

“Het?”

“Het. What does it mean?”

“Look it up.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Against the rules.”

“Cheat.”