Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Welcome to the WATCH “RWISA” WRITE Showcase Tour! #RRBC #RWISA – A. M. Manay – @ammanay

July 3, 2019July 2, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

As a member of Rave Reviews Book Club, I am proud to showcase several exceptional writers. All are members of the literary section of the club titled Rave Writers – International Society of Authors. RWISA.

Today I am pleased to welcome A.M. Manay with her story Mirror, Mirror.

“Mirror, Mirror” by A.M. Manay

Set in the world of The Hexborn Chronicles

Shiloh stood in her teacher’s doorway, pulling anxiously on the end of a pink braid that had snuck out of her hood. Brother Edmun was in high dudgeon, ranting about insults and ingrates. A wooden crate sat upon the table, straw peeking through the slats. She could feel magic pouring out of it like waves of heat; it wasn’t dark magic, but it didn’t feel like good magic, either.

“Master?” she ventured. “Would you like me to make your breakfast?” She didn’t bother to ask about the box. He’d tell her if he wanted her to know – and, in his own good time, not before.

Edmun looked at her as though she’d appeared out of thin air. He waved her off. “Don’t bother, poppet. I couldn’t eat.”

Shiloh’s eyes strayed to the crate, but she said nothing.

“Go finish your essay from yesterday,” Edmun barked.

Taking her seat at her little desk with her back to the table, Shiloh could hear Brother Edmun unpacking the mysterious arrival. It was all she could do to resist the urge to peek when she heard the sound of a hammer. Under his breath, Edmun muttered a constant patter of unintelligible complaints. At last, she heard him pull out a chair and collapse into it. Carefully scanning the page once more for any mistakes, she stood to present her work to her master.

He looked down at the offering in her little hand, her words marching neatly across the page. Pen in one hand and her paper in the other, the glower slowly disappeared from his face as he read, leaving behind a hint of satisfaction. At last, he nodded, resting his unused pen. Shiloh exhaled in relief.

“Well done. A princess at the Academy could not have done better at twice your age.”

“Thank you, master!” Her smile lit up her eyes, which then strayed over Edmun’s shoulder to a mirror with gilded leaves and lacquered flowers hanging on the wall. The ornate frame looked out of place in the rustic mountain cabin.

“Don’t look in it more than you can help it,” Edmun ordered, calling attention back to her teacher’s face.

“Yes, master,” she replied. “May I know why not?”

Edmun hesitated.

“I can feel that it’s magic, master,” Shiloh continued.

He snorted. “I’m sure you can.” She waited for more, but knowing well enough not to press him.

Edmun heaved a sigh. “A man can give you a gift out of love, to please you. Or, he can send it as an insult, to remind you of errors and to caution you against repeating them. This mirror is the latter.”

“What does it do?” she asked.

“That is none of your concern,” he replied. “And that is all I will tell you. Go get a wand from the cabinet.”

Excitement sheathed Shiloh’s face. “We’re using wands today?”

Edmun glanced down at her from beneath his eyebrows. “Is there another reason I’d ask you to get one? Now, do it quickly, before I think better of it.”

***

The following evening, Shiloh picked up a clean rag and set about the dusting. Edmun was busy in the temple, preparing for the upcoming Feast of the Father. As soon as she was done in the house, she was to join him there. As usual, the red cabinet took most of her attention. The many books, wands, and magical curiosities inside had to be carefully wiped and returned to their accustomed positions. It was tedious work, but she was pleased that Edmun trusted her with the task.

Her work on the cabinet finally completed, she turned to dust the mirror and gasped. The silver surface had turned to black. A face appeared, and not her own. Shiloh took a step backward.

A man cocked his head to the side, a slow smile spreading across his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but Shiloh did not wait to hear the words. She ran, her head scarf flying behind her all the way to the temple doors. She threw them open.

“What?” Edmun demanded, looking up from the altar.

“The mirror,” she panted. “It turned black, and then there was a man…”

Edmun crossed the floor and took her by the shoulders. “What did he see? What did you say?”

“Nothing! I ran as soon as I saw him. I was only finishing up the dusting. Who was he?”

Edmun ran a hand over his mouth and chin and took a deep breath. “The most dangerous man in the kingdom. Silas Hatch.”

“The Hatchet?” Shiloh shivered. “The king’s spymaster? Why would he appear in your mirror?”

“Who do you think sent it? Hatch likely meant to speak with me, to threaten me. The king hates and fears me for reasons you well know.” His brows drew inward. “He gave you a right scare, didn’t he, poppet?”

Shiloh nodded. Edmun knelt to look her in the eye. “Now, if I were a kind man, I’d tell you that you need not fear him. But I’m not, so I’ll tell you the truth. You should be terrified of him. If you ever give him reason to believe you are disloyal to the crown, he will slit your throat with his own hands.”

“Why would I ever be disloyal to the crown?”

Edmun placed a hand on her head. “Good girl. Now, put that man out of your mind and help me ready the temple for tomorrow.”

Shiloh nodded, yet the ice of fear in her stomach remained; as did the look of worry on her beloved teacher’s face.

***

Shiloh sat on her bed in the loft above her father’s smithy. Upon her blanket lay an array of charms she’d just made for protection against all manner of hexes or ill-wishing.

The look upon the mirror man’s face had chilled her to the bone—something about the smile. It had been predatory. Proprietary. Wary. It had given her the distinct impression that the man’s interest lay not only in her master but in herself, as well. I will not leave my teacher unprotected.

She pinned one charm on the linen beneath her tunic. The others she gathered into an old handkerchief. She tied it tight and placed the bundle in her pocket along with a jar of paste.

She knew Edmun would already be in the temple performing his ablutions for the feast day. She let herself into his house and crossed warily to the mirror. She exhaled with relief to find it clad in its ordinary silver.

Carefully, she lifted the mirror off its nail and turned it face down upon the table. She held the pot of glue in the crook of her elbow and pried it open, then affixed seven charms to the back of the Hatchet’s “gift” to her master, one for each of the Lords of Heaven. She returned the mirror to its proper place and hurried to the temple before Edmun could scold her for tardiness.

***

At dusk, Edmun sat his tired bones into his favorite chair and looked balefully at the mirror. Given the visitation to Shiloh the night before, Edmun expected to see Silas Hatch’s face, yet as the pink light of sunset faded, the man did not appear.

“Perhaps tomorrow,” Edmun murmured. “I had hoped to get it over with.” He looked up at the mirror and realized that it was just slightly askew. Standing, he removed it from the wall. Turning it over, he found Shiloh’s handiwork.

Edmun smiled and shook his head. “My sweet, clever poppet. Too clever by half.” Sighing, he plucked the charms from the backing and set the mirror on the table, leaning against a water pitcher. Silas appeared in moments.

“Master Edmun, I feared you had forgotten the terms of our arrangement. There was to be no meddling with the mirror.”

Edmun swallowed heavily. “It was a momentary lapse,” he lied. “I thought better of it.”

Silas grinned. “You don’t have lapses. It was the girl, wasn’t it?”

Edmun said nothing.

Silas laughed. “It was. Ha! And what is she, only eight years old?”

Still, Edmun said nothing.

“She must love you as much as I did,” Hatch mused.

“What do you want?”

“Are you really teaching her mirror magic this young?” Hatch asked, brow raised.

Edmun closed his eyes and sighed. “Of course not. Evidently, I didn’t teach you your own well enough, as she defeated you with a handful of charms and some paste.”

The young man’s ears flushed. “Well, then,” he managed, “I shall have to redouble my efforts.”

“You do that. And Silas?”

“Yes?”

Edmun leaned in. “The next time you frighten that girl, it had best be after I’m cold in the ground.”

∼∼∼

Thank you for supporting this member along the WATCH “RWISA” WRITE Showcase Tour today! We ask that if you have enjoyed this member’s writing, please visit their Author Page on the RWISA site, where you can find more of their writing, along with their contact and social media links, if they’ve turned you into a fan.

We ask that you also check out their books in the RWISA or RRBC catalogs. Thanks, again for your support and we hope that you will follow each member along this amazing tour of talent! Don’t forget to click the link below to learn more about this author:

A.M. Manay RWISA Author Page

Tuesday Anything Possible – Welcome to the WATCH “RWISA” WRITE Showcase Tour! D.L. Finn @dlfinnauthor #RRBC #RWISA

July 2, 2019July 2, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Today I want to Welcome D. L Finn, who has four beautiful poems to share with you.

POETRY by D. L. Finn

ICICLES

The icicles dangle downward

Reaching for the substantial snow

Each drop bringing them closer

As the landscape merges into itself

It is silent in its existence

Until a raven reveals itself

Wondering what’s in the trash

Yet, the moment remains peaceful

Sitting and surveying in the chill

An instant promising potential

When there is no celerity

When crackling fires call

When surroundings are concealed

Soon, the renewal will be revealed

But now it’s the stage of contemplation.

For sustenance

For solace

For soul

To live on our abundance of the past

This is the gift of the snow

When we can replenish our hearts

In the silence of the icicles.

FREEDOM (Musings from the back of a Harley)

The freedom of the blue skies

Welcome us warmly back

Our path is asphalt

Our vehicle a mechanical horse

Our guide is the wind

Lush green walls soar

The sun illuminates the way

Oaks are waking up after a long nap

And I…

I fill my soul

With nature’s flowering renewal

Bursting with beauty and abundance

In the freedom of spring.

WHERE THE RIVERS MEET
Roaring white, pounding the granite

Swirling, swelling, splendor

The air is heavy with anticipation

It blows over me like a lover’s touch

Filling my heart with sweet floral ecstasy

I relax into the experience

Each breath carries away my worries

My eyes fill with abandonment

As the rushing liquid serenades me

Singing the praise of this paradise

Until the different directions converge

After a brief resounding rumble

They combine and continue on their way

Leaving the moment where the rivers meet

OCEAN

As I sit perched up high on our lanai

Comfortable on my recliner in the shade

The ocean draws my gaze

Its sapphire and emerald water calls me

While the blue pool floats in its space—uninviting

I hear the sea’s song as it smashes onto the shore

The surfers ride its motion

The snorkelers gaze into its depth

And the swimmers float on its perception

Our attraction is undeniable

Opposites: one of air, one of water

It beckons, and I must respond

Offering myself up to the hidden world

Under the cerulean summon

I answer, embracing the ocean completely.

D.L. Finn RWISA Author Page

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the signing of the Declaration of Independence by John Hancock in 1776

July 1, 2019July 7, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 34 Comments

This week marks the 243rd anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776 by John Hancock. It would be fun to be there but of course, there are things we should not do if we go. Take this list with you as it may save you trouble in the long run.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776.

10 If you are at the signing, do not place that tankard of ale anywhere near the document. If you do, at best you might leave a ring on it. At worse, a careless spill could mean doing the whole thing over. (All those signatures not to mention the handwritten document is now soaked, Hosa. Quit trying to clean up the mess with that lace tablecloth. You are only making it worse. It will take days to redo and now July 4th will be on July 10th.)

9 If you are at the signing, do not go near the document as long as Tiny the WWF champ has been assigned the duty to protect it. If you do, at best Tiny will issue a warning. At worse, Tiny, who just left being scolded by John Hancock for being too soft, will demonstrate his toughness for all to see. ( Trust me you can survive the step over toe hold with a helicopter body slam finish, Houghton. You just have to relax more.)

8 If you are at the signing, do not volunteer to stand in for New York and sign on their behalf. If you do, at best you’ll be told to sit down. At worst, you will sign and cause a riff between the Continental Congress and New York. ( You see, Houston, New York made a conscious decision not to sign on July 4th because as delegates they weren’t given the go-ahead by New York leadership. They did sign on July 9th after erasing your name.)

7 If you are at the signing, do not think everyone will be signing on July 4th. If you do, at best you will be disappointed. At worst, the delegation will have you tossed into the street. (Most of the signatures were not collected until copies of the declaration were circulated to the colonies, Hovhaness. The final official document was not fully signed until August 2nd. July 4th is the date that the Declaration was ratified. John Hancock signed as leader of the Continental Congress.)

6 If you are at the signing, do not begin singing, “God Save the King.” If you do, at best you be singing alone. At worst, the delegates will take you for a crown sympathizer and ride you out of town. ( I know that rail is uncomfortable, Howahkan. Maybe next time you could pick a better song.)

5 If you are at the signing, do not give the author, Thomas Jefferson some notes on how you think the Declaration could be improved. If you do, at best like most authors he will have a thick skin. At worst, since he has gone without sleep in order to finish the document, Jefferson may challenge you to a duel. ( I think maybe you should walk a mile in Thom’s shoes before leaving a review, Hrolleif. Besides what do you know about writing a Declaration?)

4 If you are at the signing, although tempting do not suggest changing the word “men” to “humans.” If you do, at best your political correctness will involk a laugh. At worst, the authors had intended human beings to be covered by the Declaration and now a whole new debate has ensued. (Might have been better just to say nothing, Hu. It seems the Declaration has been tabled and the delegates have dispersed. So much for not creating a time continuum event,)

3 If you are at the signing, do not offer to hold the quill pens. If you do, at best you’ll mess up a couple of the nubs. At worst, when it comes time for John Hancock to sign there won’t be a fine point available. (So it was you who caused John to sign in that huge manner, Hueil? All along the story was he wanted King George to be able to see his signature without wearing spectacles.)

2 If you are at the signing, do not suggest adding pizza to the preamble which reads, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (You have to wonder about the looks you got at the suggestion, Hugi. You should be glad nobody asked you to explain pizza.)

1 If you are at the signing, do not ask Samual Adams what his seasonal beer flavor will be this year. If you do, at best he’ll think you are joking. At worst, he will assume you are buying the drinks and invite all the delegates to your party. ( I wonder how you are going to cover the bar bill, Hui. I’m almost positive the inn won’t take that American Express card. Might be time to hit the escape button rather than face the theft charges.)

Views of the Neighborhood – A Visit to The Natural Gardener

June 30, 2019July 13, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

This past week the producer and I visited The Natural Gardener, which is a retail nursery featuring organic plants and shrubs. We were surprised at the size of the grounds and the number of species offered. There was so much to take in, I’m going to use two posts to cover it all. This week is the first, and since next week is the Fourth of July parade, the final will be in two weeks.

Here is a map of the grounds. There is so much to see. Over forty areas of interest.

You know you are in a retail place when you see a big selection of pots

There is a revival tent which Teagan Geneviene would like.

Of course, this tent is for learning to save plants, not souls.

Next is the butterfly garden

With guess what? A butterfly.

And another.

Beautiful flowers to attract butterflies.

More.

A little spot to sit with a butterfly theme.

Another view of the garden.

Sunflowers that reach the sky.

Purple coneflowers.

Lovely assortment. Brazilian Rockrose on the left.

Leaving the Butterfly garden on the left. A delightful path to follow.

A funky shed with a painted scene leads us into other areas. We’ll be back.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “For/Fore/Four”

June 29, 2019June 28, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 49 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “four/fore/four.” Linda Hill advises using one or all three. In her usual way, she also advises to “have fun.” If you would like to join in visit Linda’s blog to read all about how easy it is. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 29/19

“Ah, what a gorgeous day.”

“It is a perfect day for being outside.”

“Look at that sky. I’ve never seen a blue like that.”

“I know, right? How about the green of the grass. Just inhale the smells of a beautiful morning.”

“How about it? You want to play today?”

“Well, we are here. Half the battle is showing up. Why not?”

“I have to warn you, I may be only good for four holes.”

“Oh please. You say that every time we come out, and you end up finishing nine.”

“I do look forward to the time when I could do eighteen.”

“Well, at your age, that might be a stretch. I think just taking one hole at a time is the way to go today.”

“Do they still yell “fore” if a ball might come close to you?”

“That is part of the rules, so yes.”

“I sure wouldn’t want to get hit. You know how some of those players are. Bearly give you a chance to start on a hole before firing a ball in your direction.”

“I guess they don’t know how to savor the moment. You ready to get started?”

“I sure am. I feel like a million bucks. Where should we go?”

“I was thinking of a nice sized hole on the first fairway.”

“With a big mound that drives the groundskeeper crazy.”

“That’s right. That guy is a little nuts anyway.”

“Should we burrow there or go overland?”

“Let’s save our strength and hoof it. Best way to make nine holes.”

“Did we mention what a beautiful day it is today?”

“We did.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

June 28, 2019June 27, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “Hey, Lucy. Wake up. It’s Friday. Time to play.”
“You have that pizza toy, don’t you.”
“How’d you know?”
“It crunches. Drives me nuts.”

Friday again for all you full-time workers. For us, slackers, it is another day. Just kidding. I always love to see Friday come along. It is especially lovely when I have spent a good week writing. I gave you a sneak peek at the new WIP last week. I’m delighted that the story is going well and I managed 7444 words for the week. Doesn’t sound like much, but as a reminder, I only do 1000 words a day on my current WIP. This one takes a lot of research time as well, so my 1000 words are taking more time than usual. Couple that with having to go to several medically related appointments I’m pleased to hit the goal.

This week also saw ( as some of you might know from yesterday’s post) the arrival of the sprinkler system installers. I also got word the gutter guys will be here on Wednesday, July 3rd. So, call me stupid, but things seem to be moving forward.

Today’s JohnKu reminds us to keep the faith. Have a great weekend.

If the clouds turn dark,

And you cannot see the light . . .

Remember the match.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Backyard Invasion

June 27, 2019June 26, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 73 Comments

“Hey, Lucy. Get up. There’s a noise in the yard.”

“Probably that squirrel again.”

“No, I’m serious. Get up.”

“Oh, my goodness. This better be good.”

“What’s up, Ladies?”

“Twiggy thinks she hears something.”

“That’s good cause the sprinkler guys are here.”

“Hey, Boss. I’m down here and don’t see a thing.”

“Look harder. Here comes one now.”

“Look at that. He’s digging in our yard.”

“Lucy is he allowed to do that?”

“If not Little One, he sure is making a mess.”

“Yeah, look at all those flags.”

“Should we do anything, Lucy?”

“I think the boss is cool so we should be as well.”

“Okay. Let’s play with popcorn.”

“That could be fun.”

“Wait, what’s that noise?”

“Sounds like more digging. I would love to get my paws in that mud.”

“There are ditches everywhere.”

“Well I don’t know about you, but all this excitement makes a nap very necessary.”

“I think you’re right. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute.”

“You do that.”

“Mmm, Maybe more than a minute.”

“Now you are talking, Little One. By the way. Quit talking.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

June 26, 2019June 25, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

Twiggy — “I just can’t get up.”
“It’s okay. Friday will be here shortly.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week Larry gave his boss a call to let him know they are in some trouble. Although the boss was angry, he gave Larry assurances that the department lawyer would be helping him. Larry was warned to lay low, and as we all can imagine, the warning fell on deaf ears. Let’s get back to Larry and Andrew who while we were away had actually gone to the police station in South Lake Tahoe. Larry and Andrew approach a desk where a young officer is working on a computer.

“Excuse me, Officer. My name is Larry Dunfee of the Boston Police Department, and I wonder if Captain Swartz is in? Here’s my card.”

“Wow. Boston Police and a detective. This is a nice card. Our cards are embarrassing.”

“Uh, Captain Swartz?”

“Oh yeah. Excuse me. Let me call him and see if he can see you know. Can I offer you, gentlemen, a cup of coffee?”

“Thank you, but we have had ours.”

“Hold on. Yes, Marsha could you check with the chief to see if he can see a detective Dunfee from Boston.”

“And Andrew Cummings.”

“Hold on, Marsha. Sorry I didn’t understand you.”

“I was just letting you know Andrew Cummings is with me.”

“Oh, yes, sir. Hey Marsha, I’m back. There is a Mr. Cummings as well. Okay, that would be great. Bye. Marsha is going to ask the chief if he has the time.”

“Okay. When will she know?”

“She’ll call right back. You sure you don’t want some coffee?”

“I’m sure.”

“you know boss, I could use a cup.”

“Okay, Officer uh.”

“Phillis sir. Officer Phillips.”

Okay, Officer Phillips. We’ll take you up on that coffee.”

“Yes, sir. Just go through those doors on the right, and the break room is to the left. I’ll come to get you as soon as Marsha calls.”

“Thank you. Come on, Andrew.”

“Right behind you, Larry.”

“Now that we are out of earshot of Phillips, do you mind telling me about your sudden coffee craving.”

“I wanted to get you alone. I get the creepy feeling that this Captain Swartz has been expecting us.”

“How’s that?”

“Just the way that Officer Phillips dialed the phone without even consulting the office calendar. You know everyone in a police station is listed on an in or out calendar. I would think he would look to see if the chief was in.”

“Maybe he already knew if he was in or out.”

“Just gave me a funny feeling like he had instructions to call whoever Marsha is if and when we showed up.”

“Okay, Andrew. I will note your concern. I don’t share it, but okay.”

“Here we are in the coffee room, and I’m surprised.”

“By what?”

“They have a Keurig. Means the coffee hasn’t been sitting here for five hours. I think I will have a cup.”

“Gentlemen. Let me introduce myself. I’m Captain Swartz. Call me, Dan.”

“Nice meeting you, Dan. I’m Larry, and this is Andrew.”

“Grab a cup, and we can go back to my office.”

“Thank you. Been here in South Tahoe long?”

“I ‘ve lived here for about four years now. I moved from LA.”

“You on the force there?”

“Yeah. Gave it 30 years.”

“This must be a lot different.”

“You can say that again. I see you have your coffee. Just follow me.”

“Psst, Larry.”

“What, Andrew?”

“Be careful.”

“You guys coming?”

“Right with you, Captain.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #223 by Keith Channing

June 25, 2019June 24, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“So when do you think she’ll be here?”

“I thought she would have been here by now.”

“Could it be we missed her?”

“How is that possible? All these people have been waiting, and they would have seen her.”

“Did you ask anyone.”

“Heavens no. I’m embarrassed enough as it is without making a scene. Besides. Look at them. They are all looking down the driveway.”

“Maybe there is another arrival they are looking to see.”

“Please. This is the only thing going on here today.”

“Well, I think it couldn’t hurt to ask.”

“Enough. Do I need any more humiliation?”

“Suit yourself. One last question.”

“Please get whatever it is off your chest. Ask away.”

“Do you recognize any of these folks?”

“Now that I look I can say I don’t.”

“Don’t you think that a bit odd?”

“Put that way, I guess I do.”

“Do you have the invitation?”

“Yes, it is right here.”

“What is the name and address of the church?”

“This is silly. I know where the church is. We had a rehearsal here last week.”

“Humor me.”

“All Saints Church. 39 Pastoral Way.”

“Do you see the name on that sign?”

“Yes. All Saints Chape—Yikes. This is the wrong church. What. . . I put the address in the GPS system.”

“Does the invitation give a time of the service.”

“Y-yes. Two o’clock.”

“Three minutes to go ten miles. Better reprogram the GPS and start moving. You may not live this one down.”

“There’s no one I can call.”

“And admit you went to the wrong church? You might want to hit a tree on the way over there. Maybe it’s your only out.”

“You joking?”

“Maybe a little. Let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Mansfield Dam in an Apocalypse

June 24, 2019June 30, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

Yesterday I did a feature on the Mansfield Dam which is in my neighborhood. There were several comments about how the Dam looked like a scene for an apocalypse movie. Since season three of Fear of the Walking Dead was filmed at the Gonzelez Dam in Baja Mexico, I thought it would be fun to imagine the Mansfield Dam in an apocalyptic situation. Of course, if we are there some precautions need to be taken. Pack up your water bottle and grab this list. Who knows it may come in handy.

10 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not stand on the river bank below the dam to take photos. If you do, at best no one will think to blow up the embankment. At worst some idiot will do just that, and now you’ll be faced with a wall of water rushing your way. (I think those Wal-Mart water wings aren’t going to cut it, Herne. You might try to surf the wave all the way to Iowa.)

9 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not count on Tiny the WWF champ to hold off the crowd of zombies. If you do, at best he’s not one of them. At worst, Tiny has been reanimated by the WWF in its quest for immortal wrestling heroes. (Too bad for you, Hezekiah. Tiny is now leading the pack and wants to pick your brain for a few minutes.)

8 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not put your finger in that itty bitty leak. If you do, at best you will hold back the water and then have to stay forever. At worst, you will not be successful in preventing a breach in the wall. (Looks like you and several million gallons of water are heading to a vacation on the coast, Hilal. I hope holding your breath is one of your life skills.)

7 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not think you can outrun a fast running zombie. If you do, at best someone will be slower than you. At worst, you’ll try your best, but in the end, you’ll be caught. (Nothing, like being out of breath and having a zombie getting ready for lunch, is there, Hilial?)

6 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not think that a beautiful zombie in a wedding dress really likes you. If you do, at best you won’t be her type. At worst, you will find your vows “till death do us part,” are a little more immediate that you envisioned. (Nina Forever was a movie, Hillel. A zombie is a zombie no matter how they look.)

5 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not share an apple with a zombie. If you do, at best you might catch the zombie’s cold. At worse, since you don’t know where that apple has been, you might be turned into a zombie yourself. (Nice going, Hjalmar. You managed to keep all the zombies away with your screeching, and you forget basic sanitary rules.)

4 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not believe the zombie carrying the sign, “Will work for food.” If you do, at best, you’ll figure out the motive real fast. At worst, you not know what they are up to until it is too late. (So what made you think zombies work in the first place, Hollis? Yes, she loves you for your brains. You don’t know how literal that is.”

3 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not believe the white flag means peace. If you do, at best, you’ll end up running for your life. At worst you will start a dialog only to discover the motto “To Serve Man,” is a cookbook. (So now these guys are in the last stronghold of humans, Holmes. I hope you can keep them entertained for the next fifty years.)

2 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not turn your back on the stand of trees over there. If you do, at best there are only coyotes in that forest. At worst, no matter how much the audience tells you to turn around the zombies are creeping up on you. (How you can be that dumb, Honaw is anybody’s guess. Everyone knows you don’t turn your back on an area where zombies could be lurking.)

1 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not forget to shut the gate when you start across the dam. If you do, at best, no one is following you. At worst, the zombies now have free access to the dam and all the communities on the other side. (A little precaution would have saved a number of you, Honovi. Now you are all alone with only that penknife to keep the zombies at bay. Not sure karate is going to be helpful in this situation.)