Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Mansfield Dam in an Apocalypse

 

Yesterday I did a feature on the Mansfield Dam which is in my neighborhood. There were several comments about how the Dam looked like a scene for an apocalypse movie. Since season three of Fear of the Walking Dead was filmed at the Gonzelez Dam in Baja Mexico, I thought it would be fun to imagine the Mansfield Dam in an apocalyptic situation. Of course, if we are there some precautions need to be taken. Pack up your water bottle and grab this list. Who knows it may come in handy.

10 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not stand on the river bank below the dam to take photos. If you do, at best no one will think to blow up the embankment. At worst some idiot will do just that, and now you’ll be faced with a wall of water rushing your way. (I think those Wal-Mart water wings aren’t going to cut it, Herne. You might try to surf the wave all the way to Iowa.)

9 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not count on Tiny the WWF champ to hold off the crowd of zombies. If you do, at best he’s not one of them. At worst, Tiny has been reanimated by the WWF in its quest for immortal wrestling heroes. (Too bad for you, Hezekiah. Tiny is now leading the pack and wants to pick your brain for a few minutes.)

8 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not put your finger in that itty bitty leak. If you do, at best you will hold back the water and then have to stay forever. At worst, you will not be successful in preventing a breach in the wall. (Looks like you and several million gallons of water are heading to a vacation on the coast, Hilal. I hope holding your breath is one of your life skills.)

7 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not think you can outrun a fast running zombie. If you do, at best someone will be slower than you. At worst, you’ll try your best, but in the end, you’ll be caught. (Nothing, like being out of breath and having a zombie getting ready for lunch, is there, Hilial?)

6 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not think that a beautiful zombie in a wedding dress really likes you. If you do, at best you won’t be her type. At worst, you will find your vows “till death do us part,” are a little more immediate that you envisioned. (Nina Forever was a movie, Hillel. A zombie is a zombie no matter how they look.)

5 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not share an apple with a zombie. If you do, at best you might catch the zombie’s cold. At worse, since you don’t know where that apple has been, you might be turned into a zombie yourself. (Nice going, Hjalmar. You managed to keep all the zombies away with your screeching, and you forget basic sanitary rules.)

4 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not believe the zombie carrying the sign, “Will work for food.” If you do, at best, you’ll figure out the motive real fast. At worst, you not know what they are up to until it is too late. (So what made you think zombies work in the first place, Hollis? Yes, she loves you for your brains. You don’t know how literal that is.”

3 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not believe the white flag means peace. If you do, at best, you’ll end up running for your life. At worst you will start a dialog only to discover the motto “To Serve Man,” is a cookbook. (So now these guys are in the last stronghold of humans, Holmes. I hope you can keep them entertained for the next fifty years.)

2 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not turn your back on the stand of trees over there. If you do, at best there are only coyotes in that forest. At worst, no matter how much the audience tells you to turn around the zombies are creeping up on you. (How you can be that dumb, Honaw is anybody’s guess. Everyone knows you don’t turn your back on an area where zombies could be lurking.)

1 If you are at the dam in an apocalypse, do not forget to shut the gate when you start across the dam. If you do, at best, no one is following you. At worst, the zombies now have free access to the dam and all the communities on the other side. (A little precaution would have saved a number of you, Honovi. Now you are all alone with only that penknife to keep the zombies at bay. Not sure karate is going to be helpful in this situation.)

42 comments

  1. Some of these zombies are incredibly cunning. Probably best to avoid dams if they attract such dangerous monsters.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. Thanks, Charles.

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  2. Gwen Plano · ·

    Oh goodness, I hope your home is on a hill, far from zombies and the wall of water!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup, we are high enough. Haven’t seen a zombie since we moved in. Thanks, Gwen. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gwen Plano · ·

        😀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “If you do, at best you will hold back the water and then have to stay forever.” LOL! Good one, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jill. Happy Monday to you. (Did I really write that?)😁

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love # 3 – ‘How to Serve Man’ – you remember the old Twilight Zone episode!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do. How could we forget? This was a tip of the hat to the series. Thanks, GP

      Liked by 1 person

  5. “Tiny … wants to pick your brain for a few minutes.” Still laughing at that one, John.

    This would have been a great day for a drive into the desert.

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    1. I would say so. Thanks, Dan

      Liked by 1 person

  6. And even if they’re chasing you, do not jump from that bridge. Local law enforcement is serious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Good one, Craig. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Awesome, John, a great 10 things not to do post and completely in line with my current line of research.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Best wishes on the research. I knew nothing about the whole world of zombies and now got caught up a little. 😀

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  8. And no fishing, of course, dear John! 🙂

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    1. Ture. Thanks, Maria.

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      1. 🙂 I wonder, what might we regard fishing during Apocalypsis: water fishes us or we fish something to eat?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Water fishes us is funny. Thanks, Maria.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. One thing’s for sure. A subject like this can bring on a great title surge!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha haha.Thanks, Linda.

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  10. Per #10 – zombies can hang out in the water, too, since they don’t need to breath. Just an extra survival tip from a loyal fan of The Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead.

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    1. Thank you, Teri

      Liked by 1 person

  11. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

    Great list John, that had me cracking up. I love the Twlight Zone refernce, too. I can see a story coming out of this list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe you cn write it. Thanks, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I love how you took our comments yesterday and turned it into your Top Ten!
    Fun stuff… wait, what’s that sound? Better hit the road!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Do not turn around. Just go.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Right! And fans of “Zombieland” – which we are – know to follow the various rules! One of them to not look back! 😉

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  13. I started laughing at Wal-Mart water wings, John, and continued through to the penknife. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Debbie. I think a funnier word woud have been Wal-Mart floaties.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That works, too.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. I see you’ve given this apocalypse thing a lot of thought. It’s always good to be prepared.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. One never knows. Reading Mahoney and enjoying it very much..

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  15. Really funny, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jennie 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I love how you spun this off from your earlier post, John.
    Bloody brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Hook. 😁

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