Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on President’s Day

February 16, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

Today’s list has been created to provide a little satire surrounding President’s Day. (Happy President’s Day) This is a holiday that I have had a tough time getting my mind around. Other than getting a Monday off, I haven’t been able to see the significance of it all. Yes, Lincoln and Washington each have a birthday two days apart and this may be the only reason. Of course, there have been forty-four presidents and most have made at least half of the population angry at one time or another. Let’s just say if a President were a member of the family their birthday would in a probability be forgotten. So I’m making the supposition President’s Day is an invention of mattress and car companies for an excuse to have a sale. Here is a tongue in cheek top ten things not to do on President’s Day.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on President’s Day

10 On President’s Day, do not go to Wal-Mart and buy a giant Happy Presidents Day blow up lawn thingy. If you do, at best your neighbors will think you have a screw loose. At worst, a stiff wind will grab the lawn thingy and drag it and the tie down through you r neighbors front window and there will be no way to call upon the spirit of President’s Day for forgiveness.

9 On Presidents Day, do not plan to receive lots of President’s Day gifts. If you do, at best you will sit under the cherry tree a very disappointed person. At worst, all the gifts you bought expecting a big gift exchange will all come due as your credit card company has a new policy on minimum payments required.

8 On President’s Day, do not try to organize a President’s Day office party. If you do, at best your co-workers will request a transfer. At worst, the HR department will invite you to participate in the employee mental health improvement program which will include three days in group therapy and an hour in shock treatment.

7 On President’s Day, do not ask your neighbors to donate to a fund for the less fortunate. If you do, at best you will never have to speak to them again. At worst, the local police will have you in for questioning due to a report taken on the potential for your request for donations to be taken as a scam.

6 On President’s Day, do not try to sing President’s Day carols in your neighborhood. If you do, at best there will be a number of slammed doors and no invitations for hot coco. At worst, your neighbors might band together to organize an intervention and carry you bound and gagged to the nearest institution.

5 On President’s Day, do not expect a bonus from your boss. If you do, at best you will be disappointed. At worst, the money you spent in anticipation of your President’s Day bonus will need to be covered before the card company sends a collection notice.

4 On President’s Day, do not organize a picnic at the park to celebrate. If you do, at best no one will show up. At worst, you will be shoveling three feet of snow just to find the barbecue grill not to mention the crimp in the volley ball game.

3 On President’s Day do not shoot off fireworks. If you do, at best you will be the only one doing so and your neighbors will know where to send the police. At worst, you massive fireworks display will ignite the neighbor’s roof and since it is thirty degrees below zero the fire department won’t be able to pump water and your neighbor is heading over to your house with what looks like a ball bat in his hand.

2 On President’s Day, do not sit in front of the TV thinking there will be a football game to watch. If you do, at best your family will seek council from the local clergy. At worst, your friends will all come over and start eating your snacks and drinking your beer while placing bets on how long it will be until the ambulance shows up. You might want to get in on the bet since the pot is at one hundred dollars.

1 On president’s Day, do not send Happy President’s Day cards to all your friends, family and co-workers. If you do, at best they will not know what to do or say. At worst, next year they will all send you a Happy President’s Day card since you sent one last year. This will cause you to check each off your list and only send a card the following year to those who sent you one.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Attach/Attached

February 14, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday means a story from my brain with no looking back. I can correct typos but no changing things around to meet my needs. What you read is how it was produced. This week’s prompt is “Attach/Attached” and can be used in any way the writer wants. Of course, with the big draw of Valentine’s Day today, the temptation is to put up something about love. If you would like to see the rules and maybe participate here is the link to Linda Hill’s blog: http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-1415/ I’m not falling for the love stuff and am going to take the hard road. Hope you like it.

“So where do I attach this thing?”

“I already attached it to the hook here.”

“Well, then what is this end doing?”

“I think it’s a different cable. Put it down.”

“No, I can see it is part of the one you put on the hook.”

“Oh. For heaven’s sake give it to me.”

“Here. What are you doing?”

“Putting it on the same hook.”

“Cool. You are really smart.”

“Gee thanks.”

“You have a boyfriend?”

“No do you?”

“Ha, ha very funny. No, I’m not attached. You ready to give this a try?”

“I guess so. Our homework assignment says we have to hold this for a full hour.”

“I don’t think it’s a problem do you? We just have to lift it by the cable attached and hold it in the air.”

“How long have you been enrolled in superpower school?”

“One term. Before this, I was attached to Jor-El for a few years.”

“I hear he’s tough.”

“How about you?”

“Worked as Wonder woman’s assistant. I was her political attaché.”

“Nice. You ready?”

“Yeah, piece of cake.”

“You know the hook is attached to the Earth and we have to hold the whole thing up right?”

“You go man. I’m right here with you.”

Friday AKA -TGIF

February 13, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Friday is here and with it comes Valentine’s Day Eve. Yup, that is right the night before Valentine’s Day. (the fact that it is Friday the thirteenth shouldn’t bother anyone) Hope everyone has planned something special for that someone special. If not then the someone special may turn up as someone not so special, after all. The best way to keep that someone special is to present them with a thought about how much they mean to you. Not just in words but also in actions. You know the old-fashioned stuff. Open a door, help carries the groceries, help out with the household chores, cook an excellent meal, rent an extraordinary movie, send the kids to grandmas. And you men out there could do the same for your lady. If all else fails maybe my JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) would be of some help in the romance department. Go ahead and use it. If it helps just send me a comment and I’ll be happy. Here it is (and you can put your name on it as well)

Single they knew not,

To love with no holding back . . .

Together as one.

Thursday – A little Personal

February 12, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

Like every author, I have the need for a fan base. Also, like every writer I want the fans to enjoy the experience of reading what I write. Unfortunately, fans can be an elusive bunch who have devious ways of avoiding letting the author know they are in fact there as fans

So when one has a real fan who sticks with the author through thick and thin, it is important to recognize the fan as vital to the mission. I’m talking about the fan who presents himself at all hours of the day and night providing consolation to challenges and congratulations on successes. I’m thinking of the fan who asks nothing for themselves but to be able to be close enough to be part of the action.

I want you to meet my truest and most loyal fan. His name is Frank and above is a picture of him in his usual position while I’m writing. Frank will not leave my desk except for breaks when I take them. For Frank’s sake, I have to remember not to pound the keyboard endlessly without brief breaks so he can stretch, grab some kibble, check on the dogs and use the men’s room. He does catch a cat nap or two.

He also is known to take a nap on things I need (like my notebook). Here he is taking a snooze. Thanks Frank for being the fan that you are.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

February 11, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

Wednesday is story day again (So soon? Shut up) and as always represents a marker for mid-week. I hope yours is going well. Last week we were still in the bank with Billy, Frank and Ms. Sutter. Ms. Sutter objected to having her name connected with a note that Frank wanted to toss to the police. After some discussion, it was decided that Frank would rewrite the note. He also was accusing Ms. Sutter of trying to take over. So here is where we should join the trio.

“So were you joking when you said I should take over?”

“Not joking really. I was being sarcastic since you are quite used to getting your own way.”

“Hey Frank. Maybe she should take over.”

“Billy how many times do I have to say, ‘shut up Billy.’”

“Not too many but she is pretty smart.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“So miss smarty pants. What would you do if you were the leader here?”

“I sure wouldn’t mess around with a stupid note.”

“No. Then what would you do?”

“I would grab me by the hair, drag me over to the window and then start shouting obscenities and threaten to kill me if the cops don’t co-operate. A stupid note says you are a rational human being who can be negotiated out of this place. They need to understand you are a ravenous, wild dog who will stop at nothing including your own death to get what you want.”

“Um Ms. Sutter?”

“What?”

“I’m not like that. First of all I don’t want to die and second of all I’m not a dog.”

“So tell me who really cares. You want the cops to believe it. It doesn’t matter what you are or aren’t.”

“I’ll tell you one thing.’

“What one thing?”

“If you were in charge I’ll bet you would get away with it.”

“Damn right I would.”

“So you want to give it a try.”

“Give what a try?”

“Try grabbing me by the hair, dragging me over to that window. Then shouting obscenities telling the cops you’ll kill me if you don’t get what you want.”

“Frank you do know that I’m not the bank robber here Right?”

“Yeah, I know. I just think you would be better at the intimidation of the police part. We could trade back roles once I got what I wanted.”

“Billy?”

“Yes Ms. Sutter.”

“Can I borrow your gun or will you please just shoot me?”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Valentine’s Day

February 9, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

This list was put together and published today since next Saturday is Valentine’s Day. Although a little early, it just wouldn’t do to publish it next Monday which would be the 16^th. Since most of America goes bonkers in trying to create the perfect Valentine experience, I thought it would be a good idea to list some things that just might cause the day to backfire. One thing to keep in mind, Valentine’s Day does not in itself become the measure of the value of a relationship. However, mess it up and there will be a definite discount on the relationship’s value for the foreseeable future. So here is the list. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Valentine’s Day

10 On Valentine ’s Day, do not accept the phrase “We love each other and don’t have to show it on an obvious Hallmark holiday,” as the truth. If you do, at best you might be able to work your way back into good graces in due time (like at Christmas). At worst, your loved one will present you with the most touching card and gift which will immediately cause your scalp to sweat and the urge to run off a nearby cliff which can’t be covered with a last-minute run to Wal-Mart. (the only cards left at this hour are the big lace lined mushy verses to grandma and who wants to be a valentine with grandma? Well, maybe grandpa.)

9 On Valentine’s Day, do not plan an expensive dinner out as your gift. If you do, at best you will be seated next to the restroom after a two-hour wait. At worst, the waiter will announce the regular menu has been replaced with the $300.00 per couple Prix fix tasting menu which has everything you and your partner would call Terminix to get rid of along with ten flights of wine which only someone in trouble with alcohol could finish.

8 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy a gift even remotely related to sex. If you do, at best you may be using the gift yourself. At worst, you will be broadcasting a desire that may not be mutually felt and your partner will feel uncomfortable and pressured to engage in some activity that will probably end up badly not to mention an intervention by the local community police.

7 On valentine’s Day, do not think it is the thought that matters. If you do, at best you will survive with a thought next year you will part with a little more cash on a better gift. At worst, you will be forced to endure the sympathies of your partner’s friends as expressed on Facebook , Twitter, Pinterest and the notoriety that comes from the YouTube video of your paltry gift which goes viral with over a million views.

6 On Valentine’s Day, do not make anything by hand that you hope to pass off as a sentimental offering. If you do, at best be prepared to see your item on E-bay priced way below the cost of materials. At worst, the item you handcrafted for the occasion will more than likely be the item you uncover in a remote part of the garage two years from now as you are doing the spring garage clean out in preparation for the community garage sale and you notice the price on a tag of $1.50 which has been marked down from $25.00 from several previous garage sales.

5 On Valentine ’s Day, do not buy chocolate covered strawberries from a street vendor. If you do, at best your valentine will eat off the chocolate and not touch the strawberry. At worst, your valentine will wolf down the whole thing only to discover later in the ER after a healthy dose of Ipecac, the claim by the street vendor of 98% salmonella free fruit was way overstated.

4 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy a dozen red roses from the guy alongside the highway. If you do, at best you will make it home before the rose buds fall off. At worst, the roses will come packed with several kinds of insects including bed bugs from the local no-tell motel and, unfortunately, your partner has a rare and severe allergy to Japanese beetles who just have formed an independent state in the rose bouquet.

3 On Valentine’s Day, do not think the chocolate’s you froze from the last Costco truffle sale will not show signs of wear. If you do, at best the freezer burn will give you away and you will be forced to buy some See’s chocolate quickly at the mall. At worst, the truffles will somehow fall apart and you will need to invent a story on how the greenhouse effect has contributed to the instability of the common chocolate truffle which your partner will try to verify by making an inquiry on Google whose results are sure to render your story as a complete fabrication.

2 On Valentine’s Day, do not think the commercial cards say exactly what you want to say. If you do, at best you will settle on something that causes both of you to scream “AWKWARD” after the poem is read aloud. At worst , you failed to read the whole message and find at the end a little reference to being “good friends” which will spiral your partner into a space and only a qualified therapist will be able to talk them down.

1 On Valentine’s Day, do not think ignoring the day will eliminate responsibility. If you do, at best you might be forced to give up one who, at one time, thought you were pretty cool. At worst, the brother of the one who thought you were pretty cool and who served with the Navy Seals on three tours in Afghanistan has left word at all your normal haunts that he would like to talk to you.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday Prompt -Mixed Emotions

February 7, 2015February 6, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt is a study of opposite emotions and was inspired by The BEE who is running a month-long blog hop in the spirit of love called Love is in Da Blog with a week one prompt of Adore/Despise. I will try to demonstrate opposite emotions in dialog while drinking this glass of water. (do not try this at home) If you would like to see the whole story and how others handle the prompt her is the link: http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-715/

“So will you give to the heart fund sir?”

“Get away from me you little beggar.”

“But sir you will help someone if you give.”

“I’m not going to tell you again. Get away from me, urchin.”

“Aw sir, you don’t mean that. You look like someone with a blessed soul and a big heart.”

“How would you know about my soul you dirt bag?”

“I am a person of spirit and I can see your soul.”

“Oh brother. I’ve heard everything now. And what about the heart, gypsy?”

“Looking at your soul I imagine a heart big enough to match.”

“You think nice words will convince me to give, idiot?”

“Hmmm I think you may be right.”

“Ah ha. The first intelligent thing you’ve said, bandit.”

“I think these two gentlemen will need to remove your heart without your permission.”

“W-what?”

“Just think of the good your heart will do for someone. Peace be with you. Take him boys.”

Friday TGIF – AKA JohnKu

February 6, 2015January 31, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

This has been a busy week. Here in South Texas we are beginning to feel the spring weather move in. We get some wild fluctuations in temperatures from the day to the nighttime, but this is normal for the spring. We are always glad to see the daytime temperatures move into the seventies. This is the forecast for the weekend so we will hope it comes true. Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) is a reflection of anticipating the spring. Hope you like it.

Comes in lion-like,

Settles like an elephant. . .

Becomes a soft lamb.

Thursday – A Little Personal

February 5, 2015January 31, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 23 Comments

Thursday is the day to get a little personal. This week I thought you would enjoy taking a little stroll on the Port Aransas Jetty which is a part of the community. The picture can’t capture the whole thing but you can get an idea of how it is constructed. The jetty is made out of eight ton pieces of pink granite which was mined near San Antonio and hauled by train to Port Aransas over one-hundred and sixty miles away. The purpose of the jetty is to keep the Gulf at bay while large boats move down the Corpus Christi Channel. When the waves are high boats could actually be tossed on the opposite shore while trying to enter the channel if it weren’t for the jetty. The jetty also keeps the silt from the Gulf from filling the channel. The channel is an important avenue to the Port of Corpus Christi which has become a major port for the export of shale oil.

A second use of the jetty is to provide a natural pier for fishermen. People have caught the same species of fish normally found out in the Gulf right off the jetty.

I always enjoy a visit to the jetty when a boat is passing through. You can see the dolphins racing the boat in the bow wave. They seem to be having so much fun and I can imagine they look forward to each boat. Here is a shot of the jetty looking back toward Corpus Christi which gives you a better look at the channel. If you look closely you can see a pelican on the rocks

#RRBC Selects My GRL as One of the Books of the Month

February 4, 2015February 4, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

I am very honored to be one of the three selections for Book of the Month by Rave Reviews Book Club. As most of you know, I am a member of the club and this is just one of the many benefits of belonging. The club currently has over six hundred members and any one of these fine authors could have their book picked for such an honor. In addition to the listing on the Club’s website which is HERE the book selected will be included in the Book Club Discussion which is an on-line interactive program taking place on February 24th. The location will be announced and I’ll give you an update when I know.

The three books honored are: