Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

 

 

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Frank, Billy and Ms. Sutter the bank manager having some dialog about how to communicate to the police the fact they are desperate bank robbers who held hostages. Ms. Sutter was not comfortable yelling out the window so it was decided to write a note to throw at the police. Billy finally found some paper and so we can join these characters now.

“Okay, here’s what I have written.” Attention police. We have hostages and we are not afraid to shoot them if our demands are not met. We want a car and safe passage. Once away, we will release Ms. Sutter. If there are any tricks we’ll shoot her. We mean it. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s fine Frank.”

“Thanks, Billy. Ms. Sutter?”

“I’m not sure I want my name in a note like that. It implies I’m part of your crowd.”

“No, it doesn’t. It says we will shoot you not that you are our friend.”

“Can we say hostage for Ms. Sutter. I just don’t want the negative press after this is all over. I can just see the papers with this note.”

“How are the papers going to get the note?”

“You have got to be kidding. You think you are going to get away with this?”

“Yes, of course. I don’t think they will allow us to shoot you or anyone else.”

“Well, if you don’t mind I still would like you to change that to hostage.’

“Okay, okay. There it is. Now hostage, not Ms. Sutter.”

“Let me see. You just crossed out my name and wrote hostage above it.’

“Yeah, so what?”

“Now not only is my name involved, it is part of a very messy note. Look at that. It looks horrible.”

“She has a point Frank.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“Alright I’ll write it over.”

“And your handwriting is awful. Did you ever take penmanship in school?”

“Okay, Ms. Sutter you write it.”

“Gladly. Billy get me another piece of paper.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“I love how you take over. Here why not take the gun too.”

“You joking?”

“It’s called facetiousness.”

“I don’t want to touch that dirty thing.”

“Figures.”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do With a Hangover

~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

This list was inspired by years and years of attempting to burn my candle at both ends. This list could be much longer, but I had to make a cutoff somewhere. Also since this is the Monday after the Super Bowl maybe there is some advice you can use.  I hope you enjoy.

 

Ten Things Not to Do with a Hangover

10 If you have a hangover, do not attempt to cover the fact by talking too much. If you do, you will have erased any doubt as to your condition. At worst, your mouth will run off and leave your sodden brain back in the pain pit and the brain will only catch up when it detects the words “will you please shut up.” Much too late I might add.

9 If you have a hangover, do not try to step out of your normal passive role at the morning staff meeting. If you do, at best, you will scare everyone with your slurred and totally irrelevant comments. At worst, you might disagree with the boss and insist on your point which has the effect of  capitalizing on the death wish you have had ever since you bade farewell to the ceramic microphone at 3:00 AM this morning.

8 If you have a hangover, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best you may find yourself in a position of greatly apologizing for denting a car or building. At worst, you will have several people lining up in HR asking how their flattened vehicles will be replaced and several executives asking you for the keys to the equipment and your lawyer’s name.

7 If you have a hangover, do not write any notes to anyone explaining your actions last night. If you do, at best you might feel better in confessing your sins. At worst, you will have given several people written confirmation as to why they need to avoid or punch you.

6 If you have a hangover. do not show up to teach your fifth-grade class. If you do, at best  you might make it to lunch without a complaint to the principle. At worst, you will be driven to the point where the EMS crew and police will attempt to talk you down from the roof of the school where unbeknownst to your conscious self you have been screaming  threats against the Congress and the President.

5 If you have a hangover, do not report to your airline pilot job. If you do, at best you might forget something minor but survive anyway. At worst, you will discover a little too late you forgot to check the fuel level and your attention is drawn to a bright blinking light on the control panel that has the words “Fuel Starvation” clearly embossed on it for your reading pleasure.

4 If you have a hangover, do not go ahead with that brain surgery you are supposed to conduct today. If you do, at best your attention will be on your own brain and will find it difficult to concentrate. At worst, you will think all is well right up to the point you close up the procedure only to discover you parts left over that you can’t explain. Unlike a bicycle kit, there are no extra parts in the brain.

3 If you have a hangover, do not go to the grocery store to do your shopping for the week. If you do, at best you will forget more items than you remember to buy. At worst, you will finally have had it with the cashier who asks you each week, “if you have found everything okay?” The fact that if you say no she will not do anything about it has you treading on the conveyor shouting for the rest of the shoppers to lay down their groceries to join the revolution. Incidentally, you don’t see the cautious community support officer in the corner calling 911.

2 If you have a hangover, do not take your car pool duty today. If you do, at best you will drop the kids and adjourn to the local bar for of some hair of the dog only leading to more trouble later. At worst, your driving will permanently imprint terror on the poor innocents in the car which they will suppress but go through life wondering why they never got a driver’s license.

1 If you have a hangover, do not think you will be as effective in your writing as you are normally. If you do, at best you might just produce a day’s work that would make great kindling for the evening fire. At worst, you may think you have a breakthrough on your writer’s block only to find you have included the words “Daddy’s Home” over two thousand times in your manuscript.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Scene/Seen

~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

 

 

This week’s prompt on Stream of Consciousness Saturday is Scene/Seen. If you would like to see the rules or maybe participate as well go here:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-january-3115/

Here is my interpretation of the prompt:

Scene/Seen by John W. Howell © 2015

“Okay cut, I’ve seen enough.”

“What’s the problem? Is it with this scene?”

“It has all the clichés the audience has seen in every other zombie movie.”

“Clichés? Which scene are you talking about?”

“The one we have just seen. Where the guy stumbles into the house through the window and falls apart on the floor.”

“That’s not a cliché. That scene has cache. Guy falls apart. Gotta love it.”

“Not from what I’ve seen. No blood or gore. He just falls apart.”

“Okay, so if we add some blood would you be happy with the scene?”

“If I had seen a chainsaw take him apart yes.”

“Talk about a cliché. Okay, we’ll do the scene with a chainsaw.”

“I’ve seen big knives too.”

“Yup, a scene with big knives and a chainsaw.”

“Have you seen the rocket launchers?”

“Sure a scene with a big knife, chainsaw and a rocket launchers. You got it.”

“And I’ve seen a wading pool.”

“Of course, we’ll add that to the scene.”

“I’ve now seen where you are placating me.”

“Huh? I thought we were talking about the scene.”

“Wading pool? I’ve seen one, but there’s no reason to put it in the scene.”

“You used my word.”

“Your word?”

“Yeah scene. Yours is seen.”

“Oh sorry. Where were we?”

 

Friday JohnKu – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

 

TGIF. Only eight more hours until the weekend. I am looking forward to kicking back on Sunday to join the rest of America in the feast of St. NFL. It seems a little sacrilegious to refer to the NFL as a saint, but I couldn’t think of anything any more clever than that. We all know that some  NFL players are anything but saints. We also all know all of the New Orleans Saints aren’t saints either. So the unfortunate reference to St. NFL can only be explained by the fact that I am an idiot. Notwithstanding (love that phrase) the fact I’m still looking forward to the game. I also enjoy the commercials and observing how completely overdone the halftime show turns out to be. Every year gets even more outrageous. This year my wife and I are staying home and fixing a spread for ourselves. It will include everything that we would not get caught dead eating in public. (Where did the idea of getting caught dead doing anything in public come from?) I’ll give you a hint of what we are having. We will concentrate on the four food groups, chips, cheese, dip, and salsa. We might even throw in a vegetable or two (like jalapenos and olives). Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) is about overdoing things in the name of sport. I hope you like it.

 

Sunday Sport by John W. Howell ©2015

Sunday arrival,

Is spent eating way too much. . .

Sleep rolls to punish.

Thursday – A little More Personal

~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

I read an interesting post by Ronovan on Monday. The long and short of it was those bloggers who have a little of their personality in their blogs make for more interesting reading. As regular readers know, I have four basic features 1. Monday has the Top Ten Things Not to Do list. 2. Wednesday is story day and has been featuring Billy and Frank in their attempt to rob a bank. 3. Is the Friday JohnKu where I have a brief reflection and a Haiku. 4.Saturday is the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt which comes from Lind Hill’s fine place. The rest of the week is filled on an ad hoc basis with blog tours, cover reveals etc.

I thought I would try something new on Thursday. I take pictures while out and about and thought I could post one and then discuss some aspect of the picture and what it meant to me and why I took it. Perhaps this would add a little personality to the schedule. Well, we will see.

Here is the first.

 

 

I ride my bike on the beach three days a week. I usually go about eight miles unless the rain or the wind is too strong. After all, I am in those fragile years where one has to watch the weather carefully. I always wondered why the old folks watched the weather so religiously. Now I have the answer, they needed to plan their ride on the beach and wanted to know what to wear while sweating their butts off. So the picture is of my bike. It is a 3G beach cruiser. It doesn’t have any gears and you can’t see it well but is in a delicate state of repair. The biggest problem, with riding on the beach, is the salt air wants to dissolve everything that is not made out of stainless steel. (The salt has a rough time with stainless but manages to melt it as well over time) To have a bike made of stainless steel would be way more than I would want to pay. So I put up with replacing the chain and wheels frequently as well as the spoke bearings. This picture was taken after a ride this week with the Gulf as a backdrop. Yes, that is a gull behind the bike.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Humpday

~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

 

 

 

Wednesday Story day again. Last week we left Frank and Billy inside the bank and surrounded by police. Frank told Billy to get the manager which Billy did. The manager turned out to be Ms. Sutter and Frank told her to convince the police that are desperate and would kill her and her employees. She then asked Frank if he would, in fact, kill her. Frank has not answered her and that is where we need to join the story.

“Well, will you?”

“I said I was thinking. Would you please give me a minute Ms. Sutter?”

“Come on. It’s not that hard a question.”

“I know the question is not hard. The answer is pretty tough though.”

“How so?”

“You see if I say I won’t kill you then you will have a tough time convincing the police I’m serious.”

“Simple, just tell me you will kill me and my employees then.”

“Hard to do. I really don’t want to kill anyone.”

“Who cares? No one said you had to do it. Just pretend.”

“Yeah, Frank Just pretend.”

“Shut up Billy. I already know where you would come out. So Ms. Sutter are you a good liar?”

“No, not really. I am a manager here and being a liar would undermine my credibility.”

“So if I said I wasn’t going to kill you would somehow make your performance with the police not too convincing.”

“I hate to say it but yes. I’m a professional, after all.”

“Okay then. I will kill all of you if I don’t get a car and safe passage out of here.”

“You mean that Frank?”

“Shut up Billy. I have a job to do here. Now go to the window Ms. Sutter and scream my demands.”

“Uh, may I call you Frank?”

“Sure it’s my name. What’s the problem?”

“I’m not comfortable screaming out the window like fishwives. Could we just send a note instead? Screaming is just not professional.”

“I have to wonder who’s in charge here. Sure let’s make a note. Billy do you think you can find a pen and some paper?”

“I saw one on a chain when we came in. I don’t think it will reach here though Frank.”

“Shut up Billy. I have a pen. Get some paper.”

“Lined or unlined?”

“Shut up Billy.”

 

Dog Bone Soup by Bette A. Stevens – Launch Tour

~ John W. Howell ~ 2 Comments

 

DOG BONE SOUP is not only the title of Bette A. Stevens’s debut novel; it ranks high among the paltry meals that the book’s protagonist, Shawn Daniels, wants to forget. Plodding through mounting snow and battling howling winds, Shawn is ready to leave it all behind—living in poverty, Dad’s drinking, life in foster care, the divorce, the bullies….

Travel with Shawn Daniels through the guts and the glories of life. You’ll find them all in DOG BONE SOUP, a Boomer’s coming-of-age saga. Available now at “YOUR AMAZON”

From the Reviewers

“Dog Bone Soup is the poignant tale of a dysfunctional family struggling to survive in America in the 50s and 60s, when most others were on the crest of a wave. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry. But most of all it will make you glad you read it.” ~ Charlie Bray, founder of the Indietribe

“In Dog Bone Soup, Bette Stevens captures the feeling and images of growing up in hardscrabble times perfectly.” ~ John Clark, librarian and author

DOG BONE SOUP

READ the opening Excerpt from Chapter One right here…

The postcard arrived four days before my eighteenth birthday. All I had to do now was sign the final papers and light out for basic training. I could hardly wait to leave this place behind.

There were six of us ready to become soldiers. The other five guys were headed to Fort Dix. Soon as we were inducted, the sergeant who swore us in started calling us a bunch of lily-assed bastards and worse. When the jerk marched the other five guys off, I was happy as hell I wasn’t one of them.

Lieutenant Richards called me into his office. “You’ll be heading out tomorrow, Private Daniels. Here are your tickets.”

We sat in his office and talked about my future with the U.S. Army. Then he handed me a schedule for the next day’s journey and we went over every detail.

“Now let’s get you home so you can get a good night’s sleep before you fly off to serve Uncle Sam, soldier.”

“Good luck Private,” the lieutenant said when he dropped me off at the house. We saluted and I stood there watching until his car disappeared over the hill.

I’d always liked army people. They called me Mr. Daniels and even sir sometimes. Now I was officially a private in the U.S. Army and I was ready to start a new life. I pictured myself in an officer’s uniform one day—a lieutenant, a captain, maybe even a general.

Mum and I didn’t get much more than a few winks of sleep that night. I don’t know how many pots of coffee she perked while we sat at the kitchen table and talked the night away. Of course, it was Mum did most of the talking. Once she opened her picture books, I felt like I was drinking in the life I wanted to leave.

Mum took all of those pictures with her Brownie—that camera was her pride and joy. None of us kids was allowed to touch it unless she supervised a picture-taking every now and then. If Dad wasn’t around, it was me peeking through the lens. Mum was fussy about taking pictures just so.

Five books were piled on the table and we went through them one page at a time. Mum had a story for every snapshot. Some made me laugh so hard that I doubled over.

It was two minutes shy of three when she closed the last album.

“Thanks for staying up. I’ve got the alarm set for six and I know that won’t give us much sleep.” Mum pulled out her hanky, sniffled and hugged me before we turned in. My leaving would be hard on her.

Willie was snoring away, likely dreaming about cars. I slipped in next to him and pulled away some puffs and huddled under them.

The minute I closed my eyes I started dreaming about my new life. No more freezing to death up north. I was headed for southern sunshine and I saw myself soaking it all in.

Bzzzzzzz. I jumped out of bed, threw on my clothes, grabbed the suitcase and headed for the kitchen. Mum already had breakfast on the stove, so I ran outside to do my business and came back in to grab a hot biscuit and down it with a cup of steaming coffee.

I was half-frozen and snow was whipping around me in circles when I headed out on the three-mile walk into town to catch that bus.

I shook flakes big as quarters from my jacket when I climbed the steps of the Greyhound. Two hours and I’d be boarding a plane headed to Fort Jackson. South Carolina was sure the place to be, especially in February.

### end of excerpt

About the author

Inspired by nature and human nature, author Bette A. Stevens is a retired elementary and middle school teacher, a wife, mother of two and grandmother of five. Stevens lives in Central Maine with her husband on their 37-acre farmstead where she enjoys writing, gardening, walking and reveling in the beauty of nature. She advocates for children and families, for childhood literacy and for the conservation of monarch butterflies (milkweed is the only plant that monarch caterpillars will eat).

Bette A. Stevens is the author of award-winning picture book AMAZING MATILDA; home/school resource, The Tangram Zoo and Word Puzzles Too!; and PURE TRASH, the short story prequel to DOG BONE SOUP.

Find out more about the author and her books right here on “YOUR AMAZON”

Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

It will be the Super Bowl this weekend and this list is inspired by watching the last Forty Eight Super Bowl celebrations both on-screen and in various rooms around the planet. Hope you enjoy.

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

10 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not arrive wearing team clothing for a team not playing. If you do, at best everyone will think you are a sore loser or are drunk.  At worst, the crowd may come to the conclusion you’ve had a stroke or burst aneurysm and call for EMT support and you will end up watching the game on a fifteen inch screen beside your gurney next to the nurses station while waiting for an attending physician.

9 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, remember a lot of people like to watch the ads. If you forget and stand in front of the TV during commercial time, at best you will be called many names in the process of getting you to move. At worst, the largest guy in the room who has been wanting to demonstrate his downfield tackling expertise will use you as his dummy along with several of the extra wooden chairs beside you.

8 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not carry in your famous crab dip that absolutely needs to be kept at forty-two degrees or becomes a hazardous waste site. If you do, at best the temp will stay near the required and only one or two will be overcome. At worst, there will be no way to keep the dip cold enough and you will have singlehandedly wiped out a full production day on Monday for several of the attendees not to mention hurried trips to the ER for a prophylactic pump of the stomach

7 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebrations do not believe your host’s offer “to make yourself at home.”  If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when someone asks you to take your feet off the couch. At worst, you will be totally shocked to discover the room you decided to use for a bath is the overflow bathroom for the party and you will spend a good amount of time under water.

6 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be tempted to look into any drawers or behind any closed doors. If you do, at best only the homeowner will notice the disturbed contents. At worst, the host being a techie nerd has installed cameras in each room which playback on the fifty inch screen that is beside the game screen to the amusement of everyone at the party. (Except the one you came with)

5 if you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think since the drinks are free you should help yourself to the point of being over-served. If you do, at best you might make a complete ass out of yourself which others will find as typical of a low life. At worst, you will find yourself disoriented while actively looking for the bathroom which you imagined you have found in the large bureau in the corner  of a spare bedroom shortly before passing out on the carpet.

4 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think your duty includes eating a portion of everything that is laid out on the buffet table. If you do, at best several people will believe you have lost your job or recently divorced.  At worst, your pile of food will be an indication that you are in need of an intervention which will be organized to take place at the conclusion of the game to the embarrassment of you and the person with which you attended the event.

3 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be the first to suggest some kind of gambling scheme for the game. If you do, at best several guests will think you make a living that way. At worst, you will have a number of disputes around who really won and will be forced to double pay to several to keep the peace.

2 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not become overly obnoxious when your team is ahead. If you do, at best the lead will be short-lived. At worst, someone will take an exception to your attitude since they feel bad about their team being behind and as much as they have tried to remain under control as they learned in the psycho ward group therapy sessions they are just beginning to lose their grip on reality while holding your shirt.

1 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not even think of driving your car if you have been over served. If you do, there is no best or worst just the potential for disaster for your or an innocent bystander.

Friday -AKA – JohnKu TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

 

A football

Friday is here and with it a great longing for a continuation of the Football season. Oh sure, there is the Pro Bowl this weekend and the Super Bowl on February 1st but that is still not what I would consider a continuation of the season. Once all the college games were finished I had this hangover like I had been to too many loud parties but like attending loud parties, I have some good memories. My teams (Notre Dame, Michigan State and Baylor) made the season last as long as they could, but it still came to an end with the victory of Ohio State over the Oregon Ducks. My pro hopes were dashed with the defeat of the Pittsburgh Steelers at the hands of the Baltimore Ravens (spit). I did watch the AFC and NFC championships without having a favorite. It is interesting when you are not emotionally involved in the game you can actually appreciate good plays on either side.(and keep the blood pressure under control) I enjoyed the Green Bay/ Seahawks game because of the come from behind effort by the Seahawks. The Baltimore Colts/ New England Patriots game was definitely

I did watch the AFC and NFC championships without having a favorite. It is interesting when you are not emotionally involved in the game you can actually appreciate good plays on either side.(and keep the blood pressure under control) I enjoyed the Green Bay/ Seahawks game because of the come from behind effort by the Seahawks. The Baltimore Colts/ New England Patriots game was definitely one-sided in favor of the Patriots. The Super Bowl should be a good game since I think these teams will give it their best effort. This week’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) is about football (you think?) I hope you like it.

The Season by John W. Howell ©2015

August is happy,

The start of football is here. . .

February mourns.

 

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

a swat

 

Wednesday Story Day time again. Man, the weeks fly by don’t they. Well they fly from Friday to Monday  but  not so sure about the Monday to Friday time frame. As usual today we have a story. Last week we left Frank and Billy in a little hot water.(Mostly Billy) The boys checked outside and the police were arriving. It is obvious someone turned in a silent alarm and now Frank will need to figure out what to do. Let’s rejoin them.

“Billy go get the branch manager.”

“Why do we need the branch manager? We’re not making a deposit.”

“Billy just do as I say. We need a hostage.”

“A hostage? That’s kidnapping and it is a federal offense.”

“Billy you idiot. What do you think bank robbery is?”

“Gee Frank. I never thought about it before.”

“Well quit thinking and go get the manager.”

“Okay Frank. I’ll be right back.”

“Oh and Billy?”

“Yes Frank.”

“Do not tell him you are afraid to shoot him.”

“It would be the truth.”

“Forget the truth Billy. We are in a tight spot and need to be able to slow these cops down.”

“Okay Frank. I’ll be right back.”

“Hey you rotten coppers out there. We have hostages in here and we have nothing to lose so you better back off before we kill a couple.”

“ATTENTION YOU IN THE BANK. THIS IS THE PETELUMA POLICE DEPARTMENT.  PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN AND WALK OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD AND NO ONE GETS HURT.”

“I told you to back off. We have innocent people in here and we need you to listen to us or we’ll shoot everyone.”

“Uh Frank.”

“Yes Billy.”

“You don’t mean it do you?”

“Shut up Billy. Is that the branch manager?”

“Yes. This is Ms. Sutter the manager.”

“Nice meeting you. We will need your cooperation.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“You need to convince the police that we a desperate and will kill you and your employees. Can you do that?”

“Will you?”

“Will I what?”

“Kill us?”

Yeah Frank will you?”

“Shut up Billy. Let me think.”