Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Before You’ve Had Your Coffee

October 16, 2023October 15, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 86 Comments

This list was published on September 27, 2017. I think coffee still has its magic, so I hope you enjoy it again or for the first time.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do Before You’ve Had Your Coffee

The inspiration for this list came from the various and sundry things that needed to be done to begin to get back to normal after Hurricane Harvey. I haven’t done any of these, but it was fun pretending, and I would certainly have some coffee before trying.

10 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not meet with a Government representative. If you do, at best, you’ll have to excuse your behavior. At worst, the US marshalls will call in reinforcements to help extricate you from the room. (Who would have thought raising your voice would have caused that reaction, Baltazar?)

9 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not call your cable provider to request service. If you do, at best, you’ll be on hold for an hour. At worst, you’ll get to talk to Tiny, the WWF champ who just got released from his sociopath support group. (The two of you are having an excellent debate. Why does he keep wanting to know where you live, Banjo?)

8 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not take your car in for service. If you do, at best, they will honor your appointment time. At worst, you’ll sit in the lounge for an hour trying to avoid being stepped on by two hyperactive toddlers. (They have already apologized for the fact the coffee machine is out-of-order. You might as well try to relax and, for heaven’s sake, quit thinking about that letter you plan to write to the CEO of the service company, Barnaby.)

7 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not visit the license bureau to renew your driver’s license. If you do, at best, you’ll get a low number for service. At worst, you have pulled number 208, and they are now serving number four. (The drive-through at McDonald’s wait now looks like a breeze compared to this, huh, Beaudoin?)

6 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not visit the bank to ask for a loan. If you do, at best, it is a bank holiday. At worst, you will finally admit that you really need the money and will, therefore, be denied the loan. Too bad your decaf state caused you to forget the rule about “Those who have gets,” Bellamy.)

5 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not meet with your boss to discuss your career. If you do, at best, your boss caught the flu and is out sick today. At worst, your discussion could have taken a nasty turn when your boss suggested you need some additional training. (If you had some caffeine, Benjamin, maybe you would not have pounded on the boss’s desk, causing security to escort you to the parking lot. Tomorrow ought to be interesting.)

4 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not try to complete that delicate experiment with the new product at work. If you do, at best, you’ll come to your senses. At worst, you are now in a position of being responsible for a complete redo. (You were sure your shaking hands would not be a factor, right, Bennet?)

3 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not try to write that breakthrough chapter in your book. If you do, at best, you and the keyboard will have a staring contest. At worst, you will forge ahead and write what you think is the best stuff you have ever done. (It’s really tough to file 13 all those words, isn’t it, Bodee?)

2 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not read that last two-star review. If you do, at best, you’ll be diverted by a natural disaster. At worst, even though some of the points may be well taken, you vow out loud to hunt the person down and hit them with a poison dart. (Sure, it’s the lack of caffeine talking, but you are scaring the kids, Braddock.)

1 If you’ve not had your coffee, do not try to create that meaningful post that you hope everyone will love. If you do, at best, the typos will kill you. At worst, only after you have posted and read what you have written do you see the similarity to the Unabomber manifesto. (Good luck getting that one canceled off all the social media sites, Brayden.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Halloween Decorations

October 15, 2023October 15, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

I’m a little early with the Halloween tour, but I will be offline at a granddaughter’s wedding in New York next weekend. So, we are going to tour the neighborhood this week. We are catered by Asti Trattoria of Austin, and our entertainment is Ray Parker Jr.

ASTI Benedict – focaccia / prosciutto / poached egg / hollandaise / dressed greens

sub smoked salmon

Shakshukaarrabiatta – house ground sausage / baked eggs / parmesan / pecorino / grilled focaccia

Egg White Frittata – roasted romanesco / blistered tomato / butternut squash / fontina / arugula salad

Italian Toast – focaccia / sweet ricotta / lemon curd / merengue / candied rosemary

Shrimp & Polenta – red eye gravy / shaved parmesan

Chicken Cutlet Parmesan – capellini / lemon / capers / garlic / tomato fresca

So let’s get on the Halloween bus (if you dare)

A coven of witches.

A dangerous spider.

A cute turtle,

Purple witch.

Graveyard and witches.

A pterodactyl.

Don’t know what this is.

The famous Halloween house is all decked out.

Two orange skellies and a dog.

Tall mummy.

Cute ladies.

Ghosts on a wall.

Strange hitchhiker.

Pucci man.

The University of Texas fans and their kids.

It’s the largest spider ever.

Spiders and bats.

On our way.

That is the tour. Sit back and enjoy the music and food. I hope you have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Last Thing that Broke/ You Had to Fix

October 14, 2023October 13, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 77 Comments

The sound and aroma coming from the machine give hope that the cup of soothing syrup will soon be filled. It is done, and the first sip is installed through quivering lips. Sure enough, the liquid has reached the brain in a short time, and the nerve endings have all stopped screaming like the audience at a Taylor Swift concert.

There is time to contemplate the prognosis on the day. Like a steel hammer hitting a horseshoe on the blacksmith’s anvil, the thought returns. That cursed box from ACME is still on the back patio. Weak knees follow the thought like a sled behind a team of dogs.

Reluctantly, I approach the box. At least there is no need to disarm the security system since the patio is inside the secure perimeter. Whoever dropped it there knew the layout, so there is a strong suspicion whoever did knows me. With that chilling thought, my ear quickly goes to the side of the box. There is no sound inside, which is a good sign that there may not be a character to deal with today.

A small parachute lands beside me as I pull my ear away from the box. Attached is an envelope. Of course, it is from Linda Hill, and inside is this message.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “last thing that broke/you had to fix.” Think about the word that best describes the last thing that stopped working for you, and use that word any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you want to see what other bloggers have done with the prompt, visit Lindas bloh. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2023/10/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-14-2023/

“So what word did you choose for something that broke and you had to fix?”

“Ignition.”

“Ignition? I didn’t expect that.”

“Neither did I.”

“So tell me.”

“I finished exercising at the gym—”

“Hold on. You still go to the gym.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“You have an EMT standing by?”

“Verry funny. You want to hear about the ignition or not?”

“Go ahead.”

“I have a car with a keyless ignition.”

“And?”

“I got in it and turned the switch and got a message ‘No key detected.'”

“Whoa. I would be finished. What did you do?”

“Remembered a tip from a guy and held the remote device next to the switch.”

“It worked?”

“It did.”

“Here, I thought you were going to have a story about tearing into the electronic guts of the car and spotting the problem and solving it like Walter Mitty.”

“Well, to me, it was like that.”

“Do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell anyone else. They’ll laugh you off the planet.”

“I need some VooDoo time. Did you call Uber.”

“Yup, and he’s over there in the garage.”

“By that Humvee?”

“No our ride is the Humvee.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – FRI-Yay/Good News

October 13, 2023October 12, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 92 Comments

Today’s good news comes from the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety.

Weed Warriors in Action – credit, Montgomery County Parks.

Wash. D.C’s ‘Weed Warrior’ Volunteers Tackle ‘Mile-a-Minute’ Invasives to Save the Capital’s Trees

By Andy Corbley Oct 12, 2023

Around the capital beltway or Washington’s famous Rock Creek Park, you may see a group of people ripping up vines along the treeline beside the roads.

If you have then you’ve glimpsed superheroes who traded in their capes for gardening gloves and their time for the satisfaction of terminating an invasive species and saving a native tree.

Washington D.C’s “Weed Warriors” are a group of volunteers going back to 1999 that work for free to keep hundreds of species of invasive shrubs, vines, and climbers from taking over native ecosystems.

Among the 600 or so non-native invasive plant species found in and around our nation’s capital, some, like Polygonum perfoliatum, also known as the “mile-a-minute” vine, can be devastating. Suffocating trees by overgrowing the leaves in their canopy branches, a mile-a-minute can kill thousands of trees every year.

Since 1999, Weed Warrior volunteers have logged over 135,000 hours of time weed whacking in Montgomery County alone. Anyone can become a Weed Warrior; the group works in units for two-hour spaces removing weeds or planting native species in their place.

These invasive species management events are led by specially-trained volunteer Weed Warrior Supervisors and/or staff from the Montgomery Parks Dept. Warriors can get certified to de-weed in their spare time or lead events on their own. They can even have their own unique patch of ground in the D.C.-Metro area to control.

Why would anyone want to trade their free time for laboring hours away for free doing something our tax dollars are supposed to do for us? The answer is simple: it’s addicting.

“If I have any good mental health, it’s due to Weed Warrioring,” said 74-year-old area resident Barbara Francisco. “You have a sense of accomplishment.”

Francisco spoke to Justin Moyer of the Washington Post, who found the volunteer groups were filled with people who were happy to get out into nature and make a meaningful impact on biodiversity.

Weed Warriors planting native species – retrieved from Montgomery County Parks

The Weed Warriors website states that non-native, invasive plant species (NNIs) can alter the complex webs of plant-animal associations that have evolved over thousands of years to such a degree that plants and animals once familiar to us are eliminated.

In meadows, for example, NNI monocultures can threaten butterfly populations because they can no longer find the native host plants they depend on for survival. In forests, NNI vines can strangle and smother trees. NNI shrubs can displace and shade out native plants that provide birds and other wildlife with food and shelter.

Recent research has even shown that NNIs can alter soil chemistry and disrupt the growth of the mycorrhizal fungi on which healthy forests depend.

Anyone who feels this is something they want to contribute their time to can go to the Montgomery County Parks website here and look at the upcoming Weed Warrior events—the next one is October 21st.

The good news is there are folks who care enough to spend their own time in saving indigenous plant life. Today’s JohnKu talks about investment. I hope you have a super weekend.

Scratch a volunteer,

And underneath, you will find . . .

Passion, strength, and love.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Chuck-it.

October 12, 2023October 11, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 105 Comments

“What’s up?”

“This ball is driving me crazy.”

Why’s that?”

“It just sits there. I want it to run or something.”

“That’s a chuck-it ball. You need someone to throw it.”

“Well, now that you mention it, I think I know the someone who can help me.”

“Okay, Twiggy. Here’s the ball. Who wants the Chucky ball?”

“Just toss it, will you, Dad? Wait, did you say Chucky?”

“Yes, I think it was a slip of the tongue.”

“It’s getting to be Halloween time. Chucky was that scary doll, right?”

“Yes, but your ball is called Chuck-it, not Chucky.”

“Humm, next, we might have to worry about a werewolf.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, when you think of Halloween, a werewolf naturally enters the picture.”

“I think it is too early to worry about a werewolf.”

“You could be right. I think I will focus on playing with Cheeseburger.”

“Where are you going?”

“I think I hear a door-to-door salesperson and need to get my bark on.”

“There are no door-to-door salespeople here. Come on and get Chuck-it.”

“Not a chance.”

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Thanks to Teagan for her Halloween Game/Creativity Challenge

You can read more about it by clicking the link. The three Halloween things assigned to the first initial of John were: Werewolf, door-to-door sales, and Chucky.

Bad Moon Rising with Teri Polen

October 11, 2023October 11, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 1 Comment

Today I am at Teri Polen’s place, participating in her Bad Moon Rising feature. This feature is an annual event bringing together authors for the entire month. Teri has a set of questions that the authors can select to answer. The results are fun and often surprising. Come visit at https://teripolen.com/2023/10/11/badmoonrising-the-last-drive-by-john-w-howell-supernatural-thriller-historical/

Teri Polen reads and watches horror, sci-fi, and fantasy. The Walking Dead, Harry Potter, and anything Marvel-related are likely to cause fangirl delirium. She lives in Bowling Green, KY, with her husband, sons, and black cat. Sarah, her debut novel, was named a horror finalist in the 2017 Next Generation Indie Book Awards.

Her Books

Thanks for hosting, Teri.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 402 by Keith Channing

October 10, 2023October 9, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before Sunday evening UK time. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.”

Here is a link to Keith’s post https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2023/10/09/kreative-kue-402/

The photo.

“What’s this number twelve mean?”

“You’re the twelfth fastest qualifier.”

“Okay. But in terms of the race, what does it mean?”

“You are in the twelfth starting position.”

“You mean there are eleven ahead of me?”

“Well, there are three rows across, so that means you are in the fourth row outside position.”

“What does ‘outside position’ mean?”

“The inside is by the rail. You are two camels to the right of the rail.”

“How can a person win from way back there?”

“It is possible, but I’ll admit it is harder than the number one position.”

“Who’s number one?”

“Sassy Sady.”

“Who?”

“The camel’s name is Sassy Sady.”

How many camels are in the race?”

“Twelve.”

“So I’m behind the whole flock?”

“Entrents.”

“Huh?”

“The flock, as you say, are called entrants.”

“But I’m behind them all.”

“Except for the two abreast of you.”

“I might as well call this an outing and just take my time.”

“Except for the mob bets, I would agree.”

“Mob bets?”

“Yeah, the odds are forty-six to one you will win?”

“So, who would bet on me?”

“The mob.”

“Why?”

“They think you might win, so I would give it your best.”

“Or what?”

“Ever hear of cement overshoes?”

“No.”

“Take my advice and run like your life depends on it.”

“They can’t be serious.”

“Never saw one of ’em crack a smile.”

“How does this happen?”

“Luck, I guess. See ya at the start.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Tailgating at an American Football Game

October 9, 2023October 8, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

This post ran on September 12, 2017. Since American football is well underway, it still might be helpful.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do While Tailgating at an American Football Game

The inspiration for this list is the return of the American football season. The schedule is in full swing, and here are a few things to avoid this year.

10 If you are tailgating, do not set out an overstuffed couch. If you do, at best, folks will think you are so seventies. At worst, someone may get confused and believe they are in Morgantown, West Virginia, and set fire to it. (You thought it would be a statement of elegance, didn’t you, Baltazar?)

9 If you are tailgating, do not think a candelabra belongs in a stadium parking lot. If you do, at best, your fellow tailgaters will take you for an effete intellectual snob. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ mourning Liberace’s passing, will believe you want him to join your party. (A sad, drunk Tiny is not a pretty picture, is it, Barnaby?)

8 If you are tailgating, do not set up a beer pong table. If you do, at best, you might attract the wrong crowd. At worst, that young person who has been playing so well is carded by the police. (Nice to know you are now charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, huh, Barrington?)

7 If you are tailgating, do not think yours will be the best grill in the lot. If you do, at best, the one next door is better. At worst, your grill does not even rank in the top one hundred. (CNN wants to interview you for a feature named “The Biggest Grill Losers.” Time to pack up, Beauregard)

6 If you are tailgating, do not think your propane tank is full without checking. If you do, at best, you give new meaning to medium rare. At worst, no one in the lot will be willing to loan you their propane tank. (Everyone you ask gives you that “Get away from me look right, Bennet?)

5 If you are tailgating, do not forget your portable satellite antenna. If you do, at best, you’ll have to attend the game. At worst, you may get caught trying to tap into the antenna cable next door. (You thought it would be a quick splice and done. How’s that black eye feeling, Bixby?)

4 If you are tailgating, do not run out of your favorite beverage. If you do, at best, you’ll have water. At worst, trying to borrow a cup of beer from your neighbors will be met with scorn. (Who knew everyone would turn their back on you, Bronson?)

3 If you are tailgating, do not forget to wear your team colors. If you do, at best, everyone will assume you are a guest. At worst, those around you who are in favor of one team will think you are in favor of the other. (No use trying to explain that you love their team, Byron.)

2 If you are tailgating, do not serve petits-fours to your guests. At best, they will claim to be full. At worst, you see them at another tailgate gorging themselves on chili and Polish sausage. (You have to remember where you are, Baldwin.)

1 If you are tailgating, do not over-serve yourself. If you do, at best you can über home. At worst, you’ll have to ask your partner to drive home. (How many lectures will it take so you never do that again, Barnabas?)

Views of the Neighborhood – National Night Out with the Lakeway Police

October 8, 2023October 7, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Last week was National Night Out, and here in Lakeway, the Police Department sponsored a visit to their headquarters. We can step back in time and visit this event. The Police Department has opened its facility to give the public an idea of its services. We are going just before everyone arrives to see what they have prepared. We are catered by Olmalie in Austin. Our entertainment is (who Else) The Police.

Picture of an old time school bus

So let’s get on the bus.

Here we are at Lakeway Police Headquarters.

A cornhole game is set up.

Mounted Police Officer.

A large screen with rotating photos of the department.

It is an excellent area to have a bite to eat.

Speaking of a place to eat. How about some pizza?

Cookies for dessert and soft drinks.

A K9 officer and his happy pup.

Sometimes, a SWAT team is needed.

The court is represented.

The Department’s Victim Services.

Lakeway activities.

Crime Scene Investigators.

The Telecommunications Group has giveaways.

Goodie Bag.

Name the fish contest.

I liked this sign. If you see something online, there is a safe place to meet your buyer.

That is our tour. I thank the Lakeway Police Department for hosting this National Night Out event. Now it’s time for some food and music. I hope you have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Prime”

October 7, 2023October 6, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Waiting for a lifesaving ten ounces of Columbia’s finest liquid personality can challenge the nerves. Sure, it’s only three minutes, but it can seem like a lifetime when the nerve endings scream for relief. Caffeine addiction is a prime reason to be on edge, as the mechanics of producing the soothing syrup seem to be moving in slow motion.

The aroma and the click of the message to ‘enjoy’ signals the pain is almost over. A sip of the crema and the inhalation of the curative vapors lead to the belief that one will live. A walk to the patio, cup in hand, completes the morning. Since the seasonal change from Hell’s Back Porch to I Think We Are Going to Live has lowered the temperatures from the 100s to the 90s, life outside is possible.

Recent rains have left the Earth smelling like life has returned, and the reoccurring circling of the vultures has given way to the happy sounds of songbirds. Yes, the Texas summer seems to be over, and now it is time to enjoy the outdoors.

Feet up, contemplating a relaxing day is a brief respite from the cares of the world. A small shadow begins to widen around me. Clearly, a rather large box has been jettisoned from an unseen flying machine. As the square shadow continues to expand, it occurs to me that movement away from the contact point might be a good idea.

Jumping up and screaming like a first grader saves my bones from a crushing introduction to a very well-fortified box from the ACME air delivery service. Attached to the box is an envelope on a string. The return address is Linda Hill. The message inside says, Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “prime.” Use it as an adjective or a verb, use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

To see what others do with this prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link.https://lindaghill.com/2023/10/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-7-2023/

“Another box?”

“Looks like it.”

“Your prime plot point.”

“Well it beats other things.”

“Like what?”

“Urns.”

“Yeah that one was a stretch for sure.”

“So who knows what is in that thing.”

“I’m surprised it didn’t smash apart.”

“I thought you would say something like ‘I’m gald you weren’t crushed.'”

“Look around.”