with John W. Howell
The boss is a piece of flash fiction which Kori Miller on her Kori Miller Writes site has posted. You can go here to read it. I certainly want to thank Kori for putting it up on her space. There is also an imposing picture of me there, but you can avert your eyes.
Kori’s site has a number of authors featured as well as information on pod casting. Definitely worth a visit.
Wednesday seems like a good day to tell a little story. I was thinking on what to post today and I tumbled a few ideas around in my head.(Nice thing there isn’t much in there to get in the way) I thought I would come up with a holiday story, but right now it is a little too far away for the story to have the same meaning. I also considered doing one of those surprise ending – mystery – type things, but felt the holidays were a little too close for something macabre. So, I settled on what you see here. It is a story of a guy caught trying to enter a department store with a horse while doing some holiday shopping. It’s titled Me and my Pal and I hope you like it.
Me and My Pal by John W. Howell ©2013
“Excuse me sir, but you can’t bring that animal into the store.”
“This so called animal happens to be a thorough bred horse.”
“Yeah I can see that, but you still can’t have it in the store.”
“Why not? He’s housebroken and cleaner than a lot of the folks I see in here. He wiped his feet before coming through the door.”
“He just may be cleaner, but he is still an animal and animals are not allowed.”
“What about service animals? Would you deny the entrance of a seeing eye dog for example?”
“No sir. We would not. Clearly your horse is not a service animal.”
“Oh but he is.”
“Sure sir. Your horse is a service animal. What service if I may be so presumptuous as to ask?”
“He is a gift horse.”
“A what?”
“A gift horse.”
“Okay I give, what is a gift horse?”
“A horse with the smarts to tell you when you have the right gift.”
“Sir I am going to have to ask you to step outside before I call security.”
“No I mean it. Watch I’ll show you. See this gift set of cologne, powder, and moisturizer?”
“Yeah I see it so what?”
“Well here. I’ll just pick it up and show it to the gift horse and ask if it is the right gift. The horse will nod his head yes if it is right and stomp his foot if wrong.”
“How does he know who the gift is for?”
“Oh that’s easy. I just tell him.”
“You tell him?”
“Yeah watch. I’ll hold this set under his nose and call him by My Pal. That’s his name.”
“Uh okay.”
“My Pal, does this look like a good gift for Judy?”
“He is stomping his foot.”
“See it means it is not the right gift.”
“Okay I have had enough. I need you and My Pal here to go outside.”
“Wait I have one more. My Pal, see this hundred-dollar bill? Would it make the right gift for this nice department store employee so you and I can continue shopping?”
“He is nodding yes. . . Did I hear you say he was housebroken?”
I did a post last week on Fiction Favorites titled Dialog is as Dialog Does where I attempted to demonstrate some of the principles necessary for good dialog. The piece is a bit of flash fiction that contained only dialog and really no context with the idea that the reader could figure out the story with just the dialog and no tags. You can read it here http://wp.me/p2Qoij-s5 if you would like to contrast it to what I am about to cover. This post will take the dialog from the last which had no tags and add tags that are totally inappropriate. By inappropriate I don’t mean offensive or derisive but really unnecessary to either the story or the conversation.
The reason I am doing this is to hopefully point out some of the glaring mistakes that new writer’s make in wanting to over explain the situation in a dialog setting. The true test of good dialog is the ability of the writer to separate conversations so that the reader knows exactly who is talking. Also good dialog should move the story along without causing the reader to be forced to stop and think about what the writer has laid out. So here we go.
John Howard by John Howell © 2013
“Can I help you young man?” the woman behind the desk asks.
“Yes I am here to see the president,” I reply with a bit of urgency.
“Is he expecting you?” she says with an eyebrow raised.
“He should be. I sent him a letter and said I was going to stop by,” I respond back with a note of irritation in my voice.
“A letter?” she says with surprise in her voice.
“Yes,” I counter with a sense of superiority
“When did you send a letter?” she questions with some doubtfulness.
“I guess it was about a month ago. The letter asked that my correct name be used since there has been a computer error and the University keeps calling me Howard instead of Howell,” I say almost running out of breath.
“Did Dr. Hannah respond to the letter?” she asks with an interrogator’s tone.
“Yes he did. I got a nice letter back. Here is a copy read it for yourself,” I say handing her the letter.
“Humm. Dr Hannah specifically thanked you for your correspondence and indicated that he would look into your problem. You say that your name is Howell and not Howard?” she says while looking over her glasses.
“Yes it has been Howell for the last nineteen years,” I reply with a certain air of smugness.
“Yet the letter from Dr. Hannah is addressed to John Howard,” she points out handing the letter back to me.
“This is why I need to see him,” I say forcibly.
“Wait here Mr. Howard. Let me see if I can find someone to help,” she says and then turns to go.
“It’s Howell,” I call out to her back.
“Excuse me?” she questions as she stops and slowly turns around to look at me.
“My name is Howell not Howard,” I repeat directly to her.
“Oh yes that is what I said. Howard,” she says and continues to move away.
“Howell,” I say even louder as she gets further from the room.
“I said Howard not Howell,” she calls back to me.
“I know,” I say and sigh loudly.
“Very well Mr. Howard, I will be right back,” she says and begins to move again.
“Howell,” I raise my voice
“I am only trying to help,” she says with an expression of irritation on her face.
“I’m sure,” I sort of blurt out sarcastically.
“I think you should call for an appointment. Good day Mr. Howard,” she says and disappears through the door way behind the desk.
If you found this dialog off setting and somewhat clumsy you are probably on the right track to great dialog in your writing. In my mind (although not an expert) this entire scene did not benefit from any of the stage directions that were added into the tags. I also believe the story itself lost some of the power of authoritarianism and tension that was present in the original.
Have a great weekend
There is a Winter Texan writing group in which I have the pleasure of participation. This group meets during the months of December through March ( all go back up north) and each week we would do a writing prompt. Most of the prompts are flash fiction and carry a theme. The one below was to be less than three hundred words and include only dialog. I thought maybe you would enjoy this fiction favorite prompt. It is titled John Howard.
“Can I help you young man?”
“Yes I am here to see the president.”
“Is he expecting you?”
“He should be. I sent him a letter and said I was going to stop by.”
“A letter?”
“Yes.”
“When did you send a letter?”
“I guess it was about a month ago. The letter asked that my correct name be used since there has been a computer error and the University keeps calling me Howard instead of Howell.”
“Did Dr. Hannah respond to the letter?”
“Yes he did. I got a nice letter back. Here is a copy read it for yourself.”
“Humm. Dr. Hannah specifically thanked you for your correspondence and indicated that he would look into your problem. You say that your name is Howell and not Howard?”
“Yes it has been Howell for the last nineteen years.”
“Yet the letter from Dr. Hannah is addressed to John Howard.”
“This is why I need to see him.”
“Wait here Mr. Howard. Let me see if I can find someone to help.”
“It’s Howell.”
“Excuse me?”
“My name is Howell not Howard.”
“Oh yes that is what I said. Howard.”
“Howell.”
“I said Howard not Howell.”
“I know.”
“Very well Mr. Howard, I will be right back.”
“Howell.”
“I am only trying to help.”
“I’m sure.”
“I think you should call for an appointment. Good day Mr. Howard.”
Have a GREAT weekend
